The Most Important Thing

Facebook contributors completed the sentence, “The most important thing leaders do is _______.” The first 10 responses were:

1. Listen.
2. Give feedback.
3. Empower.
4. Communicate vision.
5. Inspire.
6. Enable others…
7. Learn.
8. Lead!
9. Keep hope alive.
10. Pray.

Read the entire list on Facebook.

The answer:

I didn’t have an answer when I asked. Now I believe there is no single answer. The most important thing is situational.

The most important thing leaders do is
the most important thing.

Successful leaders do what’s important. Sometimes it’s listening. Other times, it’s giving feedback.

Rejecting:

Clear the clutter. Find what’s important by stopping what’s not.

If you’re afraid to stop, postpone. Postponing insignificant activities is enough. If you’ve misjudged their importance, they’ll be back.

Tip:

Delete items on your to-do list after carrying them forward a week. They seem important but they aren’t. If they were, you would have done them. Put them on a wish list.

Priority:

What’s important now?

1. Activities that produce results. Commit to action.
2. Everything that feels urgent isn’t important. The next time someone approaches with panic in their eye, ask if it can wait until this afternoon. By the afternoon, see if it’s solved.
3. Small wins. A small win in the hand is better than two big wins in the bush. Big wins emerge from a series of small wins.

Before starting something new, ask, “Is this important?” Keep asking as you go.

Avoid stagnation:

Don’t fret over finding the most important thing. Just do what’s important now.

Why are unimportant things getting done while important ones aren’t?

How do you determine what’s important?

 

How Leaders Frustrate Others

Last week, I frustrated someone, again. I thought I learned my lesson but old habits die hard.

There’s always room for improvement, from my point of view. Nothing’s ever done. I’m tempted to add to or modify projects while in progress. It feels great to me. I’m adding value.

Modifying project outcomes, after jobs begin, doesn’t excite people like it excites me. “Could we?” and, “What about?” are great before projects or tasks begin; frustrating after.

Completion is more important than minor improvement.

Don’t modify current tasks, finish them. Modifications confuse and hinder. People start wondering what they’re doing and what you want. They say, “I thought we were…?”

Checking tasks off is better than stopping to tweak them.

Process:

Improve processes, don’t change deliverables. Suggestions that simplify tasks and speed completion are welcomed. Improve oars in the middle of the stream, don’t modify destinations.

Application:

Complete tasks. Arrive before changing direction. Completing tasks is more important than tweaking outcomes. Minor corrections do more damage than good.

Changing:

Know the difference between minor corrections and necessary course adjustment. Jump in quickly to avoid unforeseen rocks or storms, otherwise, hold the course.

Avoid costly mistakes; allow minor imperfections.

Save the day; forget minor adjustments. It’s ticklish to know when to step in. Err on the side of trusting good people.

Context:

This post concerns day-to-day projects and tasks, not strategic goals.

How can leaders add value when projects are in process?

How do you decide to step in or stay out?

Finding Focus: 12 Leadership Focal Points

Ever end the day worn out but wondering what you accomplished. Coach Wooden warned, “Never confuse activity with achievement.”

Life without focus is wasted.

Worse yet, wrong focus guarantees wrong results.

Don’t focus on:

1. Distant dreams.
2. What you don’t want.
3. Problems.
4. Failure.
5. Fear.
6. Excuses.
7. Obstacles. “I don’t focus on what I’m up against. I focus on my goals and I try to ignore the rest.” Venus Williams
8. Activity.

Achievement requires focus.

Focal points for leaders:

1. Developing talent, both yours and theirs. The number one priority of all leaders is self-development. That’s wise not selfish.
2. Emotional environments. How do people feel at work? How do you make them feel?
3. Creating clarity and simplicity.
4. What you do for them, not what they do for you.
5. Focusing the strengths of others.
6. “Relationship before opportunity.” Jeremie Kubicec
7. High impact behaviors and activities.
8. Activities that enhance energy.
9. What you want. “The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.” Brian Tracy
10. Progress.
11. Next steps.
12. Solutions. “Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.” Denis Waitley

Bonus: Giving and receiving feedback.

