Tapping the Radical Power of Firsts

I married my high school sweetheart. I remember leaning over the back of a green rocking chair, in 1969, and kissing her upside down. We were 13. It was my first stolen kiss.

I remember learning to ride a bike, drive a car, and the first time, at sixteen, I gave a public presentation.

Firsts transform us.

Change someone by helping them do something they haven’t done before. You remember the people who helped you do things you’d never done.

Talking is good; doing is better.

Incremental or radical:

Skill development is incremental, one practice built on another. But, there’s nothing like the first time you led a meeting, ran a project, fired an employee, or gave a presentation. It radically changed you.

Successful leaders enable firsts in others.

Powerful firsts:

1. Propel leaders on their journey. Connect this “new thing” to their big picture.
2. Include pushing. Let them know you believe in them while you’re pushing them out of the nest. Kick, don’t coddle. Admittedly, finding the right amount of push requires skill.
3. Create fear and stress. Reaching high is hard.
4. Involve stumbling. If they get it right the first time, it was too easy.
5. After stumbles, give stew-time. Don’t rush in like momma. Set up debrief meetings a day or two after their first.
6. Focus on being as well as doing. Ask, “How are you becoming who you want to be?”
7. Require improvement opportunities. Give second and third chances.

Someone gave you first-opportunities that changed you. Return the favor – change others – by giving them their firsts.

What firsts changed you?

How can leaders effectively give first opportunities?

TODAY! Learn how Stephen M.R. Covey failed and succeeded at building trust during the merger of arch-rival organizations.Listen live to his personal journey through a crisis of trust. 

When Passion Makes Fools of Leaders

Passion drives blinded leaders to repeat self-defeating behaviors.

The danger of passion is it blinds sincere leaders.

Passion for their strengths blinds you to their weaknesses.

If you could just get them doing what you think they should do, their weaknesses or immaturity won’t matter. Sadly, some weaknesses destroy strengths.

1. Great vision; crummy planning ability.
2. Technical skill; no people skill.
3. Strong on toughness; weak on tenderness.

Passion for their potential blinds you to their present passion.

Never get so excited about what you want them to do that you lose sight of what they want to do. You think they’re falling short. They don’t. Help them reach their dream don’t impose yours.

Passion closes minds.
Passion keeps you doing the same ineffective things.

Foolish Passion:

1. Repeated frustrations point to foolish passion. Passion-driven frustrations are the result of doing the same ineffective thing with more determination.
2. Repeated topics point to foolish passion. How many times will you bring up the same problem before you realize you need a new approach?
3. Repeated disappointments point to foolish passion. When will you just say it’s not working?

Repeated frustrations say passion has gone wrong.
Keep passion; change strategy and technique.

Stop circling the same tree! Ask:

1. What am I really trying to accomplish? Redefine and clarify success.
2. What should I stop? Stopping is harder than starting. You’re falling short because you’re repeating things that don’t work.
3. What would new leaders do? Invite new eyes to look at the situation. If what you’re doing isn’t working, try something else. Start small but do something different.

Have you seen passion make fools of leaders?

How can leaders manage their passion?

When a Second Chance is Worth the Risk

Leave a comment today to become eligible for one of twenty-five complimentary copies of, “Leaders Open Doors,” by Bill Treasurer.

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Leaders often fail at letting others fail. But, only perfect people don’t need second chances.

There’s no point in getting up if
trying again isn’t an option.

No second chances:

Leaders – who don’t give second chances – waste potential.

Worse yet, aspirations remain average, when failure isn’t an option. Reaching all goals, for example, means:

1. Challenges are attainable.
2. Goals are too low.
3. Leaders are short-sighted.
4. Average effort is acceptable.

Those who reach high, fall short.
Fully prepared is too prepared.

Leaders enable reach and fuel passion when they give second chances.

Strategic forgiveness:

Bill Treasurer in, “Leaders Open Doors,” explains, “The essence of a second chance is strategic forgiveness.” When you give second chances people often, “becomes deeply loyal and deeply committed.”

Worth the risk:

Bill explains that second chances are worth the risk with people who:

1. Made an honest and legal mistake.
2. Approached the situation thoughtfully and logically but the outcome didn’t work out.
3. Make mistakes out of ignorance not malice.
4. Have a long track record of adding value.
5. Are deeply embarrassed and are likely to retain the lesson.

