10 Stunning Benefits of Failure

Success teaches repetition. Do more of the same because more of the same produces more of the same.

In changing times more of the same is deadly.

Success teaches confidence. Without confidence progress stalls, second-guessing prevails, the status quo persists. On the down side, success inflates confidence.

Bill Gates said, “Success is a lousy teacher.
It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”

Danger:

Too much confidence spawns failure. The vulnerabilities of over-confidence include:

1. Failure to explore root causes of success.
2. Resistance to evaluation.
3. Feelings of invincibility.
4. Closed ears.

Opportunity:

Failure humbles some and angers others. Humble leaders:

1. Ask what caused failure. Exploring failure is the most useful result of failure.
2. Know they don’t know. Not knowing is the first step to knowing.
3. Adapt. Stubborn resistance to adapting reveals arrogance.
4. Know limitations.
5. Acknowledge weaknesses to themselves and others. Transparency marks humble leaders.
6. Seek advice and welcome feedback from all quarters.
7. Welcome help. High potentials don’t say, “I can do it on my own.”
8. Give credit.
9. Respect skill in others.
10. Honor teams rather than steal credit.

Bonus: Display compassion even during the rigorous pursuit of excellence.

High Potentials:

Watch team members respond to failure, frustration, and falling short. Continue stretching the humble and coaching the angry. Elevate the humble.

Work with the arrogant. If they refuse to grow, eliminate them. Humility builds. Arrogance destroys.

It’s a tough call because confidence is essential to success. But over-confidence, eventually fails. The ten responses to failure help identify high-potentials.

What benefits have failure produced in your life?

How do you identify high potential employees?

Overcoming the 7 Deadly Results of Meddling

Passion for excellence, demand to meet numbers, slow progress, and fierce competition drive managers to step in and “help.”

Never help without asking, it’s meddling.

Ask first; ask often.

Don’t reserve, “How can I help?” for short-fall situations. It sends a message. They aren’t cutting the mustard.

Build supportive cultures by asking, “How can I help?” first and frequently. Ask when things are great.

Avoid, “Do you need help?”

“Do you need help?” is a yes or no question suggesting failure, distress, or weakness. “How can I help?” implies good will and collaboration.

What if they don’t know?

It’s your fault if they need help and don’t know it? Goals are fuzzy, deliverables are distant and obscure, feedback is rare, or reporting is sporadic. Clarify expectations up front. Ask, “How is your project going?” more often. Meddlers unexpectedly intervene in the middle.

Don’t meddle in the middle; help along the way.

Address a foggy middle with collaborative conversations. Clarify goals and outcomes. Set dates for progress reports. Ask, “How can I help.”

Meddling:

1. Insults.
2. De-motivates.
3. Suggests disappointment.
4. Controls and frustrates.
5. Begins with your frustration and creates frustration in others.
6. Ends thought. They say, “ OK, what do you want to do?”
7. Weakens relationships.

Helping:

1. Energizes.
2. Instills confidence.
3. Releases and frees.
4. Ends frustration.
5. Invites creativity.
6. Strengthens connections.
7. Affirms others and equalizes social status.

Today’s challenge: Ask, “How can I help?” twice before lunch and twice after lunch.

Thanks to the former CEO of Campbell’s Soup, Doug Conant, for his passionate, “How can I help?” approach to leadership. It helps me.

Great insights from my Facebook family: Helping becomes meddling when ______.

How does meddling make you or others feel?

What does healthy helping look like from your perspective?

Making Dreams Matter

Dreams smolder and die unless others own them.

Passion isn’t meaningful until it ignites others.

Igniting passion isn’t pumping up. Pumping up:

1. Is fun at events but manipulative as long-term strategy.
2. Places unnecessary burden on leaders and managers.
3. Never lasts.
4. Drains and exhausts. Pumping up pours energy from you to others.

Ignition:

Healthy people all dream the same dream;
they long to matter.

Igniting passion is always about their dream not yours. Leaders are matches. Fire and heat come from others.

Flames ignite the moment others see themselves in your dream. Help them find a place and watch the magic.

They own it when they’re in it.

