Yippee! It’s Whining Wednesday!

Why haven’t you complained that we haven’t had a complaint day in months?

Give yourself permission to complain. Don’t be chicken. Let it fly! An occasional gripe session cleanses the soul.

Rules:

1. Absolutely NO solutions on Whining Wednesday! Complaint day isn’t fix day.
2. Feel free to remain anonymous. Give yourself a fake ID, if you want.
3. Tell the truth, don’t temper it.
4. Just for today, feel free to blame, but don’t name others.

I posted this whining complaint on May 5, 2010, it still drives me nuts:

It really ticks me off when those going nowhere criticize those working to go somewhere. Who do they think they are? How can they give themselves permission to be arm chair quarterbacks? Honestly, when I listen to the visionless criticize vision; I want to ask:

1. “Where are you going in life?”
2. “What happens to those who listen to you?”
3. “Who are you lifting higher?”

Here’s a couple more complaints:

It really ticks me off when malicious people ask questions with a hidden agenda. Have you had someone ask what seemed to be an honest question only to learn they used your answer against you? Jerks!

I hate it when an honest answer is twisted and given to the boss to make someone look bad. Backstabbing asses!

It really ticks me off that most of what I don’t like in life is in me not others. Damn that stings!

I silently chuckle when someone points out one of my short comings. It wouldn’t be polite to laugh out loud. When they’re done, I think is that the best you got? My list of complaints about me is way longer than yours.

Bonus:

You’ll be nodding your head when you read the awesome complaints folks listed on my Facebook page.

Go ahead. It feels good to let it out. What ticks you off?

The 10 Ways to Gain Influence

If leadership is influence then dominance and coercion aren’t leading. Police have rightful authority to control. Relying on power, authority, or position, makes you look like a cop writing speeding tickets.

Danger:

Dominant leaders achieve compliance at the expense of loyally, inspiration, and innovation.

If you want to lead, increase your influence.

Approval:

Increasing your influence means gaining permission to lead.

Influence requires approval.

People want to join with others and make a difference in the world. In short, they want to be led. But, if the led don’t consent to your leadership, command and control are your only options.

When leadership is influence, those you lead give permission to your leadership. They aren’t forced.

Understanding:

People are influenced by those who understand them. Permission to lead is given by those who feel known, appreciated, affirmed, and respected. When people feel you understand their talents, drives, hopes, and fears you earn their consent to lead.

Approving of others helps them
approve of your leadership.

Challenge:

Criticism and correction diminish influence
when it feels like disapproval.

Three reasons influential leaders criticize or correct:

1. Correction is always for the benefit of the person being corrected.
2. Criticism improves their ability to make positive difference within the organization.
3. Capability to achieve a shared mission is enhanced.

10 Essentials of influence:

1. Clearly stating what you want.
2. Asking questions of others.
3. Inviting questions from others.
4. Openness to the influence of others.
5. Working together toward shared goals.
6. Authenticity.
7. Relationship building.
8. Asking for suggestions, advice, and input.
9. Making the case and giving reasons.
10. Shared values.

See input from others on my Facebook Page.

Engagement: I’m giving my presentation, “A Life Where Failure Matters,” at Life Church in Lancaster, PA this Sunday, November 4, at 10:30 a.m. I’d love to meet you there.

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What can you add to the 10 essentials of gain influence?

8 Powerful Ways to Inspire Courage in Others

The past is the future, apart from courage and perseverance. Success is persistently taking the next step. Taking the next step takes courage.

“You will never do anything in this world without courage” Aristotle

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“In the realm of ideas everything depends on enthusiasm… in the real world all rests on perseverance.” Goethe

***

The real power of courage and perseverance is they inspire courage and perseverance.

Inspiring courage:

1. Explain that courage and fear always dwell together. Courage doesn’t eliminate fear, it answers it. Acknowledge the fears of others.
2. Elevate courage by acknowledging your own fears. An occasional acknowledgement of your fear opens a window on your courage. Danger, too much acknowledgment makes others fearful.
3. Focus fear effectively. “If people are more afraid of the boss than they are of the competition, the competition is certain to win.” Joe Tye.
4. Give fear a name and it becomes just a problem; it’s easier to solve problems than it is to conquer fear. Joe Tye.
5. Prepare for what you fear. Hurricane Sandy is on it’s way to our home in Central Pennsylvania. We’ve been preparing. I purchased gasoline and tested our generator, for example. Courage transforms fear into preparation.
6. Create points of certainty. “People are not afraid of change, they are afraid of uncertainty…” Joe Tye. During change, for example, highlight things that aren’t changing.
7. Focus on purpose. Why must you move forward? Facing uncertainty without purpose makes chickens of us all.
8. “Lighten up and laugh – it is physiologically impossible to be frightened when you are laughing.” Joe Tye.