Consequences:

Second chances and consequences go together. After falling short, higher accountability or more oversight may be appropriate, for example.

Making failure an option doesn’t
mean failure doesn’t matter.

Successful second chances don’t accept mediocrity. They ignite passion for excellence.

When are second chances appropriate? Inappropriate?

How can leaders give second chances without lowering standards?

Leave a comment today to become eligible for one of twenty-five complimentary copies of, “Leaders Open Doors,” by Bill Treasurer.

Free excerpt of, “Leaders Open Doors.”

Connect with Bill Treasurer on twitter and Facebook.

Related:

“How Blowing Up a Factory Changed Jack Welch“

“Giving Liars a Second Chance“

A To-Don’t NOT a To-Do

Even four year olds know that being helped isn’t always helpful. Over eager parents, who step in to “help,” often hear frustrated children say, “I’ll do it myself!”

Never help those who can help themselves.

You got up this morning thinking about things to-do. But, leaders think about things to-don’t. Helpfulness lifted you to leadership but the need to help hampers once you’re there.

The need to help may reflect an unhealthy need to be helpful.

Leaders who need to help are short-sighted unhelpful hindrances who need to feel important.

Step out; don’t step in.

Helping isn’t helpful when it weakens, creates dependencies, or takes responsibility from others.

Delay helping when:

1. Ownership is high. Stepping in undermines ownership.
2. Teams are motivated.
3. Delay shows respect. “I trust you.”
4. Acceptable progress is being achieved.
5. Long-term benefits outweigh short-term results.
6. You questions methods and processes, not outcomes.
7. Struggle strengthens.
8. Teams trust you. They know you have their best interests in mind.
9. Failure humbles.
10. Defeat creates learning moments.

Bonus: Stop helping if helping didn’t help last time.

The goal of helping is enabling, not more helping.

Real help takes people to places where they don’t need help. Sometimes, not helping is helpful.

Help when:

1. Teams need an extra hand because conditions changed.
2. Relationships break down. Help the process.
3. Confusion persists. The great role of leaders is creating clarity.
4. Help “with” not “for.”
5. Helping develops skills.

Frustration:

Monitor frustrations. Acceptable levels of frustration intensify focus and motivate change. Don’t help.

Too much frustration generates relational conflict and paralyzes progress. Step in.

Tip:

Stay near; don’t isolate. Not helping isn’t an excuse to stay distant.

Back to the four year old. They’ll ask for help after they’ve tried, failed, and become frustrated. They respect you when you help after they’ve struggled. But, help before they struggle and they despise and reject you.

When is help, unhelpful?

How do you determine when to step in?

Don’t Go with Your Gut

Everyone has an inner voice, intuition, or feelings that something is right or wrong. Your gut could be wrong. Don’t trust it.

Ask the poker player who went all-in and lost. What about the manager who felt great about hiring a job applicant that didn’t work out. Have you ever felt you were driving in the right direction when you were lost?

One of the worst things the gut tells extroverts is keep talking.

Evaluate your gut when:

1. You feel like you’re contributing more than your teammates.
2. Topics are outside your expertise.
3. Assigning blame.
4. You haven’t taken time for self-reflection.

Right:

I talked with Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., about when to trust our gut. She said, for those who take time to self-reflect, listen to your gut when it comes to values and passions. She emphasized the importance of self-reflection.

Wrong:

“Where our intuitions fail us is actually on the opposite problem, that is, evaluating where we go wrong… In general we are way too hard on ourselves. We tend to think that we are the problem.”

Dr. Halvorson went on to say, “I’m a big advocate for people being much more self-compassionate than we are… The people who are not horribly self-critical are actually more successful… The lack of self-compassion comes from some of these bad intuitions we have about our failures.”

Failures:

You need more input when it comes to evaluating failures. Don’t go with your gut. Get feedback.

Evaluating your gut:

Explore issues that don’t feel right. Don’t assume something’s wrong. Say, “This doesn’t feel right to me. Tell me more.”

When something feels right ask, “Am I missing something? or What could go wrong?”

Dr. Halverson in her own words on intuition (3:57):

Check out Dr. Halverson’s new book: Focus (Highly recommended)

How do you know when to go with your gut?

How to Break Destructive Patterns

Those who can’t or won’t see patterns are doomed to repeat the past. Ignore patterns and yesterday’s decisions become tomorrow’s destiny.

