When Teammates Collide

Forward-focused teammates clash with foot-draggers.  But, foot-draggers aren’t the problem.

My approach to an opportunity is grab it and go. Planning isn’t high on my list. I know it’s important but can’t we plan as we go. “Just do something” is my motto. Build the airplane in the air.

“Just do something people” drive planners crazy. But “just do something” isn’t the problem.

Example:

A planner on my team sent me an e-mail that included, “I don’t want to frustrate you.” I was pushing for a next step. He was explaining why we can’t move forward, at this time.

Every team experiences collisions between team members pushing for the next thing and those reluctant to move forward.

*Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins explain motivational collisions in their new book, “Focus.” They explain how some tend to promote and others prevent.

Promoters play to win.
Preventers play not to lose.

Preventors prefer to say, “No! to an opportunity, rather than end up in hot water.” Halvorson and Higgins.

Over the years, I’ve seen the weakness of my promoter-focus. I don’t protect gains. Mistakes are no big deal. Planning takes too long. I’m willing to lose what I have – to gain what I don’t.

Promoters tend toward big ideas.
Preventers are great with details.

Motivation:

“For a promotion-focused person, what’s really “bad” is a nongain: a chance not taken, a reward unearned, a failure to advance… But for the prevention-focused, the ultimate “bad” is a loss you failed to stop; a mistake made, a punishment received, a danger you failed to avoid.”

Everyone:

Everyone, according to Halvorson and Higgins, has both motivations and, depending on the context, brings them out. The planner, I mentioned, who didn’t want to frustrate me is a fire-ball-promoter once he sees a path to success, for example.

How might leaders navigate tensions between promoters and preventors?

*Heidi Grant Halvorson and E. Tory Higgins lead the Motivational Science Center at Columbia Business School.

Bonus material: Heidi Grant Halvorson in her own words on characteristics of promotion and prevention focus. (4:17)

One Question for All Complainers and Critics

Get out of leadership if criticism and complaints keep you up at night. You’ll die from lack of sleep.

The toughest criticism to handle is directed at a team mate or colleague, not you. Some “loving” critic shares a “helpful” suggestion that tears down, points out inadequacy, or undermines credibility.

Complainers, on the other hand, are different from critics. Complainers say, “Your team leader hurt my feelings,” for example. They don’t say it directly but, in the end, complainers aren’t getting what they feel they deserve. They want something for themselves. (They may be on target.)

Critics focus on others. Complainers focus on themselves.

The hardest part of criticisms
and complaints is the 10% that’s right.

First:

Define the win.

Avoid every activity that doesn’t have clearly defined and agreed upon wins. Ambiguous outcomes never satisfy. Watch for that bad taste or rotten smell that saturates winless activities.

All wins always propel
people and organizations forward.

All wins always have
behavioral – visible – expressions. You see them.

Criticisms and complaints spiral downward until progress is defined.

Reject:

Never affirm speculations about bad motives.

Some complainers love explaining the bad motives and intentions of others. Immediately reject hints and innuendos that your colleague intentionally harmed others. The moment you hear, “They did that because (fill in malicious intention),” know you’re dealing with an ass.

Step back and watch a line in the sand appear at the hint a member of my team has malevolent motives.

Human:

Courageously build human environments that make room for imperfection. People have frailties and inadequacies; they screw up.

Progress is a win in human organizations;
perfection a myth.

Close the doors and go home if perfection is the goal.

Question:

Answer criticisms and complaints about colleagues and teammates with,

“How can I help you with this?”

Asking this question:

1. Takes people seriously.
2. Searches for wins.
3. Expresses compassion.
4. Assigns responsibility.

How can leaders respond when they receive complaints or criticisms of teammates or colleagues?

Next week’s best leadership development opportunity is a free conference call with bestselling author, Doug Conant. Join me on March 27 at 1:00 p.m. EST.

What Leaders Get All Wrong About Leadership

I did leadership all wrong for years. I held leadership positions without understanding effective leadership practices. My early education was in theology. Tragically, I had no training in leadership.

My leadership journey includes powerful, sometimes painful, shifts in attitudes and practice.

The first shift:

Leaders hold spotlights rather than stand in them.