This post is a collaboration with my friend Joe Tye. Learn how to develop Perseverance and Courage in his webinar on October 31. More information.

Added resource: 1.5 minutes of my interview with Joe Tye: Changing Your Metaphors.

How do you face your fears?

How do you inspire courage in others?

Right or Wrong Isn’t the Issue

This post is inspired by a reader who writes,

“I believe that leaders make decision not based on what is right or wrong but what is relevant in the context.”

Most leadership decisions are about good, better, and best, not right and wrong. They aren’t moral.

Moral decisions aren’t compromised. Options,
on the other hand, are explored and modified.

Treating non-moral decisions like moral – right or wrong – choices, establishes adversarial relationships. Church people do this when they fight over methods, programs, or the color of the church’s front door.

Treating options like moral decisions makes
you look like an out-of-balance fool. Chill out!

Options have a good, better, or best. Explore, explain, and lobby for the option you think is best. Give reasons and data. Then make a choice.

Don’t be offended, but non-moral
choices can always be improved.

After choices:

Passionate implementation, not second guessing,  follows decisions. Grab an oar and row. But, you ask, “What if I disagree? Get over it or get out.

One of the hardest leadership challenges is dealing with good people who drag their feet. Detractors and foot draggers always harm organizations. Get them fully on board or eliminate them.

Encourage passionate debate before choices are made; after, call for passionate loyalty.

After implementation:

Implementation is followed by evaluation. Evaluation isn’t second guessing; it’s the pursuit of good, better, or best.

Evaluation isn’t, “I wish we would have, or, I told you so.” It’s, “How do we improve?” Saying, “Should have,” doesn’t sit well with those who are giving their best.

Cowards stand in the shadows second guessing. On the other hand, committed leaders say, “Here’s where we are, how can we improve?”

There are many solutions to complex problems.

Have you seen leaders who made decisions as if they were moral choices? What happens?

How are options best explored?

How to Win by Leaning In

Strong winds blow you down when you lean back. Successful leaders lean into resistance, adversity, failure, and criticism.

Leaning away from resistance is
a sure way to be blown down by resistance.

Not:

Welcome and learn from the stormy parts of leading. Don’t reject them.

Leaning-in isn’t fighting-off.

Lean against:

Change encounters resistance. Welcome and lean against resistance or you’ll lose.

1. Resistance clarifies purpose and value. It forces you to answer, “Is this effort worth it?”
2. Facing adversity strengthens resolve and reinforces commitment. Achievements of worth require commitment.
3. Criticism, faced humbly, softens your heart and tempers abrasiveness.
4. Failure enables improvement. Lean against mediocrity.

Lean with:

Every noble effort ultimately requires others.

Reject the ease of working alone. Embrace the power of working with others.

Invite others to lean with you and lean with those who dream like you. Leaning with:

1. Energizes.
2. Multiplies.
3. Validates.
4. Amplifies.
5. Stabalizes.

Lean for:

Lean for something worthwhile or all you’ll be is adversarial. Everyone may not appreciate the noble dream, but you and your team must.

Storms:

Some aspects of leadership are best described with storm metaphors. You will face challenge, opposition, resistance, and criticism. Winds will blow against you. Lean in to win.

When the storms erupt:

1. Clarify your noble dream.
2. Surround yourself with strong people who share the dream.
3. Lean in. It’s the only path to progress. Lean back and you’ll blow over.

Added resource:

My friend, Joe Tye, offers a webinar called Persistence and Courage. Learn this and more:

• Three things you must change to conquer fear.
• The Ten Laws of Adversity.
• A simple formula for mental toughness in the face of adversity.

What have you learned about the “leaning in” side of leadership?

