The Surprising Side of Gaining Influence.

You can’t lead people you don’t know. Knowing others means understanding and appreciating not judging.

Humility:

Knowing others is first about you then about others. Humility accepts. Arrogance judges and rejects.

Difference frustrates arrogant leaders. Everyone should be like them. On the other hand, humble leaders embrace those with different strengths, weaknesses, cultural backgrounds, and ways of seeing, for example.

Humility is the channel of understanding and appreciating others.

Awareness and acknowledgement:

People respect and follow competence. But there’s more. Accepting your weaknesses – something humble leaders do – is an invitation to the strengths of others.

Reluctance to acknowledge weaknesses is arrogance. Pretending you’re something you’re not eventually becomes self-deception.

The first step to knowing others is knowing yourself.

Knowing others:

Influence takes root when others feel known. Enhancing influence includes knowing their:

1. Goals both personal and professional. If you want to influence others know what they want.
2. Pressures and stresses. Acknowledge them.
3. Communication styles. Some need the whole story others just the facts. Some say, “Just give me the punch line.”
4. Real and aspirational role in the organization. Know what success looks like from their point of view.

The surprising truth is humble leaders gain influence because they know, understand, and appreciate others.

You can’t make people do things, over the long haul. Humble leaders influence. Maxwell says, “Leadership is influence.”

What do leaders need to know about those they are leading?

How can leaders get to know others?

Handling Co-Worker Complaints and Backstabbing

Here’s a question from a recent workshop participant. “How do you handle someone complaining about a co-worker?”

First, you want people to come to you. Some managers want challenges, problems, and people to go away. They hide in their offices, sneak to the elevator, or duck into the restroom to avoid facing tough conversations.

Suggestions for dealing with co-worker complaints:

1. Ask the complainer, “What can you do to solve this?” Some complainers want you to solve their problem. That’s a last resort. Savior-managers create irresponsible employees.
2. The complainer may say, “I don’t know what I can do.” Say, “Why don’t you come back this afternoon with some ideas?”
3. Develop a strategy to deal with the issue. If you can’t, try number four.
4. Invite the person being complained about to a meeting to discuss the issue. You’ll be surprised that issues have several sides.
5. Focus on issues and performance rather than personalities, unless personality is the problem.
6. Take small steps in positive directions, don’t expect giant leaps. Identify observable behaviors. If you can’t see it, you can’t measure it.
7. Follow up. “Let’s get together in two weeks to follow up.”

More suggestions:

1. Withhold judgment.
2. Never take sides.
3. Clarify, is it personal or performance. It’s often personal.
4. Warning, backstabbers are masters at seeming helpful while being destructive.

Bonus tip: When you bring the two parties together and one of them had no idea there was a problem, you’re dealing with a backstabber. Excuse the one who’s in the dark and deal with the real issue.

Most importantly:

Deal with interpersonal tensions
because relationships are worth it.

Read what Facebook contributors added: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop

Note: I’m out of town and can’t check references. I have a feeling I’ve read the first three suggestions but can’t recall the author.

How do you handle complaints about co-workers?

Finding the Missing Link of Leadership

You’re great at doing but are you great at connecting? I’m still blown away by Henry Mintzberg’s one word of advice, “Connect.”

Business stresses and people tensions result in unhappy, disengaged staff unless leaders model and encourage connecting. Meaningful relationships break the grip of distrust, disengagement, and fear.

Connecting with others is the secret to success
in business and happiness in life.

Continue being great at getting the job done and add connecting to your leadership skills.

Great success:

Great success requires great connecting. If you can succeed without out others you aren’t going very far.

You can’t lead people you don’t know and understand.

Connecting tips:

1. Believe connecting is good for business, others, and you. You can’t fake it. Techniques without authenticity create fakers who aren’t trusted and often end tragically.
2. Go to others; don’t wait for them to come to you. Leaders move first.
3. Be fully present. Give the gift of yourself.
4. Engage in small talk. Avoid being so focused on tasks that you ignore people.
5. Give yourself first. Model the type of conversations you’re encouraging in the office.
6. Acknowledge emotional states but avoid subtle put downs. “You seem happy today, what happened.” For example. You might privately say, “You’ve seemed down lately are you okay?”
7. Listen with your eyes. If eye contact is uncomfortable focus on the forehead.
8. Listen with your body. Relax your stance to avoid a, “I have to get going message.” Sit if you can.
9. Show appreciation to everyone regardless of status.