I thought leaders were stars. But, leaders aren’t actors on center stage. They play supporting roles and work backstage. Most importantly, leaders are the audience.

Too many leaders need the spot light, too few give it.

Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage.” Think of an organization as a stage. Team members and employees are actors. Leaders are the audience.

Everyone needs an audience.

Actors crave audience approval. Audiences praise effort, achievement, and excellence. Cheers and whistles make work worthwhile.

Actors fear audience disapproval. Boos and jeers sting.

The power of respect is the power to build up others.
The more respect you earn the more your approval matters.

An audience helps people see themselves. A few summers ago my wife and I had a rare exchange of words. We were yelling over something that we’ve long forgotten. In the process it dawned on us that our windows were opened and the neighbors could hear. Oooops!

In a flash we saw ourselves through the eyes of others. We still laugh at how foolish we must have sounded to our “audience” and how quickly we quieted our volume.

Respected leaders help others see themselves.

Actors whisper, “Did you see so-n-so is here tonight?” when dignitaries sit in the audience.

Actors feel important when someone important is watching.

In my youth, I thought leaders stood on center stage. Now I know leaders are the audience.

***

Read the growing list of leadership shifts on the Leadership Freak Facebook Page.

How can respected leaders fully embrace and express the power of being an audience?

What are the limits of the audience metaphor?

I Made a Mistake

Image source by Petr Kratochvil

I called a person to confront an awkward leadership blunder.

Mistakes aren’t the issue; what you do with them is.

8 wrong approaches to mistakes that matter:

1. Mad Monkey approach: Jumping around making loud noises and pointing fingers.
2. Chicken approach: Brooding. Let’s sit on these eggs until something ugly hatches.
3. Possum approach: Let’s play dead. Maybe they’ll go away.
4. Squirrel on Steroids approach: Trying harder and harder without adapting.
5. Lounging Cat approach: It’s not that bad, someone will deal with it.
6. Tiger approach: Attack.
7. Weasel approach: Blame.
8. Sloth approach: We’ll deal with this later.

Tough conversations are tough, but necessary.
Sooner is better than later with mistakes that matter.

Before confronting mistakes:

1. Clarify. Get the facts. What really happened?
2. Deal with emotion. Never confront while you’re mad, hurt, or pointing fingers.
3. Plan the conversation. Write down main points. Confrontation almost never goes as planned but plan anyway.
4. Determine desired behavioral results. What needs done?
5. Establish emotional outcomes. How do you want people to feel when you’re done?

Attitude toward mistakes:

Pursue better.

“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.” James Joyce.

Seek better, rather than perfect. Arrival is a myth. “You don’t have to go all the way to bright, just make things better.” Doug Conant, author of TouchPoints.

Four words that changed everything:

I called to deal with a leadership mistake. The first thing out of their mouth was, “I made a mistake.” Boom! Everything shifts.

Futures emerge after mistakes are owned, not until. Mistakes anchor life in the past until you say, “I screwed up.”

You look strong when you own mistakes.

Tip: Own it; never excuse it.

Final step: We scheduled a face-to-face to reconnect as leaders and clarify future steps.

What wrong approach to mistakes do you most frequently see?

How do you confront mistakes others make? What about your own?

The Secret to Frustration’s Guidance

Leaders who hurry always neglect people. If leadership is about people why rush like it’s about tasks?

But, when rushing is required, never rush alone. Mentor as you go. Enable future replacements.

Work yourself out of, not into, jobs. Exponential success requires taking things from your bucket and putting them in theirs.

But, prepare people before you let go.

Two extremes of preparation:

Letting go too fast:

I treat people like I like to be treated. I’m a learn-as-you-go type. My tendency is to give responsibilities without much preparation. Mistakes don’t bother me as long as we’re learning. Many people prefer more preparation than I need.

I frustrate those who need preparation. Learn-as-you-go leaders may need to stay closer, longer.

Hanging on too long:

On the other extreme, you may be a prepare-before-you-leap leader. You view others through your preference for preparation.

They chomp at the bit but you feel they aren’t ready. You frustrate others because preparation takes too long.

One guide, frustration:

Peak performance requires acceptable levels of frustration, anxiety, or stress. Skillful leaders manage rather than eliminate frustration in others.

