Them

Successful leaders propel others forward. It’s about them, not you.

Magnetism inward is inevitable, persistent, and backward to leadership. Backward leaders view life through the lens of personal impact and feelings. They ask:

1. How does this impact me?
2. How does this make me feel?
3. How am I doing?

10 ways to spot selfish leaders:

1. They evaluate you but you don’t evaluate them.
2. Jabs and sarcasm that convey honest opinions in cowardly ways. (I’m all for fun, but this isn’t.)
3. Speaking for subordinates in meetings rather than inviting them to speak for themselves.
4. Suggestion boxes rather than honest conversations.
5. Focusing more on performance than on the person.
6. Anxiety concerning giving and receiving credit.
7. They talk most and listen least.
8. Withdrawal.
9. Manipulation.
10. Elitism.

Unselfish leaders know the height of your performance determines the height of their leadership.

Unselfish leader questions:

1. How are they doing?
2. How does this impact them?
3. How does this make them feel?
4. Where do they want to go?

Making others important amplifies your importance.

Minimizing others might maximize you, but it always weakens leadership.

Them:

Know their:

1. Drives. You can’t lead people you don’t understand. All you can do is manipulate, coerce, and pressure.
2. Dreams. More than knowing, help them achieve their dreams, even if they eventually exclude you.
3. Strengths.
4. Fears. They won’t tell you their fears so watch for them.
5. Frustrations. Anger reveals who they are.

Illustration of #2:

A volunteer leader is taking on new management responsibilities in our organization. I know he dreams of moving into management in his employment.

Align new responsibilities with future dreams.

How do you think he feels about volunteer opportunities that propel him toward his dream? It’s about aligning with him, not me. I serve him. It’s about release not pressure.

How do you spot an inwardly focused leader?

What behaviors enable outward focus?

10 Stunning Benefits of Failure

Success teaches repetition. Do more of the same because more of the same produces more of the same.

In changing times more of the same is deadly.

Success teaches confidence. Without confidence progress stalls, second-guessing prevails, the status quo persists. On the down side, success inflates confidence.

Bill Gates said, “Success is a lousy teacher.
It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”

Danger:

Too much confidence spawns failure. The vulnerabilities of over-confidence include:

1. Failure to explore root causes of success.
2. Resistance to evaluation.
3. Feelings of invincibility.
4. Closed ears.

Opportunity:

Failure humbles some and angers others. Humble leaders:

1. Ask what caused failure. Exploring failure is the most useful result of failure.
2. Know they don’t know. Not knowing is the first step to knowing.
3. Adapt. Stubborn resistance to adapting reveals arrogance.
4. Know limitations.
5. Acknowledge weaknesses to themselves and others. Transparency marks humble leaders.
6. Seek advice and welcome feedback from all quarters.
7. Welcome help. High potentials don’t say, “I can do it on my own.”
8. Give credit.
9. Respect skill in others.
10. Honor teams rather than steal credit.

Bonus: Display compassion even during the rigorous pursuit of excellence.

High Potentials:

Watch team members respond to failure, frustration, and falling short. Continue stretching the humble and coaching the angry. Elevate the humble.

Work with the arrogant. If they refuse to grow, eliminate them. Humility builds. Arrogance destroys.

It’s a tough call because confidence is essential to success. But over-confidence, eventually fails. The ten responses to failure help identify high-potentials.

What benefits have failure produced in your life?

How do you identify high potential employees?

Winning in Collaborative Environments

Competition limits potential when it blocks collaboration.

I love competition. But, I’m wondering about the damage it causes within teams. Don’t expect competitors to collaborate.

Would you help a teammate beat you? What if the winner receives a raise or bonus and you don’t?

Leadership:

Leaders don’t compete against team members. “We” environments leverage diversity. “I/you” environments build protective self-preservation.

Leaders help others win.

Two assumptions:

The first rule of winning is defining it. Helping others win assumes you know what winning looks like.

Second, helping others win assumes you know what helps.

Two questions:

Build the team by asking two questions:

How can I help you win?

How can you help me win?

Team mates always, unreservedly help each other win.

Two statements:

Make serving observable. Complete these statements with each member of your team.

I help you win when I ….

You help me win when you …

Collaborators help each other win.

How can leaders help others win?

What helps you win?

Create Culture by Celebrating Small

Hate your work environment? Build rather than tear down. Whining reinforces negative environments. Celebrations build and reinforce positive environments.

Celebrations create culture.

Sadly, short-sighted leaders are stingy with positives and free with negatives. All they talk about is:

1. What went wrong?
2. What needs to be fixed?
3. What fell short?

Negative celebrations build negative environments.

Additionally, thoughtless leaders  reserve celebrations for “the big stuff.”

Celebrate more; celebrate small.

Celebratory questions:

Ask these questions to colleagues and employees.

1. What qualities do you respect in those around you?
2. What do you love about your job?
3. What’s going right?

Celebration in meetings:

End every meeting with affirmations, congratulations, and recognition.