4 ways to create focus:

1. Deadlines end dabbling. Set a timer for 12 minutes and focus on one thing.
2. Use interruptions to clarify priorities and create next steps. (Thanks Doug Conant)
3. Eliminate low priority activities.
4. Complete a few easy tasks and use the energy to tackle something hard. Warning, too many easy tasks drain energy.

Added resource:

There are nearly 70 comments related to focus on my Facebook page as of 11/28/12.

Which of the 12 focal point should leaders focus on?

How do you find focus?

Making Dreams Matter

Dreams smolder and die unless others own them.

Passion isn’t meaningful until it ignites others.

Igniting passion isn’t pumping up. Pumping up:

1. Is fun at events but manipulative as long-term strategy.
2. Places unnecessary burden on leaders and managers.
3. Never lasts.
4. Drains and exhausts. Pumping up pours energy from you to others.

Ignition:

Healthy people all dream the same dream;
they long to matter.

Igniting passion is always about their dream not yours. Leaders are matches. Fire and heat come from others.

Flames ignite the moment others see themselves in your dream. Help them find a place and watch the magic.

They own it when they’re in it.

Release:

Pumping up is pushing. Igniting passion is releasing. Once their fire starts, step back. Don’t control it; focus and fuel it.

1. Avoid limiting. Let your dream grow beyond you.
2. Don’t correct. See where they go.
3. Keep talking big picture and results. Passion and expertise from others fill in details.

Warning:

Details kill baby dreams. Let them grow legs before detailing them to death. Talk “what” when dreams are young. Talk “how” when they can walk.

The right people:

Dream killers are everywhere. Success depends on talking to people who share your values. Casually bring up your idea and watch for the sparkle. If you don’t see it, move on. They may ignite later.

Pulling not pushing:

Passionate people pull you; you don’t push them. There’s nothing better than watching a collection of small fires become one giant blaze.

Surprise:

Keep your dream in the back, like a back-seat drive. Keep their dream in the front. Everyone wants to matter. Give them a way.

Has someone ignited your passion? What did they do?

Have you ignited fires? What did you do?

The Four Powers of Gratitude

Show me a leader who is happy with everything and I’ll show you a loser. The gift of young leaders is unhappiness. The tragedy of old leaders is contentment.

Unhappiness and discontent ignite passion for change.

Warning:

Slime pits of ingratitude lie just beyond unhappiness. Nothing de-motivates like churlish ungratefulness. On the other hand, gratitude provides rich feedback that motivates forward movement.

Gratitude expels.

1. Hate shrivels when gratefulness comes to play.
2. Worry lessens with thankfulness.
3. Unhappiness cringes in the presence of gratitude.
4. Anger softens with thank you.

The 4 powers of gratitude:

1. Freedom from the past. Bitterness binds; gratitude releases.
2. Freedom to celebrate. Do you celebrate enough? No!
3. Freedom to perform. Ungratefulness beats down; gratitude builds up.
4. Freedom to connect.

The connecting power of gratitude:

Gratitude opens hearts. People run toward gratefulness and away from ingratitude.

Thankfulness feels like love.
Ungratefulness feels like hate.

Gratitude invites.
Ingratitude repels.

Gratitude enhances impact.

Feeling or behavior:

Think of gratitude as a behavior not a feeling. Express it; don’t wait to feel it. Behave your way into the feeling. But, never lie.

Be thankful for:

1. Challenges.
2. Lessons learned.
3. Progress.
4. Consistency.
5. Excellence.
6. Opportunities.

Bonus: Be thankful for what you have.

Show me a leader who is ungrateful and I’ll show you a loser. Gratefulness answers the unhappiness leaders feel. Today’s challenge: tap into gratitude.

How has ungratefulness impacted you or your organization?

How has gratitude helped you?

What gratitude tips can you offer?