So You Screwed Up …

Few things change us more than mistakes. Sadly, mistakes make people feel dumb, even though they are the path to wisdom.

Not making mistakes is worse than making them.

Sometimes the best way to
move forward is looking back.

Rather than ignoring mistakes, relive them.

I asked, Irv Rothman, CEO of Hewlett-Packard Financial Services, about making mistakes. He said, “We lost a big account last year.” Irv explained how he sat down with the team who lost the account and went back through the decision-making process looking for things they could have done differently.

Learning from mistakes means:

1. Reliving them.
2. Uncovering shortfalls.
3. Determining alternatives.
4. Moving forward.

10 Reasons mistakes happen:

1. Please others while ignoring your gut.
2. Confusing instructions.
3. Listening to the wrong people. Listen to those with experience. Additionally: Listen to those who have power to reward, punish, and make decisions.
4. The “wrong” people are assigned to teams and tasks.
5. Quick reactions.
6. People are tired, overworked, or over-stressed.
7. Acting on your own without seek advice.
8. Confidence surpasses competence – arrogance.
9. Rushing.
10. Lack of training.

See more reasons on Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

Warning:

It’s one thing to accept that mistakes happen. It’s another to suggest they don’t matter. Repeating the same mistake over and over is a mistake.

7 more ways to learn from mistakes:

1. Own them. “I screwed up,” takes you further than, “It’s your fault.”
2. Publicly declare them. Hiding mistakes inspires self-protective cultures. Declaring, even celebrating mistakes, instills confidence. Top leadership must lead the way when it comes to publicly declaring mistakes.
3. Determine causes.
4. Reject defensiveness. Amy Jones
5. Create alternatives.
6. Teach others what you wish you would have done. Marlene Chism
7. Learn from the mistakes of others. David Frick

See more ideas on Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

Recommended reading: “Out Executing the Competition” by Irv Rothman

What mistake-making advice can you add?

What whoppers have you learned from?

How to Get What You Want

It takes conviction, candor, and, most importantly, courage to push against the boss or the board.

Managers who can’t stand up and push back are inevitably pushed around and down.

Yesterday, I talked with the President and CEO of Hewlett-Packard Financial Services, Irv Rothman. He leads 1,500 employees in over 50 countries. His book, “Out-Executing the Competition” gave me the impression he was a great collaborator.

More than that, he’s great at standing up, pushing forward, and pushing back.

Getting what you want:

I asked Irv, “So, why is it that you are so successful at getting people to do what you want them to do?” He chuckled, paused, and said,

“ I’ve never been afraid to fail.”

Courage is the fuel that moves you and your organization forward. Fear is the snare that pulls you down and holds you back.

“Playing safe is probably the most unsafe thing in the world.
You cannot stand still. You must go forward.” Robert Collier

Roots of courage:

Courage is not a product of wishful thinking. It’s the result of careful preparation. Irv said, “If you want to be successful you have to be rational but you can’t be afraid to fail. The rational part of courage is preparation, testing assumptions, and proving your case.

“Present your case in a non-emotional, rational way.”

Who wins:

Irv continued by explaining that it’s not enough to make a rational argument. You have to get them excited by, “Showing them what’s in it for them.

“If you don’t manage up you get managed down.”

Bonus:

Before we left the topic, Irv added, “You have to be a consistent guy from the stand point of your behavior.” And finally he said,

“You have to give respect to get respect.”

*****

All profits from, “Out-Executing the Competition” go to: Room to Read.

See how Facebook contributors push back: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop

Hear 2.5 minutes of my conversation with Irv Rothman:
Getting What you Want

*****

How can managers and leaders manage up?

When Collaboration Doesn’t Work

Stop bowing at the altar of collaboration.

It’s usually better to work with others – to collaborate. But, collaboration isn’t always useful or necessary.

Collaboration can be cumbersome, ineffective, or detrimental.

Sometimes, having someone work for you is better than working with them.

