When to Make the Most Difference

Painful endings and uncertain beginnings are the two moments you make the most difference in a leader’s life.

Enabling others to continue on their current course often adds value; facilitating an ending is a treasure.

Endings are like giving birth. They begin with pain.

Painful endings:

All great journeys begin with painful endings. Immanent endings are powerful opportunities to to step in and enrich others. Those who can’t end well can’t begin.

High impact begins by helping leaders end well. 

Destructive endings:

Leaders often acknowledge they need change but frequently persist in destructive, ineffective behaviors. All endings are destructive. Destruction hurts.

Bad endings reek of anger, bitterness, and over reactions. For example, quitting a job before another is lined up. Running toward a new future is harder than running from a painful past. That’s where you come in.

Help people end well by helping them let go. Everyone’s stuck till they let go.

Contrasting skills:

Helping people end well includes two contrasting skills, encouraging and Butt kicking. Encourage aggressively; kick butt wisely. Encouragement without butt kicking stagnates. Butt kicking apart from encouragement increases resistance and frustration.

1. Provide persistent affirmations.
2. Explore what isn’t working.
3. Help them identify what needs to end.
4. Offer occasional corrections. Positive affirmations empower negative corrections.

Bonus:

Never fix. People build walls to keep fixers out. Fixers undermine confidence, degrade potential, and reject what is. People are responsible for their own development.

Tomorrow:

Endings without beginnings are empty. “10 Questions that Give Vitality to Beginnings“

How do you help leaders end well?

What are the dangers or pain points of helping someone end well?

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Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

It’s Harder for Women

“The path to the top is harder for women than men,” Ruth Malloy.

Men can be men but women must be both.

Hay Group has identified six leadership styles. I’ve circled stereotypical male styles in blue and female in pink.

Women using traditional masculine styles without including feminine styles are labeled bitches. Men lacking stereotypical feminine styles, on the other hand, are considered strong leaders.

Organizations expect greater versatility
and broader skill-sets from female leaders.

Result:

High ranking female executives climb higher barriers to get to the top. The result, “Top ranking women tend to be more proficient than their male counterparts in the skills required to lead in more global, diverse and networked organizations.” (Full article)

• Empathy.
• Conflict management.
• Influence – achieving results without direct line authority.
• Self-awareness.

One more step:

This topic feels awkward because some live in a bizzaro world where they believe women and men are the same. It’s disappointing when equality means sameness. Ten dimes and four quarters are the same and different.

If women and men are the same, gender diversity is irrelevant.

Questions:

• What challenges do women face when they aspire to executive leadership?
• Have you been on a leadership team that integrated women? What changes did you observe?
• I’ve heard women say they’d rather work for a male boss. What’s up with that?

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This post is the result of an interview with Ruth Malloy, Ph.D., the global managing director leadership and talent at Hay Group.

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Books “Freaks” are Currently Reading

Freak followers on facebook responded to “I’m currently reading ________” with this list of books:

• Freedom, by Jonathan Franzen
• EntreLeadership, by Dave Ramsey
• The 4-hour Workweek
• The Permanent Revolution, by Alan Hirsch
• The Resolution for Men
• Personal Kanban
• The Night Circus
• Innovators Deliemma
• Why Plans Fail: Cognitive Bias, Decision Making, and Your Business
• Great by Choice
• Millionaire Messenger, Brendon Burchard
• Emyth Revisited: Way Small Business Fail, Michael Gerber
• A Return to Love: A Reflection on a Course in Miracles
• Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life, by Dr. Wayne Dyer
• Hunger Games
• Taking People With You, David Novak
• Making a heart to heart connection, Danny Silk
• Ultimate sales machine, Chet Holmes
• Ready for Anything: 52 Productivity Principles for Getting Things Done, David Allen
• Primal Blueprint. Mark Sission Oath of Swords, David Weber
• NO BS Guide to Sales Success in The New Economy,  Dan Kennedy
• The Roots of Coincidence, Arthur Koestler
• King Me, by Steve Farrar
• The New Entrepreneurial Leader by Danna Greenberg, Kate McKone-Sweet, and James Wilson
• Re-imagine! – Tom Peters
• Why is Q always followed by U, Michael Quinion
• Point Man, by Steven Farrar
• Delivering Happiness, by Tony Hsieh
• How the Mighty Fall
• Mindset, by Carol Dweck
• Failing Forward, by John Maxwell
• The Bible
• Greater than Yourself, by Steve Farber
• It’s Not About the Coffee
• The Advantage
• The “God” in Coaching
• Mentor Leadership, by Tony Dungy
• The Rules of Life, by Richard Templer
• The Mediterranean, by Fernand Braudel
• Five Levels of Leadership

