The Power of Second Questions

“Most people never listen.” Hemingway

Questions are gifts. Asking, followed by listening, says others matter; telling says you matter.

Eager to talk is reluctant to ask.

Enemies of curiosity:

1. Disinterest. You really don’t care.
2. Need to appear smart.
3. Hurry. The need for speed, at least initially, stifles curiosity.
4. Knowledge. Those who know don’t ask.
5. Answers. Answers end thought.

Pretend you don’t have the answer, you may find another.

Powerful questions:

1. Initiate listening. It’s hard to listen without questions.
2. Call for answers. Questions create curiosity and engage minds.
3. Ignite self-persuasion.
4. Invite connection. Anyone who says they want to connect but never asks questions is confused or deceived about the nature of connecting.
5. Guide conversations. Don’t tell people what to talk about, ask questions.
6. Teach and open minds.
7. Explain priorities. You ask about what matters.

If you want to change results, change questions.

Second questions:

Second questions matter more than first because they explore what matters. First questions address obvious issues. Second questions explore meaning, purpose, method, and/or value.

Exceptional leaders ask second questions.

First question: What’s your mission?
Second question: What makes your mission matter?

First question: Who are your customers?
Second question: What made them become your customers?

First question: What’s frustrating?
Second question: How can you address your frustrations?

Before:

Clarify before answering.

Never simply answer when someone asks, “What’s your story?” Always ask, “What do you want to know?*”

Save time, establish priorities, and narrow focus by inviting questioners to declare themselves.

Answer questions with questions, before giving answers.

Avoid:

Some questions are better than others.

1. What’s wrong with me?
2. What did I do wrong?
3. What went wrong? (KaChing)

A favorite question:

I hear what you don’t want. What do you want?

Added resources:

9 Unexpected Questions that Create Engagement

10 Questions that Give Vitality to Beginnings

15 Questions Guaranteed to Create Clarity

*From: “Power Questions,” by Sobel and Panas

How can leaders learn to ask questions?

What are some useful second questions?

16 Dumb Questions You’re Afraid to Ask

The hardest question to ask is the obvious one. Fearful leaders remain silent. Courageous leaders ask.

1. What are we doing?
2. Compared to what?
3. Who said?
4. Why not? Move from “either/or” to “and” by asking, “Why not?”
5. What problem are we solving?
6. What’s working? How? Why?
7. Begin agenda items by asking, “What questions should we ask?”
8. What are our values? When employees cut themselves, values should come out.
9. Which of our values is driving this decision? How?
10. Where are we going?
11. Who are we?
12. How does this take us where we want to go?
13. Who is our customer?
14. What value do we deliver?
15. How are we communicating our value to customers? Unperceived value isn’t valuable.
16. How am I doing?

Bonus: What are we afraid to ask?

Power:

The best way to challenge the status quo is with questions. Dumb questions test basic assumptions. But, fear of looking dumb makes us ignorant.

“It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question,” Decouvertes.

When you think you know, assume you don’t.

Questions create confusion initially
and end confusion eventually.

Bonus tip #1: Ask questions that lead to action. Knowledge emerges when people take uncertain action.

Bonus tip #2: Always follow questions with silence.

Interested in more: Read Facebook responses to: “Leaders should ask stupid questions like _______.”

How have dumb questions helped you?

What dumb question can you suggest?

One Question for All Complainers and Critics

Get out of leadership if criticism and complaints keep you up at night. You’ll die from lack of sleep.

The toughest criticism to handle is directed at a team mate or colleague, not you. Some “loving” critic shares a “helpful” suggestion that tears down, points out inadequacy, or undermines credibility.

Complainers, on the other hand, are different from critics. Complainers say, “Your team leader hurt my feelings,” for example. They don’t say it directly but, in the end, complainers aren’t getting what they feel they deserve. They want something for themselves. (They may be on target.)

Critics focus on others. Complainers focus on themselves.

The hardest part of criticisms
and complaints is the 10% that’s right.

First:

Define the win.

Avoid every activity that doesn’t have clearly defined and agreed upon wins. Ambiguous outcomes never satisfy. Watch for that bad taste or rotten smell that saturates winless activities.

All wins always propel
people and organizations forward.

All wins always have
behavioral – visible – expressions. You see them.

Criticisms and complaints spiral downward until progress is defined.

Reject:

Never affirm speculations about bad motives.