Collaboration isn’t useful when:

1. Time is short. Collaboration is slower than working alone. That’s why frustrated managers end up saying, “I’ll do it myself.” Additionally, a crisis isn’t the place for collaboration. If the house is on fire, get the people out, don’t call a meeting.
2. Dealing with issues irrelevant to others. Don’t waste your time collaborating with those who don’t care. At best, it’s frustrating. At worst, progress ends.
3. Collaboration skills are absent. Some don’t know how to collaborate. Stop wasting your time. Teach collaboration skills when appropriate. Even then, some won’t get it. Assign them tasks that don’t require collaboration. Explain the context, ask for input, and be directive.
4. Values collide. Collaboration degenerates to a tug-of-war when values aren’t shared. The moment you realize values are clashing, forget collaborating on projects and initiatives. Search for and validate shared values.

Collaboration makes matters
worse when values collide.

Collaboration is useful when you are:

1. Dealing with complexity. Collaboration provides multiple skill-sets and perspectives that prevent you from overlooking key elements of opportunities and challenges.
2. Leveraging diversity. Cross-gender collaboration, for example, adds richness.
3. Inviting buy-in. Collaborating elevates everyone’s status. It says you matter. People participate when their participation matters.
4. Dealing with strategic issues. The bigger the issue the more essential collaboration becomes.
5. Solving long-term challenges or finding long-term solutions.

How have you seen collaboration NOT work?

What are the secrets to effective collaboration?

5 Strategies that Defeat Drifting

The trouble with teams is drifters; people who hide behind the work of others. Drifters are more than annoying; they’re dangerous, damaging dead weight.

Drifters de-motivate the motivated and drain energy from the energized.

Poorly run teams protect low performers.

Energized team members ask, “Why am I busting my butt?” when drifters succeed.

Dealing with drifters:

1. Keep teams small. Large teams are a drifter’s paradise. They present opportunities for drifters to hide behind the performance of others.
2. Assign tasks to individuals. Teams achieve goals because individuals perform tasks. High performance teams consist of high performance individuals.
3. Recognize and reward both teams and individuals. Individual performance drops when individual effort is marginalized.
4. Show everyone their value. Explain the reason each individual is on the team. Identify and agree upon the unique skills and deliverables each individual brings to the team.
5. Hold individuals accountable even when they’re on teams. Teams succeed on the efforts of individuals. Track individual and team performance.

Bonus: Expect candor on the team. Be candid when you see smoke blowing. Press for specifics when drifters give generalities.

Overcoming gullibility:

Skilled drifters convince leaders they’re contributing when they’re not.

Drifters use future tense to convince
leaders they’ve done something in the past.

Ask a drifter what they’ve done and they’ll talk about what they’re going to do. Ask a high performer what they’ve done and they talk about the past.

*****

How can leaders/managers identify and deal with drifters?

What factors enhance the performance of teams?

Is the formation and functioning of high performance teams managements greatest challenge?

The 12 Toughest Challenges of Leadership

The challenges of leadership are inside leaders. Stop blaming organizations and others for your shortfalls and failures.

Take the bull by the horns.
You are the bull.

The 12 Toughest Challenges of Leadership:

1. Humility during success.
2. Confidence during setbacks.
3. Stepping back so others can step up.
4. Putting plans into action – Follow through. Experience shows up to 90 percent of strategic plans never achieve execution.
5. Leading change. Leaders don’t just do things, they change things.
6. Admitting mistakes. One contributor suggests that self-awareness and honesty are essential to saying, “I was wrong.” (See more comments on Facebook)
7. Listening with the goal of learning.
8. Encouraging constructive dissent.
9. Learning from criticism.
10. Asking for feedback.
11. Maintaining focus on the future.
12. Building the team.

Situational or not:

Leadership challenges always involve changing situations. You, however, are the common factor. Your ability to lead yourself is your greatest ability. Situations come and go but you are always there.

Number 12:

Leading yourself to build the team is the leadership challenge that produces the most fruit. Success depends on your ability to attract, develop, and retain top talent.

How to spot top talent?

Top talent wants to:

1. Know where you are going so they can find alignment or not. Tell them the goal?
2. Develop plans with you. Once they align with the goal, don’t give them the plan, develop it with them. Top talent wants a hand in making plans.
3. Make meaningful contribution. They ask, “Where do I fit in?” They need meaningful contribution. Drifting isn’t enough.
4. Work with others. Lone Rangers have a place but never on great teams.
5. Rise to challenges.

Key qualities:

Determine the nonnegotiable qualities you expect from your team members. Go with their strengths; compensate for their weaknesses.

What are the toughest challenges of leadership?

What qualities do great team members possess?