Don’t Go with Your Gut

Everyone has an inner voice, intuition, or feelings that something is right or wrong. Your gut could be wrong. Don’t trust it.

Ask the poker player who went all-in and lost. What about the manager who felt great about hiring a job applicant that didn’t work out. Have you ever felt you were driving in the right direction when you were lost?

One of the worst things the gut tells extroverts is keep talking.

Evaluate your gut when:

1. You feel like you’re contributing more than your teammates.
2. Topics are outside your expertise.
3. Assigning blame.
4. You haven’t taken time for self-reflection.

Right:

I talked with Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., about when to trust our gut. She said, for those who take time to self-reflect, listen to your gut when it comes to values and passions. She emphasized the importance of self-reflection.

Wrong:

“Where our intuitions fail us is actually on the opposite problem, that is, evaluating where we go wrong… In general we are way too hard on ourselves. We tend to think that we are the problem.”

Dr. Halvorson went on to say, “I’m a big advocate for people being much more self-compassionate than we are… The people who are not horribly self-critical are actually more successful… The lack of self-compassion comes from some of these bad intuitions we have about our failures.”

Failures:

You need more input when it comes to evaluating failures. Don’t go with your gut. Get feedback.

Evaluating your gut:

Explore issues that don’t feel right. Don’t assume something’s wrong. Say, “This doesn’t feel right to me. Tell me more.”

When something feels right ask, “Am I missing something? or What could go wrong?”

Dr. Halverson in her own words on intuition (3:57):

Check out Dr. Halverson’s new book: Focus (Highly recommended)

How do you know when to go with your gut?

Twelve Ways to Spot Fools

Spotting and dealing with fools challenges leaders.

Foolishness has nothing to do with intelligence or talent. Smart, gifted people are prime candidates for foolishness.

Twelve ways to spot fools:

1. Believe they are right.
2. Hate accountability and practical strategies.
3. Love blaming and reject responsibility.
4. Pursue personal ease rather than challenge.
5. Expect you to adapt to them.
6. Reject instruction.
7. Can’t see their foolishness.
8. Express frustrations quickly and openly.
9. Gossip and cut down privately while complimenting publicly.
10. Act confidently.
11. Enjoy talking.
12. Despise listening.

Bonus: Fools don’t seek help. The wise love and seek wisdom. Fools seek their own way because others are wrong and they are right.

Dealing with fools:

Stop talking:

Fools reject responsibility. Stop talking, once you realize you’re dealing with a fool. Talking doesn’t help. They love talking and are usually good at it. Talking drags you into the fool’s world.

Set limits:

Say, “You haven’t delivered agreed upon results. When I bring it up, all I hear are excuses and blaming. You don’t take responsibility. I’m giving this project to Mary.”

They’ll be angry and blame you, but don’t back down. You become the problem when you hold their feet to the fire. Fools despise you when you correct them. They feel you don’t understand.

Set limits for their good and the organization’s. Talking won’t help; limits might.

Establish consequences:

1. Reassignments.
2. Remove responsibilities.
3. Demotions.
4. Unpaid leave.
5. Termination.

Fools undermine your leadership, destroy morale, and reject feedback. Deal quickly and firmly with fools, regardless of their talent.

Not fools:

Work with people who receive instruction and adapt behaviors. Express patience. Help them succeed. But, those who reject instruction, limits, and consequences are fools, reject them.

How do you deal with foolishness in yourself?

How can leaders deal with fools?

Six Steps to Energy

Leaders correct too much and affirm too little.

Hold monthly affirmation sessions. Here’s how.

Invite one key player to an affirmation session for the sole purpose of encouragement. Be prepared. You do this so little it may freak them out.

First, clarify mission, vision, and values.

Second, honor their admirable qualities, outstanding service, consistency of character, and growing potential. Explain how they fit in. Say things like, “You’re helping us become who we want to be when you ______.” Be specific.

Third, ask how things are going in their area.

Fourth, say how can we help.

Fifth, discuss their future direction within the organization and beyond.

Finally, hand them a thank card with hand-written notes from each member of the team.

Do not offer suggestions or improvements.

The only time improvement enters the conversation is when the leadership team asks, “How can we help?” At that time, any discussion of improvement focuses on the organization and the leadership team, not on the person being affirmed.

