15 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity

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Living with others in mind is healthy, noble, and useful except when insecurity drives you.

Insecure leaders:

1. Defend when they should explore.
2. Take things personally.
3. Blame higher ups for tough decisions.
4. Don’t trust others because they don’t trust themselves.
5. Can’t say no.
6. Threaten, intimidate, and coerce.
7.  Shut down input from others because feedback is frightening.
8. Micromanage.
9. Won’t delegate.
10. Yell.
11. Backstab.
12. Create teams of yes-men.
13. Illustrate their competence and successes too frequently.
14. Hoard knowledge.
15. Delay decisions and then flip flop after.
16. Seem snobbish.
17. Crave positional authority and respect.
18. Nitpick and belittle.
19. Share blame and take credit.
20. Name drop.

Bonus: Think others are out to get them.

Thanks to contributors on my Facebook page for helping me develop this list. Your insights rock.

15 tips for overcoming insecurity:

1. Realize success won’t help. Let it go.
2. Develop trusted confidants and tell them your insecurities.
3. Compare yourself with yourself, not others.
4. Act with optimism.
5. Engage in self-reflection every day.
6. Keep a journal.
7. Believe you have purpose and place. You belong in this world.
8. Let your humanity out.
9. Pray.
10. Read biographies.
11. Let opportunity rather than fear motivate.
12. Say out loud, “This is a tough decision.”
13. Act and speak with gentle confidence.
14. Give others what you wish they’d give you.
15. Center debate and decision making on issues not people.

Insecurity viciously and relentlessly pushes people around.

I wish there was a magic pill. Growing through insecurity is slow and perilous but it enhances life and leadership.

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We’ve all seen insecure leaders who hobble their own success. What symptoms and cures for insecurity can you add?

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Creating a Mistake-making Policy

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Integrity isn’t perfection, its better.

During a hospital stay a nurse turned off and neglected to turn on my pneumatic leg pumps. (Devices designed to help prevent blood clots in the legs of trauma patients. Hospital staff called them SCUDS)

She removed them about 3 a.m. so I could get up. When I returned, she put them back on but didn’t hit the switch. We were talking; neither of us notices. She left; I fell asleep.

About 6 a.m. another nurse came in to check on me. I was awake when she noticed the SCUDS. She hit the switch and left.

An apology:

About 6:30 a.m. a forgetful nurse came to my bed and said, “I messed up when I forgot to turn on your SCUDS. I’m sorry.”

Perfection:

It’s sad when people ignore or cover their mistakes. “Perfect” people can’t be trusted.

On my team:

My forgetful nurse was qualified and experienced. I was never in peril. My activity level made the SCUDS precautionary.

If I ever need a nurse and I hope I don’t, I’ll ask for the forgetful one. 

Dumb leaders:

Dumb leaders sacrifice mistake-makers. Creating sacrificial lambs:

1. Invites disloyalty and dishonesty.
2. Stalls risk taking.
3. Stagnates ideation.
4. Honors ignorance.

Smart leaders:

Smart leaders maximize mistakes and honor integrity.

Stop hiding mistakes; publicize them – especially your own. Uncovering the dirty secret of mistake-making creates rich invigorating environments where:

1. Backstabbers and liars run.
2. Employees trust each other.
3. Customers trust you.
4. What ifs are possible.
5. Freedom empowers.

Wasting mistakes makes mistakes worse. If you can’t make a good mistake, you can’t be trusted.

Great organizations figure out how to be wrong in the right way.

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What does a useful mistake-making policy look like?

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More on mistakes: I asked Jack Welch about a tipping point in his life and he told me about blowing up a factory. “How Blowing up a Factory Changed Jack Welch“

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Useful Leadership Quotes? – You Decide

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Today’s world appreciates brevity.

Useful leadership quotes inspire, distill, or direct, quickly.

Will you bring your perspective and insights to this set of leadership quotes? Grab one or more and expand, correct, or modify it?

17 leadership quotes for you to play with:

1. Great leaders don’t change people. They create environments where people can change themselves.
2. You matter most when you make others matter. From: How to Start Right and End Well
3. Great leadership includes leading people to self-discovery.
4. Be predictable but reject conformity.
5. Systems don’t complete projects people do.
6. Conformity never inspires. From: 5 Surprising ways to Inspire Others
7. Stop pretending you want change when in reality you want comfort.
8. If you want to transform an organization, grow new leaders.
9. The question that frees you isn’t what should I do, it’s what should I stop. From: Over Commit to One Thing
10. Believe in those who believe in you.
11. Leaders believe in others.
12. If you can see the finish line it’s time to start again.
13. If you aren’t learning you’re losing.
14. Things that don’t make sense have more potential than things that do.
15. Leaders give people permission to make a difference.
16. Love gives meaning and worth to everything you do. From: From Low Impact to High Impact Leadership
17. Opportunities hide in unmet needs.

