Leaders lift others

Self-made is a myth. You and I stand on the shoulders of lifters. People that shaped us and helped us believe in something more. My personal list of lifters includes too many to name here, men and women who form a platform that I’ve built my life upon.

Lifting others begins with seeing what could be and then investing yourself to bring it out.

Robert Treadwell accomplished many things in his life.  He was a Youth Worker and Maine State Representative. But the thing I remember most about Bob was his ability to see. He saw value in me that I didn’t see in myself and he gave himself to bringing it out. When I was young, he saw what could be in me.

Lifting others includes being an example.

My dad (Walter) changed me. Dad gave me a work ethic and a love for books. He never told me to read and he never explained the importance of hard work. He changed me by his example. He loved books and to this day he is the hardest working man I know.

Lifting others means setting noble goals that challenge perceived limits.

Coach Reed, my High School basket-ball coach, set high goals. He pushed us to be better. He set high standards and pressed our limits.

Remembering Coach Reed helped me remember to set higher goals for some of the young leaders around me. I’ve shown them acceptance and tried to exemplify noble qualities. However, I haven’t challenged them enough.

You are standing on the shoulders of people who lifted you. Honor them by taking a minute to remember them, share their story.  Perhaps thinking of them will help us be more like them.

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Who lifted your life?

What qualities/behaviors enabled their influence?

How can you honor them by emulating them and lifting others?

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If you enjoyed this post you may enjoy:

“Initiating high impact relationships”

“Influence over a cup of coffee”

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Part of this post was published as “Changing a life.”

Tough talk

The truth can be unsettling and disturbing.

According to John Spence one of the four biggest leadership challenge executives face is talking about tough issues.

Why don’t leaders talk about tough issues

#1. Procrastination – tough topics have been put off so long they’re nearly impossible to bring it up. It’s like being in a elevator full of silent people.

#2. Underestimation – the tough topic wasn’t always a tough topic. The issue started out small and slowly grew until everyone sees the emperor has no clothes but no one speak.

#3. False-Compassion – pretending you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

#4. Guilt – when small issues grow into unaddressed large issues leadership is responsible. Bringing up the topic shines a light on long-term inadequacies in leaders.

#5. Self-Protection – you may fear the vulnerability of letting inner feelings out.

Suggestions for having hard conversations

#1. Honesty – First, be honest with yourself.

You know the elephant’s in the room. Take a good long look at him. You’ll be tempted to blame the elephant on others. Thinking about him is really thinking about you.

#2. Exploration – when something doesn’t seem right gently explore it. Don’t wait until insignificant issues escalate. Don’t bury your instincts. You may prefer the advantages of a hands-off approach. Please understand that gentle explorations should never be meddling interrogations or micromanaging. Explorations are expressions of compassion not confrontation.

#3. Question – talk less and listen more.

However, don’t interrogate (#2). Interrogations indicate you’ve waited too long. You’ve let the elephant get too big.

#4. Purpose – keep the big reason for the conversation front and center.

Tough conversations center on values, mission, and vision. Iacocca said it well, “Keep the main thing the main thing.” If you can’t clearly tie your talk to big issues it’s a white elephant.

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Why don’t leaders have tough conversations?

What suggestions can you offer those who need to have a tough conversation?

You want something new but you’re afraid

Yesterday I had a conversation with a person who longs for something more than what they are currently doing. They feel trapped. Current responsibilities wall them in. They fear taking a leap into something new. They can’t risk losing what they have in order to gain what they don’t have.

Current obligations and responsibilities pressure us to stick with things we may hate. All the while, hidden below the surface the dream languishes. What’s a person to do?

First, realize leaders long for something more. Dissatisfaction may indicate a leader lurks within you. However, here’s a warning. Lazy people are frequently unhappy with their lives. If you’re lazy, you aren’t a leader.

Second, can you begin your new thing without letting go of an old thing? Is chasing your dream an all or nothing proposition? If it’s not an all or nothing proposition, set the wheels in motion.

Third, gather advisors and talk things over. Share the vision and have action oriented conversations. Convincing others your dream can work is essential to pulling the trigger. Leaders and innovators always convince others their dreams work.

Fourth, don’t wait for perfect solutions. Perfection is the enemy of progress. Have enough confidence that you can solve unforeseen problems. In addition, realize course corrections are the rule not the exception.

You shouldn’t follow every dream or idea. However, if the ache for something new is deep and persistent it may be time to gradually pull the trigger.

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How can someone pull the trigger on an idea without neglecting current responsibilities?

Interpreting eye movements

At the gym a counselor explained what eye movements mean. He said things like, “looking up and to the left means the listener/speaker is trying to visualize something and looking up and to the right indicates one is accessing their memory. I found the conversation intriguing.

I haven’t been trained in interpreting eye movement so what follows is my opinion.

Four eye movements

#1. Looking up is generally the direction we look when we are thinking. You can’t tell if the person is thinking of the truth or making up a lie.