The Struggle and Power of Divergent Values

It’s a mistake to expect everyone to fully align with your values. Shared values are never fully shared.

Power of values: 

Shared values are the heartbeat of vibrant organizations.

1. Values drive decisions.
2. Decisions drive direction.
3. Direction drives satisfaction.

Diversity in values:

Close alignment and diversity
are better than full alignment and unity.

Mary and Carl share the values of growth and systems, for example. Carl’s top value is systems. He believes systems assure success. Systems precede growth.

On the other hand, Mary’s top value is growth. She prefers learning as you go. Systems follow growth.

They share values but have divergent priorities and intensity. Can you see a collision in the making?

Collisions:

Collisions between values challenge decision making. Do we pursue growth and organize as we go or do we organize first. Mary embraces the former. Carl holds to the latter.

Full alignment of values creates lopsided organizations.
Diversity stabilizes.

Respect:

Successful leader understand varying levels of intensity and priority within shared values. Losing Mary or Carl is problematic.

Divergent values add value.

Both/and:

Successful leaders embrace both/and. Do we pursue growth and create systems as we go or is it the other way around? YES! Wise leadership leverages both.

Breaking points:

Either/or choices occur when Carl refuses to support Mary. On the other hand, as long as Mary respects and supports Carl’s values she enrich their organization. However, when they don’t value the other’s values, one has to go.

Never make the mistake of cutting people off because their values don’t fully align with yours. Successful leaders get excited about things that excite others.

How can leaders navigate diversity in values?

When does diversity become distraction?

The Five Powers of Permission

Old styles of leadership are about giving permission to supplicants. Followers seek permission. It’s an “I/you” rather than “we” dynamic. Leaders have power while followers ask.

I/you leadership is disengaging and disempowering.

Successful leaders do more than give permission, they get it. Permission answers the question, “Is it ok with you if we talk about something?”

Five Powers of Permission:

1.  “May I …” builds trust.
2. “Would it be ok if …” shares power.
3. “Do you mind if …” equalizes social status.
4. “Could we discuss…” prevents stagnation. Permission moves the agenda forward when topics are awkward.
5. “Is it ok with you, if…” engages.

Permission opens doors, protects relationships, and prevents stagnation.

Ask permission to:

1. Bring up uncomfortable topics. Set a date for the conversation.
2. Explore progress.
3. Correct. “May I …”
4. Challenge.
5. Give feedback.
6. Say what you see. “Is it ok if I share something I see …”

Four responses to NO:

When permission isn’t granted? Ask:

1. How business-critical is the topic?
2. Is there a deeper issue to address?
3. Can you let it go?
4. Must you address it, regardless?

When topics are mission critical, say, “We need to talk about this soon.”

Just a courtesy:

Isn’t asking permission just social courtesy? Yes, sometimes it is. But, social courtesies smooth and protect. Perhaps you prefer to be discourteous and abrasive?

Four reasons leaders don’t ask permission:

1. Arrogance. It’s too humbling to ask and too easy to tell.
2. Fear of seeming weak.
3. Fear of losing power.
4. Authoritarian rather than relational leadership styles.

What does permission-leadership look like in your world?

What are the pros and cons of permission-leadership?

Bone Turkey

We were poor college students, over 1,600 miles from home, when we celebrated our first Thanksgiving as husband and wife. The capacity of our kitchen was two, uncomfortably. It was 1976.

Dave Tricky, a fellow student, came over with his girlfriend. It was a big deal; friends and food mean a lot when you don’t have much.

Holidays make us miss home when we can’t be there. But, I’ll never forget how proud and excited we felt to host our own gathering of four. We were becoming real adults. I was 20 and Dale was 19.

We moved the tiny kitchen table to the slightly larger living room and stationed it uncomfortably close to the front door to accommodate the crowd.

After the blessing, I ceremoniously stood, as the “man” of the house to proudly carve the bird. It was one of life’s great moments.

Sadly, thankfulness was soon replaced with deflating humiliation. The knife didn’t glide through tender breast meat. It hit bone!

