One Choice that Informs All Others

Unable to choose is unable to move. Choices enable movement. Unable to choose is another way of saying stuck. Successful leaders make decisions.

Everyone who’s stuck
lives with choices waiting to be made.

Fear of choosing is fear of losing opportunity.

Fear of missing out is the reason you miss out.

The critical first choice:

The choice that informs all others is who to be not what to do.

First choices enable action.

Choosing what do before deciding who to be means you’ve caved to external pressure.

Answer “what to do questions” by clarifying who you want to be. What to do is an event. Who to be guides the journey.

First choices involve who to be.
Second choices explain what to do.

First choices are relatively easy. But, if you’re not sure who to be, ask, “How do I want to be known?”

Benefit:

Identity off-sets external pressure with internal strength. Success demands you become bigger than challenges. The only way to be bigger than challenges is to know who you are.

Warning:

Choosing “what to do” before “who to be” means you’re pushed around by circumstances and activities.

Identity determines function.

Comfort:

Chill out. Life changing choices are often insignificant and unplanned. For example, Jay Elliot stopped at a diner after a new job fell through. At the diner he met Steve Jobs. Jay became a Sr. VP at Apple. Stopping for something to eat changed his life.

Chill out. Most choices aren’t final they can be unmade.

Four decision making tips:

1. Choose forward-leaning. Avoid the comfort of going back.
2. Identify real problems/challenges. Keep asking, “Why.”
3. Connect with people of experience and expertise.
4. Focus on what can be done. Any fool can find reasons things won’t work.

What decision-making tips can you add?

How can leaders choose who to be?

When Generosity Goes too Far

Ineffective leaders give without expecting return. Generosity motivates indulgence when you don’t expect response.

One-way relationships between
capable people are sick.

Someone needs a favor. Generously meet their request, if you can. Adapt the schedule. Assign help. Shift deadlines.

Reciprocity:

Expect two-way relationships. Call for reciprocity. After pouring into their cup expect them to pour back.

Basic rule:

Give first without expecting return. Next time, expect return.

Say, “I’ll be glad to help you with this.  By the way, would you mind helping me with?” Find something even if you have to create it. Call them to adapt to you in some way.

Giving to others establishes connection. Receiving in return demonstrates the value of what you give.

Receiving from others, also demonstrates your value as person. It shows respect. People won’t respect you if you don’t expect return on your generosity. They come to expect it, not respect it. Appreciation falls.

Help others appreciate your generosity
by receiving generosity.

Flip:

After giving, if they are capable but refuse to return generosity, stop giving. Go by the book. Don’t bend a rule. Stop making allowances.

How have you seen generosity backfire?

How can leaders establish reciprocity?

Three Surprising Secrets to Creating Simplicity

Fog rolled in last week in Central Pennsylvania. Warm temperatures collided with cold snow and gray mist blanked our valley. Everything slows in fog. Everything’s more dangerous.

Complexity creates fog; simplicity clears it.

Simplicity produces clarity; clarity enables confidence.

Confidence fuels progress.

Causes of complexity:

1. Fuzzy purpose. Life is more complex and confusing for those without purpose. Clear purpose informs and emboldens decisions.
2. Options. Eliminate options to shed light on future paths. Options paralyze. Say, “No,” to a few options and find, “Yes.”
3. Imagined obstacles. I’ve watched fog roll in while those doing nothing explain why it can’t be done. When exploring options begin explaining why they work. Say, “Yes and…,” instead of, “That won’t work.” Will every option work? Of course not. Explore it before you kill it.

Creating simplicity:

1. Courageously admit you don’t know. Pretending you know is the worst fog of all. Cowards pretend they know. Courageous leaders say, “Help me understand ….” Say things like, “Tell me more, or, that point seems confusing.”
2. Move forward. Stalled progress invites thicker fog. In leadership, fog doesn’t clear, you leave it behind by stepping out.
3. Listen to anger and frustration. Anger won’t show the way but it establishes focal points and illuminates unspoken values. It tells you what’s important. Foggy leaders close their eyes and feel their way around. Anger is a flashlight in the fog. If you aren’t angry about something, you don’t care about much.