#2. Focused, relaxed eye contact indicates engagement and is generally good. Staring is bad and may be an attempt to intimidate.

#3. I’ve heard people say that we are looking within for an answer while looking down. I tend to interpret looking down more negatively. Perhaps it indicates guilt. Having said that, I notice that I frequently look down when I’m mulling things over.

#4. I interpret looking away when someone is responding in a negative light. I think the person is being evasive or perhaps hiding something.

Leaders need healthy skepticism because others frequently tell us what we want to hear and not what they really think. In addition, some may work to manipulate leaders for their own personal or professional gain. And of course there are those who out-right lie.

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Do you use eye movements to help you interpret the message or motives of others?

What eye movements do you watch for and what do they mean?

Winners of “Awesomely Simple”

Thanks to John Spence for participating in the Leadership Freak conversation on Aug. 11. I appreciate that he freely shared his insights and time with the LF community.

Thanks to everyone who shared your insights and perspectives by leaving comments and joining conversations.

The “Awesomely Simple” post garnered a record number of comments, 88. In addition, day one of my interview with John on Aug. 5 had 77 comments. It’s exciting to see the Leadership Freak community growing and sharing insights with each other.

Three books give away

John offered to give away three signed copies of his book, “Awesomely Simple.” The selection process was purely random. Everyone’s name that left a comment was put on a small piece of paper. I folded the papers, put them in a lovely Tupperware dish and asked lovely Mrs. Leadership Freak (Dale) to pull three names. It was all very ceremonious.

Drum roll!

Congratulations to:

Ms_mgr

Teresabaker

Joseph Mullin

I’m sending an email requesting an address so that John can forward your signed book asap. If you didn’t win, head on over to Amazon to get your copy. (I’m not getting a kick-back)

For all those who didn’t win, stay tuned, I’m discussing future book give aways with other publishers/authors.

Best Regards,

Leadership Freak

Dan Rockwell

Dealing with disagreements

All leaders encounter disagreements. Additionally, some situations require leaders to create disagreements and in others they work to solve them.

Leaders not only encounter disagreements, they land in the center of some. Additionally, they may become the focus and brunt of others.

Defensiveness

A Defensive posture means you’re trying to prevent an opponent from scoring points. Defensiveness creates opponents and moves discussions from concepts, ideas, and solutions to people.

Defensiveness during disagreements creates positional arguments where participants are combatants and winning becomes personal.

The worst thing leaders do during disagreements is shifting focus from solution-finding to people.

One thing is certain. Disagreements that become personal distract organizations and waste resources.

Strong leaders leverage disagreements while weak leaders win arguments.

Overcoming defensiveness

Even though all leaders deal with disagreements, those new to leadership may stumble by advocating for one position rather than seeking broader solutions.

In addition, at the beginning of disagreements, withhold your solution. By doing so you free others to think creatively without feeling pressure to conform to your opinion. Another benefit of withholding your solution (at least for awhile) is you don’t have anything to defend.

Finally, understand that disagreements may create high potential environments where high heat molds great solutions.

A leader’s strength is best seen in an ability to remain calm and focused on solution-seeking rather than winning a disagreement.

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What other ways can leaders avoid defensiveness?

What general strategies for dealing with disagreements do you employ?

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Image source

What not how

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter F. Drucker

“Doing the right things,” means leaders determine, clarify, and communicate what is done.

The other day I had a long conversation with a fellow leader concerning the execution of a plan. I thought we had already agreed on the plan and I was ready to set things in motion. However, he had concerns. He’s not the rethinking type so I was surprised to encounter his reluctance.

In the beginning, our conversation focused on how to execute the plan.

The problem with how conversations

How-conversations frequently express personal preferences, territorial perspectives, what about’s, and what if’s. They may quickly obscure real issues. What you want to accomplish can be defeated by how to get it done.

With airport announcements filtering over the phone we explored and re-explored how to complete the plan. Each step forward included two points of confusion. Each positive statement was followed by two, “what if’s.” The longer we talked the darker things became.

The power of what

I’ve learned to pull away from confusion before it paralyzes. We saw a light at the end of the tunnel when we shifted back to what we were trying to accomplish.

Previously, I thought we both understood the what. We hadn’t.

You’re doomed if you begin a how conversation before you agree upon and clarify the what.

“What’s” have more power to motivate than how-to’s. When what you are doing is important enough you’ll figure out how to do it.

Two examples

Conflict resolution is an ugly power struggle until all parties can explain and agree upon what harmony looks like.

Customer service representatives must clarify what customer want before they know how to excel customer expectations.

Application

Confusion or contention may signal the need to refocus and agree on what you’re working to accomplish.

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Have you seen a great idea killed by how’s?

How can leaders keep great what’s at the center of how conversations?

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Want something new but you’re afraid?

If you want to move forward but you're afraid, suggestions here.

From us to others

Stop in, you could win.