Suggestions from Facebook contributors:

1. Communicate the good and the bad.
2. Put people first.
3. Be yourself.
4. Share without concern for the gain.
5. Show compassion.
6. Have empathy.

See the list of suggestions from Facebook contributors: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

How can leaders connect with colleagues, superiors, or subordinates?

Stepping Toward Excellence

Finding excellence requires passion, persistence, principles, clarity, direction, and more. Excellence isn’t easy. Congratulations if you joined the pursuit. But there’s a key ingredient you’re likely missing that smooths the path and greases the wheels.

The pursuit of excellence requires feedback that describes, affirms, and improves useful behaviors or exposes ineffective ones. However, feedback from employees suggests they seldom receive sufficient feedback.

If you aren’t giving enough feedback,
you aren’t getting enough, either.

Research shows that of all behaviors leaders fail worst at asking for feedback. (From: The Leadership Challenge)

The pursuit of excellence demands leaders invite feedback.

Two questions:

How can you ask for feedback and not feel subservient to others? Serving is strength; subservience is weakness. Inviting feedback suggests passion to improve skills and enhance progress. Receiving feedback indicates strength.

How can you ask for feedback without others feeling superior to you? (Question from a workshop participant)

1. Ask for and give feedback. One directional feedback encourages superior to inferior dynamics.
2. Focus on one person. Ask for feedback but don’t give feedback during the same conversation. (Option one)
3. Engage in feedback conversations. (Option two) “Let’s talk about how we’re doing.” But avoid any hint that you’ve asked for feedback as an excuse to give it.
4. Lifting the ego of others may not be all bad. People need to feel important, useful, even powerful.
5. When their ego puts you down, they need feedback on giving feedback.

Five feedback power tips:

1. “How am I doing?” invites feedback about you.
2. “How is my hands-off approaching working with you?” invites feedback about behaviors.
3. Explain your goals while asking for feedback. “What behaviors have you seen me engage in that lift employee morale?”
4. Explore specific behavioral improvements. The emphasis is on explore.
5. Confirm and affirm effective behaviors.

What feedback techniques work best for you?

What feedback disasters have you seen?

In Praise of Power

Saying, “I’m the boss,” indicates you’ve lost influence and resorted to intimidation.

Coercive power offends. But, power isn’t a dirty word, with it you get things done. Without power, nothing gets done. Power is the ability to change things.

Power and position often come together; higher position usually equals more power. Using power associated with position is the least desirable and most offensive use of power. Think of individuals who advance their own agenda at the expense of others.

It’s said that:

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Gaining power:

Power as influence is better than power associated with position. Influence doesn’t require position. Weak, disenfranchised people can have power.

Gain power – influence – by understanding others and advancing their goals.

1. Power that corrupts is about getting.
2. Power that influences is about giving.
3. People in positions of power talk too much and listen too little.
4. People with influence listen.
5. Leaders with positional power want you to understand them.
6. Leaders with influence understand you.

Influence is always given never taken.

Managers using positional power push down, limit, pressure, and coerce. They’ve lost influence so they resort to position.

Influencers lift, expand, inspire, and set free. Influencers invigorate. Vitality characterizes organizations led by influencers.

Get things done:

If influencers advance the goals of others, how do they get things done? They align goals, passions, values, vision, and mission.

Tell me what makes you tick and I can influence you.

Influence only works when alignment exists. You won’t influence everyone. Create teams who align with your passions and you create opportunities for influence as long as you focus on their goals. Their goals become shared goals.

What do leaders who rely on positional power do?

How can leaders gain influence without resorting to positional power?

Mintzberg Rejects Macro-Leadership

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“Macro-leadership is just as bad
as micro-management.” Henry Mintzberg.