Next level challenge:

Give feet to a quote by developing a set of hot-to’s. For example: Be predictable but reject conformity.

Be predictable:

1. Treat everyone with equity; reject favoritism.
2. Avoid flying off the handle.
3. Think before you speak.
4. Adopt and consistently observe policies and procedures.
5. Prepare people for change.

Reject conformity:

1. Invite outsiders in.
2. Generate more than one solution.
3. Predictably ask, “Why not?”
4. Challenge inefficiencies.
5. Eagerly explore new ideas. Say yes as much as possible.

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Which quotes speak to you? Modifications?

What how-to’s can you add to a quote?

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Letting People Go with Transparency and Dignity

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Never make enemies of people you “let go,” if you can help it.

“Every person who leaves goes on to represent your company. They can bad-mouth or praise.” Jack Welch

One wise business owner told me, “Sometimes I’m closer to people after I fire them than before.”

Turning bad to good:

1. Never humiliate. Ask, “Is this how I’d like to be treated if I was let go?”
2. Generous severance.
3. Placement. Explore their strengths and help them find another position.
4. Encourage. Being let go can be traumatic; express compassion.
5. Stay in touch. The silent treatment costs you more than continued contact. Send emails, birthday cards, call to see how things are. Treating people like lepers makes your organization look like a leper colony.

Crimes, ethics, and other sticky situations:

Letting someone go for dishonesty is different from letting them go for poor performance. Ethics violations are quicker and easier, performance issues are long painful affairs.

Tell your organization the reasons. Here’s why:

1. If you don’t tell your organization, they’ll make things up.
2. Uncertainty and speculation drain energy and stall momentum.
3. Enforcing high standards lifts everyone’s game; it makes you better. When they realize “John” was let go for lying to customers, you reinforce honesty.

The way you fire says more about you than the way you hire. Always act in the best interests of your organization and those you let go.

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How can leaders improve the firing process?

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How to Speak Like the Pros

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Leading is more difficult if you can’t speak well.

Speaking ability enhances leadership potential. Public platforms provide opportunities to shape, direct, and motivate organizations.

Be as smart as this student:

Holly said she wasn’t excited about the presentations she was giving this semester. I followed up, “Do you have a speech class?”

She replied, “No, my instructors just want presentations. I’m not comfortable but need it. I plan to enter management. When I graduate I’ll be leading meetings and giving presentations.”

3 public speaking tips:

1. Audience determines content and style, not you. Use one strategy for two year olds and another for the management team.
2. Tell people what they need to hear not what you need to say. You may focus too much on facts and figures and not enough on feelings.
3. Be personal. Don’t use names but look at and speak to individuals, even if the group is large.

Propelled to new levels:

Learn from famous mentors.

Radio talk show hosts can enhance your speaking style. I started copying their style while driving. I probably looked like a whacko to other drivers. Yes, I listen and then try reproducing their speech!

It’s amazing how much energy radio personalities put into speaking. They taught me diction, rate, and punch.

Additionally, learn from TV communicators.

Copy the most successful, not the obscure.

Watching and listening is not enough:

The light came on when I literally copied them, not until. Try it. My wife laughs when I copy TV game show hosts.

Remember:

The goal is learning techniques not becoming clones. Grab techniques that enhance rather than obscuring you.

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What public speaking techniques enhance your communication?

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More:

Here are eight public speaking tips from James Quigley, former global CEO of Deloitte, the largest private professional services firm on earth:

#7. Be yourself – authentic speakers connect. More…

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Tapping the Positive Potential of Anger

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Anger is a high potential power-emotion.

Anger reveals your values and exposes a hidden self. Flipping off reckless drivers may not be polite but it says you value your safety. The sad side of anger is it makes you a fool.

Unmanaged anger is scalding, destructive passion. Managed anger drives change by harnessing energy.