Release:

Pumping up is pushing. Igniting passion is releasing. Once their fire starts, step back. Don’t control it; focus and fuel it.

1. Avoid limiting. Let your dream grow beyond you.
2. Don’t correct. See where they go.
3. Keep talking big picture and results. Passion and expertise from others fill in details.

Warning:

Details kill baby dreams. Let them grow legs before detailing them to death. Talk “what” when dreams are young. Talk “how” when they can walk.

The right people:

Dream killers are everywhere. Success depends on talking to people who share your values. Casually bring up your idea and watch for the sparkle. If you don’t see it, move on. They may ignite later.

Pulling not pushing:

Passionate people pull you; you don’t push them. There’s nothing better than watching a collection of small fires become one giant blaze.

Surprise:

Keep your dream in the back, like a back-seat drive. Keep their dream in the front. Everyone wants to matter. Give them a way.

Has someone ignited your passion? What did they do?

Have you ignited fires? What did you do?

10 Ways to Become a Contrarian Leader

Image source

Nice leaders finish last, if nice means agreeable. If all you do is agree, go home. You aren’t contributing.

“There is a condition afflicting organizations that often goes undiagnosed because it is perceived as benign. In truth, it is corrosive.

I call it the ‘the disease of niceness.’” John Baldoni in, “The Leaders Pocket Guide.”

Nice leaders:

1. Wrongly believe “getting along” is the goal. “Can’t we all get along?” is great if you love mediocrity.
2. Can’t tolerate conflict. If you can’t tolerate conflict, you can’t lead. Successful leaders thrive in tense situations.
3. Need to be liked.

Substantive contribution demands disagreement.

Contrarian leaders:

1. Believe getting it done is the goal.
2. Think tension and conflict are tools not distractions.
3. Instigate conflict rather hiding from it. They stir the pot.

The scale:

On the scale of “nice to contrarian,” most of you fall on the nice side. You’ll get along just fine in many organizations. But, you’ll never be an exceptional leader if all you do is agree.

Exceptional leaders cross the line
from agreeable to contrarian.

10 ways to become contrarian:

1. Keep smiling, for goodness sake.
2. Reject the idea that anger and contrarian are the same thing. Don’t let anger be your only motivation to address tough issues.
3. Ask tough questions and make challenging statements without threatening.
4. Embrace politeness, always. (Thanks for this one John Baldoni.)
5. Watch your body language. Maintain welcoming eye contact and open postures.
6. Convince everyone you support them. Agree, affirm, and support, a lot. Contrarian leaders finish last, if contrarian means constant disagreement.
7. Keep listening. Contrarian doesn’t mean “my way or the highway.”
8. Practice clarity and mutual accountability. Have others hold you accountable to the same degree you hold them. Contrarian isn’t about being aloof or superior.
9. Always show respect.
10. Maintain optimism. Contrary isn’t negative.

Note: I”m not encouraging bullying. Bullies aren’t leaders.

How can you move toward contrarian leadership, today?

The Seven Powers of Powerful Questions

Questions are the most powerful statements you make.

1. Questions expose. Your questions tell me who you are.
2. Questions invite thought. Answers end thought.
3. Questions enlighten.

   “It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question,” Decouvertes.

4. Questions overcome resistance. People naturally question statements. On the other hand, ask an honest question and people lean in.
5. Questions enable ownership. When I tell you the answer, I own it. If you arrive at the answer, you own it.
6. Questions reveal what matters.

   Ask about what you care about.

7. Questions establish focus.

More on focus:

When I started riding motorcycles, I learned they drifted in the direction I looked. A dangerous thing if you like to look around.

Focus establishes direction.

What you persistently ask about gets done.

Illustration:

An organization that believes in relationship before opportunity could ask their employees for the names of the people they met that day.

Questions express values.

Big question:

During a recent conversation with Scott Cochrane, Executive Director of the Leadership Center Willow Creek Canada, I heard a question that sent chills up my spine.

Scott went to a meeting and asked this compelling, outward facing question, “What do you need to see for our country to change?” I feel purpose behind his words.

Good but not great questions:

1. Declining companies asking, “How can we stop our decline?”
2. Failing leaders asking, “How can we better lead?
3. Inefficient organizations asking, “How can we increase efficiencies?”
4. Financially strapped businesses asking, “How can we make more money?”

