From Tantrums to Leadership

Image source by by Piotr Siedlecki

Weak, fearful leaders are like unrully two year olds. They create messes and throw tantrums. Undeveloped, incompetent leaders are “takers” who believe followers exist to serve them

Weak leaders take:

1. Control. All micro-managers are fearful.
2. Power. Weak leaders fill their need for power by dis-empowering others.
3. Energy. Immature leaders suck energy rather than give it.

Danger:

Six foot, two hundred pound, two year olds are dangerous, destructive, and deadly. Imagine a full grown adult kicking and screaming like an angry toddler. Scary!

Your inner two year old:

When you’re stressed, insecure or exhausted, you’re inner two year old screams to get out. He cries, “Pay attention to me.” Wise leaders listen to their needy, selfish, inner two year old.

Never ignore a screaming two year old.

Screaming two year olds have unmet needs. It’s not pretty but scream gets the job done.

Feeding:

Unfed two year olds get grumpy. Nurture the “little person” inside before the little brat destroys you and others. Never ignore an agitated inner two year old. 

Ignored needs grow.

Constant giving creates empty cups. Take care of you so you can take care of others.

Rockabye baby:

1. Turn off electronic devices.
2. Let go of something.
3. Share inner secrets with someone you trust.
4. Walk with a friend.
5. Hold hands. Better yet, hug.
6. Read a book for pleasure.
7. Do what you want to do.
8. Say, “No.”
9. Write an “I’m thankful for _____.” list.
10. Take a nap.
11. Pray.
12. Complete several small tasks.

Exhausted leaders are fearful leaders. Vince Lombardi said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” Re-energize you in order to energize them.

Recharge before you become totally dischared.

You aren’t the energizer bunny.

When do you know it’s time to re-charge?

How do you re-charge your batteries?

 

Success is Harder than Failure

This post began as an email. It’s my response to a person who shared their mixed feelings regarding unexpected success and opportunity.

***

I’ve been thinking about our conversation regarding the problem of success and opportunity.

Those who succeed in unexpected ways know that success is harder than failure. We are excited with opportunities but they also feel uncomfortable, like new shoes. We should feel more gratitude and less anxiety.

When views were in the hundreds, writing Leadership Freak was easier. Today, with views in the millions, writing Leadership Freak feels a bit like new shoes. Additionally, opportunities come my way that exceed my expectations.

Yesterday, the leader of a 2 billion dollar government agency shook my hand and said, “I’m a huge fan.” It felt great. I also felt like hiding under the table.

Trust:

Someone told me, when Leadership Freak started taking off, “Trust Yourself.” This morning, I share that with you. Trust yourself.

Know:

Don’t get lost in opportunites. Know yourself. Take time to reflect on who you are. Let who you are guide what you do.

Bring:

Bring yourself to challenges and opportunities. Don’t bring someone else. Just bring you. If you want stress, try being someone else.

Story:

The classic story of David and Goliath has important lessons for leaders who face challenges and opportunities. (I don’t care if you think the story is fiction or fact. The lessons relate.)

David, a young shepherd, saw the challenge, Goliath. Those around him tried to tell him how to face the challenge.

They said, “Put on armor; use this sword.” They wanted him to do it their way, even though they were unwilling to face the challenge themselves.

Ultimately David faced the challenge his way, with a sling and a stone. He brought himself.

Trust Yourself

Bring Yourself

Be Yourself 

I’m a man of faith so my personal lists begins, Trust God. Regardless of your faith, my suggests remain.

How can leaders face the challenges of unexpected success and opportunity?

Last chance to register:

Another way to face opportunities is develop yourself. Today’s best FREE leadership development opportunity is a LIVE conference call at 1:00 p.m. EST with the former CEO of Campbell Soup Co.

Don’t miss it!

For All the Danny Downers

You want the people around you to feel up not down, hopeful not discouraged. All successful leaders energize others. But, what if you aren’t the energizing type?

Peter Senge said,

“Your primary influence is the environment you create.”

Leaders often neglect environments in favor of getting work done.

Tending personal environments:

Personal space has energy. Step in and it pulls down or lifts up. Danny Downer is a spiraling vortex of despair. An hour with him drains you. Hours later, you’re still climbing out of his dark hole. Or you’ve given up.

Edna  Energizer amps people. An hour with her boosts you. Hours later, you’re half way up the mountain with energy to spare.

We’re all climbers.

All leaders impact “the climb” of others by establishing starting places. Energizing leaders elevate starting points; low energy leaders lower them.

Successful leaders elevate starting points.