Some complainers love explaining the bad motives and intentions of others. Immediately reject hints and innuendos that your colleague intentionally harmed others. The moment you hear, “They did that because (fill in malicious intention),” know you’re dealing with an ass.

Step back and watch a line in the sand appear at the hint a member of my team has malevolent motives.

Human:

Courageously build human environments that make room for imperfection. People have frailties and inadequacies; they screw up.

Progress is a win in human organizations;
perfection a myth.

Close the doors and go home if perfection is the goal.

Question:

Answer criticisms and complaints about colleagues and teammates with,

“How can I help you with this?”

Asking this question:

1. Takes people seriously.
2. Searches for wins.
3. Expresses compassion.
4. Assigns responsibility.

How can leaders respond when they receive complaints or criticisms of teammates or colleagues?

Next week’s best leadership development opportunity is a free conference call with bestselling author, Doug Conant. Join me on March 27 at 1:00 p.m. EST.

Seven Proven Strategies for Dealing with Liars

Image source by George Hodan

Leaders lie because they don’t care enough to tell the truth. It’s too much trouble convincing know-it-alls, for example, so they smile and let them believe they’re right. They say, “That sounds fine.” But they’re shading the truth.

Leaders lie to:

1. Build image.
2. Save face.
3. Prevent turmoil.
4. Solve conflict.
5. Distract or misdirect.
6. Manipulate others.
7. Protect information.
8. Put others down.
9. Elevate stocks.
10. Deceive themselves.

Bonus: Lying leaders pretend they know when they don’t. (One of the dumbest lies.)

Leaders believe lying is wrong but do it anyway.

Lying is always about some form of advantage.

Liars place their interests ahead of yours.

Bosses promise raises but don’t intend to deliver. Employees say they’ve done it when they haven’t. (See: The first lie I told at work.)

Seven strategies for dealing with liars:

1. Act quickly. Time is the liar’s friend.
2. Develop skepticism. Always begin with empathy, but, tender hearts are vulnerable to lies.
3. Be interested. Expose liars by asking questions like: How do you know? Who did you speak with? When did that happen? Who was there? What happened next?
4. Include others. Don’t talk to liars alone, have witnesses.
5. Validate by communicating with email.
6. Protect yourself. Don’t lie but don’t tell everything, either. Vulnerability is stupid when dealing with liars.
7. Confront liars you love. I know, we’re supposed to love everyone. Don’t lie to yourself, you don’t.

Bonus: Cultivate transparency – speak publicly – avoid unnecessary secrets. Tell all involved, who does what by when, for example.

Related posts:

12 True Behaviors that Expose Liars

Lying at work

Top Ten Lies Leaders Tell Themselves

See the growing list of responses on Facebook to the fill-in: Leaders lie because ______.

How can leaders deal with liars?

Three Qualities Traditional Leaders Reject

Image source by Petr Kratochvil

Regurgitating and recycling what you already know bores others, antiquates leadership, and destroys organizations.

Get out of yourself before you shrivel and die.

Growth, innovation, and future-building centers on what you don’t know and haven’t done.

Three surprising qualities of growing leaders:

#1. Receptivity:

Traditional leaders are unwelcoming. Traditional leaders expect you to receive their ideas; they don’t receive yours. Power, prestige, and position thrive in unreceptive, threatening environments.

Tell-me-more leaders, go further than,
I-already-know leaders.

Stop looking down your nose at outsiders, front line employees, and new hires. Adapt to them; don’t force them to adapt to you.

Growth lies around and outside.

#2. Withholding judgment:

Traditional leaders make judgments; growing leaders withhold judgment.

Judgment crushes baby ideas.

Quick minded decision makers inadvertently destroy growth. Stow what you think you know in the attic. Judgment ends growth and begins stagnation.

Keep in mind, stability requires decision making. Withhold judgment, don’t end it completely.

#3. Curiosity:

Traditional leaders fear looking foolish. They need to know. Curiosity celebrates what isn’t known. Courageously look foolish.

Emptiness is opportunity.

The downside of curiosity:

1. People want to know what you know as well as what you don’t.
2. Questions feel pushy and threatening when filled with expectation.
3. Constant curiosity spirals inward and downward.
4. Creating options causes confusion.

Curiosity is a means not an end. Use curiosity to challenge stagnant ideas and disrupt antiquated systems.

Most importantly, curiosity unearths new goals and next steps. Curiosity builds the future. On the other hand, curiosity without progress is stagnating indulgence.

