Everyone lies every day.
“How are you feeling?”
“Just fine,” you reply. Actually, you feel terrible but don’t want to talk about it. You lie.
Leaders are tempted to lie when ________:
- Under-performers need encouragement.
- Telling the truth reveals weaknesses or failure.
- Reputation is at stake, theirs or others.
- Insecurity wins.
- Hiding problems feels easier than exposing them.
Read more on Facebook 12/12 /12.
I’m tempted to lie to protect the appearance of competence. It happened yesterday when I forgot to hit the record button for, “Writing Blogs that Get Read,” my first ever webinar. I’d promised participants free access to the recording. But there is no recording!
5 steps from lying to responsibility:
First thought:
Lie. Say it was technical difficulty. But, is failing to hit the record button technical? It involves a mouse. It must be. Right?
Second thought:
Make truthful excuses. It was my first time. Everyone makes mistakes.
Third thought:
Participants paid. You’re responsible. Absolutely!
Fourth thought:
Tell the truth. No excuses. Rip the scab off that dang thing.
Fifth thought:
Repeat “Writing Blogs that Get Read” and record it this time.
Truth-tellers embrace responsibility.
Liars reject responsibility.
“Tell the truth. You are always better off telling it like it is and moving on,” Denny Strigl, former president and CEO of Verizon Wireless.
Application:
Leadership stands on trust. Lying destroys leadership. All successful leaders are truth-tellers.
What makes truth-telling difficult?
What advice can you offer leaders who are tempted to lie?
The encore presentation of “Writing Blogs that Get Read,” is 12/19/12 at 1:00 p.m. EST. I’m recording this one! Join me.
December 13, 2012 at 6:51 am |
The accountability makes truth telling difficult. Also, “perfect” people make it hard for to tell the truth around them
December 13, 2012 at 10:21 am |
Hi Todd…so true being around “perfect” people makes me feel like I need to be “perfect” too. Ugh!
December 13, 2012 at 10:34 am |
We are called to be perfect like our Father in heaven is perfect. But we are not called to be jerks. I don’t speak the original language, but I bet that was a commandment that pointed towards a goal that will happen in time.
December 13, 2012 at 10:43 am
Called to be jerks… love that sarcasm!
December 13, 2012 at 6:52 am |
I think another time leaders are tempted to “lie” is when they are not fully in support of something coming from above. I think it’s okay to share a bit about your reservations, and how you are working through them.
December 13, 2012 at 10:21 am |
Hi Karin… definitely one of the great challenges of being in the middle…. owning what comes down from above.. Brilliant!
December 13, 2012 at 7:21 am |
Dan,
You’re the man! I missed the webinar and woke up this a.m. looking forward to the replay.
I SO appreciate your openness and honesty, with that generous dash of heartfelt wisdom and a pinch of vulnerability. I feel respected and you get back what you give. A recipe for success. And besides, I think you were cute about it
I know I won’t be able to make it live next week but am excited to for the second chance for the recording. Please don’t forget to push the button again…
Thx,
Bonnie
December 13, 2012 at 10:23 am |
Thanks for the good word Bonnie. Very encouraging.
After the initial splash screen for the webinar, I’m inserting a “don’t forget the record button” slide…
I’ll be sending the link to all previous registrants with an access code when it’s available.
Cheers!!
December 13, 2012 at 7:28 am |
Truth-telling is difficult for people because it makes them feel vulnerable, exposed, weak, less-than.
The best advice is to tell the truth. If you have lied, correct it asap. You will be found out eventually, and even if it is a “small” lie, you will never recover your credibility.
December 13, 2012 at 10:24 am |
Just do it! Truth frees… lying binds! Thank you
December 13, 2012 at 11:56 am |
Yes, Dan. We become prisoner to the lie, to the person we have lied to and to those who know the truth.
December 13, 2012 at 10:32 am |
Ms. Martina,
Agreeing to your views and the tip of advice not to tell even a small lie. It’s a question of habit and the values that one follows. It certainly requires the courage to remain honest to yourself in giving the facts without any hesitation.