Saying, “Great job,” keeps everyone doing a great job.

Power tip: Let small celebrations stand on their own. Little negatives at the end drain positives of their power.

Celebrate small:

1. Smiles.
2. Pleasant attitudes. “Your positive attitude lifts the spirit in our office.” Don’t add, “You should try it more often.”
3. Laughter. “I love the sound of your laugh.”
4. Kindness.
5. Generosity.
6. Things others do that you can’t. “You’re great with upset customers.” Don’t add, “I wish I was.”
7. Happy customers.
8. The present. Don’t let past failure or future uncertainties prevent celebrating now.
9. Human contact and relationships.
10. Insights. The next time someone shares something they learned from a book, celebrate. Perhaps you don’t get it. They do, so celebrate.

Bonus: Transform criticism into celebration. “Thanks for caring for my success. What’s the next step?”

Self-reflect:

How do people feel when you’re around? Your answer explains the culture you’re building. Truth is, it explains the life you’re building.

How can leaders celebrate more and celebrate small?

Finding the Leader’s Heart

***

Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville – did not.

The Grinch hated Christmas – the whole Christmas season. Now, please don’t ask why; no one quite knows the reason. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or it could be that his head wasn’t screwed on just right.

But I think that the most likely reason of all… may have been that his heart was two sizes too small. But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos.

Love, hate, joy, and anger are about you not others. The Grinch hated the Whos because his heart was small, not because the Whos were hate-worthy.

Feelings reveal and express what’s in you
not what’s around you.

And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say – that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten* Grinches, plus two! 

The leader’s heart is:

1. Discontent.
2. Obsessive.
3. Visible.
4. Selfless.
5. Bold.
6. Serving.
7. Vibrant.
8. Straightforward.
9. Tender.
10. Tough.

Bonus: The leader’s heart grows rather than shrinks.

Leaders without heart are well manicured cemeteries, pretty to look at but full of dead bones. Everything is cold technique and dead strategy apart from heart.

“True meaning” grows hearts. Find purpose; find heart.

Which heart-qualities seem most important to you? Why?

What role does meaning/purpose play in leadership?

10 Marks of Learn-it-all Leaders

There’s little hope for know-it-all leaders. Too many leaders flap their tongues while their ears nap and their brains slumber.

When was the last time you asked, “Tell me what you think?” Perhaps, by the time you’re done telling what you think, there’s no time for asking what they think.

Your open mouth closes the mouths of others.

Self-development is pivotal to leadership success. Developing you develops your organization. I’m not talking about lazy indulgence; sitting under a tree and finding yourself. I’m talking about lifelong learning that enhances leadership.

Know-it-alls talk. Learn-it-alls listen.

Learn-it-all leaders:

1. *Judge slowly.
2. Live transparently.
3. Question aggressively.
4. Listen confidently.
5. Succeed gracefully.
6. Fail humbly.
7. Follow willingly.
8. Reject stagnation. Learn-it-alls passionately pursue point “B.” Point “A” is a pit stop not a destination.
9. Welcome in rather than push away.
10. Embrace old values and pursue new methods.

*Judging slowly:

1. Provides time.
2. Enables exploration rather than validation.
3. Give courage to others.

Judge slowly by:

1. Embracing “and.”
2. Withholding “but.”
3. Uncovering new thoughts rather than validating old.
4. Holding divergent ideas at the same time.
5. Smiling in silence.

How would you explain and develop one of the ten learn-it-all qualities?

When You Love the Old Boss and Hate the New

New bosses are troubling when the old one was great.

You loved the old boss. So what? It doesn’t matter. Resist the new to your own peril. Comparing the new with the old is self-defeating. Keep preferences for the old boss to yourself, always.

What if you disagree?

The way you express your viewpoint matters more than your viewpoint. Disagree in the wrong way disconnects and shuts out. Disagree in the right way adds value.

Attitude controls receptivity more than content.

Resistance and arrogance:

The worst thing to do is pull back and slow down when you hate the new boss.

Disagreement is arrogant resistance when you aren’t pulling your weight. Tossing suggestions from the bleachers irritates those struggling in the pit. Longing for the old days is disloyal. Get busy before opening your mouth.

Sweat tastes like credibility. Breath from big mouths stinks. “Shut up and put up.”

Leaders open their minds and hearts to those fully engaged. Hard work from you feels like support to them.

Skin in the game:

Disgruntled cowards sit on the sidelines making suggestions. Get skin in the game. Put yourself on the line. Things look different when you’re sweaty and in the pit.

Respect is earned when you stand-with rather than aloof.
Nothing to lose means nothing to add.

Action trumps talking. Earn a hearing with sweat and support.

Side benefits:

Knowledge in the head vanishes when feet hit the road. If only we knew as much as we thought?

Learning and humility begin suddenly when talking stops and action begins.

What does supporting new leaders look like to you?

