Embracing the Joys of Fear and Pain

Fear and pain motivate you to stop, run, avoid, or stubbornly dig in. They don’t move you forward, they move you away.

Fear and pain may, however, ignite passion to change. Politicians create fear that galvanize constituents around a cause and garners votes. The problem, fear only works for the short-term. It creates a huddling effect but doesn’t create a future.

Fear and pain are good if they drive you toward courage and joy.

A few years ago, I let fear and pain motivate me to seek a new future. I’m learning that pursuing what I want is an ongoing, incremental process. What I don’t want is quick and easy, pursuing what I want is slow and hard.

What I’m learning:

1. Fear comes with us when we move forward, accept it.
2. Faith answers but doesn’t eliminate fear. I’m learning to trust God, myself, and my friends in new ways. It’s not a magic pill; it’s a process.
3. Conversations change me. I’m fortunate to have conversations with some of the world’s brightest people; their stories, experiences, and wisdom inspire me.
4. Courageously sharing my inner-most thoughts took time. However, the more I do the easier it gets.
5. My journey makes some uncomfortable. Because it does, I’m learning the good and bad of people pleasing.
6. The bad side of people pleasing is it motivates me to make decisions based on other people’s values and opinions.
7. The good side of people pleasing is it motivates me to explore and understand what pleases others.
8. Exploring and understanding what pleases others opens the door for me to explore, understand and communicate what pleases me.
9. Doing what’s best for others isn’t people pleasing as long as it aligns with my values.

This list began with “I’m learning,” not “I’ve learned.” I haven’t learned anything.

What are you learning that’s changing you?

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Stop Wasting Your Time Solving Problems

Many leaders and managers have a compelling; even perverse interest in fixing things. Average managers solve problems and get results. Great managers build people.

A recent conversation with a new manager reminded me that it’s all about people. If you build them, they will fix problems and enhance productivity, not you. If you build them, they will deliver results. I asked Joe (not his real name) how things were going with his new position. He feels frustrated because of the people problems he’s facing. No surprises there. I listened while he explained a couple issues.

While listening, I wanted to jump in and solving things but that won’t help much. Joe needs to solve his own problems. As Joe’s story wound down, I looked him in the eye and said, “You have the qualities all good managers have.” He smiled and said it felt good to hear someone outside the company say that. He doesn’t need a solution; he needs courage.

Problems shake the confidence of new leaders/managers and make them forget they have what it takes. Instilling confidence in them is more important than solving problems for them.

Don’t solve people’s problems give them confidence they can solve them.

You’re missing the boat if you:

1. Think more about processes than people.
2. Jump in and help people solve problems.
3. Fix rather than build.
4. Speak more than listen.

You’re on target when you:

1. Let them talk about problems while you talk about their strengths.
2. Explain why you believe in them.
3. Honor their hard work rather than their frustrations.

Training or other resources may be required to solve problems; however, instilling confidence comes first.

How do you instill confidence in the people around you?

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Accepting Average Enables Exceptional

People remain average because they don’t understand exceptional.

A friend of mine recently said, “Maybe average is ok. That’s what most people and organizations are so what’s wrong with it?” We were exploring vision, passion, and excellence. I don’t think he was advocating for average; you don’t have to. He was, however, pushing me and our conversation.

Most are average in most areas.

Out of reach:

Believing exceptional is about everything and not one thing places exceptional out of reach. The impossibility of being exceptional at everything paralyzes legitimate passion for one thing.

Accept Average:

Accept your unique averageness. Embrace the things that you don’t and won’t excel at. The nice thing about accepting average is it doesn’t take passion, vision, energy, dedication, or pursuit. It takes average effort to be average.

Save your strength:

Stop wasting your energy trying to lift your average to extraordinary. Accepting your average frees you to pursue your exceptional; your one thing. The likelihood you are exceptional at several things is so slim it’s not worth considering. You have average intelligence, average appearance, and in many areas, average skills.

Five questions:

Once you accept your average, five questions will help you find, clarify, and amplify your one thing.

• Why do you get out of bed every day?
• How will you shape your future?
• What guidelines do you live by?
• When you fall down, how do you pick yourself back up?
• How do you hold yourself accountable?

(Questions from, “One Piece of Paper,” by Mike Figliuolo)

Start:

The distance between average and exceptional discourages its pursuit. Tom Peters responds, “A passion for excellence means thinking big and starting small.”

Let others handle average; focus on exceptional.

What holds people back from finding, embracing, and living in their exceptional?

What helps you pursue excellence?

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Control Your Feelings – Don’t Express Them

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Emotions are responses to information; believe wrong information and you’ll experience wrong feelings.

For example, you think someone neglected their responsibilities causing deliverables to fall through the cracks. Based on that, you feel concerned, frustrated, or even angry.

• Don’t trust those feelings.
• Don’t express those feelings.
• Push those feelings aside.

At best, let those feelings motivate calm, systematic investigation.

Reality:

Feelings are responders to perceived reality. They aren’t reality. Think of the last movie you enjoyed, a thriller, action adventure, or better yet, a horror flick. Was it real? No. Did you experience strong emotions? Yes. If you didn’t the movie was a flop.