It takes about an hour to affirm a key organizational player. It may sound a little like sitting in a circle and singing kumbaya but it’s the best hour of the day. It does as much for you as for them.

How are you affirming people?

Isolated Leadership: Dangers and Solutions

Isolated leaders inevitably run down, grow ineffective, and become irrelevant. Closed systems die slow deaths.

Don’t wait for the energy fairy. She ain’t coming.

What happens when you place a frog in water that’s slowly being heated? They don’t jump out, they die.

The increasing heat of leadership subtly cooks isolated leaders.

Isolation feels safe but it kills.

You’re isolated and running down if you feel:

1. Disconnected.
2. Distrustful.
3. Unsupported.
4. Misunderstood.
5. Constantly guarded.

Warning: Leaders frequently lean toward isolation.

In his new book, “Boundaries for Leaders,” Dr. Henry Cloud says:

“Set boundaries on your tendency to be a ‘closed system,’ and open yourself to outside inputs that bring you energy and guidance.”

Solitude isn’t a leadership strategy.

Open yourself to influence, input, and support from outside your organization. Closed systems inevitably die. Dr. Cloud says the benefits of outside input includes:

1. Insight into new models of leading.
2. Motivation and development.
3. Help overcoming obstacles.
4. Support through valleys.
5. Protection from worst instincts.

“Leaders need outside voices to provide emotional and functional support…” Dr. Cloud.

You need reminders to get out of yourself and the organization you lead. Dr. Cloud suggests:

1. Know your personal kookiness. You aren’t perfectly rational 100% of the time.
2. Get coaching.
3. Join a leadership group.
4. Take courses and attend conferences.
5. Seek and listen to feedback. “To be the best you can be, you must develop a hunger for feedback…”

A note on kooky:

Acknowledging idiosyncrasies frees; hiding them confines.

All leaders have “special” built in over-reactions, biases in perception, and instinctual responses that don’t work. Acknowledging “special qualities” opens and strengthens leadership.

How can leaders overcome the tendency to isolate?

What behaviors help leaders connect?

7 Ways to Deal with Emotional Issues

Emotional turmoil makes simple tasks complicated, easy tasks hard, and quick tasks slow. High emotion, boiling frustration, and hurt feelings inspire blame. Blame invites defensiveness. Defensiveness causes us to pile on other, perhaps unrelated, problems to prove our point.

Never introduce emotional issues unless you’re prepared to deal with emotion. Once emotions rise, deal with them. Address performance issues after.

Boiling emotions motivate but
make finding solutions complex.

The useful side of anger, for example, is it motivates me to address pressing issues and concerns I’ve buried. But, addressing issues in angry ways complicates the process. Diffuse anger then address issues.

Address emotions separate from issues.

Danger:

Searching to solve issues while emotions are raw often becomes an excuse to fix people. Emotionally frustrated leaders point fingers. They start telling people why they acted the way they did or what’s wrong with them. Accusation invites defensiveness. Issues, otherwise solved simply, grow dark, personal, and complex.

7 Ways to deal with emotional issues:

1. Always address emotions that boil over.
2. Affirm emotion; solve issues.
3. Self-validation never validates; accusation never motivates.
4. Move quickly then slow down. Today’s appointment focuses on feelings, tomorrow’s on issues, for example.
5. Stay focused on immediate issues. Past issues never clarify emotional situations. One issue is simpler than two. Stop shooting the process in the foot by making it a global rather than an individual event.
6. Never determine solutions before conversations. Leaders who enter conversations with predetermined solutions don’t listen, they explain. Have you noticed how people love your explanations?
7. Avoid, “That’s because,” and “You should.”

Bonus: Go with not against. When it feels like you’re pushing against someone during emotional conversations back down, listen and affirm. Ask, “How can we get where you want to go?”

How do you deal with emotional issues?

Today is the last day to register for this week’s best FREE opportunity to develop your leadership.

Why, “Do More with Less,” is Stupid

“Do more with less,” demotivates employees. It’s code for work harder. If they’re already working hard, they think,

“The more I give the more they want. I’m giving less.”

“Do more with less,” disengages and demotivates those giving most.

Those hurt most by, “Do more with less,”
are the ones doing most.