True leaders know how best the truth can be said or conveyed without hurting the feelings of others and protecting the interest of organized body that they are attached to.
A strong character with the image of trustworthiness is the result of how truthful a person remains even in difficult times. The benefits of telling lies or hiding the facts are always tempting and may help some people or save the situation under crisis. However, the truth prevails in the long run and the damages can be much more serious.
Business Ethics and Corporate Governance rotate around the principles of protecting the truth in all circustances and supporting those who have the courage of revealing the facts.
December 13, 2012 at 3:44 pm |
The support is vital, Mrunal. Too many organizations fail to do this and everyone suffers in the long-run.
December 13, 2012 at 7:32 am |
Ahhhh, That dang record button gets us all sooner or later.
Just last weekend my granddaughter, Kiley, our family gymnast did a front handspring onto the vault and a back handspring off the vault. Had her first perfect vault landing ever in a competition and won a medal. Dad was filming with love the whole time. But he failed to hit ‘record’. He knows your pain.
I can’t wait for the rerun.
Dauna
December 13, 2012 at 10:25 am |
Had to laugh…I’ve done that too… what is it with record buttons.
December 13, 2012 at 7:49 am |
When tempted to lie, imagine your kids standing next to you.
Also, be lazy and tell the truth. When you lie you have to work to remember what you’ve said to who A lie often seems the fast easy solution…but it never ends that way in the long run.
December 13, 2012 at 8:06 am |
First time I’ve ever been encouraged to be lazy, but it feels right in this case!
December 13, 2012 at 9:23 am |
When we start a conversation with one of our campers, “Hey, I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to be lazy with your answer….” Always catches ‘em off guard.
December 13, 2012 at 8:31 am |
Well put! Be lazy. Tell the truth.
Sounds like a bumper sticker…or tweet
December 13, 2012 at 9:22 am |
That’s fun Matt…a bumper sticker. I’ll have to think about that.
December 13, 2012 at 10:26 am |
OUCH on the kids standing beside me… good one. Thanks for a creative approach on laziness!
December 13, 2012 at 8:30 am |
Wow Dan. This is one of the better posts I have ever read. Thanks for being ridiculously open…and honest!
And as a bonus, I’ll be attending your webinar the 2nd time…and look forward to the recording for later viewing
December 13, 2012 at 10:28 am |
Thanks Matt… love the term ridiculous. I want to use it more! If you’re serious about attending the second time.. Drop me an email. I need to send you an access code so you don’t have to pay.
December 13, 2012 at 10:38 am |
Dan, make him pay! I don’t think Matt was in the first one. If he was, I didn’t see him. (Just kidding Matt – You know I love you brother! – FYI, Matt and I are de facto Accountability Blog Partners.)
The class was amazing. Great ideas like this one came out of it: http://toddliles.com/win-dan-rockwell
December 13, 2012 at 10:46 am
Hey Todd, I see you are right…Matt didn’t attend the first one… LOL … good call!
December 13, 2012 at 10:50 am
HAHA!
Dan, sorry I see how my comment came across. Unintentional. I missed the first one due to a meeting but heard some great feedback and your mistake will hopefully be my gain. More than worth $40 if you ask me.
December 13, 2012 at 10:47 am |
Wow Dan. I’ll do that. Very generous.
And now you have a huge promoter
I am trying like crazy to move a standing 2:00pm meeting that day and am one person approving it away from being able to pull it off!
December 13, 2012 at 8:42 am |
Good blog again Dan.
Tough luck not hitting the Record button, but importantly you have undertaken to put that right.
I wish I could agree that all successful leaders are truth tellers. I can immediately think of a couple I know who habitually don’t.
And yes, by most definitions they are successful.
Best regards……..
December 13, 2012 at 10:29 am |
Thanks Stephen… you probably won’t be surprised to know that the chances others will catch liars is about 50/50. Appreciate your contribution.
December 13, 2012 at 9:07 am |
I missed your first webinar, but am looking forward to the second one. Your honesty is so refreshing and your blog states it well, “Leaders should always tell the truth. No sugarcoating, just tell me straight and I’ll respect you more.”
