How to Pop the Cork on Tough Conversations

If excellence was easy there’d be more of it.

Excellence challenges average.

The path to excellence is paved with tough conversations; not mean, tough. All great leaders achieve excellence by facing tough issues quickly and head on.

“Tough issues aren’t like wine.” Michael Hyatt.

I asked Michael Hyatt, Chairman of Thomas Nelson publishing and author of “Platform,” about life’s tipping points and he told me about a coach he had years ago. Michael said,

“I had a problem. I was
tip toeing around tough issues.”

Michael’s coach asked, “Why do you see people as small?”

“What do you mean?”

Hyatt’s coach continued, “You see people as fragile and unable to handle what you have to say. Shift your paradigm about how you think about people.” As a result, Michael said:

1. I’m standing for greatness in myself and others. Hyatt was already a man of excellence. He’s been that way since his college days. Standing for greatness reaches beyond personal excellence. It’s courageous and public.
2. We can’t become great unless we talk.
3. They can handle it.

“Successful leaders step into tough conversations.” Michael Hyatt.

6 Tips for tough conversations:

1. Sooner is better than later. Err on the said of soon. If you’re wondering if it’s time to have a tough conversation, the answer is likely yes.
2. Elevate the best interests of your people and organization. It’s about your values but ultimately it’s about them.
3. Don’t point to greatness from a distance, go with.
4. Face negative issues with positive suggestions and solutions.
5. Always lead with vision. Identify preferred futures. Any fool can point out weaknesses and failures. Great leaders point to greatness.
6. Combine calm and compassion with toughness. Compassion isn’t weakness it’s strength. Weak leaders berate and beat down. Strong leaders lift.

How can leaders successfully step into tough conversations?

Michael Hyatt just released his new book, “Platform.” It’s must reading for anyone with something to say or sell. It’s the most practical book on Social Media I’ve read.

Buy “Platform” by May 25, 2012 and enjoy over $375 worth of bonus benefits.

When People Screw Up

The problem with people is imperfection.

People make mistakes; sometimes big ones. Leaders and managers usually don’t like mistakes.

Michael Hyatt gave me his version of fail fast, yesterday, “The faster we fail the faster we learn.” The potential benefit of failure doesn’t mean, however, that we intentionally seek or enjoy it.

It’s one thing when you fail;
it’s another when your team members fail.

When team members screw up:

1. You’re responsible even though you didn’t do it. Embarrassment!
2. It costs money. Frustration!
3. Efficiency falls. Disappointment!

Michael Hyatt on dealing with the mistakes of others:

“Create distance between the failure and how you feel; if you’re tired, stressed, or angry, wait.”

Michael’s comments reminded me of something a corporate executive recently told me when I shared my frustrations regarding the performance of a leader. “Dan, everything you just said was about you.” KaPow! Dang that stung.

Frustration makes us focus on ourselves.

Don’t deal with the failure of others until you can do it with their best interests in mind; create distance first so you can connect later.

Hyatt went on to say, “The first issue isn’t mistakes but ownership. People who own their mistakes learn and grow.”

People who don’t own their mistakes blame and excuse. In this case, leaders deal with blaming before dealing with mistakes.

Ownership says, “We’re in this together.” Blame says, “It’s not my fault.” Deal with blaming before dealing with mistakes.

The biggest mistake is making an excuse or blaming someone else.

How do you deal with the mistakes of others?

Michael Hyatt just released his new book, “Platform.” It’s must reading for anyone with something to say or sell. It’s the most practical book on Social Media I’ve read.

Buy “Platform” by May 25, 2012 and enjoy over $375 worth of bonus benefits.

8 Ways to Create Great Meetings

Poorly run meetings start in the wrong place and end up rushed before they’re done.

Right place:

Leave inconsequential items for the end. Deal with big items at the beginning. I’m tempted to check off a few quick agenda items before digging into the meat of meetings. It’s seductive but ineffective and inefficient.

Don’t prioritize insignificant agenda items
by placing them first.

Starting with insignificant issues raises their significance. Trivial items frequently take longer than expected. Additionally, you’re wasting your best moments on least important issues.

Better to rush through less consequential items – at the end – than substantive issues.

The top item on your agenda should be:

1. Biggest problem.
2. Best opportunity.
3. Grandest goal.
4. Greatest issue.

Meetings are dangerous because talking feels like action but it isn’t. Effective meetings result in decisions and action. If actions or decisions aren’t required, send an email, make a call, or post a report on the company’s intranet.

What if:

What if biggest problems can’t be fully solved? Take the biggest step toward best available solutions. Hit it again next time.

What if best opportunities can’t be fully leveraged? Take the best available action.

What if grandest goals can’t be immediately reached? Take the grandest steps possible.

The best action at meetings is assigning actions.

