Image source by George Hodan
Leaders lie because they don’t care enough to tell the truth. It’s too much trouble convincing know-it-alls, for example, so they smile and let them believe they’re right. They say, “That sounds fine.” But they’re shading the truth.
Leaders lie to:
- Build image.
- Save face.
- Prevent turmoil.
- Solve conflict.
- Distract or misdirect.
- Manipulate others.
- Protect information.
- Put others down.
- Elevate stocks.
- Deceive themselves.
Bonus: Lying leaders pretend they know when they don’t. (One of the dumbest lies.)
Leaders believe lying is wrong but do it anyway.
Lying is always about some form of advantage.
Liars place their interests ahead of yours.
Bosses promise raises but don’t intend to deliver. Employees say they’ve done it when they haven’t. (See: The first lie I told at work.)
Seven strategies for dealing with liars:
- Act quickly. Time is the liar’s friend.
- Develop skepticism. Always begin with empathy, but, tender hearts are vulnerable to lies.
- Be interested. Expose liars by asking questions like: How do you know? Who did you speak with? When did that happen? Who was there? What happened next?
- Include others. Don’t talk to liars alone, have witnesses.
- Validate by communicating with email.
- Protect yourself. Don’t lie but don’t tell everything, either. Vulnerability is stupid when dealing with liars.
- Confront liars you love. I know, we’re supposed to love everyone. Don’t lie to yourself, you don’t.
Bonus: Cultivate transparency – speak publicly – avoid unnecessary secrets. Tell all involved, who does what by when, for example.
Related posts:
12 True Behaviors that Expose Liars
Top Ten Lies Leaders Tell Themselves
See the growing list of responses on Facebook to the fill-in: Leaders lie because ______.
How can leaders deal with liars?
Tags: Communication, Leadership, liar, liars, Questions, tender hearts
March 15, 2013 at 7:06 am |
Love the strategies. Remind me of things you often hear in corporate circles. Things like, “Trust, but verify”. The e-mail one can be very useful too when it is an option. When faced with events that could go in many different directions, I’ll often start writing a chronological log of who said what and when decision times arrive, I share the log with decision makers. Helps my own memory and sometimes it even helps others remember better than they otherwise would! (wink, wink)
Stay safe, Paul
March 15, 2013 at 7:13 am |
Thank you Paul.
I appreciate the log idea. Makes great sense.
You remind me of another important strategy. Get everything out in the open. Transparency! I think I’m going to add it now.
March 15, 2013 at 7:34 am |
A person is only as honest as his level of awareness. One of my favorite spiritual authors Gary Zukav says, “If you don’t know your intention before an interaction, you will know it afterwards.”
I take this to mean that we all have hidden agendas but often we aren’t aware of them until we get an unwanted consequence.
In my book I talk about the Drama Triangle and how leaders participate on the rescue role… people-pleasing, which is a form of deception, however the root of this deception is from old programming…i.e. fear of someone’s reaction rather than the intention to lie.
March 15, 2013 at 7:39 am |
Thank you Marlene.
Very powerful contribution. People pleasing is a form of deception. OUCH!
If any are interested, Marlene’s book is Stop Workplace Drama.
March 15, 2013 at 9:21 am |
Marlene I hear you!!
That ole fear thingy can be quite the obstacle to good clean harmonious living can’t it?
SP out!
March 15, 2013 at 7:34 am |
Asking liars questions is a great idea. Usually liars have only thought out their lie, not all the aspects, points and implications around it. While questioning doesn’t always uncover the truth, it can uncover the lie.
As always, great post – thank you.
Best,
Laurie
March 15, 2013 at 7:42 am |
Thank you Laurie.
Always appreciate that you’ve stopped by… Have a great weekend.
March 15, 2013 at 8:27 am |
Exactly, to me that is one of the most important parts of being a leader. You have to be willing to ask questions, even difficult ones that might expose someone’s lack of truthfulness. Stay safe, Paul
March 15, 2013 at 7:38 am |
Lies break trust, the ingredient required to make any undertaking with more than one person succeed. Groups that operate without trust must operate on fear. That is not efficient, not sustainable, and doesn’t breed engagement.
Four ways to deal with lying:
1) Never lie
2) Never punish people for telling the truth or shoot the messenger who brings bad news. If a person confesses punishable wrong-doing, find a way of punishing the wrong appropriately while praising the confession, and forgiving the wrong. If the person makes appropriate amends, be even more generous.
3) Let people know early that lying is very wrong, and may lead to sanctions up to and including dismissal. Include lying about other people (gossip) in that category.
4) When you are sure a lie has been said, bring it out in the open. Like cockroaches, liars hate light. You won’t be loved by the liar for doing so, but you will do what is right for the organization.
March 15, 2013 at 7:42 am |
KaPow!
March 15, 2013 at 10:26 am |
Lol never lie that is a good one Marc you had me going there for a second! Lol
Ok anyone ever try pushing two magnets together? Don’t work too good!!!