If you or your organization is falling short, you may be asking questions that fall short. Ask questions with purpose.

Try asking, “How can we best bring value to those we serve?” for example. You won’t get the right answer until you ask the right question.

Follow Scott Cochrane on twitter: @WScottCochrane

What are the great questions leaders ask?

The Secret Power of Hearing Shadows

Listening is a skill. Making someone feel heard is a gift.

My dad’s first words when I told him about my new job were, “It’s not very close to home.” I was a fresh college graduate in Missouri. He was back home in Maine and the job was in Pennsylvania.

I did the easy thing. I heard words but I didn’t hear meanings.

Pennsylvania didn’t seem closer to him but it seemed closer to me. I resisted his words, observed he was right, and moved with my young family to live in the greater Philadelphia area. I’m not saying I made a wrong decision. But I didn’t hear what dad meant.

Today, it sounds silly that I heard the words but didn’t hear meanings. I totally missed it. My excuses are youth and enthusiasm.

Now that my own children are out and on their own, I know what he meant. It wasn’t geography. It was relationship.

Words are partial truths.
Foolish leaders listen; wise leaders hear.

My dad didn’t say, “I want to stay connected with you.” He didn’t say, “I’ll miss my grandchildren.” He said the easier, less revealing truth.

Most of us say easier, less revealing, less vulnerable truths. We hide our truths in shadows.

You connect more deeply by realizing words are shadows.

Once in a while, dip below the surface and let those around you know you understand their concerns.

The best times to hear are when:

1. New tensions or stresses arise.
2. Procedures change.
3. Business is down.
4. Achievements are enjoyed.

Listen for and hear:

1. Frustrations.
2. Fears.
3. Hopes.
4. Aspirations.

Hearing:

1. Reject the need to give solutions. This may be the hardest thing to do.
2. Don’t make excuses.
3. Withhold judgement.
4. Help them think their own thoughts.

The goal of hearing is making people feel understood. People who feel understood open their hearts to your influence.

How do you listen in ways that make others feel understood?

Setting Organizational Attitude and Tone

Circumstances don’t determine the atmosphere and tone of organizations, leaders do.

Look around your office or leadership team. Is the tone positive or negative? Now, look at yourself. How are you perceived?

Organizations reflect leadership.

Thursday, I reconnected with Shirzad Chamine, author of, Positive Intelligence. He reminded me that our “Sage” is a joyful, curious, explorer. I started thinking about fearful versus confident leadership.

Fearful vs. Confident:

Fearful leaders withdraw, limit, control, manipulate, and pressure others. Fearful leaders respond to challenges, opportunities, and problems pessimistically.

Confidence fuels optimism; fear fuels pessimism.

Tough circumstances test everyone, especially leaders. Hand-wringers set negative tones. On the other hand, denying tough times never inspires.

Optimism:

Leadership-optimism isn’t pretending everything’s okay. Confident leaders connect, inspire, and unleash. They explore with curiosity.

Inspirational leaders face tough times
with curiosity, exploration, joy, and confidence.

Realistic:

Leadership-attitude won’t solve tough times. It is, however, the way leaders establish tone and atmosphere in collaborative environments during challenging situations. Positive environments are built on positive attitudes, speech, and behaviors.

(Check out Soren Kaplan’s book, Leapfrogging, for more on optimism.)

What’s the difference between foolish and realistic optimism?

How can leaders set positive tones in organizations?

Handling Co-Worker Complaints and Backstabbing

Here’s a question from a recent workshop participant. “How do you handle someone complaining about a co-worker?”

First, you want people to come to you. Some managers want challenges, problems, and people to go away. They hide in their offices, sneak to the elevator, or duck into the restroom to avoid facing tough conversations.

