I’ve frequently had an, “I don’t care if you like me,” approach to life. Looking back, it was insecurity not confidence. I wanted people to prove they liked me because I didn’t feel that likeable.
Being liked matters:
You care about being liked because people are influenced by people they like. Wanting to be liked is strength. Needing to be liked is weakness. Not caring is short-sighted.
How to not be liked:
- Out do others.
- Know more than others.
- Manipulate people into liking you.
- Need to be liked. Few things are less likeable than needing it.
- Frequently correct and instruct.
How to be liked:
- Like yourself but don’t be self-absorbed.
- Like others. People like people who like them.
- Move toward them before they move toward you. First movers are more likeable.
- Emphasize similarity; it’s less threatening and creates connections.
- Thoroughly listen. Ask about what they care about.
- Disagree honestly and respectfully.
- Slow your speech when they pull back. I learned this from Carol Kinsey Goman’s book, “The Silent Language of Leaders.” When they show signs of disagreement or skepticism slow down and give them time to think. You demonstrate respect when you pay attention.
- Focus disagreements on issues not people.
- Maintain open and welcoming postures.
- Be calm in one-on-one conversations.
- Assume the best of others.
- Be you in ways that matter to them.
- Respect and appreciation.
Bonus: Be vulnerable. Let people see your weaknesses.
What do others do that invite you to like them?
What do others do that turn you off?
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