Meeting fear with fear and intimidation is a strategy I guess just not a very good one in my opinion. Anyone anyone Bueler Bueler?
If you still think it is just get two magnets and keep pushing them together too you figure it out.
Met this person once at McDonald’s. they were very rude and short when I was ordering my mcmuffin ! Being the fella I am instead of blasting them, you know public ally exposing their behavior I took a different path.
I pulled the dude to the side and asked what the heck is going on here? Service usually sweet!!!
He proceeded to share with me his mom died last night suddenly and he spent all nights last night with grieving family and friends and that the grief and shock had him off his game.
So who needed the attitude adjustment here? Both! I would have never known had I not taken the time to open up and find out WHY he was acting the way he was. Lying acting all part of the same thought string. Boy that why humans do what they do is a biggie!!!!
Now imagine this happens kinda sorta with the people you work with day in day out? They go off the rails or even start to and you got no idea why????? What kinda leader is that? Know your folks get to understanding them and CARE about them. And care is a verb!!!
Once again the Golden Rule RULES. Plus a bonus….. Seek to understand instead of seeking to be understood when dealing with the complex humans.
Lastly, that don’t lie thingy still got me rollling! Try this get a mental stenography machine, hook yourself up to it, let it dictate for a day what you say to yourself. Then look it over closely.
Then ask yourself is never lying really a practical strategy or not? Seriously you really had me going there for a second and thanks for starting out my day with a good hard belly laugh.
Cyas,
SP out!
March 15, 2013 at 7:51 am |
Dear Dan,
Very interesting and tricky thing at the work place level in particular.
Few practical solutions: Act tough with the liars; Confront; Bring transparency in your dealings with bosses and subordinates; Protect your self-esteem; Keep a safe distance; Courage to fight for the truth keeping the hierarchy line intact and informed; Not to tolerate lies which can hurt you and your self-image; Quick corrective actions.
March 15, 2013 at 7:59 am |
Thank you Dr. Asher.
The main orientation of your insights is be active, even aggressive.
We tend to back away when we should step forward in these situations. Powerful challenge!
It goes without saying that we must never act aggressively until we have substantiated lies beyond a shadow of a doubt.
After verification, being tough on lying enhances the respect people feel for our leadership.
March 15, 2013 at 11:54 pm |
Quite true! I have had experience of this kind and my approach has remained on the lines of what you have stated. My anxiety remains when the conflict is between the two leaders when one tries to dominate taking an edge with lies. What could be the final result? Will truth prevail and enhance the image of a strong leadership with better respect?
March 15, 2013 at 8:04 am |
Good article! I loathe being lied to, as I hate the underlying assumption that I’m an easy target who is less smart than the liar!
When questioning suspected liars, I’ve heard it’s a good idea to watch their eye movements. If they look up to the left a lot, they’re trying to remember details. If they look up to the right a lot, they are possibly making things up (that’s because different areas of the brain are involved in the process).
March 15, 2013 at 8:07 am |
Thank you Bel.
I know what you mean. Plus, I’m often gullible. I just don’t see it coming. I naturally trust. Sadly, liars can take advantage. The study of body language and lying is fascinating.
I found, The Silent Language of Leaders, useful.
March 15, 2013 at 7:17 pm |
Bel here is some insight for you to spot liars…….works EVERYTIME!!!! Check to see if they are breathing, if breathing , just a matter of when and about what about.
We are human and we all lie so adjusting to the reality and practicality makes sense.
Anyway just thought that might help.
Good luck.
Scott
March 15, 2013 at 8:17 am |
Easy for me to keep it real and real simple.
Why? Cause I am a simple Dude!!!!!!!!
Liars lie for one reason and one reason only, now this reason branches off in all kinds of ways but THE ROOT is always the same.
On the reverse side people tell the truth because they anticipate gaining pleasure and avoiding pain. People are really simple but in a good and interesting way.
In some form or fashion HUMAN BEINGS, including Leaders lie because they anticipate the lie is going to help them avoid pain and gain pleasure.
For me it is simpler to deal with it simple stuff, not chasing after offshoots coming from one source. Ever wonder why the Dentist Dude does a ROOT CANAL????? Cause that is where the nerve doing the hurting is located. He can to all he wants to the other parts of the tooth and problem not solved.
My suggestion, be a Root Dealer.
Ok got to get to work!
Good Day!
Scott
March 15, 2013 at 8:23 am |
Thank you Scott.
I’m heading off to dental school!
March 15, 2013 at 8:54 am |
Hi Dan good for you!!!! Well wishes in your pursuit of becoming a most excellent root dealer!
Also meant to mention to have patience and understanding with people who lie, you know like the ones who breathe!!!!!
We are ALL liars put in the right setting and circumstance.
How bout this one for the married fellas?? “Honey does this dress make me look fat”??? Know how that one goes right fellas???
Telling a lie, missing the mark if you will is just part of the great human experience we are all experiencing.
When people , we, know better we do better so don’t be too harsh in the peeps as they figure this out for themselves !!!
