When Failure Matters

The self-defense instructor taught us to escape first. But if you can’t escape, put your back up against the wall or find a corner to stand in. Attackers can’t surround you – vulnerabilities diminish by 50 and 75 percent, respectively.

Every leader has been up against the wall. What was it like?

Up against the wall is the place
where failure matters.

Benefits:

1. “Proper” procedures fade.
2. Fear creates resolve.
3. Passivity turns to activity.
4. Confusion turns to clarity.
5. Confusion turns to clarity.
6. Everything matters more.
7. You forget about what others think of you.

Opportunities:

1. Clarify your mission – realign.
2. Forget what you used to do – reinvent.
3. Escape remembered identity – reimagine.
4. Assess the strengths of your current team – reexamine.
5. Better utilize the strengths of your team – reassign.
6. Tap into sustaining relationships both within and without – reconnect.
7. Act decisively.
8. Be willing to fail large, it’s freeing – release.

When you’re up against the wall, stop doing the things that got you there.

What has being up against the wall done for you?

What suggestions can you offer leaders who are up against the wall?

16 Ways to Create Good Fortune

Ask any successful person how they achieved success and many will mention good fortune. Some will say, “I was lucky.”

For instance:

Jay Elliot told me he met Steve Jobs in the waiting area of a restaurant after leaving Intel for a job at a start-up. The start-up failed. Jay had no job.

Andy Grove, Intel’s president and Jay’s former boss, gave Jay this parting message, “You’re making a big mistake – Apple isn’t going anywhere.”

Jay became a V.P. at Apple and Jobs’ right hand man. Steve was twenty-five. It was just months before Apple went public.

Serendipity!

I say luck is when an opportunity comes along and you’re prepared for it. Denzel Washington

The Sweet 16 of creating good fortune:

1. Stay open. The thing you seek may not be the thing you find.
2. Keep asking questions.
3. Look for favorable circumstances. People see what they look for.
4. Set direction and goals; they help you understand favorable winds.
5. Adapt to favorable opportunities that aren’t perfect.
6. Keep moving forward even if direction changes.
7. Prepare for adversity.
8. Embrace turbulence; it opens hearts and minds.
9. Let go of failure.
10. Talk opportunities. Talking problems elevates and validates them. The more you talk about problems the more problems you see.
11. Learn from mistakes.
12. Push through resistance.
13. Disregard convenient activities; do what is right.
14. Build a network of friends.
15. Ask for advice, a lot. Seek out experts and others who share your experiences and vision.
16. Express gratitude.

Bonus: Do your best where you are.

Successful leadership includes good fortune. I don’t believe in luck but good fortune isn’t always an accident.

How can leaders create good fortune?

Slackers, Lions, and Leadership

Talking without action is meaningless babble. Successful leaders connect with doers.

“Do” your way out of problems, challenges, and adversity. Talking helps but only when it focuses on effective, efficient action.

An ancient proverb:

“The slacker says there’s a lion in the road.”

Slackers see lions everywhere.

Spotting slackers:

1. Slackers are great talkers.
2. Slackers make up reasons to do nothing. They see lions everywhere.
3. Slackers talk about what they’ll do someday while doing nothing today.
4. Slackers create fear in others. If we do that then this “bad” thing might happen. Ooooo! There’s a lion!

Look up the road. What do you see? Lions!?

Leaders don’t see lions up the road – they see opportunity. The trouble with opportunity is it takes work.

Worry more about things you can do and less about lions.

Listen:

Listen for individuals with “doer” talk; people who explain why and how things can be done; slackers explain why they can’t. Create teams of doers.

Slackers drag teams and organizations down. How do you deal with slackers?

Fitting In AND Standing Out

When I was young fitting in meant becoming what others expected. Now I know, fitting in requires knowing yourself not losing yourself.

Leaders and managers who help people fit in create dynamic organizations. But pressure to fit in from immature leaders prevents people from standing out. In those organizations, stand out and you’re out.

Organizations and leaders who demand conformity resemble immature adolescence; they can’t stop thinking about themselves. They cry out, “Love me.”

Outstanding leaders call people to
fit in and stand out.

If all you do is fit in, you’re mediocre. If all you do is stand out, you’re on your own.

Help people fit in by:

1. Clearly articulating organizational values, mission, and vision?
2. Helping people fit into organizational values and vision? You hired people for the mission.
3. Understanding the dynamic of adapting? More adaptation translates into less passion.
4. Explaining where you require alignment? Are you communicating that up front?
5. Expecting high performance once people understand how they fit in.

Help people stand out by:

1. Working to understand their values, hopes, and goals.
2. Connecting their values and vision with organizational value and vision.
3. Giving choices rather than making demands.
4. Establishing career and opportunity paths.
5. Developing their skills and exposing their blind spots.

Helping people fit enables them to stand out.