Suggestions for dealing with co-worker complaints:

1. Ask the complainer, “What can you do to solve this?” Some complainers want you to solve their problem. That’s a last resort. Savior-managers create irresponsible employees.
2. The complainer may say, “I don’t know what I can do.” Say, “Why don’t you come back this afternoon with some ideas?”
3. Develop a strategy to deal with the issue. If you can’t, try number four.
4. Invite the person being complained about to a meeting to discuss the issue. You’ll be surprised that issues have several sides.
5. Focus on issues and performance rather than personalities, unless personality is the problem.
6. Take small steps in positive directions, don’t expect giant leaps. Identify observable behaviors. If you can’t see it, you can’t measure it.
7. Follow up. “Let’s get together in two weeks to follow up.”

More suggestions:

1. Withhold judgment.
2. Never take sides.
3. Clarify, is it personal or performance. It’s often personal.
4. Warning, backstabbers are masters at seeming helpful while being destructive.

Bonus tip: When you bring the two parties together and one of them had no idea there was a problem, you’re dealing with a backstabber. Excuse the one who’s in the dark and deal with the real issue.

Most importantly:

Deal with interpersonal tensions
because relationships are worth it.

Read what Facebook contributors added: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop

Note: I’m out of town and can’t check references. I have a feeling I’ve read the first three suggestions but can’t recall the author.

How do you handle complaints about co-workers?

Finding the Missing Link of Leadership

You’re great at doing but are you great at connecting? I’m still blown away by Henry Mintzberg’s one word of advice, “Connect.”

Business stresses and people tensions result in unhappy, disengaged staff unless leaders model and encourage connecting. Meaningful relationships break the grip of distrust, disengagement, and fear.

Connecting with others is the secret to success
in business and happiness in life.

Continue being great at getting the job done and add connecting to your leadership skills.

Great success:

Great success requires great connecting. If you can succeed without out others you aren’t going very far.

You can’t lead people you don’t know and understand.

Connecting tips:

1. Believe connecting is good for business, others, and you. You can’t fake it. Techniques without authenticity create fakers who aren’t trusted and often end tragically.
2. Go to others; don’t wait for them to come to you. Leaders move first.
3. Be fully present. Give the gift of yourself.
4. Engage in small talk. Avoid being so focused on tasks that you ignore people.
5. Give yourself first. Model the type of conversations you’re encouraging in the office.
6. Acknowledge emotional states but avoid subtle put downs. “You seem happy today, what happened.” For example. You might privately say, “You’ve seemed down lately are you okay?”
7. Listen with your eyes. If eye contact is uncomfortable focus on the forehead.
8. Listen with your body. Relax your stance to avoid a, “I have to get going message.” Sit if you can.
9. Show appreciation to everyone regardless of status.

Suggestions from Facebook contributors:

1. Communicate the good and the bad.
2. Put people first.
3. Be yourself.
4. Share without concern for the gain.
5. Show compassion.
6. Have empathy.

See the list of suggestions from Facebook contributors: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

How can leaders connect with colleagues, superiors, or subordinates?

In Praise of Power

Saying, “I’m the boss,” indicates you’ve lost influence and resorted to intimidation.

Coercive power offends. But, power isn’t a dirty word, with it you get things done. Without power, nothing gets done. Power is the ability to change things.

Power and position often come together; higher position usually equals more power. Using power associated with position is the least desirable and most offensive use of power. Think of individuals who advance their own agenda at the expense of others.

It’s said that:

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Gaining power:

Power as influence is better than power associated with position. Influence doesn’t require position. Weak, disenfranchised people can have power.

Gain power – influence – by understanding others and advancing their goals.

1. Power that corrupts is about getting.
2. Power that influences is about giving.
3. People in positions of power talk too much and listen too little.
4. People with influence listen.
5. Leaders with positional power want you to understand them.
6. Leaders with influence understand you.

Influence is always given never taken.

Managers using positional power push down, limit, pressure, and coerce. They’ve lost influence so they resort to position.

Influencers lift, expand, inspire, and set free. Influencers invigorate. Vitality characterizes organizations led by influencers.

Get things done:

If influencers advance the goals of others, how do they get things done? They align goals, passions, values, vision, and mission.

Tell me what makes you tick and I can influence you.

Influence only works when alignment exists. You won’t influence everyone. Create teams who align with your passions and you create opportunities for influence as long as you focus on their goals. Their goals become shared goals.

What do leaders who rely on positional power do?

How can leaders gain influence without resorting to positional power?