“Patterns, not problems, will ruin your business.”
Dr. Henry Cloud

Pattern recognition may be the least discussed and most neglected leadership skill. Yet, pattern recognition informs plans, enables innovation, and empowers decision making.

Everyone has experience, wise leaders learn from it.
Learning from experience is the ability
to see and acknowledge patterns.

Constant frustration means you’re in patterns you can’t or won’t see. Blindness to patterns happens when you:

1. Define yourself by results. When I defined myself by results, I ignored the reason for disappointing results and tried faster and harder. Frustration!
2. Need another’s approval to bolster your worth. Think of those who remain in abusive relationships.
3. Misapply experiences from the past. Success in one context doesn’t guarantee success in another. Problems at JC Penny may illustrate this dangerous pattern.

The real problem is the pattern:

In, “Boundaries for Leaders,” Dr. Henry Cloud explains how successful leaders see repeated problems as the problem. “Problems aren’t the issue. Problems are the work.” The problem is repeated problems – patterns.

Breaking patterns:

In yesterday’s conference call, Dr. Cloud explained that breaking patterns often involves creating structure. The board may meet with you every month rather than quarterly, for example.

Secondly, pattern busting often requires bringing in the outside. Hire a coach, find a mentor, visit the competition, or interact with fresh leaders.

Thirdly, instigate vigorous debate. Gather frontline employees and have them explain the reasons your organization is stuck, for example.

“Patterns, when addressed as if they were only a problem to be solved, remain.” Dr. Henry Cloud

Bonus material:

My conversation with Dr. Cloud on the difference between problems and patterns (5:45). 

How can leaders get better at seeing and breaking negative patterns?

How the CEO of Zappos Solves Problems

Your worst problem is believing you know the problem, when you don’t. The next is solving it.

Procter & Gamble set out to design new soap for cleaning floors. It’s a challenge because strong soap cleans dirt but it also strips finishes and irritates skin.

After years of failed attempts, P&G came up with the Swiffer – paper towel on a stick. Mopping was the problem, not soap*.

One word:

The CEO of Zappos, Tony Hsieh, finds the “right” problem with one word, “Why.”

“The one thing that Tony is really good at, that I’ve learned, is to always ask why. … If you ask why enough, you can turn, even the most complex problem into its simplest form.” Jamie Naughton

Problems first:

Use curiosity to explore problems before seeking answers.

Simplify before solving.

Rush to problems; don’t rush to solutions. Answers become complications when they solve “wrong” problems.

Simplify complexity by asking why.

1. Why are we doing this?
2. Why do we need to do this?
3. Why do we keep things in place if they aren’t working?
4. Why is this a problem?
5. Why do we care?

“It might be ten why’s, it might be three whys, and then you can say, “Ok. Let’s fix that.” Jamie Naughton

Simple problems have simple answers.

Speed:

Speed problem simplifying - Slow solution finding.

Go slow to go fast.

Solving the wrong problem slows or stalls progress.

Example:

Problem: I’m stressed.

Fast solution: Massage.

Explore the problem:

I’m stressed. Why? I have too much to do. Why? Because I can’t say, “No.” Why can’t you say, “no?” And so on…

What if stress isn’t the problem? Fix the simplest problem. Then get a massage just for fun.

How can leaders slow the solution finding process in order to find real problems?

How do you find solutions?

_____

*(There’s debate concerning the origin of the Swiffer. Regardless, P&G found the “right” answer when they identified the “right” problem.)

Connect with Jamie:

Jamie Naughton works directly with Tony Hsieh as the Speaker of the House for Zappos.

LinkedIn

Twitter: @Jamstar

In her own words (1 min.)

Related: The Surprising Path to Happiness at Work

10 Strategies for Starting Over

An employee frustrates the heck out of you. Wish you could start over? Your boss drives you crazy. Wouldn’t it be nice to start fresh?

What’s stopping you from starting over? You!

Start over – 5 ways to address the past:

1. Identify frustrations and name failures. Ignored frustrations always escalate.
2. Accept their weaknesses.
3. Take your blame. What role are you playing in the problem? Rest assured you are. Employ honest outside eyes for this exploration. You can’t do it alone.
4. Forgive. Act without failure or offences in mind. Forget forgetting, you can’t.
5. Believe failure in one area isn’t failure everywhere.