The down side of unmanaged anger:

1. Motivates reckless behavior.
2. Loosens tongues.
3. Causes more damage than good.
4. Focuses blame on others.

The up side of managed anger:

1. Motivates action.
2. Fuels courage.
3. Clarifies values.
4. Intensifies focus.

15 Ways to Deal with Anger:

Contributors on my Facebook page completed the sentence, “I deal with anger by ____:”

1. Trying to find the funny or ironic in the middle.
2. Getting it out and getting it over quick.
3. Riding my bike.
4. Thinking of solutions.
5. Being sure my brain is thinking before my mouth is moving.
6. By putting the energy into positive behavior.
7. Walking away and taking time to evaluate.
8. By reflecting on my part in the situation.
9. Painting, writing about it.
10. Seeking advice from a third party.
11. Picturing what my grandfather’s reaction would be.
12. Checking my ego.
13. Too often saying things I regret. (I had to include that one)
14. Accepting that I’m angry.
15. Depending on the situation, letting it out on the person who screwed up.

When I feel anger’s heat, I call a trusted friend and spew it over him. I tell him exactly what I think, unfiltered. He always does the same thing; he listens and slows me down. He saves me from a world of regret and enables me to identify constructive behaviors.

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What advantages and disadvantages of anger do you see?

How do you deal with anger?

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Related Post:

Frustration is a Good Thing? “I love seeing frustration. I don’t rush to end it”

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On Turtles and Rabbits – Finding Pace

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Few leaders find effective pace naturally.

You’re running in circles because of two types of mistakes; both have to do with pace. You’re either too slow or too fast.

Pokey Turtle:

Scan your personal history.

• Has foot dragging plagued you?
• Has delay exacerbated your frustrations?
• Do you find yourself missing opportunities and wishing you had acted sooner?

Then you know what to do. Doing it is another matter.

Rash Rabbit:

• Has impulsiveness undermined success?
• Do you start too many projects and finish too few?
• Have you run over others and ruined relationships?
• Are you persistently pushing people?

Then you know what to do. Doing it is another matter.

Both:

Perhaps you’re a turtle in one context and a rabbit in another. I suspect you are. Combining too fast in one realm and too slow in another doesn’t create appropriate pace. It’s a formula for frustration.

You know:

You know when you’re a turtle or a rabbit. You know if you persistently miss opportunities because you go too slow or ruin your chances because you go too fast.

The solution:

Bring yourself to the table. You are uniquely qualified to succeed in this moment. Past triumphs, tragedies, achievements, and failures prepare you for success.

Let your experiences form you. Bring them with you on your journey. In particular, listen to reoccurring frustrations.

Include others on your journey. Find your opposites. If you’re a rash rabbit, find some turtles. I need wise turtles in my life. They trouble me but I need them. I also need racing rabbits to kick me in the pants when my turtle-self pulls back.

Bottom line:

You may think your pace is just fine. I seriously doubt it. Successful pace is found with others.

Listen:

Listening to frustrations ends them. Ignoring frustrations prolongs them.

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How can leaders find their effective pace?

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Go to the main page of Leadership Freak by clicking the banner at the top of this page, look in the right-hand navigation bar, enter your email and click subscribe.  Your email address is always kept private.  Note:  if it doesn’t arrive, check your spam filter for a confirmation email.

How to Stop Rowing in Circles till You Sink

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Fitting in is the path to regret. Leaders don’t fit in they stand out. Bureaucrats fit in.

Standing out is dangerous in some organizational cultures; you’ll get beat down till you conform. Conformity is death.

Positive impact confronts the sludge of stagnant organizations.

Something:

People of impact are known for something. Reputation establishes identity, improves impact, and advances potential.

Stop rowing your boat in circles till it sinks.

Not Known:

What are you known for? When people see you, what do they think? If you aren’t known for something:

1. You’re stuck in can’t, won’t, or I don’t think so.
2. You’re unfocused and spread too thin. Do fewer things so you can follow your passion.
3. You’ve lost your dream.
4. You can’t say no.
5. You need everyone to like you.

Clarification:

Fame is not the answer. Be known for something in your circle of influence, that’s enough. For example, Doug Conant, former CEO of Campbell’s Soup, isn’t a movie star. But, he’s known for writing 30,000 handwritten thank you notes during his ten year tenure.

Influence grows when you’re known for something. Could it be thank you notes?

Something positive:

1. Be known for positivity. Positive focus creates positive difference.
2. Transform a negative into a positive. Skillfully move through brokenness to wholeness.
3. Don’t get stuck in complications and deficiencies.
4. Fix something in the community.
5. Create solutions. Don’t be known as a nay saying scrooge.
6. Tell others what you want to be known for.

Bonus: Being known for something is intentional not accidental. Persistently, fanatically repeat what you want to be known for.

