The Secret Power of Vulnerability

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The power of  vulnerability is lost
when you don’t dare or don’t know how.

Bill Treasurer, author of, “Leaders Open Doors,” said, “I used to drink too much. Way too much. … Three years after getting sober … I decided to reveal to my boss, a partner at Accenture, that I was in recovery. …

I didn’t expect my boss to pat me on my shoulder and say, ‘Good for you; you’re a drunk!’ I expected more of a reaction than I got.

After I told him that I was in recovery, my boss looked at me quizzically, and muttered, ‘I see.’ Then he made some small-talk and hurried to another meeting.”

“I regretted having told him…”

If you reveal your real self, what’s left if it’s rejected?

Selective vulnerability:

1. Not all the time with everyone. “I gotta be me,” is self-centered, weak, and self-indulgent.
2. Not everything. No one wants to hear it all.
3. Not helpful. Before vulnerability ask, “Is this helpful.”
4. Not only weaknesses. Vulnerability includes telling your personal story.

Another story:

Bill told me another story. He was scheduled to spend two hours riding alone with a tightly wound, military style boss. He said, “I wasn’t looking forward to it.”

Surprisingly, the boss turned the radio to a rock station where Creedence Clear Water Revival was playing. After that, “My boss told me stories of when he fought in Vietnam.” After hearing his stories, Bill said, I judged him less and respected him more.

Vulnerability builds connections.

 Back to recovery:

Two weeks after telling his boss he was in recovery something amazing happened. Bill’s boss was on the board of the Georgia Council of Substance Abuse and Accenture had volunteered to do a research project. The boss asked Bill to lead the team. “It was the first time as a new manager that I got to lead my own project team.”

Vulnerability creates opportunities.

Recommendation: 

Read, “Leaders Open Doors.” It’s about WAY more than vulnerability.

What are the dangers and opportunities of vulnerable leadership?

What principles guide vulnerability?

***

The Surprising Path to the Top

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Top tier leaders develop their leadership; bottom tier leaders don’t. Lousy leaders don’t develop their leadership.

Those who need it most – want it least.
Those who need it least – want it most.

Simple test:

Ask yourself, “What am I doing to develop my leadership?” Lousy leaders don’t have an answer.

Number one:

I talked with Marshall Goldsmith, yesterday. Harvard Business Review named him the number one leadership thinker in the world. Marshall said the best always strive to be better.

Surprising path to number one:

Marshall said I always learn more from the people I coach than they learn from me. He’s not minimizing his value. It helps that he only works with top leaders of top organizations in the world.

Grow your leadership by growing others.

Help yourself by helping others. Teachers learn more than students.

The surprising path to the top is helping others to the top.

Unselfishly develop yourself by unselfishly developing others.

Tip:

Know less. Even if you think you know, listen and learn.

In and out:

People ask me how I come up with a leadership post six or seven times a week. I always answer the same way. I’m putting more in my cup than I’m taking out. A conversation with Marshall Goldsmith is one example.

Keep filling and pouring out of your cup.

Writing Leadership Freak is part of my leadership development. You think I do it for others and that’s true. I also do it for me. What I take in, I give out.

Tool:

Here’s a tool to help you develop others and yourself: “Managers as Mentors,” by Chip Bell and Marshall Goldsmith.

How are you developing your leadership?

Don’t Go with Your Gut

Everyone has an inner voice, intuition, or feelings that something is right or wrong. Your gut could be wrong. Don’t trust it.

Ask the poker player who went all-in and lost. What about the manager who felt great about hiring a job applicant that didn’t work out. Have you ever felt you were driving in the right direction when you were lost?

One of the worst things the gut tells extroverts is keep talking.

Evaluate your gut when:

1. You feel like you’re contributing more than your teammates.
2. Topics are outside your expertise.
3. Assigning blame.
4. You haven’t taken time for self-reflection.

Right:

I talked with Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., about when to trust our gut. She said, for those who take time to self-reflect, listen to your gut when it comes to values and passions. She emphasized the importance of self-reflection.

Wrong:

“Where our intuitions fail us is actually on the opposite problem, that is, evaluating where we go wrong… In general we are way too hard on ourselves. We tend to think that we are the problem.”

Dr. Halvorson went on to say, “I’m a big advocate for people being much more self-compassionate than we are… The people who are not horribly self-critical are actually more successful… The lack of self-compassion comes from some of these bad intuitions we have about our failures.”