See the complete list of books “Freaks” are reading. (Complete List is about three posts down on 3/29/2012)

What book(s) are you currently reading?

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Your Hero’s Story Uncovered

The stages of your leadership journey
are predictable even if life isn’t.

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“The hero’s journey has three parts: departure, initiation, and return.” Sandra Emma Shelley, Insideout Enneagram by Wendy Appel.

Part one – The Departure:

1.  The Call. Early signs may be restlessness, discontent, or longing for something unknown. Great journeys always begin painfully.

2.  Refusal of the Call. It takes time to summon the courage to leave. Life shrinks – pain increases – when we refuse the call.

3.  Aid. Watch for and welcome guides.

4.  Crossing the threshold. Getting unstuck begins with the courage to think differently.

5.  The belly of the whale. Your old self dies; the new you emerges.

Part two – The initiation:

6.  The road of trials.  Trails are your opportunity to progressively bring out the new you born in the whale’s belly.

7.  The ultimate boon.  You see things as they are not as you wish them to be.

Part three – The return:

New ways of thinking become compassionate, patient living. People who suffer well arise strengthened and softened.

8.  Refusal of the return. What if new patterns are rejected? Will they work?

9.  Rescue. Others rise up and call you to a life of effectiveness.

10.  Freedom. Living life as you are.

Journey to authenticity:

Jim Parker, former CEO of Southwest Airlines, was the first of many high profile leaders who told me, “Be yourself.” Warren Bennis put it this way, “Leadership is synonymous with becoming yourself.”

Insideout Enneagram by Wendy Appel is a new tool designed to help leaders live authentically with themselves and others. All great stories have a pattern, so does yours.

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I started the hero’s journey many times but never found myself at the end of the cycle until recently.

Do you see parallels between the hero’s journey and your leadership story?

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Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

Only Fools Trust Everyone

Don’t trust people who don’t trust you.

Joan’s boss asked her what she thought of their company’s banner product. Joan replied, “I love the value it brings but in many ways it’s outdated.” She offered suggestions on how to improve process, delivery, and application. That was Joan’s mistake.

It seemed the meeting went well. Later, however, Joan was shocked to discover her boss interpreted her comments as disloyalty.

Joan’s boss didn’t trust her commitment to the company. Distrust motivated him to question her motives.

People who trust you tell you what they think.

Thinking back on the conversation, Joan realized her boss hadn’t given any feedback during their meeting. He just nodded and jotted some notes; notes he used against her, later. The people who trust you engage in give and take. They tell you what they think.

Beware!

When there’s more take than give in conversations, talk less. Ask for feedback. Beware when feedback is vague or nonexistent. Are they gathering ammo or simply thinking things through?

When you’re being evaluated, ask why it matters.

If Joan had known her boss was checking her loyalty, she would have responded differently. Determine the intent of  questions before answering. This matters most during job interviews, public meetings, and in distrustful environments.

Taking it back.

The people who trust you let you take things back. When you say, “That’s not what I meant,” they believe you.

The people who don’t trust you use your words as weapons to defend themselves and destroy you. They never let you take it back.

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How do you navigate distrustful environments?

Note: Joan is a composite character. The facts have been changed to protect the innocent.

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Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

Excitable, Emotional, or Passionate

According to the input from my facebook page, being “unexcitable” isn’t the most admired leadership quality.

John Bell suggests, when excitable equals passionate, we admire Jack Welch, Steve Jobs, and Howard Shultz. All of which are famous or notorious for their passion.

Perhaps it’s a matter of definition and context?