Personally:

My dream: When people see me, I want them to think, “Dan made my life better by helping me find and expand my potential.” I don’t want to fix people; I want to hand them tools.

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What blocks people for being known for something? How can they rise above?

What do you want to be known for?

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The Power of Accidents

***Danger! This post is 400 words. Danger***

Incompetence makes you push challenges away. Inadequacy causes you to pull back. “Not good enough” (perfectionism) is the reason you don’t start.

I’ve been putting off this post for a few days because I feel incompetent and inadequate to write it. I can’t write it good enough.

Radical Change:

Life radically changed on Nov. 20, 2011 when I lay bleeding, bruised, and broken in dried leaves after a car accident. I don’t remember what happened to cause the accident but I remember what the accident caused.

People rose up in support of my family and me. This inadequate note is for my online friends; people I’ve never met face to face who reached out to us with generous compassion.

A Trio:

A trio of people led the way, Becky Robinson, Jesse Lyn Stoner, and Lolly Daskal. The first phone message I heard was from Becky, “Are you ok? We care for you. What can we do?” There were more conversations, cards, and emails from them and many others.

Others:

Mike Henry Sr. and the Lead Change Group joined Lolly, Jesse, and Becky by providing a channel for financial contributions to cover uninsured costs.

Jesse, Lolly, and Becky posted articles, along with many others. Contributions ranging from $5.00 to $5,000 started coming in, nearly $20,000 in all. It’s overwhelming. Many of you leveraged your influence on our behalf. People from around the world participated. I wish I could list everyone.

It’s 6:50 a.m. The sun is peaking over the cold mountains in central Pennsylvania. Once again, I’m warmed and teary eyed thinking about the outpouring of love and support that fills our hearts.

Impact:

You change me. You’re teaching me about compassion, initiative, and doing what you can to make a difference. Great stories make us great; this is a story I’ll tell my grandchildren.

I feel honored and I honor you. I’m privileged to receive your love.

Thank you.

Update:

I’m getting better; still using a walker and wheelchair. But, I’m improving. Indications are a full recovery is possible. They tell me it takes about six months. Two down; four to go. The words are patience and obedience (do everything the doctors say).

There’s a bit more information on my accident on this article I wrote from a hospital bed: “The Reason I haven’t Posted in a Week.” (warning: it’s poorly written)

How to Move Through Uncertainty to Opportunity

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Ineffective leaders require certainty before they act, I am certain.

On the other hand, successful leaders make decisions where outcomes are uncertain.

Turbulent times, regulations and compliance, technology, politics, people, and global markets enflame uncertainty. Additionally, complex challenges have more than one solution. Leadership is rich with uncertainty.

A surprising juxtaposition:

“Trustworthy leaders move through uncertainty to pursue opportunity,” Amy Lyman. The opposite of uncertainty isn’t certainty it’s opportunity.

Have you been in a meeting where conversations revolved around problems and uncertainties? They usually spiral in despair, stall, and produce nothing. Participants return safely to their offices feeling successful because they dodged imaginary bullets.

Without leadership and direction, groups produce uncertainty. Leaders always pursue opportunities while acknowledging realities. Successful leaders don’t get stuck.

Certainty matters:

Adequate certainty eliminates distracting uncertainties. Five ways every organization builds baselines of certainty:

1. Standard operating procedures.
2. Decision making models.
3. Designated decision makers. (usually those closest to the action)
4. Transparency.
5. Clarity of mission, vision, and values.

The ultimate goal:

Certainty is not an end in itself. Lyman explains the ultimate goal is, “Creating enough stability to capitalize on opportunities.”

Opportunity:

Strategies that enable organizations to pursue opportunities include:

1. Honor.
2. Inclusion.
3. Valuing and engaging followers.
4. Sharing information.
5. Developing others.

From: “The Trustworthy Leader.”

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What techniques help create organizational stability?

How do you move through uncertainty to opportunity, without getting stuck?

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Posts based on my conversation with Amy Lyman, author of “The Trustworthy Leader.”

Amy Lyman Kicked my Assumptions

The Secret to Great Places to Work

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Don’t miss a single issue of Leadership Freak, subscribe today. It’s free. It’s private. It’s always practical and brief.

Go to the main page of Leadership Freak by clicking the banner at the top of this page, look in the right-hand navigation bar, enter your email and click subscribe.  Your email address is always kept private.  Note:  if it doesn’t arrive, check your spam filter for a confirmation email.