10 Ways to Encourage Discouraged People

Leaders who lift get further than those who push down. Performace improves when people feel encouraged and declines when they’re discouraged or hopeless.

You don’t have to beat up high-performers – they do it to themselves – lift them instead.

All successful leaders encourage;
they fill people with hope.

The added responsibility of encouraging others may discourage you, especially if you aren’t good at it.

10 Ways to encourage others:

1. Encourage in private. The more people involved the more likely they’ll feel a need to posture and protect.
2. Agree with their feelings. Never minimize or correct. “Oh it’s not that bad,” is demeaning not encouraging.
3. Break obstacles and challenges into bite-size pieces.
4. Use questions. “Do you think you can deliver your report this afternoon.” Progress encourages.
5. Remove a weight or responsibility, temporarily. Warning: some discouraged people need a new challenge.
6. Explain their value. “You’re the best (fill in the blank) we have.”
7. Get on their level. Avoid speaking as a superior.
8. Encourage rest. “Why don’t you take a couple days off?” Lombardi said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.”
9. Let them talk.
10. ????

Facebook contributors say leaders who encourage:

1. Give people challenging assignments and check them periodically.
2. Lead by example and practice what you preach.
3. Communicate clearly and follow through.
4. Recognize and reward progress.

More at: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

A big one:

Have you argued with a discouraged person attempting to change their feelings? It’s futile. Confrontation closes discouraged people down.

Accepting people as they are – even if you must challenged negative behaviors – allows them to open the door to your encouragements.

Prevent discouragement in the first place:

Deal with discouragement before it happens by being a positive leader.

1. Spend more time affirming and less time correcting.
2. Give public acknowledgement, gratitude, and praise.
3. Be available.

What techniques help you encourage discouraged people?

Five Ways to Get Good at Mistake Making

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The fear of making mistakes doesn’t prevent mistakes it destroys progress and growth. John Wooden said, “I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes.”

Challenge:

Too many mistakes and you lose credibility. Too few mistakes and you’re dead in the water, you can’t lead.

5 ways to get good at mistake making

1. Don’t make the mistake of letting your mistakes defeat you. Maintain momentum and enthusiasm even when you fail. Churchill wisely said, “Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”
2. Don’t pretend you know when you don’t. Rather than pretending, proclaim your ignorance. Say things like, “I’ve never led a marketing team before but I’m up for the challenge.” Making mistakes is easier if others know you don’t know.
3. Celebrate your successes and your mistakes. Celebrating mistakes freaks people out and that’s always fun. In addition, stories of your mistakes can be humors, endearing, and most importantly, educational. Finally, explaining a good screw-up before sharing a success prevents you from looking arrogant.
4. It’s a mistake to run from mistakes. After owning a mistake, begin the next sentence, “Next time …” Eli Siegel observed, “If a mistake is not a stepping stone, it is a mistake.”
5. Please don’t be a whining, cry baby. You look weak when you make excuses. It’s better to, “Admit your errors before someone else exaggerates them,” Andrew V. Mason.

Everyone wonders, “What if I make a mistake?” The better question is what if you don’t?

What suggestions do you have for people who are paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes?

Secrets to Leading Without Position or Authority

Yesterday, I asked an upper-level manager at one of the world’s largest organization how he’d risen through the ranks so rapidly – he lit up and talked collaboration.

He’s succeeding because he
influences people he can’t boss.

Leaders influence without position, title, or rank; they invite loyalty, passion, and commitment. They don’t coerce, pressure, or demand. Begin influencing when you don’t have authority by:

1. Asking.
2. Listening.
3. Learning.
4. Understanding.
5. Explaining.
6. Know what makes people tick.
7. ???

Avoid:

1. Telling.
2. Pressuring.
3. Demanding.
4. ???

More on leading without direct-line authority:

Believe:

Belief isn’t just for religious folks;
it’s what great leaders do.

My friend said, “You have to believe.” Believe in the organization as a whole and the project, specifically. Belief fuels everyone’s passion.”

