Needy Leaders

I can still find my way around grocery stores but I don’t do the shopping anymore. I used to see young moms with toddlers tugging on their pant legs. It was cute to me but not always to them.

You can love someone and, at the same time, hope they leave you alone, at least for a while.

In leadership, somebody’s always tugging. The more they need, the more important you’ve become. Or at least it seems that way.

Needy leaders need to be needed.

Needy leaders make themselves central and indispensable. They’re always signing off on the next order of #2 pencils and paper for the copier. Feel the power!

Needy leaders need to:

1. Bask in the spotlight of admiration.
2. Exercise authority.
3. Control. Supplicants make them feel powerful.

Effective leaders give what needy leaders need.

Needy leaders need things that prevent leadership.

Beyond needy:

1. Get in touch with neediness. Whisper, “I’m needy,” in your own ear. Talk it over with trusted advisors. The more you see it, the better you’ll be at step two.
2. Give what you need. Act otherwise. When you feel the need for praise, give it.
3. Accept frailties. We never improve what we can’t accept.
4. Welcome support. Needy leaders reject support, they can’t look weak. The more I move away from neediness the more support rises around me.
5. Develop structures and systems that free. Establish boundaries, and let the children play.
6. Enable more; control less.
7. Authorize.

The more essential you are, the less effective you’ve become. Successful leaders develop followers who need them less as time passes.

Tugging toddler-followers may make you feel important, but you aren’t, you’re needy.

Their neediness reflects your neediness.

They won’t act without you because you don’t want them to.

How have you handled your neediness?

How can needy leaders move away from neediness?

Bringing Hands-Off and Hands-On Together

I lead with a hands-on type leader.  I’m a hands-off.  He’s a, “get things done type,” I’m a, “go with it type.” I thrive in ambiguity; too much frustrates him.

The other day, he said, “If we do it your way, nothing will happen.” We’ve been together so many years we can say things like that. I’ve been mulling it over.

Danger:

Too much hands-off creates feelings of abandonment. Too much hands-on becomes hand holding. In either case, expect de-motivation.

Bringing hands-on and hands-off together:

Development is more important to me than getting something done. I’m ok with slower if people are growing. My colleague says, “Let’s get something done.” Here are some questions we can ask:

1. Is everyone clear on what needs to get done and when?
2. What are the consequences if this project takes longer than expected?
3. How important is stepping in?
4. Does hands-off motivate?
5. Are developmental goals clear?
6. Have we been down this path before? Don’t go down the same path again.
7. Will hands-off result in development? How?
8. What feedback structures are in place?

Key:

Prep-work brings hands-on and hands-off together. Establish developmental and outcome expectations upfront. But, you can’t anticipate every contingency.

Establish feedback structures when assigning responsibilities.

1. How frequently will you ask for updates? Set dates.
2. What questions will you ask? Questions explain what matters.
3. Get feedback on the way you give feedback. Is this process useful?
4. Always explore and agree upon next steps and end results.
5. Frequently ask, “How can I help?” don’t wait for the official feedback appointments.

My colleague is interested in developing others and I’m interested in getting things done. But, we have different motivations. Different is rich and useful.

How do you balance hands-on and hands-off?

Life Lessons from Amy Lyman, Co-Founder of Great Place to Work®

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I asked Amy Lyman, co-founder of the Great Place to Work® Institute, what she would do differently if she could start over.

She said, “I would not do anything differently as I don’t think about my life and work in that way. What I do try to do is think about how to go forward, taking the lessons I’ve learned along the way to make my life better and the lives of others better.”

5 life lessons from Amy Lyman:

1. Go forward in life with confidence that what you have chosen to do is valuable to the world at large and important to you personally.
2. Take time to choose wisely. Pursue a career or way of life at a reasonable pace that enables you to enjoy being alive.
3. Treat people with respect and fairness, without manipulation or deception, so that you are always able to look people in the eye.
4. Share the joys and burdens of work with your colleagues and co-workers, and when you have the opportunity to do so, share the rewards as well – fairly and equitably. From my many years of work with people in great workplaces in which relationships are built on trust, I’ve seen again and again the power of shared burdens and shared rewards.
5. Pursue happiness – our time on earth is brief in the grand scheme of things and a bigger car, bigger house or corner office pale in comparison to being happy.