Bonus:

Standing out hinges on how people interact with their environment, colleagues, and clients. Everyone wants to succeed. Helping people remove attitudes and behaviors that hinder their potential often creates greater success.

What can leaders do to help see how they fit in?

What can leaders do to help people stand out?

Facing the Fires of Disagreement, Improvement, and Destructive Criticism

Destructive critics claim the moral high ground but their message is simple, do what I want. They pretend they want what’s best for others while they pursue what’s best for them.

Constructive critics want what’s best for others. In the past, friends told me my New York style sarcasm wasn’t always effective. A friend said, “Your sarcasm makes me uncomfortable.” His point came out on one of my trips to the West Coast a few years ago. It took a while but listening to criticism helped.

Not all criticism helps; some destroys.

Results of listening to destructive critics:

1. Gun shy. You may pull back because stepping out invites criticism.
2. Belligerence. You may plug your ears and close your eyes and aggressively push forward. I’ve chosen belligerence many times.
3. Discouragement. You may hold anger in. Internalized anger always drains and discourages.

Distinguish:

Distinguish between healthy disagreement, improvement, and destructive criticism.

1. Disagreement – while sharing values and vision – is healthy. It usually centers on method and strategy.
2. Accepting improvements is a humility issue. Can you listen to the voice of those who want to make you better?
3. Destructive criticism comes from individuals who don’t share your values. Listen and you lose yourself.

Observations:

1. Love and respect those who disagree with love and respect.
2. Destructive critics grow intolerant. Your “failure” becomes justification for escalating push back.
3. Friends show tolerance even as they point out improvements.
4. Those who pull back from you aren’t committed to you or your vision; those who jump in are.
5. Fearing the voice of critics always distracts focus and drains passion. “If we are spending time and energy focused inwardly, debating incessantly, gossiping, and scheming, then we are certainly not aligned.” Brenner in Share the Sandbox.”
6. Listening to destructive critics pulls you back.
7. Listening to constructive critics propels you forward.
8. Don’t trust those who criticize you behind your back.

How do you distinguish between healthy and unhealthy criticism?

What do you do to handle personal criticism?

A Horse With No Legs

Great goals are great beginnings but goals alone never reach great endings.

“Move beyond goals; focus on specific tasks.”
Dean Brenner in “Share the Sandbox”

A goal without action items is a horse with no legs; it looks good from a distance but it never takes you anywhere. Tasks are points of execution.

Pitfall:

Teams get stuck on can’t do’s. Every team has a, “We can’t do that because…” conversation. Obstacles and challenges become excuses not to execute. Never let what you can’t do prevent you from doing what you can.

Execution in an imperfect world:

There are always good reasons not to pursue great goals. One category of reasons not to move forward is labeled “things we can’t control.” Brenner suggests two responses to the uncontrollable:

• Accept. Stop obsessing.
• Adapt. When the wind blows against you, adjust the sails.

“Control the controllable first.” Dean Brenner

When your team gets stuck on what can’t be done ask, “What can we do?” Create simple points  of execution. Give legs to the horse, if not, you’re glued where you are.

How do you work through obstacles to find execution points?

How do you design effective execution points?

How to Destroy Teams and Become Losers

Image source

Terrible teams are easy; great teams rare.

Great teams do two things. First, people working together achieve things individuals can’t; they achieve more together. Second,

Teams that work – work at working together.

Performance:

I was a good player on my high school basketball team, not great. We always competed with each other for playing time and starting positions. It was the ultimate performance-based environment.

Winning:

We shared passion to win and we frequently did. We won our way to the elite eight and the final four my junior and senior years, respectively. Even though I wasn’t the best player, I was the captain my senior year.

Internal competition:

Begrudging and belittling the achievements
of others destroys teams.

Too much competition within teams cripples competitive advantage. Great teammates celebrate each other’s success. If you outplayed me I was glad for the team and you. But, your great play inspired me to work my butt off.

Your best brings out my best.

Never let their best bring out your worst.

Internal competition works when:

1. Team success is more important than individual success.
2. Teammates push each other.
3. Everyone’s success is celebrated.

Tell me how you respond to the success of others and I’ll tell you if you’re a great team player.

Internal competition goes bad when:

1. Teammates begrudge and belittle the achievements of others.
2. Coaches/leaders play favorites.
3. Saboteurs hinder, undermine, and undercut the play of others.

Great teammates celebrate each other’s success.

*5 reasons teams blow up:

1. No alignment of goals.
2. No senses of ownership.
3. Rigid application of the lessons of the past.
4. Leadership’s unwillingness to eliminate bad performers.
5. Lack of respect and trust.

*Five of the ten qualities of bad teams from, “Sharing the Sandbox,” by Dean Brenner. Additionally, the inspiration for using my basketball experience comes from Dean’s book.

What makes teams work?

What makes teams fail?

Read what others are saying about blowing up teams on the Leadership Freak Facebook page.