Believe in:

1. The value you’re bringing, most importantly.
2. The values, mission, and vision of your company. Buy it!
3. The people you’re working with. Trust them.
4. The value of your project. It matters.
5. ???

Win:

“We don’t want to send product back and our supplies don’t want to take it back. It’s expensive. I started giving our suppliers weekly feedback rather than quarterly or semiannually. Now less of their product is rejected. In one case, we cut returns back by 50%. That saved us over 9 million dollars in one year. Everyone wins.”

You can’t win apart from consistent feedback, period.

Value:

“Show them how the project adds value.”

If you want people on your team,
make life better for them.

1. Make work easier by creating simplicity and efficiency.
2. Deliver better product.
3. Increase profitability.
4. ???

Humility:

I saw humility in him so I brought it up. Collaborators don’t need the spotlight they give it. “When projects are successfully completed, top billing goes to others on the team.”

You rise up when you help others rise up.

How can leaders lead when they don’t have authority?

Four Secrets to Connecting with Old Leaders

Wouldn’t it be great if long-term-old-timers loved the new kids on the block? But, established leaders don’t respect inexperienced whippersnappers. In addition, new kids are a nuisance; they question, challenge, and disrupt.

You long to stand out. But young leaders who lock horns with old leaders lose.

Fitting into stagnant patterns
won’t result in exponential success.

Warning:

Fitting in, over the long-haul, is career suicide. Adapting and aligning is a short-term strategy for creating long-term success.

Build strong connections of trust that establish platforms where everyone stands out.

Four Secrets for Connecting:

Be a learn-it-all not a know-it-all.

The problem with new leaders is they weren’t there. Learn about the old past. Ask about past successes, failures, struggles, and breakthroughs. Listen for points of pride, dissatisfaction, and repeated stories.

1. Honor everything honorable about their past, over and over.
2. Ask yourself what drives them. Repeated stories reveal deep values.
3. Align your language with their values. For example, when their stories celebrate the creation of new customers, frame new initiatives in “new customer” language.
4. Listen to their battle stories and take on their enemies; not personal enemies but challenges they faced. Get in the trenches with them.

You connect best when you:

1. Celebrate what others celebrate.
2. Hate what others hate.
3. Love what others love.
4. Mourn what others mourn.

Stay or go:

1. What’s the likelihood you’ll have exponential impact in this context?
2. Will you enhance your skills?
3. What opportunities are on the horizon?
4. Will you learn from their experiences?

When the needle tips to yes, stay. When the needle tips to no, work hard but seek new opportunities.

Bonus:

See reader responses to: “How do you handle a boss who sees you as competition?” Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

How can new, young leaders connect with established, old leaders?

Breaking the Peek-A-Boo Cycle

Fear is behind leaders who withdraw into ivory towers. Transparency terrifies; they’re peak-a-boo leaders.

Perhaps someone will see they don’t know as much as they pretend or can’t do as much as they let on.

1. What if I don’t know?
2. What if they don’t respect me?
3. What if I make a mistake?
4. What if others find out?
5. What if they get too close to me?

Fear creates barriers – barriers block influence. Arm’s-distance leaders limit their influence.

You can tell when leaders posture and pretend, yet you play along. Worse yet, you join the façade.

The deepest danger of fearful leaders is
they create fear-driven cultures.

Fear or real:

I’ve talked with leaders from around the globe, the real ones stand out. Authentic leaders inspire me to become. Fearful leaders illustrate the path to avoid. They show me what not to become.

Transparency connects. When you lower your façade, they lower theirs – connection occurs.

Getting started:

Telling others how you really are in the present may be too much of a jolt for them and you.

Share stories from your past. Begin by saying, “I remember when ______.” Fill in the blank with a story that expresses powerful emotion like joy, fear, pride, or sorrow.

Transparency isn’t just about negative or dark emotion. Share the good stuff, too.

I’m not suggesting you spill your guts. But, stop pretending you’re something you aren’t.

The Leadership component:

Always include optimism and confidence when you express dark or negative emotion. “We’re facing a challenge that keeps me up at night,” by itself is woe-is-me self-indulgence. Adding, “I believe we can rise up and overcome,” expresses leadership.