Failures:

You need more input when it comes to evaluating failures. Don’t go with your gut. Get feedback.

Evaluating your gut:

Explore issues that don’t feel right. Don’t assume something’s wrong. Say, “This doesn’t feel right to me. Tell me more.”

When something feels right ask, “Am I missing something? or What could go wrong?”

Dr. Halverson in her own words on intuition (3:57):

Check out Dr. Halverson’s new book: Focus (Highly recommended)

How do you know when to go with your gut?

When Teammates Collide

Forward-focused teammates clash with foot-draggers.  But, foot-draggers aren’t the problem.

My approach to an opportunity is grab it and go. Planning isn’t high on my list. I know it’s important but can’t we plan as we go. “Just do something” is my motto. Build the airplane in the air.

“Just do something people” drive planners crazy. But “just do something” isn’t the problem.

Example:

A planner on my team sent me an e-mail that included, “I don’t want to frustrate you.” I was pushing for a next step. He was explaining why we can’t move forward, at this time.

Every team experiences collisions between team members pushing for the next thing and those reluctant to move forward.

*Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins explain motivational collisions in their new book, “Focus.” They explain how some tend to promote and others prevent.

Promoters play to win.
Preventers play not to lose.

Preventors prefer to say, “No! to an opportunity, rather than end up in hot water.” Halvorson and Higgins.

Over the years, I’ve seen the weakness of my promoter-focus. I don’t protect gains. Mistakes are no big deal. Planning takes too long. I’m willing to lose what I have – to gain what I don’t.

Promoters tend toward big ideas.
Preventers are great with details.

Motivation:

“For a promotion-focused person, what’s really “bad” is a nongain: a chance not taken, a reward unearned, a failure to advance… But for the prevention-focused, the ultimate “bad” is a loss you failed to stop; a mistake made, a punishment received, a danger you failed to avoid.”

Everyone:

Everyone, according to Halvorson and Higgins, has both motivations and, depending on the context, brings them out. The planner, I mentioned, who didn’t want to frustrate me is a fire-ball-promoter once he sees a path to success, for example.

How might leaders navigate tensions between promoters and preventors?

*Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins lead the Motivational Science Center at Columbia Business School.

Bonus material: Heidi Grant Halvorson in her own words on characteristics of promotion and prevention focus. (4:17)

How to Break Destructive Patterns

Those who can’t or won’t see patterns are doomed to repeat the past. Ignore patterns and yesterday’s decisions become tomorrow’s destiny.

“Patterns, not problems, will ruin your business.”
Dr. Henry Cloud

Pattern recognition may be the least discussed and most neglected leadership skill. Yet, pattern recognition informs plans, enables innovation, and empowers decision making.

Everyone has experience, wise leaders learn from it.
Learning from experience is the ability
to see and acknowledge patterns.

Constant frustration means you’re in patterns you can’t or won’t see. Blindness to patterns happens when you:

1. Define yourself by results. When I defined myself by results, I ignored the reason for disappointing results and tried faster and harder. Frustration!
2. Need another’s approval to bolster your worth. Think of those who remain in abusive relationships.
3. Misapply experiences from the past. Success in one context doesn’t guarantee success in another. Problems at JC Penny may illustrate this dangerous pattern.

The real problem is the pattern:

In, “Boundaries for Leaders,” Dr. Henry Cloud explains how successful leaders see repeated problems as the problem. “Problems aren’t the issue. Problems are the work.” The problem is repeated problems – patterns.

Breaking patterns:

In yesterday’s conference call, Dr. Cloud explained that breaking patterns often involves creating structure. The board may meet with you every month rather than quarterly, for example.

Secondly, pattern busting often requires bringing in the outside. Hire a coach, find a mentor, visit the competition, or interact with fresh leaders.

Thirdly, instigate vigorous debate. Gather frontline employees and have them explain the reasons your organization is stuck, for example.

“Patterns, when addressed as if they were only a problem to be solved, remain.” Dr. Henry Cloud

Bonus material:

My conversation with Dr. Cloud on the difference between problems and patterns (5:45). 

How can leaders get better at seeing and breaking negative patterns?

Isolated Leadership: Dangers and Solutions

Isolated leaders inevitably run down, grow ineffective, and become irrelevant. Closed systems die slow deaths.

Don’t wait for the energy fairy. She ain’t coming.

What happens when you place a frog in water that’s slowly being heated? They don’t jump out, they die.

The increasing heat of leadership subtly cooks isolated leaders.

Isolation feels safe but it kills.