December 13, 2012 at 10:30 am |
Hi Jackie..thanks for the good word. I look forward to your participation in the second go round. Cheers.
December 13, 2012 at 9:22 am |
My opinion, simply stated, open for everyone to comment on its truthfulness is, we humans ONLY do things, in this case lying for two reasons……1. the anticipation of pleasure or 2. the avoidence of pain.
Lets KISS, Keep It Simple Stupid! Boiling it all down to the nitty gritty, keep it real, get jiggy with tha truth.
Sounds easy enough but NOT! Your wife, your lady friend, Know where I am going yet? “Honey, Baby, Cutie-pie….does this dress make me look fat?????
Honest answer, “Sweetness, bottom line you are a little fat and it is not the dress that is showing off that you are fat, it is the fact that you are fat that is showing off you are fat, no matter what you wear you are still fat! While we are at it I HATE the honey-do list you have for me every single day AND you are from Mars amd me from Venus and even though I love you dearly I cannot understand you at all. WHEW it feels GREAT to get all that off my chest!” Holy bleep, Merry Christmas (Chevy Chase reference from Christmas Vacation).
We sometimes think and YES WE me included cause I do it too, everyday we think before we speak and make a decision……is what I am about to say gonna bring me pain or pleasure! The GREAT thing about it all is how incredible the tale can become once the first little lie has to be backed up with so many more elaborate ones! The first little molehill can when done in spectacular fashion become Mount Everest! Looking at how absurd it all is helps see how much simpler it to just tell the truth First! It might be painful to tell the simple truth in the beginning. If we think first and then play it all out in our mind we can see the pain in telling the truth now is better than telling the lie and having to continue it.
It gets complicated because there is a difference in brutal honesty and honesty, SHADES OF GREY! Most times when a person is brutally honest they are being more brutal than honest. It takes a little suav-eyyyyy(is that a word)hehe to smoove one’s way through the jungle of situations we humans find ourselves in. Easy grasshopper!
Bottom line, do what you feel is right! When you realize you messed up promptly admit it and do what you can to clean it up before it becomes Mount Everest! Remember lots of people die on Mount Everest so don’t lie Mount Everest lies! They are very harmful to your inner integrity.
If you got no inner integrity how you gonna share with other folks integrity. All you can give to others is what you give yourself.
At some times it is very difficult to do the right thing but all the goodies(joy, sense of well being, self respect) all are on the way if you feel you have character and inner integrity. It is tough seemingly but worth taking the simple pain in the beginning to avoid it turning into something bigger.
At the end of ther day just take it easy. We are all gonna perish at some point and the most important thing is to live each day like it is your last. Treat other folks like you want to be treated and LIVE!
I asked a guy once when I was sobering up if there was life after death? I was getting all serious and stuff, right! He got back to me with a response that really helped me cause I took it to heart and try to remember it everyday. He said, “Scott you got to figure out and get busy with finding out if you have life after birth!”
Well said!
The Dude abides……I Concur
Shifterp(scott) OUT!
December 13, 2012 at 10:34 am |
Hi Scott…I feel better! Hope you do too..
BTW – I think the line between brutal and honest is the question…is it useful/helpful.
Thanks for a wonderful read.
December 13, 2012 at 9:41 am |
Dear Dan, SO glad you will repeat the Webinar and have it available for review for those of us who paid, but missed it!! And thanks for setting a great example for all of us by owning up. As difficult as it is — and we’ve all been tempted to offer up a reason or excuse when we know we are to blame — telling the truth is always the best way! Best, Erica
December 13, 2012 at 10:36 am |
Hi Erica, Great seeing you and thanks for the encouragement. I’m getting great feedback on the webinar. It seems to be useful!
December 13, 2012 at 9:48 am |
Lots of thoughts, perhaps random. The first, speak the truth in love; our goal should never be to harm or destroy someone. I rember Dr. Dobson talking about shaping the will (of your child)without breaking it. Second, love your neighbor (spouse, child, colleague, supervisor, every human) as yourself. And or course, treat others the way you want to be treated. I agree with others who have pointed out our integrity suffers when we don’t speak the truth. And we should be discerning, realizing there are times it is wise to be silent.