Alternatives to, “Do more with less,” include …

Asking:

1. How does management hinder you? Managers and leaders don’t ask this because they don’t want to know. Perhaps, that’s central to the problem of poor performance?
2. What’s important today? If the answer centers on tasks rather than mission, everyone missed the point. Mission connects people. Tasks isolate; they’re often completed alone.
3. How could you be better equipped to do what’s important?
4. How can we end meaningless activities that steal your time?
5. Who on our team loves doing what you hate?
6. How can we prevent interruptions? Research consistently shows the value of spending blocks of time focused on priority tasks. Multitasking doesn’t work.
7. When someone supports you, what are they doing?

Giving:

1. Attention to suggestions. Say, “Let’s try that,” instead of, “We can’t.” This point follows the seven questions listed above.
2. More clarity on the big picture and less instruction on how to get there.
3. Daily feedback.
4. Praise, honor, and recognition.

Don’t lower standards – raise support.

If you expect more from people, pour more into them.

How can leaders stop hindering performance?

What increases your performance?

This week’s best opportunity for leadership development is the FREE conference call this Wednesday at 1 p.m. EST.

One Question for All Complainers and Critics

Get out of leadership if criticism and complaints keep you up at night. You’ll die from lack of sleep.

The toughest criticism to handle is directed at a team mate or colleague, not you. Some “loving” critic shares a “helpful” suggestion that tears down, points out inadequacy, or undermines credibility.

Complainers, on the other hand, are different from critics. Complainers say, “Your team leader hurt my feelings,” for example. They don’t say it directly but, in the end, complainers aren’t getting what they feel they deserve. They want something for themselves. (They may be on target.)

Critics focus on others. Complainers focus on themselves.

The hardest part of criticisms
and complaints is the 10% that’s right.

First:

Define the win.

Avoid every activity that doesn’t have clearly defined and agreed upon wins. Ambiguous outcomes never satisfy. Watch for that bad taste or rotten smell that saturates winless activities.

All wins always propel
people and organizations forward.

All wins always have
behavioral – visible – expressions. You see them.

Criticisms and complaints spiral downward until progress is defined.

Reject:

Never affirm speculations about bad motives.

Some complainers love explaining the bad motives and intentions of others. Immediately reject hints and innuendos that your colleague intentionally harmed others. The moment you hear, “They did that because (fill in malicious intention),” know you’re dealing with an ass.

Step back and watch a line in the sand appear at the hint a member of my team has malevolent motives.

Human:

Courageously build human environments that make room for imperfection. People have frailties and inadequacies; they screw up.

Progress is a win in human organizations;
perfection a myth.

Close the doors and go home if perfection is the goal.

Question:

Answer criticisms and complaints about colleagues and teammates with,

“How can I help you with this?”

Asking this question:

1. Takes people seriously.
2. Searches for wins.
3. Expresses compassion.
4. Assigns responsibility.

How can leaders respond when they receive complaints or criticisms of teammates or colleagues?

Next week’s best leadership development opportunity is a free conference call with bestselling author, Doug Conant. Join me on March 27 at 1:00 p.m. EST.

Exposing god-like Advisers

There’s a long line of individuals who tell you how to lead. Nearly all do the same thing. They tell you how they would do it. But, they aren’t you.

Arrogant advisers believe they are gods molding people into their image, whether they admit it or not.

Many have given me advice, over the years. Nearly all told me how to improve by becoming more like them; its arrogance, perhaps unintentional, but arrogance none the less.

Additionally, I’ve watched older leaders advising young leaders. I’ve seen them puff up because advice-giving is heady for those molding the world into their image. It affirms their god complex. It’s disgusting.

I can count on one hand the number of humble advisers I’ve been privileged to learn from.

Humble advisers help mold you into your best self, not theirs.

One of my trusted advisers offered me some unrequested feedback yesterday. It was about the use of video in a presentation. I’d changed a technique and he noticed it right away. It was useful, not because he wants me to be like him, but because he knows and accepts who I want to be.