10 Remarkable Qualities of Wise Leaders

Wisdom is about behavior not intelligence.

Wisdom is practical not theoretical; skillful not academic. Wisdom gets things done. Fools sit and talk while the wise move out. I’m not suggestion it’s foolish to explore options and discuss plans. I’m saying wise leaders add more value than foolish.

On the other hand, foolish leaders don’t talk enough. If this seems contradictory with what I said before, it is.

You need wisdom and the ability to identify wisdom.

10 remarkable qualities of wise leaders

Wise leaders:

1. Energize others.
2. Choose character over talent.
3. Ask, “What are we learning?”
4. Enrich the leadership of others.
5. Speak well of others.
6. Honor effort and progress as well as results.
7. Wonder and doubt while moving forward at the same time.
8. Delegate decisions; retain responsibility.
9. Believe time is always short.
10. Say, “Teach me.” Wise leaders hang with wise people. They know the need to always appear wise isn’t wise.

Bonus: Wise leaders know talking isn’t doing.

10 disastrous marks of foolish leaders

Foolish leaders:

1. Assume.
2. Create turmoil.
3. Never finish and move on.
4. Love leading but reject following.
5. Choose sides in squabbles.
6. Voice frustrations immediately.
7. Exercise authority but won’t submit to authority.
8. Don’t make mistakes; they’re always right. (Sarcasm intended)
9. Concentrate on the present and neglect the future.
10. Grow arrogant with success. Past success never guarantees future success.

Today’s challenge: Intentionally practice one behavior of wise leaders and jettison one mark of foolish leaders.

What quality of wise leaders carries the most weight? Why?

What mark of foolish leaders is most damaging? Why?

What can you add to either list?

10 Ways to Spot Authentic Leaders

Talk isn’t always cheap. Words change lives and organizations. However, when it comes to authenticity, talk is nearly meaningless.

Authenticity, like trust, feedback, and empowerment are words tossed around in leadership circles likes nuts at a squirrel buffet.

Words apart from practice make you
feel you know when you don’t.

Using the term “authentic” doesn’t make you authentic any more than sleeping in a garage makes you a car.

10 practices of authenticity:

I’ve interviewed scores of high profile leaders. Authenticity appears quickly. Authentic leaders:

1. Talk comfortably about failure.
2. Say, “I hadn’t thought of that.”
3. Speak tough truths comfortably.
4. Share what they are learning. Fakers pretend they already knew.
5. Ask “dumb” questions.
6. Explore-with rather than conclude-for.
7. Invite feedback. You’d be amazed how many leaders fear feedback, even refuse it.
8. Honor others, profusely. Phony leaders need honor. Authentic leaders give it.
9. Know and acknowledge frailties and weaknesses. Fakers are omniscient and omni-compitent.
10. Empathize without compromise.

Bonus: Adapt, change, and grow. Phonies don’t grow they spiral inward like black-holes.

You change before you help others change.

The power of authenticity is influence rather than coercion. Fakers rely on position, authority, and manipulation. Authentic leaders influence through the power of their person.

Benefit:

Authenticity lowers stress; faking increases stress.

For the record, most leaders I interview practice authenticity. It’s refreshing and encouraging. Authenticity fills words with authority and power, without it, words are cheap.

How do you spot authenticity?

How does authenticity develop in a person?

The Five Powers of Permission

Old styles of leadership are about giving permission to supplicants. Followers seek permission. It’s an “I/you” rather than “we” dynamic. Leaders have power while followers ask.

I/you leadership is disengaging and disempowering.

Successful leaders do more than give permission, they get it. Permission answers the question, “Is it ok with you if we talk about something?”

Five Powers of Permission:

1.  “May I …” builds trust.
2. “Would it be ok if …” shares power.
3. “Do you mind if …” equalizes social status.
4. “Could we discuss…” prevents stagnation. Permission moves the agenda forward when topics are awkward.
5. “Is it ok with you, if…” engages.

Permission opens doors, protects relationships, and prevents stagnation.

Ask permission to:

1. Bring up uncomfortable topics. Set a date for the conversation.
2. Explore progress.
3. Correct. “May I …”
4. Challenge.
5. Give feedback.
6. Say what you see. “Is it ok if I share something I see …”

Four responses to NO:

When permission isn’t granted? Ask:

1. How business-critical is the topic?
2. Is there a deeper issue to address?
3. Can you let it go?
4. Must you address it, regardless?

When topics are mission critical, say, “We need to talk about this soon.”

Just a courtesy:

Isn’t asking permission just social courtesy? Yes, sometimes it is. But, social courtesies smooth and protect. Perhaps you prefer to be discourteous and abrasive?

Four reasons leaders don’t ask permission:

1. Arrogance. It’s too humbling to ask and too easy to tell.
2. Fear of seeming weak.
3. Fear of losing power.
4. Authoritarian rather than relational leadership styles.

What does permission-leadership look like in your world?

What are the pros and cons of permission-leadership?