Imagination?

Feelings are responses to our imagination. For example, when you imagine someone wronged you, even if they didn’t, you feel defensive, aggressive, sad, or any number of other emotional responses.

Confirmation:

Always confirm imagination and perception by investigating reality. Do you know what happened or are you imagining something?

How many times have you been concerned, frustrated, or angry only to find your feelings were based on misinformation?

Admiration:

People admire and respect leaders who control their feelings. In addition, others feel it’s safe to trust us when we’re stable and predictable.

This post is not about comments Mark left on yesterday’s Leadership Freak article. I’m motivated to think on this topic because I’m co-hosting #Leadershipchat on twitter next Tuesday evening. Our topic for that chat concerns leading with feeling.

This topic usually inspires feelings. I’m interested in what you think or feel. I won’t be online much of today so please understand if I don’t respond till later.

When should leaders express their feelings? When should they control them?

Do you lead with feeling? What does that mean to you?

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The Essential Secret to Full Engagement

The reason your team isn’t fully engaged is you aren’t fully committed to them. They know, you’re dedicated to them only so long as their performance pleases you. They know organizational interests come first, theirs don’t. They know you’re playing hide-n-seek with opportunities, pay raises, and promotions to manipulate them.

Always place the best interests of employees first, always.

Let everyone on your team know their interests are your interest. Dedicate yourself to enhancing their career. Know where they want to go and help them get there. If their interests aren’t feasible, make it known. Playing games with people is dishonest and manipulative.

Control:

You can’t lead or manage people if you don’t know where they want to go. Managers who don’t know the personal goals of their team use carrots and sticks to motivate and manipulate. It’s the only option. They resort to things like, “I sign your paycheck so do what I say.”

You can manipulate but you can’t control. Successful managers don’t try to control people. They simply help people get where they want to go.

Alignment:

Unreservedly dedicate yourself to helping everyone on your team succeed. This means their success must align with organizational success. When it doesn’t align, help them find a place within your organization where it does or help them find a new organization.

Trust:

Managers who aren’t fully dedicated to enhancing the people around them can’t be fully trusted. When push comes to shove, they’ll choose selfish interests; they’ll cut others down. The heart of trust is the conviction that you’ll always act in my best interests.

Channel:

Channel the passion you feel for your mission, organization, or project toward the people you manage; serve them. Their success is your success. Convince them you’re fully on their team and they’ll give you all they’ve got.

Stop Asking Stupid Questions

Questions focused on the present are management questions. “What’s the problem?” for example. Leaders, on the other hand, ask questions about the future, “Where do we want to be next year?”

Managers ask about execution. Leaders ask about direction.

In today’s complex world, leaders manage and managers lead. Determine which moment you’re in. Is this a management moment or a leadership moment?

It’s stupid to ask about the present when it’s time to focus on the future.

Ask about the present when:

1. Deadlines are pressing.
2. People are stuck.
3. Progress is slow.
4. Frustration is high.
5. Projects are high profile.

Ask about the future when:

1. Purpose isn’t clear.
2. Focus is lost.
3. Direction is ambiguous.

Why it’s hard to ask leadership questions:

Asking about the future is harder because it feels less urgent. Additionally, it’s harder to check something off your list when asking about purpose.

An Example:

Developing a leader is both a present and future focused activity. The danger is pressing issues may obscure long-term objectives. Deal with the present but always ask, “Are you getting where you want to go?”

The assumption is someone knows the ultimate goal. Better yet, someone is keeping the ultimate goal in mind. That’s what leaders do.

It’s easy to go in circles and feel like you’re getting something done. If you can’t describe the ultimate goal you’re chasing your tail. The three stages of leadership develop are:

1. Develop yourself.
2. Develop others.
3. Develop others who develop others.

You’re end up going in circles if you leave out the second and third points. You’re stuck when you forget the future. Leaders always bring people back to the future.

What are examples of useful management questions?

What are examples of forward facing leadership questions?

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Other Posts on the Power of Questions:

There ARE Stupid Questions: Drucker said, “The truly dangerous thing is asking the wrong questions.”

9 Questions that create connections: “The things that make you exceptional hinder success if they block connections.”

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How to Create Dynamic Work Environments

Performing the same job year after year is a recipe for boredom, coasting, and low productivity. Entrenched, stagnant employees protect their turf, resist change, and create roadblocks. In addition, they build power bases that instinctively fight off innovation from “outsiders.” Resistance, gossip, and manipulation become typical tools to protect the status quo.

Some organizations, on the other hand, require employees to change jobs at given intervals, IBM and McDonald’s for example. This makes sense to me except for highly specialized professionals like doctors or employees in small organizations.

During economic belt-tightening, lateral movement in the place of vertical promotion often retains new employees.

If the thought of rotating jobs every two years is too much to bear, consider rotating job responsibilities between people in the same job classification. This may give HR a coronary but it’s worth exploring.

The process of creating dynamic work environments using job rotation is challenging but benefits may justify efforts.