What traditional leadership qualities stunt growth and innovation?

What leadership qualities inspire growth, innovation, and future-building?

Memo to the New Team 2/22/13

Image source

To the New Team:

You may be wondering why you don’t have more direction. It’s intentional.

The advantage of new teams is no history.

The advantage of being told what to do is safety. Freedom, on the other hand, makes the storming process more turbulent but the result is ownership.

You have the big picture and I trust you.

Your first few meetings include searching for clarity of roles, function, and identity.

Searching for clarity feels confusing and awkward.
Search for clarity with optimism.

Be realistic about your challenges without becoming pessimists. Don’t bury your head in the sand. If you do, you’ll fail. But…

Trust your ability to find answers.

Norming is the third stage of team formation:

1. Esprit de corps emerges. Respect and connection describe relationships. Norming results from working through storming. Allow time for bonds to form.
2. Shared goals create focus and guide decisions. It takes time for personal agendas to fade and the big picture to come into focus.
3. Rules of relationship are established. Everyone agrees on how to treat fellow team members. Some team members need more prep time than others, for example. This will be acknowledged and respected.

Go to: “Memo to the New Team,” for info on the first two stages of team formation.

Five questions to ask yourselves:

1. How can I help others fit in?
2. How can I support others?
3. How can I show respect to the talent of others?
4. How can we move forward? Teams spiral into negativity apart from forward movement. Small comes before big.
5. How can we be bold without being foolish?

Bonus tip: Put the person with the most complicated schedule in charge of scheduling meetings.

What brings teams together and creates high performance environments?

How the CEO of Zappos Solves Problems

Your worst problem is believing you know the problem, when you don’t. The next is solving it.

Procter & Gamble set out to design new soap for cleaning floors. It’s a challenge because strong soap cleans dirt but it also strips finishes and irritates skin.

After years of failed attempts, P&G came up with the Swiffer – paper towel on a stick. Mopping was the problem, not soap*.

One word:

The CEO of Zappos, Tony Hsieh, finds the “right” problem with one word, “Why.”

“The one thing that Tony is really good at, that I’ve learned, is to always ask why. … If you ask why enough, you can turn, even the most complex problem into its simplest form.” Jamie Naughton

Problems first:

Use curiosity to explore problems before seeking answers.

Simplify before solving.

Rush to problems; don’t rush to solutions. Answers become complications when they solve “wrong” problems.

Simplify complexity by asking why.

1. Why are we doing this?
2. Why do we need to do this?
3. Why do we keep things in place if they aren’t working?
4. Why is this a problem?
5. Why do we care?

“It might be ten why’s, it might be three whys, and then you can say, “Ok. Let’s fix that.” Jamie Naughton

Simple problems have simple answers.

Speed:

Speed problem simplifying - Slow solution finding.

Go slow to go fast.

Solving the wrong problem slows or stalls progress.

Example:

Problem: I’m stressed.

Fast solution: Massage.

Explore the problem:

I’m stressed. Why? I have too much to do. Why? Because I can’t say, “No.” Why can’t you say, “no?” And so on…

What if stress isn’t the problem? Fix the simplest problem. Then get a massage just for fun.

How can leaders slow the solution finding process in order to find real problems?

How do you find solutions?

_____

*(There’s debate concerning the origin of the Swiffer. Regardless, P&G found the “right” answer when they identified the “right” problem.)

Connect with Jamie:

Jamie Naughton works directly with Tony Hsieh as the Speaker of the House for Zappos.

LinkedIn

Twitter: @Jamstar

In her own words (1 min.)

Related: The Surprising Path to Happiness at Work

Assumptions – Asking the Obvious

Testing assumptions makes you look stupid or misinformed.

“You can be perfectly clear and perfectly wrong.”
Karen Martin, “The Outstanding Organization.”

Assumptions are unquestioned “truths.” Everyone knows the answer to the obvious. Why don’t you?

Assumptions create false confidence by preventing obvious questions.

Unquestioned assumptions
ultimately distill into malaise.

Finding clarity is simple. Ask obvious questions that probe assumptions. In other words, ask questions that make you look dumb.

Asking the obvious:

Successful leaders persistently challenge assumptions with simple questions. Four questions enable organizational clarity. Don’t assume the answers are obvious.

1. Who is your external customer?
2. What value do you deliver to that customer?
3. Who, in your company, delivers that value?
4. How do they deliver that value?