Bonus: Start over by leaving the past in the past, at least for today.

See more key elements to starting over from Facebook contributors.

Starting over – 10 ways to address the present:

1. Start with now, not with then.
2. Employ forward-facing language. Stop bringing up the past.
3. Define success. Undefined wins can’t be won. What does a winning relationship with your boss look like, for example?
4. Begin with small wins that energize more wins. Small is the path to big.
5. Define what you’ll stop doing.
6. Visualize positive behaviors before they’re needed. If this happens, I’ll ______.”
7. Practice positive interactions with trusted advisors.
8. Ask, “What would I do if my next meeting with ‘Mr. Frustration’ was my first meeting.”
9. Focus on behaviors not feelings, at least for today.
10. Realize the key to starting over is your attitude and response to failure.

Yeah but:

I hear you thinking, “Starting fresh won’t eliminate old frustration.”

A series of small wins may eliminate the need for “perfect” solutions. Additionally, starting over provides positive energy for addressing negative history, when the time is right.

Free yourself from the past, just for today. Turn forward. Stop pushing back, controlling, and fixing. The path to the future begins by starting over.

What prevents leaders from starting over?

What “starting over” tips help you?

10 Ways to Fail Your Way to Success

I hate failing. Failure feels like wasted life. Yes, I know I’m supposed to embrace failure and learn. But, given the choice, I’d succeed more!

I haven’t failed for lack of good intentions. Frankly, I’m troubled that the path down is faster than the path up.

Fear of failure:

Afraid to fail is afraid to try; afraid to try guarantees failure.

The fear of failure prevents success.

Stunning success stands atop many stunning failures. Edison said, “I’ve failed my way to success.”

10 Ways to Fail Well:

1. Pursue next time more than last time.
2. Reject finger pointing. Blame gets you off the hook but never produces success.
3. Respond with optimism, not anger. Confidence answers anger; inadequacy fuels it.
4. “Forgive and remember,” Bob Sutton in, Good Boss Bad Boss.
5. Share lessons learned from failure. Leadership’s greatest influence occurs through failures. Frailty enhances your influence as long as it’s not an excuse.
6. Seek clarity. Resist urges to close your eyes. Open them instead.
7. Call “failure meetings” and ask, “What isn’t working?” Make talking about failure normal not taboo.
8. Celebrate adaptation, if you can’t celebrate failure directly. “We changed.”
9. Fail small in order to succeed large. Try, test, improve, and move forward. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
10. Dig into ways that failure makes you better. “Failure changes for the better, success for the worse.” Seneca

One cause:

Often I fail because I don’t listen. I know too much. I’ve learned confidence becomes over-confidence when it closes my ears. True confidence listens.

What’s at the root of many of your failures?

How can you or organizations fail well?

10 Stunning Benefits of Failure

Success teaches repetition. Do more of the same because more of the same produces more of the same.

In changing times more of the same is deadly.

Success teaches confidence. Without confidence progress stalls, second-guessing prevails, the status quo persists. On the down side, success inflates confidence.

Bill Gates said, “Success is a lousy teacher.
It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”

Danger:

Too much confidence spawns failure. The vulnerabilities of over-confidence include:

1. Failure to explore root causes of success.
2. Resistance to evaluation.
3. Feelings of invincibility.
4. Closed ears.

Opportunity:

Failure humbles some and angers others. Humble leaders:

1. Ask what caused failure. Exploring failure is the most useful result of failure.
2. Know they don’t know. Not knowing is the first step to knowing.
3. Adapt. Stubborn resistance to adapting reveals arrogance.
4. Know limitations.
5. Acknowledge weaknesses to themselves and others. Transparency marks humble leaders.
6. Seek advice and welcome feedback from all quarters.
7. Welcome help. High potentials don’t say, “I can do it on my own.”
8. Give credit.
9. Respect skill in others.
10. Honor teams rather than steal credit.

Bonus: Display compassion even during the rigorous pursuit of excellence.

High Potentials:

Watch team members respond to failure, frustration, and falling short. Continue stretching the humble and coaching the angry. Elevate the humble.

Work with the arrogant. If they refuse to grow, eliminate them. Humility builds. Arrogance destroys.

It’s a tough call because confidence is essential to success. But over-confidence, eventually fails. The ten responses to failure help identify high-potentials.

What benefits have failure produced in your life?

How do you identify high potential employees?