Seven Proven Strategies for Dealing with Liars

Image source by George Hodan

Leaders lie because they don’t care enough to tell the truth. It’s too much trouble convincing know-it-alls, for example, so they smile and let them believe they’re right. They say, “That sounds fine.” But they’re shading the truth.

Leaders lie to:

1. Build image.
2. Save face.
3. Prevent turmoil.
4. Solve conflict.
5. Distract or misdirect.
6. Manipulate others.
7. Protect information.
8. Put others down.
9. Elevate stocks.
10. Deceive themselves.

Bonus: Lying leaders pretend they know when they don’t. (One of the dumbest lies.)

Leaders believe lying is wrong but do it anyway.

Lying is always about some form of advantage.

Liars place their interests ahead of yours.

Bosses promise raises but don’t intend to deliver. Employees say they’ve done it when they haven’t. (See: The first lie I told at work.)

Seven strategies for dealing with liars:

1. Act quickly. Time is the liar’s friend.
2. Develop skepticism. Always begin with empathy, but, tender hearts are vulnerable to lies.
3. Be interested. Expose liars by asking questions like: How do you know? Who did you speak with? When did that happen? Who was there? What happened next?
4. Include others. Don’t talk to liars alone, have witnesses.
5. Validate by communicating with email.
6. Protect yourself. Don’t lie but don’t tell everything, either. Vulnerability is stupid when dealing with liars.
7. Confront liars you love. I know, we’re supposed to love everyone. Don’t lie to yourself, you don’t.

Bonus: Cultivate transparency – speak publicly – avoid unnecessary secrets. Tell all involved, who does what by when, for example.

Related posts:

12 True Behaviors that Expose Liars

Lying at work

Top Ten Lies Leaders Tell Themselves

See the growing list of responses on Facebook to the fill-in: Leaders lie because ______.

How can leaders deal with liars?

Moving Toward the Truth

Dishonest leaders lie to cover up, manipulate, and protect their image. Deceptive strategies range from false humility – the subtlest form of arrogance – to telling people what they want to hear.

All deceptions begin with cowardly self-interest. Lying is fearful posturing for personal advantage. For example, we don’t want to look dumb so we pretend we know. In so doing, organizations and leaders remain dumb.

I asked Dennis N.T. Perkins, author of, Leading at the Edge, what surprised him about leadership. “The courage it takes,” he replied. Perkins continued, “Great leaders:

1. Courageously speak up and say the unpopular.
2. Overcome the pressure to conform and say hard things.
3. Challenge assumptions.”

“You can get promoted,” Perkins commented, “without courage.” Honestly, many organizations don’t want the truth. They want the company line, the accepted, and the expected. The need to fit in motivates deception and creates mediocrity.

Truth-telling starts at the top. Leaders who need to hear what they want to hear create dishonest cultures. Fear of offending arouses deception. People deceive for personal benefit. Wise leaders give advantages to truth-tellers not yes-men.

Truth-telling according to Perkins:

1. Isn’t brash.
2. Requires steely resolve.
3. Comes from quiet confidence.
4. Reflects calm not bravado.
5. Demands focus.

People to trust:

Trust people who are willing to speak otherwise, express the unpopular, and challenge assumptions without personal agendas.

Respect opens the door to the gift of truth.

A trusted leadership colleague called to let me know I was harsh with two young leaders in a recent meeting. We discussed it. Explored my intent and evaluate my methods. I expressed noble intent inappropriately. Honesty is a gift.

I heard him because he respects me. Respect opens ears.

Here’s a post on “Finding Courage” — The past is the future without courageous leadership.

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How can leaders speak the truth without alienating others?

How are truthful environments created and sustained?

Project: Ask your team how you can promote truth-telling in your organization.

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Highly recommended read:

Long Noses Build Big Barriers

Brain power, skills, and success beckon leaders to believe they are better than others when they aren’t. The most repulsive lie leaders believe about themselves is the long-nose-lie, “I’m better than.”

Everyone sees the long nose you look down. The insecure feel inferior around your long nose while climbers grovel for its approval. In either case, people can’t take their eyes off it’s disgusting length.

Long nose leaders:

1. Enjoy flattery.
2. Prefer control to empowerment
3. Treat employees like things.
4. Never eat in the cafeteria.
5. Don’t know employee names.
6. View people as disruptions.
7. Believe fear and distance motivates.