8 ways to run great meetings:

1. Short agendas are better than long.
2. Allow ample time to discuss substantive issues.
3. Rush through trivial items at the end.
4. Press for decisions.
5. Create immediate, short-term action items.
6. Set short-term incremental deadlines. If it’s due in six months it won’t be started for five unless you set clear, impending milestones.
7. Identify champions – people who own action items.
8. Follow-up with participants in between meetings. Ask, “How’s your projecting coming?”

What tips or strategies create great meetings?

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Secrets to Getting Great Advice

Honest, trustworthy, insightful advice comes hard.

Some tell you what you want to hear others tell you what they need to say. How can you dig through a cacophony of voices and find great advice?

Which advisor:

Options or insights matter. When you’re seeking options go to someone who’s been there. When you need insight go to someone who sees.

Options come from those who listen and make suggestions. Insights come from those who listen and say it back in new ways.

Experience matters more when you’re seeking options. Curiosity matters more when you need insights.

Which style:

Some advisors talk more; the ones with unique experiences. They have answers. Other advisors listen more; the ones who clarify issues and provide insights. They help you find answers.

Options come when they speak more. Insights come when you speak more.

Which category:

What type of advice are you seeking? Is it strategic or visionary? Are you working on execution or policies? Do you need insight into relationships? Categories determine advisors.

Which questions:

Right questions elicit great advice.

Know yourself and your organization before asking “Why.” Why questions are toughest because they’re rooted in values. If you don’t know your values you’ll take the wrong advice, even when it’s good.

Ask more “what” and “how” questions, lots more. Experience shows that “why” questions frequently distract unless you’re seeking the root of a problem.

“What” and “how” questions create light-bulb-moments.

How can leaders find great advice?

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The Richest Possible Life

I went to a wedding yesterday. I sarcastically say, “I hate weddings.” In reality weddings are reunions.

I know everyone in today’s image, except one. As they gathered for the shot, I started realizing I’d influenced all of them either directly or indirectly. I’ve spent hours with several. In other cases we went on a few walks. Still others listened while I taught.

This group represents many others I’ve been fortunate to influence over the years.

Rich:

Don’t think I’m tooting my own horn.

These people make my life richer. They add more value to me than I add to them.

I see four men and one woman in this group, for example, who drove two and half hours to visit me after my nearly fatal accident.

Several have moved on or moved away. Many are current or emerging leaders in their organizations. Most are giving back to their communities, some in profound ways.

Reality:

Don’t think everything you do for others works as you plan. There are varying degrees of connection and influence represented in this wedding image. Some loved something I said or did – others …

Most importantly, give yourself. Could you do better? Always. However:

Everyone loses when “I’m not good enough”
becomes the reason you do nothing.

You have something to give – an experience, a lesson learned, support, a listening ear – to everyone, regardless of who they are.

Honor your best self by giving it to others.

Give:

Seek the highest good of others without making demands.

Every high profile leader I’ve interviewed tells stories of people who helped them along their way. There’s always someone – usually many – who enhanced their lives.

What if you develop someone who leaves your organization? Some will. Good for them and good for you.

You don’t plan it but the people you enrich … enrich you.

Can you help us think of ways leaders can seek the highest good of others?

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Whose Opinion Matters

All leaders constantly hear opinions. It seems everyone knows what you should do. When I hear advice I’m always asking myself, “Why should I go with your opinion rather than mine? What makes your opinion better than mine?” Some advisors are arrogant and self-centered; others noble and selfless.

Whose opinion matters? In the end, your opinion matters most, even when you adapt to someone else.

Listen to:

1. Expertise.
2. Experience.
3. Expansion. Perhaps you forgot a major component of the issue. Listen to advisors who bring neglected dimensions to topics.

Four types of advisors who share their opinions:

1. Agenda driven advisors are in it for themselves. “What’s best for me?”
2. Organization driven advisors are in it for the organization. “What’s best for the company?
3. Friendship driven advisors are in it for you. “What’s best for you?”
4. Big picture advisors consider what’s best for organizations and individuals. “How can everyone win?”

Experience indicates that advisors from category #1 and #2 are most common. Category #4 advisors are rare and prized. Nurture and honor them.

Values:

Values are at the core of who you listen to. Advisors who share your values are valuable. Advisors who don’t share your values always distract, dilute, and divert projects and people. They can be right in the wrong way.

Want more: “7 Ways to Identify Great Advice“

How do you filter advice?

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The Second Question

Image source

Managers first ask, “How can we best leverage current resources to achieve desired ends?” The second question is, “What do team members love doing – within the parameters of desired ends?”

People doing things they love aren’t working.

Provide a channel that enables people to do what they love doing. People doing what they love, perform better and stay with organizations longer.

Great managers keep people doing things they love.

Lousy managers fix and control. Great managers leverage strengths and release. Accept weaknesses as long as they don’t hinder individual strengths or hamper the team.

“The (person) who always knows what people cannot do,
but never sees what they can do, will undermine the spirit of the organization.” Drucker

Great teams compensate for each other’s weaknesses. Teams that don’t accept – even laugh about – each other’s weaknesses never achieve great results.