“I think it’s because I was unexcitable,” Jim Moorhead replied when I asked, “Why do you think others looked to you when they were going through crisis?” They started coming to Jim, years ago, when he was in seventh grade.

I suppose my next question sounded like I thought Jim was boring. “What’s the difference between boring and unexcitable?” We both laughed. My question reflects the concerns of many.

Dale Shafter explained the up and down of unexcitable:

When unexcitable equals lack of passion, teams:

• Become passive.
• Lack urgency.

If by “unexcitable” you infer the ability to stay collected in crisis:

• Decisions are sound and methodical.
• Staff becomes less crisis-oriented.

Definitions:

Passionate leaders persistently drive and consistently focus on objectives higher than and outside themselves.

Emotional leaders are up one day and down the next. They sink inward rather than reaching outward. Think moody. We don’t respect them.

Excitable leaders, in the context of my conversation with Jim Moorhead, get sucked into drama. They lose their heads under pressure. Let’s face it, there’s always pressure.

Always UNexcitable:

The best leaders are passionate but unexcitable and most valued during crisis. “We look for leaders,” Moorhead commented, “Who are unexcitable yet transmit positive energy.”

How to be an unexcitable leader:

1. Develop systems.
2. Gather input from teams.
3. Embrace short, medium, and long term thinking. Rise above day to day thinking.
4. Focus most on the future.
5. Create and illuminate positive trajectory, especially during crisis.
6. Remain flexible.
7. Apologize.

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How do you balance being unexcitable and passionate?

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Thanks to Jim Moorhead for a great interview. Jim’s new book, “The Instant Survivor: Right Ways to Respond When Things Go Wrong,” is an enlightening and enjoyable read.

Radically Change Your Leadership, Today

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The way you make people feel may be the most important thing about your leadership. It’s frequently the most neglected.

Relentlessly looking ahead to noble destinations is never enough. Efficient systems don’t work apart from people. Values must find expression in behaviors.

Feelings follow us everywhere. What emotional states do you create in others?

Positive emotion:

1. Optimistic.
2. Competent.
3. Confident.
4. Connected.
5. Courageous.
6. Trusted.
7. Valued.

Negative emotion:

1. Neglected.
2. Belittled.
3. Discouraged.
4. Fearful.
5. Angry.
6. Alone.
7. Confused.

Choose emotional states:

If you could help the people around you feel something, what would it be? It depends on the individual. Some need to feel connected, others competent. Still others need to feel informed.

List the names of your key players on a piece of paper and write the emotional state you plan to nurture beside their names. Choose just one state for each.

Choose behaviors:

What behaviors and attitudes can you adopt that bring out positive emotional states in those on your list? How will you creating environments that help people feel connected, valued, or competent?

Examples:

• Mary – Informed – Invite Mary in for a short conversation regarding your plans for a strategic initiative. Be aware that she will, most likely, share your conversation with others.
• Bob – Competent – Explain how one of his specific strengths will take him far. Highlight something he recently learned.
• Fred – Courageous – Ask Fred what he learned from his last mistake without offering corrections. Tell him, “That’s great Fred. I know we’ll be better next time.”

Leadership radically changes when you value emotional states. 

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What positive emotional states do you find most important?

How can you create environments that bring out the emotional states most helpful to the people on your team?

Challenge question: What roles might creating negative emotional states play in your leadership?

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Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

The Secret to Dynamic Presentations

Yesterday I gave my first keynote presentation since the accident on November 20, 2011. It felt like putting old jeans on.

Successful presenters create dynamic connections between themselves and audiences.

Connect with the past:

Weeks before the presentation, I’d asked several people, “What was the best organizational meeting you attended?” They all replied, “The one when we had Zumba.”

I don’t Zumba! But, I decided we’d do it, anyway. During the presentation, I coaxed three attendees to demonstrate.

They said, “We need music.” I was ready! Instantly, thumping music blasted through the speakers. The whole thing from reluctance to applause took about five minutes.

I’d created a dynamic connection by taking them back to the best presentation they remembered. Connect with people by honoring their past.

