Why Teams Fight and What to Do About It

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Nothing is more frustrating, from a leadership point of view, than a group of individuals circling each other like vultures. In-fighting wastes time, energy, and resources.

Incompetent leaders have teams who turn on each other.

Focus:

Lack of focus invites conflict. Teams who don’t know what’s important can’t focus. Leaders focus teams by showing them what’s important, now. Focus generates energy, unleashes creativity, and fires urgency.

Personal agendas:

Everyone knows Mary wants her way because it makes her look good. She cares more for her career than the team’s success. Immature people think only of themselves. Mature managers manage for the benefit of others.

People, who need control or credit,
fight to get it and refuse to give it.

It’s time for a tough conversation. Reform or remove her. If you can’t remove her, make her insignificant to the team.

Naughty or nice:

Teams flounder when they don’t know how to fight nice. Advocating for ideas isn’t naughty until it becomes personal.

Naughty fighting focuses on people.
Nice fighting focuses on issues.

Naughty fighting is filled with “you.” But, blame and accusation never solve problems.

Past tense conversations never create the future.

Fit:

Those who don’t fit, fight. Give team leaders a voice in forming the team.

Team formation establishes team potential.

High performers, who don’t fit, ruin teams. Creating fit:

1. Identify purpose. Why are we here? Know who you are before identifying those who fit.
2. Authorize teams to choose new members.
3. Interview for team positions like you interview for new hires.
4. Establish your code of conduct. How will you treat each other?

Will we interrupt each other during discussions?
What happens if someone is late or doesn’t follow through?
Will we have fun or be serious?
How will we solve disagreements?
What does candor look like?

Why do teams fight with each other?

How can leaders deal with conflict in the team?

When Teammates Collide

Forward-focused teammates clash with foot-draggers.  But, foot-draggers aren’t the problem.

My approach to an opportunity is grab it and go. Planning isn’t high on my list. I know it’s important but can’t we plan as we go. “Just do something” is my motto. Build the airplane in the air.

“Just do something people” drive planners crazy. But “just do something” isn’t the problem.

Example:

A planner on my team sent me an e-mail that included, “I don’t want to frustrate you.” I was pushing for a next step. He was explaining why we can’t move forward, at this time.

Every team experiences collisions between team members pushing for the next thing and those reluctant to move forward.

*Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins explain motivational collisions in their new book, “Focus.” They explain how some tend to promote and others prevent.

Promoters play to win.
Preventers play not to lose.

Preventors prefer to say, “No! to an opportunity, rather than end up in hot water.” Halvorson and Higgins.

Over the years, I’ve seen the weakness of my promoter-focus. I don’t protect gains. Mistakes are no big deal. Planning takes too long. I’m willing to lose what I have – to gain what I don’t.

Promoters tend toward big ideas.
Preventers are great with details.

Motivation:

“For a promotion-focused person, what’s really “bad” is a nongain: a chance not taken, a reward unearned, a failure to advance… But for the prevention-focused, the ultimate “bad” is a loss you failed to stop; a mistake made, a punishment received, a danger you failed to avoid.”

Everyone:

Everyone, according to Halvorson and Higgins, has both motivations and, depending on the context, brings them out. The planner, I mentioned, who didn’t want to frustrate me is a fire-ball-promoter once he sees a path to success, for example.

How might leaders navigate tensions between promoters and preventors?

*Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins lead the Motivational Science Center at Columbia Business School.

Bonus material: Heidi Grant Halvorson in her own words on characteristics of promotion and prevention focus. (4:17)

7 Ways to Deal with Emotional Issues

Emotional turmoil makes simple tasks complicated, easy tasks hard, and quick tasks slow. High emotion, boiling frustration, and hurt feelings inspire blame. Blame invites defensiveness. Defensiveness causes us to pile on other, perhaps unrelated, problems to prove our point.

Never introduce emotional issues unless you’re prepared to deal with emotion. Once emotions rise, deal with them. Address performance issues after.

Boiling emotions motivate but
make finding solutions complex.

The useful side of anger, for example, is it motivates me to address pressing issues and concerns I’ve buried. But, addressing issues in angry ways complicates the process. Diffuse anger then address issues.

Address emotions separate from issues.

Danger:

Searching to solve issues while emotions are raw often becomes an excuse to fix people. Emotionally frustrated leaders point fingers. They start telling people why they acted the way they did or what’s wrong with them. Accusation invites defensiveness. Issues, otherwise solved simply, grow dark, personal, and complex.