Danny Downer:

1. Fears offending others – lives to please everyone.
2. Imagines obstacles that can’t be solved.
3. Knows all the reasons nothing can change.
4. Questions abilities.
5. Focuses on resources rather than people.

Edna Energizer:

1. Builds and trusts the team. Danny feels alone.
2. Takes small steps without permission. She believes it’s better to get in trouble trying things than doing nothing and staying safe.
3. Sees obstacles but imagines progress.
4. Learns from failure.
5. Expects herself and others to step up.

The difference between Danny and Edna is courage.  Leadership requires courage. Danny’s a coward.

For all the Danny Downers:

1. Admit it. You are darkness with legs. (If you’re tempted to say it’s not that bad, it is.)
2. Confess it. Tell someone you’re a downer. Say, “I want to change.”
3. Get help. Run – don’t walk – to energizing leaders and learn.
4. Define energizing behaviors. Changing attitude helps but changing behaviors changes things.

Everyone feels the environment around you. Energize intentionally. The higher you start the further you’ll go.

How can leaders create personal space that energizes others?

Next week’s best leadership development opportunity is a free conference call with bestselling author, Doug Conant. Join me on March 27 at 1:00 p.m. EST.

How to Seize Your Greatest Opportunities

Opportunity is ugly.

Opportunity is a door that feels like a wall, an open window that feels shut, or a ceiling that feels too low.

Mud disguises, pain exposes, and fear illuminates opportunity.

Distinguish your leadership:

Great leaders face great challenges and solve great problems. Clear the mud. Solve the pain. Face the fear. Rise up and address issues others run from.

Leaders without obstacles are ships without wind.

Run toward rather than away. The giant you slay expands your influence.

Frustration is opportunity.

Enhanced influence and profound results wait beyond frustrations, complications, and disappointments.

Struggle:

Struggle transforms. Success, on the other hand, makes you more of who you were.

Power to seize opportunities comes from understanding and addressing your greatest struggle.

Greatest struggle:

The greatest battles lie within. On the other hand, inner struggle is leadership’s most profound opportunity. All leaders struggle with inner questions like:

1. Do I matter?
2. What do I believe?
3. What’s important?
4. What’s my greatest value?
5. How can I connect?
6. Can I do this?
7. What if I fail?

Greatest opportunity:

Your greatest opportunity is building structures that develop and strengthen your inner person.

You’re crushed from without when there’s nothing within.

Inner strength comes from things like:

1. Faith.
2. Quiet solitude.
3. Listening and self-reflection.
4. Deep, honest relationships.
5. Exposing struggle rather than ignoring it.
6. Honest, often painful, feedback.
7. Reading.
8. Prayer.
9. Humility.
10. Mentors. Every person of profound influence stands on the shoulders of others.

Every successful leader eventually understands the battle is within.

Others control you when you don’t.

The issue is you not them.

Changing the world:

Solve great problems by bringing yourself to challenges, obstacles, and frustrations.

Identity determines impact.

Who you are transcends what you do. But, before you bring yourself, you must know and nurture yourself; otherwise you’re an empty cup.

How can leaders strengthen their inner person in ways that enhance leadership?

Join me on March 27 for a free conference call with a leader who helps leaders develop personal leadership models.

Five Strategies for Changing Others

It’s “Sprinter” in Central Pennsylvania. Spring isn’t here. Winter hangs on. One day it’s sunny and warm. Yesterday it snowed!

Change comes slowly. Winter won’t let Spring arrive. It’s the time of uncertainty and reluctance.

Change:

Unwilling to change is arrogant resistance, fearful reluctance, or ignorant blindness. Or maybe the present is just fine.

My preference is changing others not me. Changing others enhances potential and extends capacity. Changing others feels like adding new brush strokes to paintings.

Changing me, on the other hand, feels like drilling cavities without Novocain.

Seeing Oz or not:

My focus on the future makes me wonder why you resist change. Can’t you see the glow of Oz just around the corner?

While I see Oz, you’re seeing Kansas and it looks pretty damn good compared to a fuzzy glow in the distance.

Your dreams don’t change others until others dream them.

I think about reaching forward and feel excitement. You think about letting go and feel afraid.

How to change others:

1. Work on changing you before others. Go no further until you’ve made changes!
2. Don’t demonize Kansas unless it’s already disappointing. Criticizing an acceptable present to those who built it makes enemies not allies.
3. Celebrate the people and behaviors that built the present. They build the future. Don’t insult them.
4. Talk about Oz in the language of Kansas. Connect with their passion to make a difference. Ignite aspirations. Often, inspiring others centers on helping others find courage.
5. Paint others in the picture. Help them see where they fit in. Connect current passion with future possibility. When people see themselves in the future they find courage to release the past.