Connect with the present:

I connected with their present before I spoke. Several individuals had explained their jobs and what they enjoyed about work. The Director sent documents helping me grasp their mission and vision. She included agendas and feedback from previous open meetings (with names removed).

The audience smiled while I told them who they were, from an outsider’s view point. Connect with people by honoring their present, without improvements or corrections.

Connect with hope:

I lifted them by explaining they were all leaders, already. I gave them hope by sharing simple tools that powerfully enhance leadership. For example:

1. Getting unstuck requires two things: a goal and the next step.
2. Perfection kills progress.
3. Leverage strengths more – fix weaknesses less.
4. Believe in others more than they believe in themselves.
5. “What’s next?” is the most powerful question leaders ask.

I’m not sure everyone felt this, but on my way out I heard someone say, “That was better than Zumba.”

Bonus tips: 

1. Be yourself, don’t fake it.
2. It’s all about the audience, not you.
3. PowerPoint is best used for images not text.

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Send me a note if you’d like to discuss a Leadership Freak presentation for your organization. Contact page.

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How can presenters create connections with an audience?

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Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

Second Guessing Sucks

Sometimes you don’t know what you want until you make a choice. You’re driving down the road and realize you aren’t comfortable.

Choices expose what we really want.

Maybe you feel trapped because you already decided. How can we make the rubber hit the road without creating a binding decision.

Make nonbinding decisions:

Public decisions are harder to change than private. Keeping decisions private allows space for change.

When you have an important decision to make, make it with a small group of trusted leaders. Say, “This is what we’re going to do.” But, keep it private. Give everyone a night to sleep on it. Come together the next day to finalize things. Determine if the decision is a keeper. If it’s a keeper, put the car in gear and start driving.

Understanding second guessing:

Second guessing paralyzes.

Second guessing shouldn’t suggest you made a wrong choice. If you’re a second guesser, it doesn’t matter what choice you make, you’ll second guess.

Second guessing always takes the opposite position. When you choose “A” over “B” you’ll wonder about “B.” If you choose “B” you’ll wonder about “A.”

There’s nothing virtuous or noble about the ability to second guess. Make a good choice and keep driving forward unless circumstances change or new information emerges that calls for changing direction.

Tip: If you can’t change direction, you’ll never enjoy sustained success.

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How do deal with second guessing?

What is your decision making strategy?

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Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

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How to Quickly Overcome Inexperience

10 dangers of inexperienced leaders:

1. Needing to be liked.
2. Blaming.
3. Emotional decisions.
4. Impulsiveness.
5. Trying too hard.
6. Neglecting the long term.
7. Focusing on symptoms rather than causes.
8. Aiming without pulling the trigger.
9. Meddling.
10. Forget to say thank you. (Speaking of thanks, many of these points were inspired by contributors on the Leadership Freak Facebook Page. Thank you!)

10 questions every inexperienced leader must keep asking:

1. What type of world are my behaviors building around me?
2. How many questions did I ask today?
3. What am I learning?
4. Am I acting or reacting?
5. When was the last time I spent an hour in self-reflection?
6. What’s the most fun?
7. Am I soliciting input from experienced leaders and staff?
8. Do I welcome ideas from everyone?
9. How are we leveraging everyone’s strengths?
10. Who do I feel threatened by? Why?

12 powerful suggestions for inexperienced leaders:

1. You matter in ways you can’t imagine. Watch your tone, body language, and attitude, everyone else is.
2. Be optimistic about the future and realistic about the present. Optimism frustrates others if you don’t acknowledge present realities and problems, first.
3. Challenges aren’t your biggest opportunity, people are.
4. Be tender when you’re being tough.
5. Remove manipulators and backstabbers. They may quickly deliver results but everyone around them slows down.
6. Courageously ask dumb questions. (From the Chief Security Officer of Microsoft)
7. Protect your team from political fallout and organizational interference.
8. Believe your perspective matters. Listen to yourself as well as others.
9. Avoid extreme reactions.
10. Recruit mentors, advisors, and, coaches. Get support.
11. Take responsibility.
12. Make the best interests of your organization and others your priority, always.

Bonus: Stick with it. The reason it’s called experience is it takes time.

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What can you add to these lists?

What can you modify or amplify?

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Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

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