During our conversation, Mintzberg explained that, “It’s destructive to separate management from leadership. Leaders need to get their hands dirty.”

No buy in:

Mintzberg believes that leaders focused on setting strategy and vision but who are removed from the front lines eventually develop a vision for the organization so out of touch that the rest of the organization fails to buy in.

Frustrated buy in:

Mintzberg also believes there’s something worse than failure to buy in. There’s the problem of buying into a pie-in-the-sky vision but being incapable of taking any steps toward realization.

More devastating:

Disconnected strategy and vision is one problem with macro-leadership but there’s something more devastating.

“Arrogance comes from detachment.” Henry Mintzberg

When I asked Mintzberg to share the one piece of advice he most loves to share he said one word, “Connect.”

Humility:

Connecting expresses, creates, and nurtures humility. Withdrawal suggests independence; connecting requires interdependence.

Humility is always practice never theory. Talking humility without practicing humility results in arrogance. When Jesus said let the leader among you be as one who serves, he turned leadership on its head and explained the cure for arrogance.

“Humility is common sense… None of us is an expert at everything… Humility is holding power for the good of others.” John Dickson.

Sources of arrogance:

Facebook contributors suggest sources of arrogance include:

1. Fear.
2. Being surrounded by indulgent “yes” people.
3. Being a talker not a doer.
4. Prior success. You think you know how to make it work because it worked before.
5. Not being okay with saying I don’t know.

See more reader contributions on Facebook.

Mintzberg’s latest book: “Managing”

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How do leaders connect?

What prevents leaders from connecting?

Mintzberg on What’s Wrong with Management

Henry Mintzberg thinks modern management is off the tracks. While we spoke, I got the feeling if I asked what’s wrong with management he’d say practically everything. This from one of the most respected business thinkers in the world.

He went so far as to say,

“The problem in America
isn’t the economy it’s management.”

Mintzberg speaks against:

1. MBA’s with no experience.
2. Shareholder value.
3. Separating management from leadership.
4. Top-down strategy making. He believes strategy emerges from conversations within an organization.
5. Excessive executive compensation. He juxtaposed narcissist with over-compensated CEO.
6. Using terms like “human resources” and “human capital”. He thinks it’s sick.
7. Pushing employees to work harder and longer.
8. Current hiring practices.

Hiring a CEO:

“Stop hiring people who can impress.” Henry Mintzberg

Stop looking for perfect candidates. Mintzberg said, “Flaws aren’t fatal.” I got the idea that he doesn’t believe in savior-CEO’s.

Mintzberg said, “Listen to the people who know them best, the people who worked for them. There are only two ways to find out someone’s flaws, marry them or work for them.”

Searching for perfect – flawless – candidates prevent anyone from saying the emperor has no cloths. In a world filled with “perfect” leaders, fakery prevails. On a personal level:

Fakery exacerbates stress in an already stress filled world.

Email:

Mintzberg isn’t a big fan of email, to add an ninth item to the list. It obviously has a place but, “It does have an off button.”

He asked me to send him an email when to let him know I posted and then with tongue-in-cheek said, “I check email every three weeks.” At least I think he was joking. I found him to be contrarian but not contrary.

Read his thoughts on “The Offline Executive“.

What do you think is wrong with modern management?

Mintzberg’s Magic Wand

I asked Professor Henry Mintzberg, author of 140 articles and 13 books, “If you waved a magic wand over businesses, what would you change?”

He said, “I’d get rid of all MBA’s.”

He explained, “We’d lose some good people but in the whole it would be a positive move.” Mintzberg’s quiet voice disarms but he never minces words. Never mistake quiet for weak.

Mintzberg believes management has gone completely off the rails. Things that trouble Mintzberg about MBA’s include:

1. They graduate with distorted pictures of management. They believe management is about management principles, for example.
2. They believe they can manage anything regardless of the business.
3. They have knowledge without experience which leads to hubris.

“If management isn’t about management principles, what’s it about?” I asked.