To qualify for one of three free, signed copies of “Awesomely Simple” by John Spence, go to yesterdays blog and leave a comment. I’m drawing names this Saturday, August 14, 2010

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John Maxwell famously said, “Everything rises or falls on leadership.”

I think Maxwell is right. However, I’ve seen leaders make the recurring mistake of keeping themselves at the center of their organization.

In my opinion, organizations centered on a leader eventually implode when the leader fails, disappoints, or moves on. In the US religious organizations may best illustrate this point.

Good leaders receive attention and honor. It may be tempting to bask in honor. However, great leaders shift focus from themselves to others. They leverage their esteem by esteeming others.

The conundrum of leadership is you are at the center in order to put others at the center.

The pull of praise or ego may inflate your self-importance until customers, stakeholders, volunteers, and employees end up in the back seat.

Everything does rise or fall on leadership. Self-centered leaders eventually cause the fall of their organizations. On the other hand, others-centered leaders lift their organizations by encouraging and enabling others.

Shifting focus from you to others

#1. When you feel the need to be understood, understand others.

#2. When you feel the need to be listened to, listen to others.

#3. When you receive praise, share it with others.

I can think of at least three things we can discuss today

#1. What self-centered, egotistical leader story can you share?

#2. How to shift the focus from you to others?

#3. When does shifting the focus on others go too far?

Awesomely Simple

I think any fool can make something complex. On the other hand, it takes real skill to make things simple. John Spence is passionate about simplicity and his book “Awesomely Simple” is true to its title. It’s rigorously simple. That means it’s delightfully useful.

Over the past 15 years John has learned that business is not complex. He’s distilled lasting business success down to six awesomely simple, yet powerful principles.

#1. Vivid vision

#2. Best people

#3. Robust communication

#4. Sense of urgency

#5. Disciplined execution

#6. Extreme customer focus

My two favorite chapters

I don’t want to diminish the value of all the chapters; however, I personally loved the chapter on recruiting talent titled, “Best people.”  John says, “The future of your company is directly tied to the quality of the talent you can attract and keep.” I learned that I’m about two years behind in recruiting efforts. As a result of this chapter I look at the people I meet with an eye toward recruitment.

The other chapter that changed me most was, “Sense of Urgency.” The section on “Four level decision making,” is simply genius. Additionally, the nugget about fostering disagreement on page 115 so that teams don’t get stuck on the opinions of more influential members is worth the price of the book.

A random quote from page 161

“… Many companies fail to realize that some of their lowest-paid and often least-respected employees are actually in the best position to make or break the company.”

Organization and resources

Each chapter ends with useful summaries, an effectiveness audit, things to think about, and turning ideas into action. In addition, the Awesomely Simple website is packed with videos, articles, and other useful resources to help readers get to the next level. Finally, if you like e-books, there’s a kindle version.

I’m reading “Awesomely Simple,”a second time. More reviews are on Amazon.

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What awesomely simple business or leadership truth can you share with the Leadership Freak community?

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Don’t miss a single issue of Leadership Freak, subscribe today. It’s free.  It’s private.  Go to the main page of Leadership Freak by clicking the banner at the top of this page, look in the right-hand navigation bar, enter your email and click subscribe.  Your email address is always kept private.  Note:  if it doesn’t arrive, check your spam filter for a confirmation email

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If you enjoyed this post you might enjoy  my rant on “Meeting.” — “Fasten your seat-belts this one might sting a bit.”

Do you love your voice?

Email is a monster

Stop in, you could win.

Tomorrow, August 11, 2010 I’m reviewing the book “Awesomely Simple.” In addition, the author John Spence is giving away three signed copies.

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I recently sent an email to the leaders on my team that I shouldn’t have sent. The message was necessary but the channel (email) was inappropriate.

Do you use email for all your communication? I do but shouldn’t. Most know the severe limitations of email as a communication channel. However, because we constantly use it, it’s easy to slip into using it for everything.

The reason email isn’t for everything

Research indicating that 93% of communication is nonverbal (tone, facial expressions, gestures, etc) and only 7% the actual words is contested. Regardless of the exact percentages, it’s obvious that communication is much more than words. For example, location is a factor. Is the communication in my office or yours? Are you behind the desk or are we sitting together at a table?  Are we chatting over lunch?

Email shouldn’t be used for messages that potentially ignite strong emotions. Not long ago I received an email filled with wrong assumptions asking accusative questions. Thankfully, this time, I responded dispassionately and saved everyone the long damage control process.

Additionally, email shouldn’t be used when emotion is important to the message. You may have a strong message to give but you want to give it with compassion. Or, you may have a strong message to deliver and you want to put the fear of God in someone. In either case, make it face-to-face.

Email’s disconnect

Email recipients impose their context on your email. You may send a strong message with compassion but they may read a strong message with the fear of God. When that happens, let the damage control begin.

I know better than send an email that requires emotional context for accurate communication. But autopilot won the day.

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What guidelines do you use for email vs. face-to-face communication?

Care to share an email story where the message was lost in damage control?