You’re isolated and running down if you feel:

1. Disconnected.
2. Distrustful.
3. Unsupported.
4. Misunderstood.
5. Constantly guarded.

Warning: Leaders frequently lean toward isolation.

In his new book, “Boundaries for Leaders,” Dr. Henry Cloud says:

“Set boundaries on your tendency to be a ‘closed system,’ and open yourself to outside inputs that bring you energy and guidance.”

Solitude isn’t a leadership strategy.

Open yourself to influence, input, and support from outside your organization. Closed systems inevitably die. Dr. Cloud says the benefits of outside input includes:

1. Insight into new models of leading.
2. Motivation and development.
3. Help overcoming obstacles.
4. Support through valleys.
5. Protection from worst instincts.

“Leaders need outside voices to provide emotional and functional support…” Dr. Cloud.

You need reminders to get out of yourself and the organization you lead. Dr. Cloud suggests:

1. Know your personal kookiness. You aren’t perfectly rational 100% of the time.
2. Get coaching.
3. Join a leadership group.
4. Take courses and attend conferences.
5. Seek and listen to feedback. “To be the best you can be, you must develop a hunger for feedback…”

A note on kooky:

Acknowledging idiosyncrasies frees; hiding them confines.

All leaders have “special” built in over-reactions, biases in perception, and instinctual responses that don’t work. Acknowledging “special qualities” opens and strengthens leadership.

How can leaders overcome the tendency to isolate?

What behaviors help leaders connect?

How to Avoid Failing Successfully

If busy equals success, you’ve arrived. But, the busier you are the easier it is to forget what matters.

Hectic leaders are distracted leaders.

Leaders without focus succeed at what doesn’t matter.

Busy leaders get results but ruin relationships, for example. Achieving results without building relationships is the formula for short-term success and long-term disaster.

Failing successfully:

A person without priorities follows urgencies. A person with priorities pursues significance.

A leader without priorities is a follower.

In order to matter you must stop doing things that don’t matter. But there’s much more.

Boundaries:

Move beyond what you won’t do by establishing positive boundaries.

Dr. Henry Cloud, author of, “Boundaries for Leaders,” said, “Boundaries are made up of two essential things: what you create and what you allow.” Dr. Cloud explains that, among other things, boundaries enable focus.

Leaders without boundaries are leaders without focus.

Benefit:

Dr. Cloud explains that focus enables and enhances performances, both yours and theirs.

Enhance performance by clarifying focus.

Ask people in your organization, “What’s our focus?” How many answers will you get? It’s likely many have personal answers. That’s a hectic organization.

Clarification:

Dr. Cloud tells the story of a leader who has brief daily leadership huddles with his team to:

1. Celebrate yesterday’s victories.
2. Share helpful information. What new market information have you learned, for example?
3. Identify a present challenge. How can we solve this challenge?

The successful leader Dr. Cloud describes creates focus every day.

How can leaders create boundaries that clarify focus?

***

Join me for one of two Live – Complimentary – Conference call with Dr. Henry Cloud, author of, “Boundaries for Leaders: Results, Relationships, and Being Ridiculously in Charge.”

Wednesday, April 10
11:30 a.m. Eastern/8:30 a.m. Pacific
LINK: https://leadershipfreak.webex.com/leadershipfreak/onstage/g.php?t=a&d=299060725

Thursday, April 11
1:00 p.m. Eastern/10:00 a.m. Pacific
LINK: https://leadershipfreak.webex.com/leadershipfreak/onstage/g.php?t=a&d=298123582

PLEASE NOTE: The registration password is: LDRFRK 
Maximum number of registrants per call: 1,000

How to Solve the #1 Problem with Meetings

Bosses need to run meetings because they need to exercise authority and control. That attitude hinders free, honest involvement by participants. Worse yet, controlling-bosses obstruct ownership. Others won’t own what you own.

The problem with meetings is bosses run them.

No one can effectively manage a meeting and participate at the same time. Transform meetings by training new employees to – facilitate – manage meeting. Facilitators don’t participate with content they manage the process.

Meeting facilitators:

Martin Murphy, author of, “No More Pointless Meetings said, “The boss or highest ranking person in the room should not run workflow management sessions.” Martin prefers calling meetings “workflow management sessions.”

Assign junior team members to run – facilitate – meetings. They don’t give input they manage the meeting, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

Power and control:

Murphy’s suggestion freaks out leaders who need to sit at the head of the table exercising control. The whole dynamic stinks of inappropriate command and control leadership.