Avoid letting go too fast or hanging on too long by monitoring frustration. But never fully eliminate frustration. In one case, frustration indicates you’re going too fast, in the other, too slow.

Accept frustration’s guidance. Avoid being frustrated with their frustration.

One principle, support:

Amy Lyman Cofounder of Great Place to Work® told me, “Employees in great places to work feel supported.” Support those who need more preparation by giving it. On the other hand, not helping, feels like support to others.

Fuel beneficial levels of frustration and give support at the same time.

They determine what support feels like, not you.

How can leaders determine when others are ready to take on new responsibilities?

Facing the Challenge of Challenging Others

Challenge people! Fully prepared is boring.

Wrong:

“Who is ready for opportunities?” is the wrong question. Ready is overrated.

You weren’t ready. Remember how you didn’t know? You see your skills but forget where they came from. Experience taught you.

Are you ready for the challenges you’re currently facing? I hope not.

It’s foolish and wasteful to expect others to develop skills apart from experience. It’s too late if they’re ready.

Right:

Courage trumps skill because skill without courage is wasted.   “Have they stepped up in the past?” is the right question. Who they are comes before what they do.

Courage enables learning during the journey. Education provides foundations. Experience activates education.

Who:

Challenge those who:

1. Learn from failure. Those who can’t fail, can’t grow.
2. Fall and get up.
3. Complain. Complaining may be frustrated desire. Challenge complainers to take responsibility.
4. Feel apprehensive. They say, “I’d like to but …” Ask, “Would you really like to?”
5. Display character qualities like curiosity, compassion, and transparency.
6. Faced their fears in the past and pushed through.
7. Desire opportunities. Desire trumps talent.
8. Currently contribute.

After:

After new challenges are accepted:

1. Listen to their concerns. Don’t minimize.
2. Clarify expectations.
3. Create structures where feedback is expected, frequent, and welcomed.
4. Provide support. Mentor, coach, encourage, and educate.
5. Ask, “What are you learning about yourself?” Exclusive focus on tasks, while neglecting the person, discourages.
6. Don’t step in quickly, as long as there’s progress.

Five bonus questions:

During follow-up sessions, after new challenges are accepted, ask:

1. How are you becoming who you want to be?
2. What makes you proud of who you are becoming?
3. What fears or apprehensions are you facing?
4. How does your behavior express who you are?
5. What’s next for you?

Help people say, “I never thought I’d do what I did?”

How can leaders challenge the “right” people to do more than they thought they could do?

 

Stupid Leaders Overreact

Plug a VGA cable into the wrong port and presentations die.  Have you ever noticed that “VGA in” sits right beside “VGA out?”

Small things are big when others depend on you.

The danger of small screw-ups:

Frustration from small screw-ups invites overreaction. Leaders do stupid things. Eggshell environments emerge. Everyone slows down for fear of screwing up.

Overreaction makes you choke on mosquitoes
and lose sight of elephants.

Small screw-ups expose other screw-ups that might happen. Suddenly the world feels like it’s falling apart.  You can’t sleep at night.

Never explain forward-facing initiatives as solutions to past failures. It’s a downer.

Fixing past mistakes frees forward movement
but doesn’t fuel momentum.

Get a grip:

1. Solve small screw-ups in small ways. Don’t call a departmental meeting because the new guy plugged the VGA cable into the wrong port.
2. One person’s mistake isn’t everyone’s.  Never let small failures in one area motivate you to point out short-falls in other areas. It’s demoralizing and disrespectful.
3. Go light not dark. Encourage everyone when one small screw-up impacts many. “Thanks for your devotion. This was an isolated event.”
4. Smile when you say, “We’ll figure out how to prevent this from happening again.”

Permission to make mistakes enables high performance. Mistake-free environments are stagnant or dead.

Small screw-ups matters because you matter.

How can leaders affirm individuals while dealing with mistakes?

Read testimonials.

10 Ways to Spot Authentic Leaders

Talk isn’t always cheap. Words change lives and organizations. However, when it comes to authenticity, talk is nearly meaningless.

Authenticity, like trust, feedback, and empowerment are words tossed around in leadership circles likes nuts at a squirrel buffet.

Words apart from practice make you
feel you know when you don’t.