Change begins by imagining new futures. Belief in the future releases Spring’s life. But, clinging to the present strengthens Winter’s grip.

How can leaders become effective agents of change?

One Choice that Informs All Others

Unable to choose is unable to move. Choices enable movement. Unable to choose is another way of saying stuck. Successful leaders make decisions.

Everyone who’s stuck
lives with choices waiting to be made.

Fear of choosing is fear of losing opportunity.

Fear of missing out is the reason you miss out.

The critical first choice:

The choice that informs all others is who to be not what to do.

First choices enable action.

Choosing what do before deciding who to be means you’ve caved to external pressure.

Answer “what to do questions” by clarifying who you want to be. What to do is an event. Who to be guides the journey.

First choices involve who to be.
Second choices explain what to do.

First choices are relatively easy. But, if you’re not sure who to be, ask, “How do I want to be known?”

Benefit:

Identity off-sets external pressure with internal strength. Success demands you become bigger than challenges. The only way to be bigger than challenges is to know who you are.

Warning:

Choosing “what to do” before “who to be” means you’re pushed around by circumstances and activities.

Identity determines function.

Comfort:

Chill out. Life changing choices are often insignificant and unplanned. For example, Jay Elliot stopped at a diner after a new job fell through. At the diner he met Steve Jobs. Jay became a Sr. VP at Apple. Stopping for something to eat changed his life.

Chill out. Most choices aren’t final they can be unmade.

Four decision making tips:

1. Choose forward-leaning. Avoid the comfort of going back.
2. Identify real problems/challenges. Keep asking, “Why.”
3. Connect with people of experience and expertise.
4. Focus on what can be done. Any fool can find reasons things won’t work.

What decision-making tips can you add?

How can leaders choose who to be?

13 Power Tips for Leading Through Uncertainty

It’s certain that we live in uncertain times.

13 Power Tips for Leading through Uncertainty:

1. Pull with – not against, higher ups. Grab the rope and pull, even if you disagree. Everyone who pulls in their own direction dilutes potential success. If you can’t pull with, jump ship, now.
2. Aim to make a positive difference. Don’t simply survive. Survival doesn’t inspire.
3. Listen and agree with expressions of fear. People feel minimized when you minimize their feelings. Affirm don’t correct. Ask, “What makes you feel that way?”
4. Schedule a “hard truth” meeting to explore worst case scenarios, fears, doubts, and what if’s. The sole purpose is honest expression without solutions. Paint black pictures. Prevent anyone from minimizing or solving anything. Honor and respect pain and fear. You look like a fool when you ignore the obvious. End “hard truth” meetings with power tip #5.
5. Schedule “tough solutions” meetings.
6. Break challenges and problems into small pieces. Ask, “Can we fix this?” When you find something you can fix, ask, “What can we do?”
7. Develop imperfect solutions. The search for perfect solutions creates uncertainty.
8. Learn as you go.
9. Celebrate small wins. Enjoy how far you’ve come. Momentarily forget how far you must go.
10. Focus on things within your power. Uncertainty focuses on factors outside your control; decisions made by others, economic downturns, or regulatory fiascos, for example.
11. Focus on positive behaviors and less on speculations. Uncertainty always causes speculation. Repeatedly ask, “What can we do.” But remember to embrace power tip #1, first.
12. Speak hard truths optimistically. Express highest points of confidence. “I’m not sure how this turns out but I’m giving it my best.” Pretending everything’s ok doesn’t instill confidence in those who know it’s not.
13. Connect with others who faced similar uncertainties and challenges.

Bonus: Remain emotionally steady.

This topic was suggested on the Leadership Freak Facebook page.

Which power tips are most difficult and why?

What power tips can you add to the list?

The Secret to Frustration’s Guidance

Leaders who hurry always neglect people. If leadership is about people why rush like it’s about tasks?

But, when rushing is required, never rush alone. Mentor as you go. Enable future replacements.

Work yourself out of, not into, jobs. Exponential success requires taking things from your bucket and putting them in theirs.

But, prepare people before you let go.

Two extremes of preparation:

Letting go too fast:

I treat people like I like to be treated. I’m a learn-as-you-go type. My tendency is to give responsibilities without much preparation. Mistakes don’t bother me as long as we’re learning. Many people prefer more preparation than I need.

I frustrate those who need preparation. Learn-as-you-go leaders may need to stay closer, longer.