Sit at the foot of the table not the head.

Manipulating:

Stop pretending you’re collaborating when you’re manipulating.

If you know the outcome of the meeting before the meeting, DON’T call a meeting. Meetings with pre-determined outcomes are manipulations. Have the integrity and courage to say, “This is what I want.” Say it and save everyone time.

Keep control if you must. If you need to set the agenda, do it. If not, work with the team to set agendas, for example.

Real collaboration:

If you’re genuinely interested in collaborative processes that produce collaborative results, stop running meetings. Train junior team members to facilitate meetings, instead. They manage processes while everyone else, including you, participates.

How would meetings change if bosses stopped running them?

What skills should meeting facilitators possess or develop?

Note: We had technical difficulties with yesterday’s call with Dr. Henry Cloud. My apologies for any inconvenience this caused you. We’re working to reschedule using another platform. Stay tuned and thank you for your patience.

How to Become a Future-Maker

Make the future or it makes you. Stop reacting; start creating.

Urgency dominates where plans lack.

Yesterday’s future arrived today. Successful leaders plan. Planners make the future.

Planners live like tomorrow is today.

If you knew financial decline was in your future would you save money today?

“Planning is about preparing for the future, not predicting it.” Bill McBean

Planners see patterns.

Every spring the same thing happens in Pennsylvania. The whole State gets grumpy because we’re fed up with winter. Life is harder; tension easier. Organizational leaders should anticipate more conflict and stress.

If “grumpy” happens every spring it’s a pattern. Don’t react, plan.

Planners gather facts.

“Build factual foundations for decision making. For example:

1. What happened in the Market today?
2. What are the historical trends?
3. How large is the market?
4. Who are the major players?
5. Who are the winners and loser?”

Adapted from, “The Facts of Business Life,” by Bill McBean.

Planners look back and around, then anticipate the future.

Planners paint the future.

Leaders live with the future in mind by acting like tomorrow is today.

All successful leaders create the future now.

Plans are paths to the future.

Leaders without plans are dynamic wanderers.

Drucker said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

8 Elements of successful future-making:

1. Destination or vision.
2. Mission statement. Describe purpose and conduct (values).
3. Goals. Explain expectations.
4. Analysis. Describe the present. (Both internal and external).
5. Strategies. Activities aligned with 1 through 4.
6. Objectives. Plans that are exact, measurable, have short timelines, and provide accountability.
7. Summary and communication. Share plans.
8. Implementation.
9. Review and revise. Keep goals in sight.

Adapted from: “The Facts of Business Life.”

What attitudes, skills, and behaviors enable future-making?

Next week’s best FREE leadership development opportunity. Join me for a conference call with Dr. Henry Cloud: Set Boundaries – Extend Results, on April 3 at 1:00 p.m. ET. INFO

How to Inspire Others

Drag others down and you’ll go down with them. The magnitude of your impact is determined by your ability to ignite passion in others.

You make a difference by
inspiring others to make a difference.

Those you inspire pull you forward. They don’t require pushing.

Five qualities of inspirational leaders:

Jeremy Kingsley, author of, “Inspired People Produce Results,” says inspirational leaders are:

1. Dedicated.
2. Loyal.
3. Visionary.
4. Planners.
5. Confident.

5 Questions:

Jeremy offers a series of questions to assess your inspiration quotient:

1. Do you absolutely believe in what your organization does and stands for?
2. Do you have a plan for tomorrow?
3. Do you enjoy planning your strategy?
4. Are you optimistic?
5. Do you motivate others easily?

I believe…

Leadership value is determined by the ability to inspire.

Don’t tell me what you can do. Tell me what you can inspire others to do.

Four surprising qualities of inspirational leaders:

1. Passion balanced with compassion. The pursuit of personal gain and glory doesn’t inspire, it threatens. Inspiration occurs when others believe you genuinely put them before yourself.
2. Strengths and frailties. The frailties you’re working through inspire others to work through theirs. Avoid whining. Focus on hope, progress, and benefit.
3. Belief. “The people who influence you are the people who believe in you,” Henry Drummond.
4. Optimism. Rise above the failures of others by believing in their future. Those who believe in others inspire others.

Lousy leaders push down. Successful leaders lift up.

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great,” Mark Twain.

Bonus:

I asked Jeremy how leaders inspire themselves. He talked about finding mentors. In his own words (2:35): 

Who has inspired you? How?

How do you inspire others?