I stayed calm and poked around. The whole damn turkey was devoid of meat.  I brought home a bone turkey. If not for the legs, it would have been vegetarian Thanksgiving. Finally, they left.

Defeated, I carried the bone-bird to the kitchen built for two, uncomfortably, to scavenge the remains. We could use even sparse leftovers.

In the processes of cleaning the carcass I flipped the bird and there, before my defeated eyes, lay two succulent turkey breasts, laughing at me. We’d cooked the bird breast-side down. I’d carved the boney back.

A lesson for a boney bird:

Successful leaders search through bones to find meat.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends in the US.

How to Ignore Others

Curt said, “I turn away when they load accident victims in the back. If I looked, the medical team would probably have another patient. I don’t want to know what’s going on back there. I can hear it when things are getting dicey but I try to ignore it.”

On the one year anniversary of the accident, I went looking for the Life Flight crew that saved my life. I found their names and shook hands with the pilot. I hope to thank the nurse and paramedic another time.

Curt is a former military aviator with a clear mission; arrive safely at the regional trauma center. He leverages his strengths while others, in the back, leverage theirs. He always operates at peak performance. Conditions in the back don’t matter.

Turning away enables dispassionate performance. He ignores accident victims because he cares, not because he doesn’t.

4 Benefits of ignoring others:

1. Staying in your sweet spot. Meddling won’t help.
2. Freeing others to stay in their sweet spots.
3. Dispassionate decision-making.
4. Skillful, consistent execution.

4 Ways to ignore others:

1. Respect and honor their skills.
2. Trust them to execute.
3. Think humbly about yourself. Many over-estimate their competence.
4. Concentrate on your responsibility.

Like most leadership skills, ignoring others isn’t universal. But, it may apply to you. Have you heard team members say, “Just leave me alone so I can do my job.” It’s one thing to support, encourage, and enable; it’s another to meddle.

Curt said, “I was just doing my job.” I reached out my hand, looked Curt in the eye, and said, “Thank you for doing your job.”

***

If you aren’t aware of the accident, “The Reason I haven’t Posted in a Week” will help.

How can leaders balance involvement and non-involvement?

Recollections of an Empty Cup

It’s the one year anniversary of my accident. I remember rehab.

There’s pain, discouragement, and negativity in every hospital. Alongside darkness, you’ll find hope and healing in the people who work there.

I watched them come to work like most do, kind of blah. But, somewhere between their first cup of coffee and seeing me, they embraced their “calling to serve.” It’s a selfless, breathtaking transformation.

Someone wheeled me to the kitchen where physical therapy patients ate breakfast together. I watched PT and OT professionals graciously make eggs to order, even though food services had provided breakfast. Discouraged patients often complained rather than thanked.

I saw them grumbled at and puked on. I saw one brain-damaged patient aggressively push a therapist against the wall.

Ungratefulness:

Our own pain prevents gratitude. Lack turns to bitterness.

If not pain, competence constricts and arrogance chokes gratitude. We withhold gratitude when our skills excel theirs and they should do better. We aren’t grateful when their devotion falls below ours; we’re better. Their lack stifles our gratitude.

Gratefulness:

1. Finds good, even when things are bad.
2. Appreciates service.
3. Honors those who demonstrate noble values.
4. Celebrates progress.

Expression:

I told the staff they were remarkable. I thanked them as they served. I was an empty cup. I gave them what I had, words.

Small things matter more when big isn’t possible.

When you can’t do something, say something. You are never helpless even when all you do is receive. Empty cups offer attention, appreciation, respect, and honor.

Lessons from rehab:

1. Feeling powerless is a decision.
2. Power is perception. Believe your words matter.
3. Affirm more. Could you affirm more and correct less?

A favorite post written three weeks after the accident, Dec. 10, 2011: The Hidden Power of Weakness.

The original “Gifts From Empty Cups,” written Dec. 13, 2011.

What if you pretended you were an empty cup? How might it impact what you see and say, today?