Hanging on too long:

On the other extreme, you may be a prepare-before-you-leap leader. You view others through your preference for preparation.

They chomp at the bit but you feel they aren’t ready. You frustrate others because preparation takes too long.

One guide, frustration:

Peak performance requires acceptable levels of frustration, anxiety, or stress. Skillful leaders manage rather than eliminate frustration in others.

Avoid letting go too fast or hanging on too long by monitoring frustration. But never fully eliminate frustration. In one case, frustration indicates you’re going too fast, in the other, too slow.

Accept frustration’s guidance. Avoid being frustrated with their frustration.

One principle, support:

Amy Lyman Cofounder of Great Place to Work® told me, “Employees in great places to work feel supported.” Support those who need more preparation by giving it. On the other hand, not helping, feels like support to others.

Fuel beneficial levels of frustration and give support at the same time.

They determine what support feels like, not you.

How can leaders determine when others are ready to take on new responsibilities?

The Next Step – Stepping Out or Stepping Off

Most talk; few act. Rooms go silent when someone asks, “What’s next?” Dreaming, thinking, and talking aren’t doing.

Leaders do; dreamers talk.

Talking:

1. Feels like doing even when nothing’s done.
2. Feeds weak egos and small minds.
3. Slows progress.
4. Creates imagined problems that waste time, drain energy, and distract focus.

Nothing happens till you take the first step.

Before stepping out:

Go deep before stepping out.

Ask, “How does this step express our values?” Are you following popular trends or embracing behaviors that matter to you. Fads fade because they’re shallow.

Stepping out:

1. Test. Never put all your eggs in untested baskets.
2. Evaluate passion. Do first steps energize and fuel momentum?
3. Establish connections.
4. Develop teams.
5. Affirm strengths.
6. Build trust.
7. Learn as you go.
8. Enhance skills.
9. Build confidence.
10. Step to the cliff. Small steps always lead to giant cliffs – decision points.

Bonus: Stepping out prepares for stepping off.

Great endeavor always encounter resistance.

Stepping off:

1. Intensify focus. Failure matters.
2. Trust your strengths. Cliffs always test. Safe steps never bring out your best.
3. Leverage relationships built during the “small step” phase.
4. Go first. ”Follow me,” gets real, now.

Bonus: Know your strengths before arriving at stepping-off moments.

Power of skin:

Get skin in the game or get out! Real leaders have most to lose. Fake leaders posture and protect. Never let others take risks you should take.

Leaders who protect themselves create environments where others protect themselves.

1. Boldness stop.
2. Innovation ends.
3. Death begins, slowly.

The path to great achievement always leads to stepping-off moments. Prepare don’t run away.

How do you move from talking to doing?

What prepares individuals or teams for stepping off moments?

Six Secrets to the Power of Seeing

My friends complain, “I waved but you didn’t wave back.” Or, “I spoke but you didn’t hear me.”

Ever walk down the hall and not make eye contact with employees?

If you’re oblivious, you’re oblivious.

Second-rate leaders sink into their own world, ignore environments, get lost in thought, and neglect personal contact.

First-rate leaders hold up their heads, rise above environments, and see people. Leaders step into the world of others.

You can’t lead what you don’t see.

Six reasons leaders close their eyes:

1. Need to have answers but fear they won’t.
2. Too busy.
3. Don’t care.
4. Devalue others.
5. Minimize their own importance.
6. Lack social skill, including small talk.

Six powerful messages of seeing:

1. Interest. What’s seen matters.
2. Value. Those ignored don’t matter.
3. Openness. Eye contact invites.
4. Priority. You look at what’s important now. See people.
5. Confidence. Fear lowers eyes.
6. Focus. Circumstances bully distracted leaders.

Bonus: Seeing indicates willingness to act. Have you ever walked by a homeless person without making eye contact?

Three big payoffs:

1. Performance needs an audience.
2. Connection builds relationships.
3. Support requires knowledge.

Tips:

1. Schedule private think time.
2. Make eye contact and smile even if you can’t stop and talk.
3. Invite hallway interrupters to walk with you to your next appointment.
4. Keep intention top of mind. “I stopped in to let you know you’re work is important. We can’t solve this issue now. Let’s meet later.”
5. Refer. Say, “This is important to me. Mary is on top of this. Let’s call her in.”
6. Follow-up.

See reader insights on Facebook, “People need to be watched because _______.”

Today’s challenge: Hold your head up and see.

Why do leaders bury their heads in the sand?

How has seeing or being seen helped you?