Pathetic talkers – talk after listeners check out. Blabbing leaders have something to say and it doesn’t matter that people in the room have turned to bored, lifeless manikins. They keep blabbing.
Talkative leaders talk long past
listener’s capacity.
Distracting talkers – tweak, guide, correct, add, and adjust ad infinitum ad nauseum. They unnecessarily prolong meetings with irritating jabber concerning insignificant issues, for example. Their drivel often begins with, “And don’t forget… or one more thing.” Gag me with a spoon.
The need to matter makes leaders talk more but matter less.
Please hit mute. (All exhausted followers are cheering right now!) When was the last time someone said, “Please talk at me more?”
But there’s more:
Your voice has power for evil or good.
Make your voice matter by talking about what matters, when it matters.
Talk more when:
Listening occurred first. Listen with your ears and your heart. The more you need to say, the more you need to listen.
People need affirmation. You matter most when speaking to hearts not heads.
Talking connects you with others. Sharing your heart connects you.
Issues are dodged. Call out elephants. Say the tough stuff.
The top stifles the bottom. Confront authoritarianism. Free people.
“What” not “how” is on the table. Leaders who explain “how” are in the way.
You see the big picture and others don’t. (Inspired by a recent conversation with Peter Block.)
Blabbers keep blabbing. Interrupt! Please!
Urgency overshadows priority.
Direction wanders.
Values are violated.
Information is needed and you’re the one who has it.
Curiosity bubbles up. Talk to explore.
Confusion reigns. Beware; more talking usually creates more confusion.
You’re an introvert. The silence of introverts makes extroverts uneasy.
Everyone has an inner voice, intuition, or feelings that something is right or wrong. Your gut could be wrong. Don’t trust it.
Ask the poker player who went all-in and lost. What about the manager who felt great about hiring a job applicant that didn’t work out. Have you ever felt you were driving in the right direction when you were lost?
One of the worst things the gut tells extroverts is keep talking.
Evaluate your gut when:
You feel like you’re contributing more than your teammates.
Topics are outside your expertise.
Assigning blame.
You haven’t taken time for self-reflection.
Right:
I talked with Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., about when to trust our gut. She said, for those who take time to self-reflect, listen to your gut when it comes to values and passions. She emphasized the importance of self-reflection.
Wrong:
“Where our intuitions fail us is actually on the opposite problem, that is, evaluating where we go wrong… In general we are way too hard on ourselves. We tend to think that we are the problem.”
Dr. Halvorson went on to say, “I’m a big advocate for people being much more self-compassionate than we are… The people who are not horribly self-critical are actually more successful… The lack of self-compassion comes from some of these bad intuitions we have about our failures.”
Failures:
You need more input when it comes to evaluating failures. Don’t go with your gut. Get feedback.
Evaluating your gut:
Explore issues that don’t feel right. Don’t assume something’s wrong. Say, “This doesn’t feel right to me. Tell me more.”
When something feels right ask, “Am I missing something? or What could go wrong?”
Dr. Halverson in her own words on intuition (3:57):
Check out Dr. Halverson’s new book: Focus (Highly recommended)
People who change things become fanatics first. I became obsessed with developing leadership a few years ago. Many friends thought I was weird. Some friends don’t hang with me anymore. I’m more committed to developing leadership than anyone around me.
Radical leaders create radical change.
Ordinary never satisfies. Fitting in doesn’t work.
Becoming weird:
Develop radical leadership by confronting radical problems.
Stop twiddling your thumbs while waiting for golden opportunities to fall from the sky. Address an issue others see but no one confronts.
Get off your butt and find a problem bigger than you. Big problems are big leadership opportunities.
After finding a big problem, find others who are pissed too.
Create a team of angry people willing to stop talking and start doing.
Help others believe something must be done!
Warning:
Reject:
Magic pills
Quick fixes
Easy solutions.
If small worked, small leaders would have
already solved the challenge.
Difference:
Just do something. Create an underground movement to simplify bureaucracy in your organization, for example.
Change one thing at a time.
Create momentum.
Grow the team.
Seek wisdom from others.
Affiliate with other change instigators.
Press through resistance. Do-nothing people try to stop do-something people.
Get permission later.
People who change things look weird to the rest of us but they aren’t trying to look weird.
Radical dedication to mission makes leaders weird to those who don’t share their mission.
Additionally, naysayers, sluggards, and drifters believe leaders who are dedicated to radical change are unbalanced, misguided; perhaps even delusional.