“Management is connecting.” Henry Mintzberg

Although he didn’t use the terms human or humane, they seem to explain his passion. He despises an emphasis on productivity that’s built on the backs of over-worked, burned-out employees. He believes pushing people only works in the short-term.

Bloodletting:

He also believes cutbacks and layoffs are equivalent to the failed practice of bloodletting. They produce short-term profits and long-term loses. Mintzberg loves saying, “If you want productivity, fire everyone and sell from inventory.”

Long-term success:

Mintzberg believes organizations should be built for long-term success rather than quick profits. Shifting to the long view may be the most radical change businesses can make because it requires connecting.

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Recent article by Mintzberg and Todd: The Offline Executive

A new approach to leadership development: Coaching Ourselves

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If you could wave a magic wand over businesses, how would they change?

How are you navigating short-term vs. long-term views of business, management, and leadership?

What Lousy Leaders Can’t Do

Lousy leaders expect others to adapt to them. They’re rigid and bossy.

If you expect others to adapt to you, get over yourself. Failure to adapt to others frustrates everyone, including yourself.

• Leadership is relationships.
• All relationships include adapting.
• Successful leaders adapt to others before others adapt to them.

Shocking truth:

If you aren’t the boss, you might think, “If I could just be the boss, I’d have my way.”  Nothing is further from the truth.

Leaders don’t have authority so they can have their own way.

“As a leader, it is your job to make your team successful, not the other way around.” Chris LoCurto

Adapting to others:

Chris LoCurto, teacher of the Entreleadership Performance Series, loves teaching personality styles. DiSC helped him know himself. Just as importantly, DiSC helped him adapt to others by learning their communication styles.

First step:

Chris said, “DISC helps leaders understand how they give and receive information. If you get that ‘deer in the headlights look’ after giving instructions, you have a problem. We give information the way we listen.”

In order to effectively adapt, align with yourself; find your starting place. Are you fact or feeling driven, for example? If you act first and research later, you drive thoughtful people crazy.

See yourself then see others.

Second step:

“Learn how people receive information.”

It might surprise you, but some people think about the feelings of others. If you’ve said, “But, what did I say?” in response to hurting someone’s feelings, you gave information the way you receive it.

Chris explained that he and his team took the DISC assessment. He’d interact with a team member and then read their profile. In about seven cycles he learned how to, “lean in their direction.”

Get over yourself by adapting your communication styles.

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Visit Chris’ website: chrislocurto.com

Have you seen bosses who didn’t adapt? What happened?

In what ways are you adapting to others?

Vitality through Events

The more public an event the more potential it has to create organizational momentum and add value to others.

Yesterday, I met with two leaders who bring events from planning to execution within the organization I lead. One is best at planning and day-of-event execution. The other excels at managing the process leading up to execution. Here’s what they tell me about bring events from birth to execution.

Birth to Execution:

1. Determine the event.
2. Establish the goal and budget.
3. Identify the champion. Who’s the passionate lead-person? The emphasis is on passionate.
4. Clarify and establish the date. What’s happening in the community? What other organizational events are planned? Are venues available?
5. Map the event. What’s the program?
6. Identify key elements that require oversight and management; marketing, budget, entertainment, and refreshments or food, for example.
7. Establish deadlines.
8. Reports and accountability along the way.
9. Manage the event.
10. Debrief. What did we learn?

Other issues:

From my point of view:

1. Does the event align with organizational mission and vision?
2. Do we have adequate human and financial resources? I always ask, who are the horses in the barn and where can they take us.
3. Is the result worth the effort? I always look for efficient organizational wins.
4. Encourage the team along the way.
5. Congratulate the team when it’s over.

Event champions:

Success begins with event-champions.

The right people pull you forward.
The wrong people drag everyone down.

1. Does this event align with the champions passion.
2. Who suggested the event? Could they champion the event? Warning: people who suggest events may not be skilled at making them happen.
3. What skills are required?

Bonus: Establish short time lines. Short timelines create urgency but not so short as to create mediocrity. Distant deadlines create lethargy. Many events die in meetings before they happen because of long timelines.

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What suggestions can you offer for bringing events from birth to execution?