December 13, 2012 at 10:49 am |
Thank you Julie… Anyone who masters the balance between love and truth has mastered the most important quality leaders can ever have.
December 13, 2012 at 10:12 am |
Embarrassment is a huge reason leaders lie. I’ve had to ‘fess up on numerous occasions. It feels good to come clean. People can really handle the truth. {wish our politicians would understand this … another topic!}.
Bottom line is its totally okay to say “I made a mistake”. I think it builds trust whereas lying and excuses erode trust.
December 13, 2012 at 10:50 am |
Thanks for your insights Simple… at first it seems weird that fessing up to lying builds trust…but then, with a second thought, it all makes sense!
December 13, 2012 at 10:14 am |
My first thought was, “What a loss for those who didn’t get a chance to be a part of the discussion. It really felt like we were in a room with you.” Keep your notes and rebroadcast!
December 13, 2012 at 10:52 am |
Definitely keeping the notes and I’m with you.. I really enjoy the conversational tone…I’ve figured out a way to make it work a little better…I’m excited to try it next week.
December 13, 2012 at 11:22 am |
Enjoyed the post, thanks and am passing on a TED talk I viewed yesterday which seems to fit with today’s topic, enjoy
December 14, 2012 at 7:39 am |
Thanks for extending the conversation, Sue.
December 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm |
What makes telling the truth difficult…what you say is a mirror of you even if you think the untruth you speak is a perfect mask. A perceived truth sometimes hurt or will hurt and most of the time we tend to not want to hurt others or ourselves.
Advice: The LF community covered it very well…speak, lazily, the ridiculous truth or else the calling you hear will be to queue up in the line o’ jerks. And, by the way, your kiddo is listening….ka-ching!
And two ‘crack me ups’…Matt getting called out within a couple of hours and of course Dan’s first and I am sure THE best ever webinar lost in the electronic ethers…ouch! (If I know Dan, beyond not recording, bet he has a long list of ‘to do’s’ and ‘not to do’s’ for future presentations….
)
December 14, 2012 at 7:41 am |
You always make me smile, Doc. And yes, I have a list of improvements. By last evening, I was glad I forgot to record the webinar.
December 14, 2012 at 10:08 am |
Soo, you can appreciate everyone who was a crash-test dummy on that first ‘pilot’ (a very forgiving word-pilot)! We pilot a lot round here, gives a little more latitude and is a low key way to continuously improve.
December 14, 2012 at 10:15 am
Yes I can Doc.
December 13, 2012 at 7:07 pm |
Dan, I appreciate your honesty. I can definitely resonate with you on things like this as it has happened a time or two. The webinar was great and I learned so much. Is there a way we can contact you by snail mail?
December 14, 2012 at 7:44 am |
Thank you Leo. I’ve sent my snail mail address via email. Cheers!
December 14, 2012 at 8:46 am |
Got it, thanks so much Dan.
December 14, 2012 at 8:15 am |
I onde worked with a pathological liar, just could not help himself. It is so much easier to remember the truth and recall events that actually happened than to make up stories.
December 14, 2012 at 8:17 am |
It is much easier to remember the truth than to recall a lie.
December 14, 2012 at 12:34 pm |
Love that this happened and you had the courage to handle it the way you did and then write about it!
Why?
1. you admitted the error, dealt with it quickly and rectified it with a great solution.
2. you EMPOWERED me by not trying to make up a story. That tells me you think enough of me (us) to TRUST us with the truth. That tells me you consider me (us) safe! Thank you! That’s how I want you to feel with me – trust me with the truth: you are safe.
Thank you Dan!!
December 14, 2012 at 5:33 pm |
What makes truth-telling difficult?
-Truth-telling is difficult in my opinion, because people may jeopardize a relationship they have with another individual.
What advice can you offer leaders who are tempted to lie?
-I would advise leaders tempted to lie, to imagine themselves in the other person’s shoes and anticipate how they would feel or react to the lie.
Great post
December 16, 2012 at 10:18 am |
Another reaction you missed is to turn the mistake into a joke so people laugh and gloss over the fact that you messed up.