6 components of humble advice:

1. Explore your advisee’s person, intentions and goals. Arrogant advisers believe they know when they don’t.
2. Uncover gaps between intention and behavior. Powerful feedback begins with, “It looks like you’re trying to accomplish (insert goal) when you (insert behavior).”
3. Dig into attitudes and behaviors that hinder progress. “What isn’t working?”
4. Ask, “What would your best self, do?”
5. Apply strengths. “How can your strengths, passions, and skills more fully align with your intentions?”
6. Throw yourself into the mix. “Have you thought about (insert behavior)?”

What type of adviser best helps you?

What type of adviser do you want to be?

Believing You Can When You Can’t

Some singers only think they can sing. Tell them they can’t and you have a hearing problem.

Believing you can when you can’t frustrates others and hinders you. Some leaders only believe they can lead.

Deadly weaknesses masquerade as strength.

What if you’re not really great at:

1. Delegating.
2. Organizing.
3. Motivating.
4. Encouraging.
5. Negotiating.
6. Public speaking.
7. Running meetings.

What if the issue is you, not them? Feels awkward doesn’t it?

When you believe you can when you can’t:

1. Issues, faults, and failures become their issues, not yours. The problem is their ears not your glorious voice.
2. Better is enough. “If you knew how I led meetings in the past, you’d stop complaining about how I lead them now.”
3. Improvement stops. Why would you improve your speaking skills when you are a great speaker already? What’s been attained is never improved.
4. Talking is skill. During a recent leadership meeting we discussed the importance of delegating authority rather than tasks. Delegating tasks creates followers. Delegating authority creates leaders. However, in the next breath we delegated tasks. I thought I was good at delegating because I talked the concepts. In reality, I hadn’t adequately defined scope of authority or vision. I ended up delegating tasks.

New Assumption:

You haven’t arrived just yet.
There’s further to go than you think.

1. Listen to and believe feedback that points to frailties.
2. Stop excusing and explaining. Remove, “That’s because,” and, “They don’t understand,” from your language.
3. Develop skills diligently and persistently.

Nearly everyone reading this post has someone over them they’d love to forward this post to, but don’t dare. Maybe it’s you.

How can leaders address the issue that they may have further to go than they think?

Finding Real Leadership Power

Humility is real power, arrogance façade.

15 Ways to be an arrogant leader:

1. Rush. “Important” people don’t have enough time.
2. Look serious. The more important you are the more serious you look.
3. Detach. “Arrogance comes from detachment.” Henry Mintzberg.
4. Take calls or text during meetings. Now we know you’re important. Ooooo!
5. Know. Act like you know when you don’t. Arrogance makes learning difficult.
6. Delegate dirty work.
7. Isolate. Be too good for the “little” people.
8. Insulate. Create protective environments.
9. Interrupt.
10. Blow up. Anger and arrogance are relatives.
11. Gossip.
12. Tell don’t ask.
13. Speak don’t listen.
14. Complain and blame rather than solve and support.
15. Surround yourself with groveling yes-men.

Power:

Humility requires more confidence than arrogance. Fear makes us pretend we know, when we don’t, for example.

Humility is found, expressed, and nurtured in connecting. Arrogance pushes off; humility invites in. Withdrawal suggests independence; connecting expresses interdependence.

Humility builds trust. Trust fuels leadership. But you can’t trust arrogant people. They reject what’s right for what makes them look good, when necessary.

How to be a powerful humble leader:

1. Stand your ground where values are concerned. Humble leaders submit to noble values.
2. Realize you aren’t your title.
3. Demand excellence from yourself, first.
4. Call for, and enable excellence. (Emphasis on enable.)
5. Don’t believe your own press. People aren’t telling you the full truth.
6. Serve.
7. Sit at the side not the head.
8. Brag about others. Fools make others feel they don’t matter.
9. Say thanks. Gratitude softens arrogance.
10. Invite feedback.
11. Ask as well as tell. Curiosity reflects humility. Warning: questions may be control-tools. I confess that I use questions to control conversations and divert attention from myself.
12. Do the opposite of the arrogant leader list.

Bonus:

Teamwork requires humility. Dennis Perkins wrote: “Into the Storm: Lessons in Teamwork from the Treacherous Sydney to Hobart Ocean Race.” He became a crew member on one of the racing boats. During our conversations, he shared lessons in humility. (6 min. 30 sec.)

How do arrogant leaders behave?

How can leaders develop and/or express humility?