My favorite:

When I hear Amy say, “Go forward in life with confidence…,” The words, “believe you matter,” bounce in my head. Stop trying to matter and know you do. Now, go do what matters.

More from Amy Lyman:

• Her blog: An extended response to the question: Choices for the New Year.
• Her book: The Trustworthy Leader. (Highly Recommended)

Amy on Leadership Freak:

• How to Create Buy-In Before You Blowup
• The Secret to a Great Place to Work
• How to Move Through Uncertainty to Opportunity
• Amy Lyman Kicked my Assumptions

Which of Amy’s life lessons gets traction in your thinking? Why?

What life lessons do you frequently share?

8 Ways to Choose Wide over Narrow

Typical business wisdom says, narrow your focus. Successful organizations do a few things very well. Less is more, but not always.

4 perils of narrow:

1. Shuts down rather than turns on.
2. Closes off rather than opens up.
3. Rejects rather than explores.
4. Pulls back rather than reaches out.

Narrow establishes limits. Reject the perils of narrow. Go wide.

8 ways to go wide:

1. Look toward people, not away. Narrow reflects arrogance and detachment.
2. Move toward problems and challenges quickly and responsively.  Jump in the mud optimistically.
3. Release don’t restrict. Go narrow with what and wide with how. Patton said, “Don’t tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.”
4. Do what you can with what you have. Limited resources invite protective attitudes. Protecting preserves the past but doesn’t build the future.
5. Talk into not out of. Pursue yes. Saying no is the easy way out.
6. “Do for one what you wish you could do for all,” Andy Stanley.
7. Trust your strength. You’ll find a way.
8. Act humanely. Acceptance isn’t approval. Narrow equates people with performance. Wide accepts people even when performance falls short.

Warning:

Choosing wide over narrow, like other leadership principles,  calls for wisdom and discretion.

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I asked my friends on Facebook to fill in, “Choose wide over narrow when _______.” One response was, “When choosing cake.” Check out the rest.

Which “wide” principle most challenges you?

How can leaders choose wide and not become too thin?

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How Leaders Frustrate Others

Last week, I frustrated someone, again. I thought I learned my lesson but old habits die hard.

There’s always room for improvement, from my point of view. Nothing’s ever done. I’m tempted to add to or modify projects while in progress. It feels great to me. I’m adding value.

Modifying project outcomes, after jobs begin, doesn’t excite people like it excites me. “Could we?” and, “What about?” are great before projects or tasks begin; frustrating after.

Completion is more important than minor improvement.

Don’t modify current tasks, finish them. Modifications confuse and hinder. People start wondering what they’re doing and what you want. They say, “I thought we were…?”

Checking tasks off is better than stopping to tweak them.

Process:

Improve processes, don’t change deliverables. Suggestions that simplify tasks and speed completion are welcomed. Improve oars in the middle of the stream, don’t modify destinations.

Application:

Complete tasks. Arrive before changing direction. Completing tasks is more important than tweaking outcomes. Minor corrections do more damage than good.

Changing:

Know the difference between minor corrections and necessary course adjustment. Jump in quickly to avoid unforeseen rocks or storms, otherwise, hold the course.

Avoid costly mistakes; allow minor imperfections.

Save the day; forget minor adjustments. It’s ticklish to know when to step in. Err on the side of trusting good people.

Context:

This post concerns day-to-day projects and tasks, not strategic goals.

How can leaders add value when projects are in process?

How do you decide to step in or stay out?

The Five Powers of Permission

Old styles of leadership are about giving permission to supplicants. Followers seek permission. It’s an “I/you” rather than “we” dynamic. Leaders have power while followers ask.

I/you leadership is disengaging and disempowering.