Secret:
Follow your anger. Things that make you mad reveal your heart. Transform anger into motivation. Get weird. If you aren’t weird, you don’t care enough.
Lack of focus wastes energy, squanders resources, and defeats hope. Focus, on the other hand, eliminates the superfluous in order to grasp the essential.
Success requires focus.
Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos, describes his focus in two words, “Company culture.”
Dr. David Vik (Doc), author of, “The Culture Secret,” helped build the world renowned culture of Zappos. During our conversation he said leaders tried to replicate Zappos’ culture in their own businesses, but often failed.
Trying to replicate another organization’s culture is like putting decorations on a Christmas tree. It’s pretty at first and garbage in the end.
Doc says, “There are two parts to any Culture. The first is structure.” Culture development fails when it’s all decorations but no structure.
5 Structures that shape Zappos’ Culture:
Vision: What the organization is doing and wants to do.
Purpose: Why the organization is doing what it does.
Business Model: How vision is accomplished.
Wow Factors: What makes the organization stand out?
Values: What the company and employees care about.
Doc says, “The second part of Culture is people.”
5 behavioral expressions of culture:
Sustained culture development and transformation requires behavioral alignment with the culture building structures listed above. Behavioral alignment includes:
Habits.
Routines.
Shared language.
Common beliefs
Mutual decisions.
Roots of failure:
Doc explained failure to develop the five structures dooms culture development. It’s hanging pretty decorations on shabby trees.
Building organizational culture begins with structures not decorations.
Why focus on culture:
Tony Hsieh says, “If you get the culture right, then a lot of really amazing things happen on their own.”
Check out, “The Culture Secret,” written by a guy who helped develop the best culture on the planet.
What factors develop or transform organizational culture?
Many CEO’s are told what they want to hear, rather than what team members really think. That’s a foolish way to avoid butting heads with the boss.
I asked Jamie Naughton, Speaker of the House for Zappos, to talk about a time when she butted heads with her famous CEO, Tony Hsieh. Jamie indicated that issues don’t escalate to head butting.
“There’s no argument, ever. If I don’t like something, then I just say it.”
How to avoid butting heads with the boss:
Establish disagreement-rules. Ask your CEO how he best receives disagreement.
Fully align with organizational values.
Advocate for the organization not yourself.
Say what you believe not what’s expected.
Disagree early, clearly, politely, and specifically.
Constantly communicate. Express opinions when you have them. Flare ups occur when issues build up.
Once decisions are made, grab an oar and row, regardless of your position.
Bonus: Add positive options.
Butting heads and who decides:
“The best thing about Tony as a CEO, as a boss, … He will give direction. He will give advice. … He’s going to be part of the conversation but he’s not the decision-maker.” Jamie Naughton.
Corporate teams fear CEO’s because CEO’s make too many decisions. Jamie explained that her boss would never make a decision about phone systems or sponsorship opportunities, for example. “Why would he approve a sponsorship when we have a marketing team who’s trained?” Jamie Naughton.
“He’s – Tony Hsieh – not going to interfere with my department because I know it best. He’s going to offer suggestions and I take it or leave it.” Jamie Naughton.
What suggestions do you have for disagreeing with the boss?
***
Bonus material: Jamie Naughton in her own words. (6 min.)
***
Connect with Jamie:
Jamie Naughton works directly with Tony Hsieh as the Speaker of the House for Zappos.
The past is the future for most. Persistence and endurance assure continuity. But, more of the same won’t birth new futures. Looking back and holding on stagnates, solidifies, and congeals life like cold bacon grease.
99% of the conversations I have about the future are actually about the past. Creating the future is recreating “glory days,” for most. It’s foolish and futile.
Modifying the old past never creates new futures.
Memories without dreams are anchors.
The future is made by those who face forward, not backward. Stand on your glory days. Forget reruns.
Warning:
Blame destroys your future. Your future begins when you own your past.
6 ways to find your future:
Embrace ignorance. The unknown has more potential than the known. Everyone who pretends they know when they don’t, repeats the past.
Reject past methods and strategies. In a turbulent world, methods that become moral imperatives destroy new futures.
Build new relationships. Your future is about people not projects or accomplishments. Current relationships maintain stability; new relationships disrupt and extend. Treasure both.
Embrace social media. Meet people succeeding where you wish to succeed.
Overcome timidity. 70% to 80% certainty is enough.