Hey Dan, sounds remarkably similar to that Golden Rule thingy, don’t it??
Cya, SP
March 15, 2013 at 8:28 am |
Dear Dan,
What a superb suggestions to dealing with the liars. They work unquestionably. I would add some points based on your suggestions. Leaders should speak less and provide more opportunity to liars to speak. It means, you should try to create and cultivate a culture of more freedom to speak. I appreciate your points that leaders should generally discuss issues with liars in front of many people. The main concept is to gather lot of evidences against liars. Confirming their discussions, suggestions and advices through writing email is powerful tool. One more way to deal with liar is to be curious and ignorant about any issues even if you know it. Show your ignorance and ask for suggestions from liars. Also seek their help.These steps expose liars.
However, there is danger with dealing with liars when decision is mutual. In case of success, they will try to take full credit but in case of failure, you are responsible. In case of teamwork, team leaders should ensure that liars get specific task with deadlines.
The common practice that liars do is to criticize and complain about others.Leaders should call the person immediately against liars is complaining. At the same time, leaders should encourage liars to bring any issues or information. One powerful step to deal, expose and root out liars in the organization is to create timely and proper flow of information across hierarchy and encourage and reward feedback and suggestions.
March 15, 2013 at 9:35 am |
Thank you Ajay.
Great stuff! In particular, I hadn’t thought about liars as blamers. Love it.
March 15, 2013 at 9:32 am |
I think #4 should be “avoid conflict” not “solve conflict.” Lying leaders also lie to be liked.
March 15, 2013 at 9:36 am |
Thank you Mary.
Actually both apply. One way liars solve conflict is lying. Not saying it’s a long-term solution but I think both are true.
March 15, 2013 at 9:46 am |
A challenging but very real subject to deal with Dan and I admire that you’ve handled this often taboo topic.
I think I only question “Develop skepticism”. Perhaps it is the optimist in me but I don’t think I come from a focus of doubt or unbelief.
I wonder if it is “develop courage” because we need to stand up for what we believe in and what is morally right..what is
Your other points such as asking questions deal with the proactive stance we all need to take.
What a fascinating post you chose to write!
Well handled.
Best,
Roy
March 15, 2013 at 10:10 am |
Thank you Roy.
I was most uncomfortable with the skepticism point. I’m don’t have that quality but sometimes wish I did.
Love the courage contribution. I’ll add that gullibility with courage doesn’t help. Somehow I need to get it into my head that some people aren’t being forthright… I’m disappointed to even say it.
Having said all that…love the addition of courage.
March 15, 2013 at 10:45 am |
I think one variation I would add to #4 “solve conflict” is “avoid conflict.” If the truth is going to cause unrest or tension, sometimes a lie is told to “protect the peace.” Of course that leads to a whole other set of issues down the road……..
And I love the language about transparency, for sure.
March 15, 2013 at 10:54 am |
Sometimes, the hardest liar to deal with is yourself! Watching those physiological ticks can often betray a liar to you, but exposing or confronting the liar is a different matter entirely. I love the earlier comment about dealing with lying by never lying yourself. But so often we lie to others– and ourselves– about our knowledge and ability to protect ourselves from betraying vulnerability. Building relationships with mentors and coworkers can help take away that fear of vulnerability and open the doors to more open, honest, and productive work.
March 15, 2013 at 12:04 pm |
Steps in dealing directly with a lying boss: (1) Confront and confirm the lie was committed (2) Tell the boss you will quit if he does not resign. Life is short and eagles soar
Author: http://www.joeegan.com
March 16, 2013 at 8:35 am |
Liked the bold approach while dealing with a lying boss. The first point is obvious since it hurts your self-esteem while the other is an extreme step. I shall prefer to prove the boss wrong in confrontation by bringing the facts and send a message that no nonsense is tolerated which hurts your own self-esteem. If the boss is matured and smart enough then he shall be careful while dealing with you in future and shall not take the support of lies.
At times, the matter gets worsened when the boss reports the matter to a higher up to let you down and not admitting the mistake to close the chapter. Probably, both parties loose the respect with the seniors and a wrong perception gets built up until things get repeated where the boss gets exposed.
Truth prevails and one needs to act boldly with liars to stop further damages.
March 16, 2013 at 2:48 pm |
Great post, Dan. Ant thoughts on what to do when the leader IS the biggest liar?
March 18, 2013 at 4:02 am |
Anyone who has had more than one job, has probably had to deal with a liar in the workplace. There seems to be several different types of liars. The “lazy” liar who doesn’t care if you think he is lying or not ( they usually don’t stay long), The “truth stretcher”, its mostly true but key elements are fabricated to improve their position, The “agenda” liar who has a pet cause for lying. The cause could be they don’t like a co-worker or they see it as a power tool.
The one that can be most difficult is the liar who believes their own lies are actually the truth. The latter type seems to be the one I’ve seen most often among bosses. I’ve found the quest for details often exposes most types of liars, its hard to keep the lie going on the fly for most of them.