How can leaders navigate the waters of transparency?

Stop Barking up the Wrong Tree

Leaders who work to extend their influence
are barking up the wrong tree.

John Maxwell said, “Leadership is influence.” But, gaining influence isn’t about working to get it; it’s about connecting. Stop worrying about influence; start connecting.

Who enjoys the power to influence?

1. Respected people.
2. Skillful people.
3. Famous people.
4. People with position.
5. ???

But there’s more:

Connection enhances influence. People you influence feel connected to you – the deeper the connection the greater the influence.

New focus:

The new focus of leadership is on connecting.

Connecting tips:

1. Walk toward people.
2. Share yourself. Be transparent.
3. Speak to values, fears, hopes, and aspirations.
4. Give.
5. Understand and serve their best interest.
6. Talk less – listen more.
7. Remember names.
8. Praise and thank.
9. Move first – serve first.
10. ???

Connect with intent:

Avoid connecting for the sake of connecting. Connect with purpose. Connect to open channels that enable giving. Earn the right to be heard then enhance the success of others.

If leadership is influence, influence is about connecting.

How do you connect with people?

Leadership’s Most Perplexing People Decision

“Here I come to save the day. That means that Mighty Mouse is on the way.

Save-the-day leaders weaken others but delay is dangerous.

People problems that hang-on are like dripping faucets. Delay escalates irritation. On the other hand, solutions-now seldom work; people need time.

The challenge of delay is choosing
the moment to step in.

Too much delay creates a laundry list of concerns that may feel like attack or betrayal when they come out. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?

On the other hand, stepping in too quickly  undermines confidence, invites resentment, and establishes unnecessary dependencies. “Don’t you trust me?”

The benefit of delay:

1. Confidence building – as long as there’s progress.
2. Deep learning – self-discovery is always better than being told.
3. Creative independence – don’t be a hand holder unless people are broken. Delay makes room for independent action.
4. ???

The problem of delay:

1. Failure costs. It slows progress, initially.
2. Silence seems like approval. Never approve of failure. Always approve of progress.
3. Lost leadership collateral. Those over you may not appreciate your development efforts.
4. ???

Step in quickly when you see:

1. Blind spots. Step in quickly but gently. Blind spots must be seen with our own eyes.
2. Negative attitudes. Delay is always a disaster when it comes to negative attitudes. Developing skills is easy compared to lifting negative attitudes.
3. Low commitment. Halfway commitment is all-the-way dissatisfying.
4. ???

Two year olds:

Choose team members with the strength of two year olds, but without the weaknesses. “I can do it myself.” They take ownership with resolve but they’re not arrogant, angry, or closed.

As a rule of thumb, let others work through issues till they seek help on their own. Even two year old’s learn to ask for help.

When do you intervene?

What can you add to these lists?

10 Ways to Find Your Breakthrough

Image source

Breakthrough moments rise up and grip you by the throat. Resist them and you’re stuck. Navigate them and you’ll achieve new levels of success.

Many leaders resist the very thing
that most lifts their leadership.

The leadership journey includes extended periods of gradual growth punctuated by moments of terrifying, turbulent change – breakthroughs. Sadly, we’re prone to fight off the beast rather than embrace it.

Breakthroughs are stifled when you:

1. Run from hard truths – the ones you know but don’t want to hear.
2. Refuse to admit you’re wrong.
3. Surround yourself with weak yes-men.
4. Repeat standard behaviors.
5. Leverage proven skills.
6. Cling to comfort.
7. Stick with familiarity.
8. Resist responsibility.
9. Focus more on others than yourself.
10. Express tenacity to the point of stubbornness – refusing to change.

Breakthrough moments occur when:

1. Strategic distress in the form of new challenges stretches confidence.
2. Frustrations outweigh satisfactions.
3. Untested skills are tested.
4. Unexpected failures challenge standard operating procedures.
5. Sudden crisis confronts the status quo.
6. New opportunities rise up.
7. Fresh eyes observe stale attitudes and behaviors.
8. Someone courageously points out the elephant in your life.
9. Someone believes in you more than you believe in yourself. Self-limiting beliefs hold people back.
10. Someone presses you more than you press yourself.