Job rotation helps:

1. Motivate stagnant employees.
2. Stabilize organizations. When employees leave unexpectedly cross-trained individuals fill the gap.
3. Inspire creativity. New eyes looking at old positions open new possibilities.
4. Reduce burnout and increase job satisfaction.
5. Provide opportunities for individuals to learn new skills.
6. Provide opportunities for individuals to learn how to teach others.
7. Open teams to new players.
8. Fast track high potential employees.
9. Develop leaders with wide knowledge of the organization.
10. Enhance new employee retention.

Challenges:

1. Highly regulated industries.
2. Union guidelines.
3. Internal resistance.
4. Frustration of high seniority employees.
5. Training needs.
6. Consistency and planning.

What suggestions can you offer for implementing job rotation?

If job rotation is not applicable or too disruptive, how can leaders create dynamic work environments where employee motivation, engagement, and innovation are high?

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10 Tips for Doing the Manic Monday Shift

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Monday mornings are a hodgepodge of enthusiasm, anxiety, or dread. Like a race horse, you feel that starting-gate feeling.

This Monday, make their duties and agenda your Monday morning passion. The people around you feel the same things you feel. Reach them through their feelings.

10 tips to do the Manic Monday Shift:

1. Go to your team; don’t wait for them to come to you. Try a little MBWA, management by walking around.
2. Ask your team or colleagues, “What are your work challenges this week? What are your top projects?”
3. Sit when you enter their space, don’t stand. This doesn’t mean you plan to stay long. It means you’re interested.
4. Ask how you can help. (Thanks @dougconant for this one.)
5. Tell them where they fit in and what their work means.
6. Honor a past success.
7. Acknowledge a talent, skill, or behavior you appreciate.
8. Indicate you believe in them. “I’m glad you’re on our team.”
9. Avoid asking for anything. Pour into their cup, don’t pour out.
10. Leave as quickly as you arrived.

Bonus:

Put the “Manic Monday Shift” on next Monday morning’s calendar.

Warning:

If you haven’t done this before, they’ll wonder if something is wrong. Leave them guessing. Don’t say, “Nothing is wrong.” Just lift them and leave.

What can you do to lift others on Monday morning?

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Six Strategies to Get Your Tough On

Err on the side of pushing harder not easier. When you wonder if you should challenge or comfort someone, challenge them. Expect more not less.

Encourage those who are struggling but don’t exclude challenging them. Reject the temptation to coddle. People rise to challenges.

Maxed out:

A few on your team are maxed out. Strengthen them; don’t give them more challenges. Many on your team think they are maxed out but they aren’t, challenge them.

The leadership line:

Being tough is harder than being tender. Toughness is the line between average performance and high achievement. High performance leaders know how to be tough.

6 ways to be tough:

1. Believe they can do more and be better.
2. Avoid letting anger or frustration fuel toughness.
3. Focus on mission and vision, not tasks when calling people to reach higher.
4. Honor past achievements.
5. Ask how you can help them reach higher.
6. Remove ambiguity.

Bonus: Explore challenging goals with employees and get buy in.

The genius of “and:”

Jim Collins’ insights into the genius of “and’ apply to challenge and encourage. Many are great at encouraging. Few excel at challenging. Embrace both. Encouragement is the foundation of challenge, not a standalone behavior.

Never satisfied:

Leaders that always challenge and never encourage, come off as never satisfied. They frustrate the team. Avoid the “never satisfied” trap by honoring achievements, a lot.

Too far:

What if you go too far and challenge too much? Explain your intent to bring out the best and apologize.

The key:

People rise up to challenges when they believe you’re on their team. They push back when they believe you’re pushing for selfish reasons. Express loyalty to their vision and career goals. Be an ally calling for their best not a taskmaster yelling for more.

How can leaders effectively challenge people?

What is your experience with being challenged? Too much? Too little? Frustrated? Just right?

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The Secret to Failing Well

Our children finished their Little League Baseball (LL) experience long ago. My LL experience goes back to the mid ’60’s but I still remember.

My first at-bat ever, I hit a home run. That solidified my role as clean-up batter. My last at bat I struck out. All these years later, I still remember those three swings.

I forget who was on third base but my friend Carl was on second. It was the last out of the last inning of the play offs and we were behind by one run. A decent hit would win the game. I smiled and nodded to my friend on second. We were excited to win.

I can still hear the baseball whistling past me and popping in the catcher’s glove, a fastball down the center of the plate. I swung late, strike one – no worries.

Two fastballs down the middle later and our season ended. I swung three times and missed three times. It still stings.

You succeed till you fail.

If you keep pushing forward, you’ll eventually fail. Continue reaching higher, you’ll eventually fall short. If failure isn’t meaningful your efforts don’t matter.

Do things where failure matters and when you fail think, next time. But, there’s more.

The Secret:

Use your failures as motivation to understand, appreciate, and lift others. People around you feel the sting of falling short. Perhaps they need a kick in the pants. If they failed due to neglect, go ahead.

On the other hand, there’s a world of beat down out there. Be unique by being an encourager. You encourage others when you believe in them. One of the sweetest expressions I hear from emerging leaders is, “Thank you for trusting me.” Belief expressed by you encourages others to rise above their personal failure-stories.

Who can you believe in today?

How can leaders express their belief in others?

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