Successful leaders do more than give permission, they get it. Permission answers the question, “Is it ok with you if we talk about something?”

Five Powers of Permission:

1.  “May I …” builds trust.
2. “Would it be ok if …” shares power.
3. “Do you mind if …” equalizes social status.
4. “Could we discuss…” prevents stagnation. Permission moves the agenda forward when topics are awkward.
5. “Is it ok with you, if…” engages.

Permission opens doors, protects relationships, and prevents stagnation.

Ask permission to:

1. Bring up uncomfortable topics. Set a date for the conversation.
2. Explore progress.
3. Correct. “May I …”
4. Challenge.
5. Give feedback.
6. Say what you see. “Is it ok if I share something I see …”

Four responses to NO:

When permission isn’t granted? Ask:

1. How business-critical is the topic?
2. Is there a deeper issue to address?
3. Can you let it go?
4. Must you address it, regardless?

When topics are mission critical, say, “We need to talk about this soon.”

Just a courtesy:

Isn’t asking permission just social courtesy? Yes, sometimes it is. But, social courtesies smooth and protect. Perhaps you prefer to be discourteous and abrasive?

Four reasons leaders don’t ask permission:

1. Arrogance. It’s too humbling to ask and too easy to tell.
2. Fear of seeming weak.
3. Fear of losing power.
4. Authoritarian rather than relational leadership styles.

What does permission-leadership look like in your world?

What are the pros and cons of permission-leadership?

Fearful Leaders are Followers

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Every morning I put my fingers on the keyboard not knowing what will come out. An hour or two later, I post 300 word or less on this blog. (Technically its fewer not less.)

Writing is thinking and often I think differently when the hour’s over. Yesterday it happened again when I typed, “Fearful leaders are followers.” I hadn’t planned it. But, there it was in all its discomfort. It’s been on my mind since.

Fearful leaders follow because they:

1. Focus on protecting positions.
2. Let others take risks so they aren’t held responsible.
3. Love the security of the status quo. What is satisfies. What could be isn’t worth it.

Certainty:

Fearful leaders need too much certainty.

Josh Linkner, in “Disciplined Dreaming,” suggests entrepreneurial leaders pull the trigger with 70% certainty. Anything higher isn’t entrepreneurial.

Traditional leaders pull the trigger at 80% certainty. Anything higher is stagnation.

The uncomfortable 20%

What about the 20% uncertainty factor? Answer fear with trust. Believe in people. Let them rise to the challenge.

Once decisions are made, focus on supporting people, forget the decisions.

Fear and love:

Fear works for the short-term but exhausts in the end. Love works for the long-term. Love your organization, its mission, and its people. Build them up. Trust them. Love energizes.

Winners risk failure. Losers can’t fail. Furthermore, willingness to fail, frees. Protection mode hobbles you and those around you.

Leaders controlled by fear may have positions but they aren’t leading.

Yesterday’s post: “Igniting Change from the Middle.”

For the passionate middle: “Lead your Boss,” by John Baldoni.

Fill in the blank, “Fearful leaders _______.”

How can leaders overcome fear?

Right or Wrong Isn’t the Issue

This post is inspired by a reader who writes,

“I believe that leaders make decision not based on what is right or wrong but what is relevant in the context.”

Most leadership decisions are about good, better, and best, not right and wrong. They aren’t moral.

Moral decisions aren’t compromised. Options,
on the other hand, are explored and modified.

Treating non-moral decisions like moral – right or wrong – choices, establishes adversarial relationships. Church people do this when they fight over methods, programs, or the color of the church’s front door.

Treating options like moral decisions makes
you look like an out-of-balance fool. Chill out!

Options have a good, better, or best. Explore, explain, and lobby for the option you think is best. Give reasons and data. Then make a choice.

Don’t be offended, but non-moral
choices can always be improved.

After choices:

Passionate implementation, not second guessing,  follows decisions. Grab an oar and row. But, you ask, “What if I disagree? Get over it or get out.

One of the hardest leadership challenges is dealing with good people who drag their feet. Detractors and foot draggers always harm organizations. Get them fully on board or eliminate them.