An Olympic Chairman on Finding Your Voice

I was fortunate to have a conversation with the Chairman and Team Leader of the US Olympic Sailing Program, Dean Brenner. He’s founder of the Latimer Group and recently authored, “Sharing the Sandbox.”

Unexpected:

Interviews with unexpected beginnings often surprise me the most. I had a feeling about Dean so I asked, “When did you realize you were a teacher?” Dean said, “Funny you say that.”  He and his wife discuss this very topic. He is a teacher but not in the formal sense.

Complicated:

Eventually, his dad entered the conversation.

Dean said, “I had a ‘complicated’ relationship with my dad. For many years we didn’t speak.”

Dean and his dad were getting to know each other again when his dad died suddenly. His new book, “Sharing the Sandbox,” begins, “To my father…”

Finding his voice:

Dean said, “I remember trying to chime in with the adult conversation at the dinner table. Whenever I misspoke or used poor grammar, dad grilled me in front of everybody.”

Those years were a double edged sword for Dean. They strained his relationship with his father but Dean said, “I learned the value of words and to think before speaking.” Today, Dean is an executive coach, with a focus on public speaking, presentation and communication skills. Dean said,

“I help people find their voice.”

I asked, “How do you help people find their voice?” Dean said,

“I Remind people how great they are.”

Dean went on to share his coaching orientation.

Helping people find their voice:

1. Believe nurture matters; it’s not all nature.
2. Don’t be directive.
3. Ask simple questions.
4. Repeat back what you hear.
5. Develop tangible steps to clear goals. Coaching is more than a pat on the back.
6. Provide tools. Say, “This has worked for others, it may work for you.”

I appreciate the tension between not being directive and providing tools that worked for others.

How do you help people find their voice?

When Talent Defeats

Superstars aren’t the answer they’re the problem. Isn’t it thrilling when high performers join your organization? Finally, someone can bring home the bacon like no one else. Wrong!

Superstars who believe they save the day are selfish hogs. Organizations don’t need swine they need strong teams that deliver results together. Individual contributors – superstars – might help for the short-term but eventually they cripple organizations and destroy morale.

High potential:

Real high potentials work well with others; they don’t work in isolation.

Team players are better than individual contributors.

Team players:

1. Develop organizational capacity.
2. Share the spotlight.
3. Sacrifice for the team.
4. Build morale.
5. Have humble spirits.
6. Encourage.
7. Listen.

Dig deep:

Highly talented individuals who work well with others produce results and lift organizations.

Control yourself the next time you interview a super star. Ask, “How well have they played with others?” Perhaps the real job interview should be with team-mates. How well did they work with others?

1. Disagree agreeably?
2. Speak honestly?
3. Work behind the scenes?
4. Contribute to the success of others?
5. Backstab?

It’s easy to find yourself starry-eyed with talented super stars and high potentials. Beware, you need more than talent; you need talented team players.

How do you spot highly talented team players?

What can leaders do to enhance team work?

Damn that Hurts…

The trouble with pain is ignoring it. Toothaches begin as dull twinges. Tumors are coughs. Before long, fillings are root canals and tumors are death.

Pain is a slow sunrise, quiet. But, noon always comes. Listen to pain in the morning; don’t wait for noon.

Courage:

Life without pain is death.

Leaders courageously listen for pains voice. Delay invites damage. Toothaches and tumors never magically go away. Pain is not the enemy. Invite it in for a chat. “Damn that hurts.”

The role of pain:

1. Pain screams something’s wrong but doesn’t solve or correct.
2. Pain points to symptoms not root problems.
3. Pain is a consequence not a cause, at least at first.
4. Pain succeeds when we look for causes and cures.
5. Pain solves when stopping is enough.
6. Everything that hurts isn’t bad.

Distraction:

“Just make it stop,” is a distraction. Leaders look through pain to find real issues.

Underperforming employees are the toothache, but the root problem may be organizational, for example. Correcting underperformers may provide surface solutions; developing organizations capacities provides deep cures.

Dull ache:

You’re feeling dull aches that suggest intervention.

1. Relational aches.
2. Staff malfunctions.
3. Inner dissatisfaction.
4. Customer distress.
5. Procedure failures.

Approach:

1. Point out pain-points and ask, “What’s behind this issue?”
2. “Is it escalating or deescalating?”
3. “Does this situation require intervention? Why or why not?”
4. “What are you doing about it?”
5. “How can I help?”
6. “Can we solve this with current or new procedures?”
7. “Tell me more next week.”

All leaders have stories of toothaches that turned to root canals and tumors that killed.

I’m not ready means it doesn’t hurt enough.

Leaders don’t address every issue; they give space for others to find solutions. However, leaders always monitor pain-points. Don’t pretend they’ll go away.

Do you tend to delay too long, act too quick, or move-in on pain-points at just the right moment?

How do you address pain-points?