Using the term “authentic” doesn’t make you authentic any more than sleeping in a garage makes you a car.

10 practices of authenticity:

I’ve interviewed scores of high profile leaders. Authenticity appears quickly. Authentic leaders:

1. Talk comfortably about failure.
2. Say, “I hadn’t thought of that.”
3. Speak tough truths comfortably.
4. Share what they are learning. Fakers pretend they already knew.
5. Ask “dumb” questions.
6. Explore-with rather than conclude-for.
7. Invite feedback. You’d be amazed how many leaders fear feedback, even refuse it.
8. Honor others, profusely. Phony leaders need honor. Authentic leaders give it.
9. Know and acknowledge frailties and weaknesses. Fakers are omniscient and omni-compitent.
10. Empathize without compromise.

Bonus: Adapt, change, and grow. Phonies don’t grow they spiral inward like black-holes.

You change before you help others change.

The power of authenticity is influence rather than coercion. Fakers rely on position, authority, and manipulation. Authentic leaders influence through the power of their person.

Benefit:

Authenticity lowers stress; faking increases stress.

For the record, most leaders I interview practice authenticity. It’s refreshing and encouraging. Authenticity fills words with authority and power, without it, words are cheap.

How do you spot authenticity?

How does authenticity develop in a person?

How Leaders Frustrate Others

Last week, I frustrated someone, again. I thought I learned my lesson but old habits die hard.

There’s always room for improvement, from my point of view. Nothing’s ever done. I’m tempted to add to or modify projects while in progress. It feels great to me. I’m adding value.

Modifying project outcomes, after jobs begin, doesn’t excite people like it excites me. “Could we?” and, “What about?” are great before projects or tasks begin; frustrating after.

Completion is more important than minor improvement.

Don’t modify current tasks, finish them. Modifications confuse and hinder. People start wondering what they’re doing and what you want. They say, “I thought we were…?”

Checking tasks off is better than stopping to tweak them.

Process:

Improve processes, don’t change deliverables. Suggestions that simplify tasks and speed completion are welcomed. Improve oars in the middle of the stream, don’t modify destinations.

Application:

Complete tasks. Arrive before changing direction. Completing tasks is more important than tweaking outcomes. Minor corrections do more damage than good.

Changing:

Know the difference between minor corrections and necessary course adjustment. Jump in quickly to avoid unforeseen rocks or storms, otherwise, hold the course.

Avoid costly mistakes; allow minor imperfections.

Save the day; forget minor adjustments. It’s ticklish to know when to step in. Err on the side of trusting good people.

Context:

This post concerns day-to-day projects and tasks, not strategic goals.

How can leaders add value when projects are in process?

How do you decide to step in or stay out?

The Struggle and Power of Divergent Values

It’s a mistake to expect everyone to fully align with your values. Shared values are never fully shared.

Power of values: 

Shared values are the heartbeat of vibrant organizations.

1. Values drive decisions.
2. Decisions drive direction.
3. Direction drives satisfaction.

Diversity in values:

Close alignment and diversity
are better than full alignment and unity.

Mary and Carl share the values of growth and systems, for example. Carl’s top value is systems. He believes systems assure success. Systems precede growth.

On the other hand, Mary’s top value is growth. She prefers learning as you go. Systems follow growth.

They share values but have divergent priorities and intensity. Can you see a collision in the making?

Collisions:

Collisions between values challenge decision making. Do we pursue growth and organize as we go or do we organize first. Mary embraces the former. Carl holds to the latter.

Full alignment of values creates lopsided organizations.
Diversity stabilizes.

Respect:

Successful leader understand varying levels of intensity and priority within shared values. Losing Mary or Carl is problematic.

Divergent values add value.

Both/and:

Successful leaders embrace both/and. Do we pursue growth and create systems as we go or is it the other way around? YES! Wise leadership leverages both.

Breaking points:

Either/or choices occur when Carl refuses to support Mary. On the other hand, as long as Mary respects and supports Carl’s values she enrich their organization. However, when they don’t value the other’s values, one has to go.

Never make the mistake of cutting people off because their values don’t fully align with yours. Successful leaders get excited about things that excite others.

How can leaders navigate diversity in values?

When does diversity become distraction?