How noses grow:

Confusion between performance and being human grows long noses. One success following another landed you in leadership. Sadly, success shrunk your brain and grew your nose. Your tiny head became filled with small thinking exaggerating your huge proboscis. You forgot that everyone in the world is essentially the same. We all want to:

1. Feel respect.
2. Love and be loved.
3. Engage in meaningful work.
4. Control our environments.
5. Feel secure.

You may have performed better than others in your context but behind your shrinking head and growing nose, you developed amnesia. Your long nose indicates you forgot your own humanity. Your long nose reflects a barrier that obscures universal human need and feeds emptiness.

Led by long noses:

Once a nose gets long it’s hard to shrink it. But, big heads make long noses look small. Grow your brain by changing your thinking. The simple solution to the long-nose-lie is giving people exactly what you want them to give you. For example, give the respect you demand for yourself to others. Surprisingly, your long nose may point the way.

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How do leaders overtly or subtly let others know they believe they are better than others?

What needs do long noses have that reflect universal human need?

Have you seen someone escape the long-nose-lie, once they believed it?

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The Most Dangerous Lie Leaders Believe

The most dangerous lie leaders tell themselves is, “I know.”

DeBono wisely said, “Those who think they know, don’t.” All leaders fall prey to this lie, yes all. How many times have you thought you knew but discovered you didn’t?

You think what you think because it’s right. Right?

You came to know too much because:

1. You confused smarts with knowledge. Being smart concerns brain power; knowledge is about information. Is information growing exponentially? Then you don’t know.
2. You forgot knowledge evolves because circumstances, research, and people change.
3. You’ve been right before which makes you think your solutions were the only or best solutions. Truth is, they just worked.

Thinking you know when you don’t is dangerous because knowing:

1. Closes minds.
2. Creates defensive postures.
3. Casts dissenters in negative lights.
4. Ends curiosity.

Solving the knowing problem:

1. Keep curiosity alive by slowing down. Fast answers end questions and exploration. Give your team more time to explore. Once again a quick brain becomes a problem. Maybe you should pretend you are dumb?
2. Seek input from diverse sources. Diversity explodes knowing. Bring your ideas up to accounting, custodial, or support staff. Talk to the guy on the street. They’ll show you you don’t know. “The best ideas emerge when very different perspectives meet.” Frans Johansson (Tweeted by @CFALeadercast)
3. Entertain the notion there’s more to know. Worse yet, let the uncomfortable words, “I don’t know,” bounce around in your head.

A tension:

Robert Sutton suggests you need enough doubt to keep an open mind and enough confidence to move forward. I bet you aren’t good at doubting.

Doubting your knowing is the beginning of knowing.

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Do you think the belief that we know when we don’t is the most dangerous leadership lie leaders believe? If not, which lie would you suggest?

What are the symptoms and cures of thinking we know when we don’t?

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I’m working on a book titled, “The Lies Leaders Believe.” Check out the growing list of lies leaders believe: “The Top Ten Lies Leaders Tell Themselves“

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Top 10 Lies Leaders Tell Themselves

Lies are told because they’re easier than the truth.

Lies are told to help or hurt. Leaders tell lies to protect those who can’t handle the truth or manipulate those who know too much.

The first lie I told at work was self-protective, most are. I told my boss I’d completed a project but I hadn’t.

The most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves.

You can always tell when you touch the lies people believe about themselves. They deny the obvious and defend the ridiculous. It reminds me of the time one of our children denied crumbling the crackers they were standing in.

10 lies leaders tell themselves:

1. People love it when I tweak their work.
2. I assess myself accurately.
3. I know how I’m perceived.
4. Hiding weaknesses works.
5. I don’t have a problem with arrogance.
6. I’m a great listener.
7. Sharing feelings makes me look weak.
8. Telling enables. If they don’t get it the first time, say it louder and longer next time. Truth is, “Just do it,” only works in commercials.
9. People who flatter me like me. Truth is they hate you.
10. I’m over my last outburst means they are too.

Your contribution:

I’m gathering material for a book on the lies leaders believe. I value your suggestions, stories, research, and ideas.

What’s the most common lie leaders tell themselves?

What’s the worst lie leaders tell themselves?

Some of this material was first published on “The Top Ten Lies Leaders Believe.”

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