Comments on: Facing the Challenge of Restraint

By: Martin Haworth PCC (@mphcoach)

Martin Haworth PCC (@mphcoach) — Tue, 25 Dec 2012 07:33:15 +0000

In a tactical professional role, I thought myself to ‘ignore’ others mumblings unless they specifically asked for help, or I got an inkling that an issue had reached a point where my personal intervention was vital. In hindsight, I think this released others to find their way, building confidence as well as them learning for themselves. When I transitioned into coaching, this was a critical benefit to me, so I don’t fix others at all. Sure, my role is to help them along their path – and it is THEIR path.

When I work with leaders, my challenge is to help them let go more and see what happens. I have found that 100% of the time they are positively surprised at the benefits – to both sides – even when it is initially very challenging for them.

Now, how do I get my wife to do this when she asks me to do something…

By: Carolyn Tavener

Carolyn Tavener — Tue, 25 Dec 2012 01:36:34 +0000

I was a real fixer-upper, leaping in to rescue my staff when they had problems. Learning restraint was one of the hardest leadership skills for me to learn but has been one of the most effective. Now when my staff come to me with a problem the first thing I ask is “Tell me what you have been doing to solve this problem, what will you do next and how would you like me to support you.” We all become winners because we are all improving our skills.

By: Scott Jones

Scott Jones — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 21:36:54 +0000

Great post. It’s something that I planned and tried in a live production environment last week and shined through with amazing results. It has since sparked many conversations about the dynamic it created, the flaws it highlighted and the people who stepped up and moved forward.

Loved some of the powerful captions from this post because they resonate in who I am and what I do…“Success includes pulling back.”

By: Julia - Aberrant Crochet

Julia - Aberrant Crochet — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 16:31:14 +0000

Restraint (great word!) is a tool I have used a lot in volunteer organizations as well as parenting. For the sake of the organization run solely on volunteers and for the sake of the child who must develop into a full functioning, decision making adult, leaders have to step back and guide from a distance. Volunteers do not work for the same reasons as those being paid. I have found that as a leader, you can’t afford to be too rigid or with your hands in the mix too much. One the one hand, people will sometimes turn to a leader to fix anything and everything. They won’t make a single move or decision without guidance (or someone to blame). That’s not healthy for me or them, or for the life-expectancy of the organization as a volunteer base. On the other, if you don’t use restraint, you won’t have enough flexibility to maneuver what comes your way. There’s less control in many ways by the very nature of the organization. And by behaving in balance, people’s passion and love remain intact. Certainly, a volunteer based organization won’t survive an apathetic leader, or one who neglects, but it also won’t survive an overly rigid and controlling leadership either. Especially the smaller they are.

With kids, it’s always about empowering them with the tools and structure to safely make good decisions, or safely fail. The older they get, the more restraint you must use. If they are to become capable leaders of their own paths in life, this leader must be available, but step out of the way. And at some point, I change mantles completely to that of adviser or “consultant.”

By: divakarssathya

divakarssathya — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 15:56:48 +0000

Restraint is about having a serious conversation with yourself. About sniffing the air, dipping your toes.

Restraint is an aspect of caution and carefulness.

But in our media driven times, where “nothing succeeds like excess”, this is a character driven quality.

Restraint is a nuance to productive leadership and decision making that needs to be better understood and appreciated.

By: Sweetie M Berry (@SweetieBerry)

Sweetie M Berry (@SweetieBerry) — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 15:05:59 +0000

Effective leadership allows for learning, even if the learning is painful. It allows for trust that with experience people will grow and get stronger at making more effective decisions.

By: Randy Hedlun

Randy Hedlun — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 15:01:34 +0000

Middle managers face the challenge of justifying wise strategic restraint to deadline-obsessed superiors. One possible approach is to recruit superiors to the rationale motivating the practice of restraint well in advance of deadlines. It is frustrating, even costly to political capital, to function as a buffer between production-minded superiors and talented but developing team members. But it is a noble and rewarding opportunity.

By: Ajay Kumar Gupta

Ajay Kumar Gupta — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 14:27:45 +0000

Dear Dan,
I agree that restraint enables. It enables by enabling options. Liberty disables. It is so because it does not enable to increase options. Liberty also does not compel for the need. So, need is the driver for restraint. And where we do not feel need, there is no enabling.
I think when leaders do not feel the need while facing restraint, it reflect poor leadership. And even if they feel the need, they do not act to overcome restraint to meet the need. Leaders can exercise restraint effectively by increasing the power of need. The power of need can be divided into many quadrants: power of self need, power of social need, power of positional need, power of influencing need etc. And this power determines leadership effectiveness and longevity. When leaders want power for self development, they seize to become effective. Whereas when they feel the need to influence others development, then they become effective and lasting.

By: Dan Rockwell

Dan Rockwell — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 13:12:22 +0000

Oh yeah!

Ever hear a frustrated kid say “l’ll do it myself.” Of course there’s always the challenge of knowing when.

By: Dan Rockwell

Dan Rockwell — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 13:09:50 +0000

Perhaps it’s ego or maybe ignorance?