Some suggestions on breakthroughs received on facebook:

1. Someone tells you the truth about your weakness.
2. Placing fears in God’s hands.
3. Awareness.
4. Openness to possibilities.
5. Abdication – giving in to being trapped.
6. Releasing control.
7. You take time out.

More suggestions: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop on facebook.

Personal breakthroughs are about you. Others can help but no one makes you breakthrough. Skills-based breakthroughs happen when you’re taught. But only you can step into the unknown of a personal breakthrough moment.

How have you navigated your breakthrough moments?

How can we help others navigate their breakthroughs?

Finding Extraordinary Success

After the open house ceremony, I looked Doug (far left) in the eye and said, “I was thinking about you as I drove in. The difference between average and extraordinary isn’t power or money – its heart.”

“You’re a man with heart. I’m glad to know you.”

Heart means:

1. Tender hearted compassion. When I want to help someone in the community, Doug says, “How much do you need, Dan?”
2. Truthful transparency. It takes confidence, self-awareness, and honesty to share true feelings.
3. Profound commitment to service. Every person who fills out a customer complaint, and there aren’t many, gets a call from Doug.
4. Dedication to people. He enjoys pointing out how long “his people” have been with him.
5. High standards.
6. Curiosity. It’s not unusual for Doug to say, “Dan, tell me about your blog.”
7. Weaknesses. Doug doesn’t pretend he has it all together.

I’ve seen childlike enthusiasm twinkle in his eyes and heard flashes of frustration in his voice. It’s all heart.

People with heart: (From the LF facebook page).

1. Admit their mistakes.
2. Understand feelings.
3. Laugh at themselves.
4. Protect relationships.

More at: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

Losing you:

Losing you is dangerously easy. Leaders who’ve lost themsleves:

1. Are controlled by others. If you don’t know who you are someone else controls you.
2. Feel pushed around by pressure.
3. Pursue success rather than significance.
4. Follow trends rather than principles.
5. End up crushed by criticism or crushing their critics.

Finding a heartbeat:

1. Take a walk and think your own thoughts; forget what others think.
2. Explore your joys. What makes you deeply happy?
3. Examine your anger. Values often drive anger.
4. Love deeply.
5. Serve wholeheartedly.

Richness of life and leadership depend on finding and living with heart.

 How can leaders find heart?

How have you found heart?

The Rule of the Needle

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Failing is easy – chase urgencies and neglect priorities.

Success is found by passionately
doing what matters most.

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The thing that matters most for leaders
is building other leaders.

If you don’t develop others, you’ll never reach extraordinary.

Who:

1. Avoid Model T’s. Before driving a Model T you crank it to get it started. If you have to convince, cajole, or constantly crank someone to get them going, that’s all you’ll ever do. You’ll crank them – they’ll sputter – you’ll crank them again the next time. Failing is easy; just spend your time cranking.
2. Passion first. Find the most passionate people available and throw gas on their fire.
3. Potential second. Potential seduces leaders who are dedicated to developing leaders. You see someone with talent, skills, and/or education and you start drooling like a dog at a dish. Potential apart from passion is constant frustration and ultimate disappointment.
4. Respect matters. The more they respect you the more impact you’ll have.
5. Practice trumps theory. Talking is useful but action matters most. Go with people prone to act.
6. The sandbox principle. How well do they play with others?

The rule of the needle:

When it comes to people, there’s never perfect clarity regarding who to coach, mentor, and/or teach.

Ask yourself, “Are they passionate?” If the needle tips to yes, ask, “Do they have potential in this area?” If the answer is yes, ask, “Are they prone to action?” etc.

The needle determines what or who matters most. It doesn’t point to perfection or create certainty. Waiting for certainty and perfection wastes time and stalls progress. The needle indicates likelihood of success.

How do you determine what matters most?

How do you identify people you plan to develop?