Encourage passionate debate before choices are made; after, call for passionate loyalty.

After implementation:

Implementation is followed by evaluation. Evaluation isn’t second guessing; it’s the pursuit of good, better, or best.

Evaluation isn’t, “I wish we would have, or, I told you so.” It’s, “How do we improve?” Saying, “Should have,” doesn’t sit well with those who are giving their best.

Cowards stand in the shadows second guessing. On the other hand, committed leaders say, “Here’s where we are, how can we improve?”

There are many solutions to complex problems.

Have you seen leaders who made decisions as if they were moral choices? What happens?

How are options best explored?

10 Essentials for Dynamic Candor

Inept leaders block uncomfortable topics from the discussion. It’s pathetic. Weak, fearful leaders need agreement to confirmation their leadership.

On the other hand, I recently spent time with five members of an executive team who displayed the power of candor. They brought themselves and their perspective to the discussion. In some organizations it would have been dangerous. I found it invigorating.

Weak executives say what their CEO expects them to say.

Power:

Candor used well ignites useful stress and productive conflict.

Candor enables excellence by propelling tough issues into leadership conversations. Apart from candor, organizations enjoy imagined unity based on conspiracies of silence. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Lack of candor is the path to mediocrity and eventual crisis.

Candor, however, isn’t an answer on its own.

Danger:

The context of candor is tough issues, short-comings, failures, and the pursuit of excellence. Candor on its own creates negative, oppressive, dark environments.

10 Behaviors effective candor requires:

1. Willingness to adapt or change. If you can’t say, “I was wrong,” candor becomes adversity.
2. Gossip free secrecy. Candor ends when you publicly share private disagreements.
3. Respect. Withholding candor is manipulative disrespect. It suggests that others believe you can’t handle or don’t want the truth.
4. Courtesy. If anger fuels your candor, keep quiet until anger abates.
5. Passion with emotional steadiness.
6. Trust that others won’t use your words against you. Lack of candor expresses lack of trust. Candor creates vulnerability. Candor says, “I trust you enough to speak the hard truth.”
7. Apologies.
8. Taking responsibility.
9. Staying focused on issues, outcomes, processes, and procedures.
10. Affirmation.

Candor apart from affirmation builds negative relationships.

Bonus: Everyone rows together once decisions are made.

How have you seen candor go wrong?

What makes candor work?

Overcoming the Danger of Taking Ownership

Don’t touch my things!

Ownership is dangerous when others are ruled out. “It’s mine! Don’t touch my things!” Individual owners do things themselves. That’s good unless it become exclusive, protective, and short-sighted.

Individual contributors:

The trouble with individual contributors is they create patterns and processes others don’t embrace or duplicate. They hoard expertise and knowledge. Some can’t share the spotlight; others don’t know how. Some refuse to invest in others.

Individual ownership is powerful. But, ownership is a dead-end unless teams and partnerships are included and developed.

Individual contributors are essential;
team builders exponential.

Alone is ok; with someone is better. Leaders create “withs”.

Create ownership continuums:

Continuity, sustainability, knowledge transfer, and longevity are leadership’s responsibility. Take the long view rather than the easy out.

1. Train everyone to replace themselves. If they can’t teach others to do what they do, they need to go. Move training from theory to practice with new opportunities.
2. Provide job shadowing opportunities at least once a month. “Follow me around for an hour or two.”
3. Engage in job rotation. At given intervals, every three years for example, people’s job should change in measurable ways. Mastery becomes lethargy without new challenges.
4. Leverage leaving. When someone leaves your organization, don’t simply replace them. Change the position. Reassign responsibilities.

Caveat: It may not be feasible to rotate highly specialized, highly technical people. Do it everywhere possible.

Danger/advantage:

Employee security includes sameness. “Don’t mess with my job.” On the other hand, disruption challenges, freshens, and invigorates.

What are the pros and cons of working toward ownership continuum?

How might you implement ownership continuum in your organization?

Where are these ideas unrealistic?