The big “P” purpose:

“How was your day?”

“It was great.”

“Why?”

“I got a lot done.”

Big deal! You got a lot done. Did purpose guide doing? You always fail unless purpose guides, regardless of what gets done. Purpose is the answer to:

1. The real reason your organizations exists.
2. What you want when you stop listening to everyone else.
3. What you want others to say about you when you’re gone.
4. What’s the big deal?

What causes complexity?

How can you create simplicity, today?

Purposeful Abandonment: The Art of Letting Go

© Qrius4ever | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

You employ systems and strategies for starting, maintaining, and moving forward. Adopt systems for stopping, as well.

People who can’t say, “No,” chase all the spilled marbles at once. They’re confused and empty handed in the end. Too many yeses distract, weigh down, and waste energy.

“In order to grow, a business must have a
systematic policy to get rid of the outgrown,
the obsolete, and the unproductive.”
Peter Drucker

Abandonment conversations:

Begin 2013 with, “What do you need to stop,” conversations with key people. Ask:

1. What frustrates?
2. What drains energy?
3. What wastes time?
4. What produces small returns?
5. Which customers should be sent to competitors?
6. Is it time to stop petting a pet project?
7. What distracts from leveraging strengths?
8. What has low impact?
9. What can be stopped?

Paperwork is on many lists of frustrating, energy drainers, for example. Are reports necessary or antiquated? How much time is spent completing reports that seldom, if ever, get used?

“Planned, purposeful abandonment of the old
and of the unrewarding is a prerequisite to
successful pursuit of the new and highly promising.” Peter Drucker

You’re tough when it comes to endurance. Get courageous and tough on stopping things, too.

Abandonment meetings:

Schedule a monthly abandonment meeting. Carve off part of your business or organization and ask:

1. Do returns justify expense?
2. How much would it matter if we stopped …?
3. How are we squandering strengths?
4. How are these activities aligned with mission and vision?

Abandonment lists:

I don’t remember when I first heard, “Not to-do list,” but its genius. Make one. Variations of abandonment lists:

1. Do less of list.
2. Put it off till you’re tired and grumpy list.
3. Don’t care if it’s ever done list.
4. Have someone else do it list.

How can leaders and organizations get better at abandonment?

Five Ways to Overcome the Folly of Perseverance

Bad ideas were good once but nothing always works.

Quitters never win. At least that’s what we think.

The danger of perseverance is
it’s virtuous but not always wise.

Thomas Edison famously said, “Many of life’s failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Don’t let Edison’s statement drive you along a losing course.

Why we persevere when we should quit:

1. Self-confidence. Leaders persist when they should adapt because of perceived competence. “I can make it work.”
2. Progress. A little progress is a dangerous thing.
3. Hope. “Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torment of man.” Friedrich Nietzsche.
4. Success in the past.
5. Fear of failure.

Bonus: The value of past effort drives people to commit more effort in the present, sunk cost.

How to quit:

1. Adapting isn’t giving up. Stay focused on big goals while adjusting methods.
2. Define failure, as well as success, before beginning.
3. Ask, “What would new leaders do?” Then, do it.
4. Invite feedback from outsiders. You don’t see what others see.
5. Believe self-confidence may lead you astray.

Bonus: Never let the fear of failure and losing face make you foolish. Humble yourself.

Why do leaders hang on too long?

How can leaders learn to let go of things that aren’t working?

How to Resist Being Helpful

Peter Jenson, Ph.D., author, coach, and Olympic sports psychology consultant, said many things during our conversation but one most gripped me.

“I let them stew in their failure for a while.”
Peter Jenson Ph.D.

A team Jenson worked with suffered a disappointing loss. He let them sleep on it. I’ve been mulling over Jenson’s strategy.

Resist the impulse to help when not helping is helpful.

1. Struggle strengthens.
2. Failure humbles.
3. Defeat opens hearts and minds.

Resist the impulse to help when helping in the past didn’t help. The goal of helping is less helping not more. Repeated helping suggests deeper issues, stop it.

An inability to stop helping
is about you.