The greatest management skill is finding alignment between things people love doing and the goals of the organization. Managers succeed when they help people employ their best strengths in making meaningful contributions to organizational objectives.

Three question:

1. What are the current objectives of our organization?
2. What do you love doing?
3. How can I help you do more of what you love within the parameters of organizational objectives?

One test:

Tell team members what you think they love doing. Ask if you’re on target. Then ask, “Do you think I’m helping you do more of what you love or more of what I want?”

Old management controls. New management releases. More control – less vitality. More freedom – within organizational objectives – more vitality.

Great managers love helping people do things they love.

What steps can managers take to maximize strengths, minimize weaknesses, and help people do more of what they love?

5 Reasons We Argue When We Agree

Have you ever argued with someone only to discover you agreed?

One partner said to his other partners – who were in heated discussion – “You’re both arguing for the same thing.” I thought his observation intriguing. I started watching my conversations to see if I have “unnecessary” arguments. I do!

I argue – say debate if you prefer the more noble term – with people even when I agree with them.

Arguments when we agree are useless, draining time-wasters. There’s no need for winners or losers.

5 reasons we argue when we agree:

1. The way something is said is offensive. It isn’t the content of a comment that sets us off; it’s the tone of voice, facial expression, or body language that gets us going. We bring emotional baggage to the table.
2. Their emphasis doesn’t fully align with ours.
3. Something is left out. Everything being said is accurate but we feel there’s a bigger picture.
4. We need affirmation, appreciation, and respect.
5. We don’t feel heard.

Bonus: History closes our minds. We argued about this before and you were wrong then.

My story:

A leadership colleague and I were discussion the merits of focusing internally on the people in our organization or externally on customers. I said, “It’s an ‘and’ conversation not an ‘or’.” He agreed. But, he continued talking about one side of the issue.

In the past I would have disagreed even though I agreed with everything he said. This time I just agreed. Is there more to the issue? Yes. We already agreed it was an “and” conversation. Did we make policy decisions? No. His points were useful, accurate, and applicable.

Agree quickly. Don’t add to. Don’t give the “full” picture. One conversation can’t address every facet of important issues.

Note: This short post isn’t the full picture. Go ahead …

Do you argue when you agree?

When should we stick to our guns and when should we let it go?

The Best Use of Words

Successful leaders lift people; poor leaders drain them. You either bring vitality or you exhaust.

Recently a leader from a Fortune 500 company that I’ve worked with reminded me of something I wrote. “No Encouragement is Discouragement.” His reminder stuck. It’s still on my mind, five days later.

Who have you encouraged in the last day or week? You’ve been meaning to say the good word. You’ve intended to offer a listening ear. But you’re dealing with too many issues and solving so many problems that encouraging others slipped off the agenda.

Encouragement:

Encouragement infuses others with courage, hope, and confidence. Sounds like a good thing. So…

Express encouragement.

1. Ask people, “What encourages you?”
2. Send an email asking, “What can I do to encourage you today?”
3. Think of things that encourage you and do them for others.
4. Create an encouragement calendar with the names of people you plan to encourage on each day.
5. Say something good in the morning. “Good morning Joe. I’ve been thinking about your last project. Your team was magnificent. Great leadership.”

Bonus: Be specific when giving compliments and don’t add but’s.

There’s no middle ground when it comes to encouragement. Either you encourage, or through neglect, you discourage. The best use of words is using them as tools to lift and energize.

What could you do to encourage someone today?

What encouragement tips can you suggest?

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How to Face the Challenges of Leadership

The purpose of leadership is to identify and create the future. If you want to lead, go somewhere and take someone with you.

The challenge of leadership is helping people keep up. You are ahead. If you aren’t ahead you aren’t leading.

10 ways to face the challenges of leadership:

1. Embrace dissatisfaction and discontent with optimism. Nothing gets done without optimism – the belief it can get done.
2. Define and explain the future in relevant language. Passion ignites when others own the future for themselves.
3. Find alignment of purpose between individuals and organizations.
4. Constantly explore change with openness and skepticism. “Will this advance the agenda?” Doug Conant.
5. Persistently push forward while celebrating past success – balance dissatisfaction with satisfaction. Many never move beyond dissatisfaction.
6. Leverage the power of simplicity and clarity. Change can be radical and dramatic but most change is a series of simple steps toward clear destinations. Break things down into bite-size pieces.
7. Develop individuals and teams. “The team with the best players wins,” Jack Welch.
8. Consult with others, constantly. The ability to suspend judgment takes you further than ruling things out quickly.
9. Go with the highest point of confidence even while doubting. Perfect answers are the result of lack of thought.
10. Start now. “Strong leaders don’t wait until they have it all together to lead. The more you learn the more you realize how much you need to learn. Act now and get better as you grow,” Harry Kramer.

If the purpose of leadership is to identify and create the future, what leadership skills are most useful?

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Post in a picture by Larry Coppenrath: Challenges of Leadership

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