Systematically build the future alongside the old present. Once your future is strong enough, release the old and embrace the new.
Failure to let go is the reason you haven’t moved forward.
Point of stability:
Focus on values. New futures disrupt. Values stabilize.
Values guide as you go without determining destinations.
Without clear values, you’re adrift.
With 2013 peeking at us, how can leaders take steps to create the future?
Is fun at events but manipulative as long-term strategy.
Places unnecessary burden on leaders and managers.
Never lasts.
Drains and exhausts. Pumping up pours energy from you to others.
Ignition:
Healthy people all dream the same dream; they long to matter.
Igniting passion is always about their dream not yours. Leaders are matches. Fire and heat come from others.
Flames ignite the moment others see themselves in your dream. Help them find a place and watch the magic.
They own it when they’re in it.
Release:
Pumping up is pushing. Igniting passion is releasing. Once their fire starts, step back. Don’t control it; focus and fuel it.
Avoid limiting. Let your dream grow beyond you.
Don’t correct. See where they go.
Keep talking big picture and results. Passion and expertise from others fill in details.
Warning:
Details kill baby dreams. Let them grow legs before detailing them to death. Talk “what” when dreams are young. Talk “how” when they can walk.
The right people:
Dream killers are everywhere. Success depends on talking to people who share your values. Casually bring up your idea and watch for the sparkle. If you don’t see it, move on. They may ignite later.
Pulling not pushing:
Passionate people pull you; you don’t push them. There’s nothing better than watching a collection of small fires become one giant blaze.
Surprise:
Keep your dream in the back, like a back-seat drive. Keep their dream in the front. Everyone wants to matter. Give them a way.
Has someone ignited your passion? What did they do?
The first pressing challenge of leadership is focusing on the thing that matters most.
People matter most.
In one sense, you are the person that matters most.
Nurture and develop you
as much as you nurture and develop others.
In another sense, others matter most. You make others matter when you:
Celebrate effort and progress, even if outcomes fall short. You frustrate the hell out of people when you constantly press for more without celebrating effort and progress, too.
Honor character qualities, not just performance.
Recognize talent. Talk about their talents and skills, not just what they do.
Press the stagnant.
Encourage the discouraged.
Develop people, not just skills. Think about the whole person.
The second pressing challenge of leadership is making what’s obvious to you obvious to everyone.
Make the obvious, obvious again:
Say it again. What gets repeated gets remembered.
Ask about it again. What gets asked about gets done.
Celebrate it again. What you celebrate gets remembered and repeated.
***
If you don’t say it, no one knows.
If they can’t see it, it doesn’t matter.
If they can’t repeat it, it’s irrelevant.
***
The third pressing challenge of leadership is narrowing your focus.
Opportunities and challenges exceed resources.
Amid all the urgencies, choose today’s priorities. Include problems, products, processes, and procedures, but, do something that demonstrates people matter, today.
Keep yourself and others in their sweet spots.
Choose to say no to lesser issues so you can say yes to what matters most. “No” sets you free.
What are the daily challenges of leadership and how can leaders best face them?
If leadership is influence then dominance and coercion aren’t leading. Police have rightful authority to control. Relying on power, authority, or position, makes you look like a cop writing speeding tickets.
Danger:
Dominant leaders achieve compliance at the expense of loyally, inspiration, and innovation.
If you want to lead, increase your influence.
Approval:
Increasing your influence means gaining permission to lead.
Influence requires approval.
People want to join with others and make a difference in the world. In short, they want to be led. But, if the led don’t consent to your leadership, command and control are your only options.
When leadership is influence, those you lead give permission to your leadership. They aren’t forced.
Understanding:
People are influenced by those who understand them. Permission to lead is given by those who feel known, appreciated, affirmed, and respected. When people feel you understand their talents, drives, hopes, and fears you earn their consent to lead.
Approving of others helps them
approve of your leadership.
Challenge:
Criticism and correction diminish influence
when it feels like disapproval.
Three reasons influential leaders criticize or correct:
Correction is always for the benefit of the person being corrected.
Criticism improves their ability to make positive difference within the organization.
Capability to achieve a shared mission is enhanced.
Engagement: I’m giving my presentation, “A Life Where Failure Matters,” at Life Church in Lancaster, PA this Sunday, November 4, at 10:30 a.m. I’d love to meet you there.
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What can you add to the 10 essentials of gain influence?