The longer you help the more painful the stop. If you’ve been carrying someone, it’s going to hurt when you drop them. The pain of dropping them now will be less than the pain you cause by helping too much. The painful truth is helping isn’t always helpful.

A history of helping – helps. Be certain you have a history of helping before resisting the impulse to help. I’ve often been hands off too soon. It makes me seem distant, disconnected, and uncaring. My objective is noble but my method ineffective. To me, staying back expresses respect. Build a base of support before resisting the impulse to help.

The goal of not helping is the same as helping.

The goal of pulling back or stepping in is always development. The simple question is, “Will pulling back aid development?” It’s never personal. Don’t pull back to prove a point. Anger suggests pulling back is about you not them.

Bonus tip: Don’t help those with bad attitudes. Deal with attitudes before behaviors.

Pulling back isn’t permanent. Jensen called a team meeting the next day to discuss their disappointing loss.

When/how do you resist the impulse to help?

How to Stop so you can Start

Before you find your personal best, let go of your mediocrity. Determine what isn’t working and stop it.

Stopping:

Stopping is harder than you think.

1. Fear of failure makes you keep working at what isn’t working, even when it’s failing.
2. Wanting something to work may blind you to the reality that it isn’t.
3. Failure to adapt causes failure.
4. Pleasing others motivates you to keep doing what pleases them but displeases you.
5. Belief in persistence – the hope that doing the same thing will yield different results. What if you stop one step from success?

Life is barren when you’re
living someone else’s dream?

Don’t stop when:

1. It’s a matter of principle.
2. It’s essential to the mission.
3. It’s a matter of values.
4. It’s a core competency.
5. You lose who you are.

Suggestions for stopping:

1. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you should stop.
2. Examine the ratio of energy to impact. Stop low impact activities.
3. Focus on your greatest opportunity to contribute. Stopping isn’t about selfishness.
4. Follow your energy. What persistently excites you?
5. Let go of persistent drain-points.
6. Discern the difference between method and mission; adapt methods quickly.
7. Talk to people who stopped and started again.
8. Say what you want. Others may not like it. Realize they want you to do what they want you to do.
9. Spend more time with those who want your best.
10. Identify a new path before leaving an old one.

Bonus: Stop small.

Look around and honestly say what you see.

Suggestions for starting:

1. Start now.
2. Start small.
3. Get advice.
4. Adapt often.
5. Start again.

Bonus: Run toward your dream not away from your nightmare. The difference is love rather than fear.

How can people stop effectively?

What traumatic stops have enabled your successful starts?

How to Stop Rowing in Circles till You Sink

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Fitting in is the path to regret. Leaders don’t fit in they stand out. Bureaucrats fit in.

Standing out is dangerous in some organizational cultures; you’ll get beat down till you conform. Conformity is death.

Positive impact confronts the sludge of stagnant organizations.

Something:

People of impact are known for something. Reputation establishes identity, improves impact, and advances potential.

Stop rowing your boat in circles till it sinks.

Not Known:

What are you known for? When people see you, what do they think? If you aren’t known for something:

1. You’re stuck in can’t, won’t, or I don’t think so.
2. You’re unfocused and spread too thin. Do fewer things so you can follow your passion.
3. You’ve lost your dream.
4. You can’t say no.
5. You need everyone to like you.

Clarification:

Fame is not the answer. Be known for something in your circle of influence, that’s enough. For example, Doug Conant, former CEO of Campbell’s Soup, isn’t a movie star. But, he’s known for writing 30,000 handwritten thank you notes during his ten year tenure.

Influence grows when you’re known for something. Could it be thank you notes?

Something positive:

1. Be known for positivity. Positive focus creates positive difference.
2. Transform a negative into a positive. Skillfully move through brokenness to wholeness.
3. Don’t get stuck in complications and deficiencies.
4. Fix something in the community.
5. Create solutions. Don’t be known as a nay saying scrooge.
6. Tell others what you want to be known for.

Bonus: Being known for something is intentional not accidental. Persistently, fanatically repeat what you want to be known for.

Personally:

My dream: When people see me, I want them to think, “Dan made my life better by helping me find and expand my potential.” I don’t want to fix people; I want to hand them tools.