Bonus: How do you communicate your value to current customers?

Clarity concerning customers:

Karen suggests asking:

1. Who do you serve?
2. How do they make money?
3. What problem are you solving for them?
4. Why do they choose your company…?
5. How do they use the goods or services you provide?

Clarity concerning value:

“Hallmark may produce greeting cards, but its value lies in helping people communicate a feeling….” Karen Martin.

Conversations that distinguish value from product enlighten organizations to their purpose. Karen says shifting from product to value reflects a shift in perspective.

• Product question: “What do we make?”
• Value question: “What do they get?”

Others explain your value. You can’t.

Clarity through conversation:

Karen suggests conversations produce clarity. When was the last time you sat with a customer to get to know them?

Clarity through failure:

A client of mine lost a client, recently. Rather than writing them off, they met with them to explore what went wrong. The value they didn’t deliver explains the value they must deliver. (Assuming that client is one they want to serve.)

Read chapter one of Karen’s book: “The Outstanding Organization.” Absolutely no obligation or email required.

How have you seen or experienced the danger of assumptions?

How can leaders uncover assumptions and create clarity?

Create Culture by Celebrating Small

Hate your work environment? Build rather than tear down. Whining reinforces negative environments. Celebrations build and reinforce positive environments.

Celebrations create culture.

Sadly, short-sighted leaders are stingy with positives and free with negatives. All they talk about is:

1. What went wrong?
2. What needs to be fixed?
3. What fell short?

Negative celebrations build negative environments.

Additionally, thoughtless leaders  reserve celebrations for “the big stuff.”

Celebrate more; celebrate small.

Celebratory questions:

Ask these questions to colleagues and employees.

1. What qualities do you respect in those around you?
2. What do you love about your job?
3. What’s going right?

Celebration in meetings:

End every meeting with affirmations, congratulations, and recognition.

Saying, “Great job,” keeps everyone doing a great job.

Power tip: Let small celebrations stand on their own. Little negatives at the end drain positives of their power.

Celebrate small:

1. Smiles.
2. Pleasant attitudes. “Your positive attitude lifts the spirit in our office.” Don’t add, “You should try it more often.”
3. Laughter. “I love the sound of your laugh.”
4. Kindness.
5. Generosity.
6. Things others do that you can’t. “You’re great with upset customers.” Don’t add, “I wish I was.”
7. Happy customers.
8. The present. Don’t let past failure or future uncertainties prevent celebrating now.
9. Human contact and relationships.
10. Insights. The next time someone shares something they learned from a book, celebrate. Perhaps you don’t get it. They do, so celebrate.

Bonus: Transform criticism into celebration. “Thanks for caring for my success. What’s the next step?”

Self-reflect:

How do people feel when you’re around? Your answer explains the culture you’re building. Truth is, it explains the life you’re building.

How can leaders celebrate more and celebrate small?

The Most Important Thing

Facebook contributors completed the sentence, “The most important thing leaders do is _______.” The first 10 responses were:

1. Listen.
2. Give feedback.
3. Empower.
4. Communicate vision.
5. Inspire.
6. Enable others…
7. Learn.
8. Lead!
9. Keep hope alive.
10. Pray.

Read the entire list on Facebook.

The answer:

I didn’t have an answer when I asked. Now I believe there is no single answer. The most important thing is situational.

The most important thing leaders do is
the most important thing.

Successful leaders do what’s important. Sometimes it’s listening. Other times, it’s giving feedback.

Rejecting:

Clear the clutter. Find what’s important by stopping what’s not.

If you’re afraid to stop, postpone. Postponing insignificant activities is enough. If you’ve misjudged their importance, they’ll be back.

Tip:

Delete items on your to-do list after carrying them forward a week. They seem important but they aren’t. If they were, you would have done them. Put them on a wish list.

Priority:

What’s important now?

1. Activities that produce results. Commit to action.
2. Everything that feels urgent isn’t important. The next time someone approaches with panic in their eye, ask if it can wait until this afternoon. By the afternoon, see if it’s solved.
3. Small wins. A small win in the hand is better than two big wins in the bush. Big wins emerge from a series of small wins.

Before starting something new, ask, “Is this important?” Keep asking as you go.

Avoid stagnation:

Don’t fret over finding the most important thing. Just do what’s important now.

Why are unimportant things getting done while important ones aren’t?

How do you determine what’s important?