7 Ways to deal with emotional issues:

1. Always address emotions that boil over.
2. Affirm emotion; solve issues.
3. Self-validation never validates; accusation never motivates.
4. Move quickly then slow down. Today’s appointment focuses on feelings, tomorrow’s on issues, for example.
5. Stay focused on immediate issues. Past issues never clarify emotional situations. One issue is simpler than two. Stop shooting the process in the foot by making it a global rather than an individual event.
6. Never determine solutions before conversations. Leaders who enter conversations with predetermined solutions don’t listen, they explain. Have you noticed how people love your explanations?
7. Avoid, “That’s because,” and “You should.”

Bonus: Go with not against. When it feels like you’re pushing against someone during emotional conversations back down, listen and affirm. Ask, “How can we get where you want to go?”

How do you deal with emotional issues?

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The Top 10 Performance Factors for Teams

Image source by Vojko Kalan

Memo to the new team, 2/23/13:

Raise your hand if you love wasting time on:

1. Meaningless drivel.
2. Frustrating stagnation.
3. Superficial relationships.
4. Worthless discussions.
5. Trivial decisions.
6. Mediocre results.
7. Mundane impact.

If wasting time excites you, create dysfunctional teams.

Members of dysfunctional teams:

1. Dread meetings.
2. Can’t wait for meetings to end.
3. Return to meaningful work after meetings.

Functional formation path:

New teams follow predictable formation paths; forming, storming, norming, and performing. Tragically, many teams never perform.

10 high performance factors for teams:

1. Buy-in based on acceptable agreement. Go all-in based on 70% or 80% agreement. Express disagreements but leave all reservations in the meeting. When two people agree 100% of the time, one of them isn’t necessary. Waiting for 100% agreement means you’ll always be waiting.
2. Individual responsibility. Everyone grabs the rope and pulls. Reject drifting and drifters.
3. Honesty. Say what you think clearly, kindly, and respectfully. Going along to get along equals mediocrity.
4. Accountability. Ignoring nonperformance guarantees no performance. Avoid dancing around people, it’s dysfunctional.
5. Clear, agreed upon patterns for narrowing options and making choices. How will you make decisions?
6. Trust. What happens when others are honest?
7. Preferred communication channels. Email or phone, for example
8. Pursue results. What are you accomplishing? All talking informs doing or its wasted time.
9. Create momentum by building on wins. Wins are platforms not easy chairs.
10. Ask awkward questions. Dance with elephants before they crush you. Don’t expect perfect answer, however.

High performance is never a gentle accident.

Successful teams:

1. Trust.
2. Argue.
3. Commit.
4. Follow through.
5. Celebrate.

Above list inspired by, “5 Dysfunctions of a Team.“

How much do you want to matter?  High performance teams make you matter more.

Added resources:

“The Three Pillars of High Performance Teams”

My leadership coach Bob Hancox sent me this “Team Decision Making Tool.” Informed consent is enough.

Pattrick Lencioni’s pyramid of “5 Dysfunctions of a Team.” (Image source, me)

What team performance factors can you add?

Memo to the New Team

To the new team:

Thank you for accepting a seat at the table. I’m writing to you because you’re young and I’m counting on your new team to lift our organization to new heights.

Learning to work on a team is a powerful opportunity for you. Seize it with gusto. However…

There’s nothing natural about working on teams. Independence is normal and easy. “Leave me alone and let me work on my own.”

Working together takes work.

Dysfunctional teams – all teams are dysfunctional at first – frustrate, distract, and de-motivate.

Avoid self-destructive behaviors.

On the other hand, team work is your path to maximum, meaningful impact in career and life.

Prepare yourselves! All new teams go through four stages.

Stage one – forming: Let’s get to know each other.

1. Impression management.
2. Conflict avoidance.
3. Administrative focus. When do we meet? What responsibilities do members perform?
4. Directive leadership. Newly formed teams require more direction than mature.

Stage two storming: Let’s figure out how to work together.

1. Openness, tension, and, conflict.
2. What are we here to do?
3. What can I do?
4. What can you do?
5. What must we do?
6. When and how do we function as a team?
7. When do we work independently?
8. Directive leadership. Teach members the four stages of team development.

Know: Storming is normal and necessary. Don’t skip or short-circuit the process.

Warning: Some teams spiral into permanent ineffectiveness during storming.

1. Immature members continue impression management. The only time they speak up is in the hall, after the meeting, to complain or criticize.
2. Members never move from self-interest to team-interest.
3. Success requires clarity but finding clarity feels confusing.

Stage three and four next time.