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What blocks people for being known for something? How can they rise above?

What do you want to be known for?

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How to Push Past Fairy Tale Decisions

Remember the last time you sat around a table making a big decision? Did you walk away breathing a sigh of relief. Relief indicates you were in the land of fairy dust and unicorns.

Decisions are dangerous because they give the illusion of action where there is none.

The bigger the decision the grander the potential illusion.

6 Components of a decision

1. Decisions provide clarity. The feeling of vitality surrounding a decision is the result of clarity. Good decisions point the way and energize participants.
2. Decisions define achievement.
3. Decisions create responsibility. Decisions without champions are fantasies without legs. If you’re breathing a sigh of relief after making a decision, you’ve missed the point.
4. Decisions show both the goal and the next few steps. Midrange and end step become clear later. Provide room to adapt as you go.
5. Decisions have deadlines. Decisions without deadlines are comfort for sluggards.
6. Decisions are communicated and reported. If no one needs to know, you just wasted your time.

5 Ways to lighten up:

1. Complex situations have more than one solution. Answers aren’t moral imperatives. Make the best decision with the information available.
2. Choose paths that best align with your strengths. Good decisions inspire confidence not insecurity.
3. Trust your ability to adapt. Turbulent situations require agility.
4. The need to be perfectly right at the beginning guarantees you’ll be wrong at the end.
5. Own it, learn, and move on when you’re wrong.

How to go with your gut:

I was surprised that hard hitting Jack Welch espouses going with your gut. He said whenever he went against his gut, he ended up wrong. Go with your gut when:

1. You have experience.
2. You’ve gathered information.
3. It warns you.
4. There are several options and one feels right.

New Years is decision making time. How can leaders make good decisions that result in action?

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Don’t miss a single issue of Leadership Freak, subscribe today. It’s free. It’s private. It’s always practical and brief.

Go to the main page of Leadership Freak by clicking the banner at the top of this page, look in the right-hand navigation bar, enter your email and click subscribe.  Your email address is always kept private.  Note:  if it doesn’t arrive, check your spam filter for a confirmation email.

8 Secrets to Rising Above the Pack

Malcolm Gladwell explains the deepest fear of all is being rejected by our peers – “social risk.”

I’m watching the recording of Gladwell’s presentation at the World Business Forum (WBF), “We are hardwired to want the approval of our peers … we want to do what everybody else is doing.”

The problem:

People pleasing makes you average.

People pleasing anchors progress, smothers creativity, and worst of all, obscures the authentic self. People pleasures run in herds of comfortable social affirmation watching each other for approval.

The conundrum:

Bill George said, “Once you get past an IQ of 120, intelligence isn’t the main factor in leadership success, Emotional Intelligence (EI) is.”

EI is the ability to, “monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”

Danger: Sensitivity to the feelings of others transforms insecure leaders into people pleasures.  But, feeling approval requires willingness to feel disapproval.

The cure:

1. Love your organization enough to do what’s best for it even if it isn’t what’s best for you. Love defeats fear. Leaders who sacrifice organizational interests on the altar of self-interests aren’t worthy to lead.
2. Humbly give yourself to noble ideals like generosity, honesty, creativity, and excellence.
3. Read biographies of courageous leaders.
4. Use fear to show the way. “I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experience behind him.” Eleanor Roosevelt
5. Embrace the process. Overcoming people pleasing isn’t a once-and-done event.
6. Find friends that speak the truth, even when it hurts. You know someone loves you when they wound you for your good.
7. Seek council before aggressively challenging the status quo. Don’t overreact.
8. Disagree without being disagreeable. Abrasiveness isn’t courage.

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How can leaders overcome the pressure to please?

What’s the good side to people pleasing?

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Don’t miss a single issue of Leadership Freak, subscribe today. It’s free.  It’s private.  It’s always practical and brief.

Go to the main page of Leadership Freak by clicking the banner at the top of this page, look in the right-hand navigation bar, enter your email and click subscribe.  Your email address is always kept private.  Note:  if it doesn’t arrive, check your spam filter for a confirmation email.