Three team-forming tips:

1. Accept the process.
2. Express yourself kindly. Courage born in anger or fear is ugly.
3. Support others aggressively.

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*Bruce Tuckman is the originator of forming, storming, norming, and performing.

“Three Pillars of High Performance Teams.“ 

Next post in this series: “Memo to the New Team 2/22/13.”

What team-forming tips can you suggest for new teams?

I Don’t Butt Heads with the CEO of Zappos

Image source by Hana Muchova'

Many CEO’s are told what they want to hear, rather than what team members really think. That’s a foolish way to avoid butting heads with the boss.

I asked Jamie Naughton, Speaker of the House for Zappos, to talk about a time when she butted heads with her famous CEO, Tony Hsieh. Jamie indicated that issues don’t escalate to head butting.

“There’s no argument, ever. If I don’t like something, then I just say it.”

How to avoid butting heads with the boss:

1. Establish disagreement-rules. Ask your CEO how he best receives disagreement.
2. Fully align with organizational values.
3. Advocate for the organization not yourself.
4. Say what you believe not what’s expected.
5. Disagree early, clearly, politely, and specifically.
6. Constantly communicate. Express opinions when you have them. Flare ups occur when issues build up.
7. Once decisions are made, grab an oar and row, regardless of your position.

Bonus: Add positive options.

Butting heads and who decides:

“The best thing about Tony as a CEO, as a boss, … He will give direction. He will give advice. … He’s going to be part of the conversation but he’s not the decision-maker.” Jamie Naughton.

Corporate teams fear CEO’s because CEO’s make too many decisions. Jamie explained that her boss would never make a decision about phone systems or sponsorship opportunities, for example. “Why would he approve a sponsorship when we have a marketing team who’s trained?” Jamie Naughton.

“He’s – Tony Hsieh – not going to interfere with my department because I know it best. He’s going to offer suggestions and I take it or leave it.” Jamie Naughton.

What suggestions do you have for disagreeing with the boss?

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Bonus material: Jamie Naughton in her own words. (6 min.)

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Connect with Jamie:

Jamie Naughton works directly with Tony Hsieh as the Speaker of the House for Zappos.

LinkedIn

Twitter: @Jamstar

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More Gravy from The Global Leadership Summit

Quotes and concepts from speakers at The Global Leadership Summit:

Craig Groeschel:

1. If you’re not dead you’re not done.
2. Don’t fear the new generation, believe in them because they need you.
3. Delegating tasks creates followers. Delegating authority creates leaders.
4. Authenticity trumps cool.
5. Young leaders grossly overestimate what they can do in the short-run and underestimate what can be done in the long-run.
6. Honor publicly results in influence privately.
7. Giving people honor helps them become honorable.
8. Respect is earned. Honor is given.
9. Create ongoing feedback loops from those who are older and younger.
10. Don’t copy what others do. Copy how they think.
11. How many 16 year olds can write a book? Those who’ve been told they can.

Patrick Lencioni:

Six questions that create clarity:

1. Why do we exist? (Reason for existence)
2. How do we behave? (Values)
3. What do we do?
4. How will we succeed? (Strategy)
5. What is most important, right now? (Priorities)
6. Who must do what? (Execution)

More from Lencioni:

1. If an organization is tolerant of everything, it will stand for nothing.
2. All things to all people is nothing to no one.
3. Core values question one, “What are you willing to get punished for?”
4. Core values question two, “What are you willing to do even if you don’t get rewarded?”

William Ury:

1. The greatest power in negotiation is not to react.
2. The goal isn’t the elimination of conflict.
3. Focus on people. Separate people from the problem.
4. Be soft on the people and hard on the problem.
5. The harder the problem the softer on people.
6. How could you change someone’s mind if you don’t know what’s in their mind?

What’s one of your favorite highlights? Why?

Damn that Hurts…

The trouble with pain is ignoring it. Toothaches begin as dull twinges. Tumors are coughs. Before long, fillings are root canals and tumors are death.

Pain is a slow sunrise, quiet. But, noon always comes. Listen to pain in the morning; don’t wait for noon.

Courage:

Life without pain is death.

Leaders courageously listen for pains voice. Delay invites damage. Toothaches and tumors never magically go away. Pain is not the enemy. Invite it in for a chat. “Damn that hurts.”

The role of pain:

1. Pain screams something’s wrong but doesn’t solve or correct.
2. Pain points to symptoms not root problems.
3. Pain is a consequence not a cause, at least at first.
4. Pain succeeds when we look for causes and cures.
5. Pain solves when stopping is enough.
6. Everything that hurts isn’t bad.

Distraction:

“Just make it stop,” is a distraction. Leaders look through pain to find real issues.

Underperforming employees are the toothache, but the root problem may be organizational, for example. Correcting underperformers may provide surface solutions; developing organizations capacities provides deep cures.

Dull ache:

You’re feeling dull aches that suggest intervention.

1. Relational aches.
2. Staff malfunctions.
3. Inner dissatisfaction.
4. Customer distress.
5. Procedure failures.

Approach:

1. Point out pain-points and ask, “What’s behind this issue?”
2. “Is it escalating or deescalating?”
3. “Does this situation require intervention? Why or why not?”
4. “What are you doing about it?”
5. “How can I help?”
6. “Can we solve this with current or new procedures?”
7. “Tell me more next week.”

All leaders have stories of toothaches that turned to root canals and tumors that killed.

I’m not ready means it doesn’t hurt enough.

Leaders don’t address every issue; they give space for others to find solutions. However, leaders always monitor pain-points. Don’t pretend they’ll go away.

Do you tend to delay too long, act too quick, or move-in on pain-points at just the right moment?

How do you address pain-points?

20 Ways to Disagree with your Boss

If you never disagree you’re irrelevant. Here’s how to disagree successfully:

1. Ask what to do if you disagree before disagreements emerge.
2. Watch and learn when others disagree.
3. Avoid win-lose situations, it’s likely you’ll lose.
4. Know and embrace the boss’ goals. If you don’t align with the big picture, find another job.
5. Come with solutions and options or don’t come at all.
6. Defend your option don’t make them defend theirs.
7. Don’t prove the boss wrong unless you have the facts. (See #9!)
8. Come with the facts. Your opinion isn’t more valuable than others unless you’re an expert.
9. Private is better than public.
10. Listen, listen, listen. Listening is respecting. Respect opens the heart.
11. Fill your relationship with agreements before expressing disagreements. Every agreement is a deposit in your relationship-account. Express agreements frequently and publically.
12. Approach from the side not the front. Lateral approaches sound like, “Could I make a suggestion?”
13. Offer alternatives rather than critiques. “What if” is better than “But” and “Why.”
14. Don’t waste your relationship collateral nitpicking.
15. Publicly and privately align with organizational mission and vision. If you aren’t clearly entrenched in making positive impact, keep your mouth shut.
16. Understand that sandwiching disagreements between two agreements never works like you expect. Effective bosses cut to the chase and ignore peripherals. (Refer to #11)
17. Express agreements even though they don’t work. It’s respectful.
18. Stay focused on the present. Bringing up past issues is picking scabs off old sores.
19. Ask if you can test your option to see how it works.
20. Drop it. After the decision is made, if you can’t grab an oar and row like heck, grab a life vest and jump overboard.

How do you express disagreements with the boss?

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Dealing with Tattlers, Whiners, and Backstabbers

Tattlers, whiners, and backstabbers wear a path to your office filling your ear with spin. They have one goal in mind; make their world better at the expense of others.

Console them and they propagate like destructive bunnies. Confront them and they go underground only to focus on you.

I’m more direct, so my approach is not to listen. Marlene Chism, author of, “Stop Workplace Drama,” told me there’s a better way. She said leaders listen. I’ve realized how wise that is.

Success with tattlers, whiners, and backstabbers:

• Listen. Use all the listening tools you’ve learned.
• Acknowledge. It’s not enough to listen to understand; listen to make others feel understood. They won’t understand you until they feel you understand them.

At this point you’re thinking, doesn’t this encourage and propagate more of the same. The next two questions move the agenda forward.

• Ask, what are your choices? Create responsibility by focusing the conversation on the person in the room. They’ll tell what they can’t do. Ask again. Help them get all their “can’t dos” out.
• Ask, what do you want? Negative people find it nearly impossible to explain what they want. Marlene said they consistently tell you what they don’t want. Listen to what they don’t want and ask again – what do you want. “You’ll hear no, no, no, and not, not, not.”

Tell them you understand they’re upset; that they don’t want things to continue as they are. Ask them to come back at 2:00 p.m. to give you their choices and explain what they want.

The trouble with tattlers, whiners, and backstabbers is they may be right. Marlene is right, leaders listen.

Have you seen the destructive impact of tattlers, whiners, and backstabbers?

What suggestions can you add to Marlene’s list?

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More on Backstabbers:

Four ways to spot backstabbers - Backstabbers seem to be your friend.  In reality, they live on the fringes of social protocol; manipulating information for their own advantage.

Sweetbackstabbers - How to Get Better at Office Politics.

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