Exposing god-like Advisers

There’s a long line of individuals who tell you how to lead. Nearly all do the same thing. They tell you how they would do it. But, they aren’t you.

Arrogant advisers believe they are gods molding people into their image, whether they admit it or not.

Many have given me advice, over the years. Nearly all told me how to improve by becoming more like them; its arrogance, perhaps unintentional, but arrogance none the less.

Additionally, I’ve watched older leaders advising young leaders. I’ve seen them puff up because advice-giving is heady for those molding the world into their image. It affirms their god complex. It’s disgusting.

I can count on one hand the number of humble advisers I’ve been privileged to learn from.

Humble advisers help mold you into your best self, not theirs.

One of my trusted advisers offered me some unrequested feedback yesterday. It was about the use of video in a presentation. I’d changed a technique and he noticed it right away. It was useful, not because he wants me to be like him, but because he knows and accepts who I want to be.

6 components of humble advice:

1. Explore your advisee’s person, intentions and goals. Arrogant advisers believe they know when they don’t.
2. Uncover gaps between intention and behavior. Powerful feedback begins with, “It looks like you’re trying to accomplish (insert goal) when you (insert behavior).”
3. Dig into attitudes and behaviors that hinder progress. “What isn’t working?”
4. Ask, “What would your best self, do?”
5. Apply strengths. “How can your strengths, passions, and skills more fully align with your intentions?”
6. Throw yourself into the mix. “Have you thought about (insert behavior)?”

What type of adviser best helps you?

What type of adviser do you want to be?

10 Steps on the Winner’s Journey

Image source by Peter Griffin

#1.  Describe wins simply; one word if possible.

#2.  Move from simplicity to clarity.

• Explain what you don’t want. Tap your frustrations for guidance. Everyone knows what they don’t want.
• Move from negatives to positives. “I want to stop losing my temper.” Controlling your temper is stopping something, a “don’t want.”
  Stopping or preventing helps but there’s more. A positive win could be asking two questions while maintaining low tones, for example.
• The win in this example could be, “Harness anger.”
• Define purpose. Why harness anger? What’s the real reason?

#3.  Make winning a series of clear destinations, not a onetime event.

A journey is a series of destinations,
not simply wandering around.

#4.  Win sooner than later, today is best. Win again tomorrow. Winners create a series of wins.

#5.  Describe two behaviors that create today’s win. Avoid behaviors you’d like to do. Describe behaviors you can do.

#6.  Identify counterproductive behaviors. Thursday I had a conversation about time management with my coach, Bob Hancox. I brought up email. Answering emails when they arrive is being managed by email. I’m turning off that dang dinger (negative) and scheduling “respond to email” times (positive).

#7.  Build sustaining relationships. What relationships help you win? What hinder? Which relationships call for transformation? How? Seek sustaining relationships with trusted:

• Clients. Yes, transform a trusted client into an ally.
• Colleagues.
• Family.
• Employees. Show direct reports that personal development matters.
• Coaches or mentors. I’ve found being and having a coach one of leadership’s most productive development activities.

Transparency, vulnerability and positive direction
define winning relationships.

#8.  Evaluate progress. When will you evaluate progress? With who?

#9.  Pat yourself on the back. When and how will you celebrate? Who celebrates with you?

#10. Redefine the win. Return to the center, frequently.

Bonus: Start again.

How are you creating personal wins?

Today’s Essential Management Skill

Managing is more than processes and procedures; it’s people. Successful managers bring out the best in others.

“Management and leadership are about
coaching around performance.” John Baldoni

My conversation with author, speaker, and executive coach, John Baldoni, covered everything from what’s wrong with leadership to the good side of office politics. John has an amazing breadth of experience and expertise.

Manager as coach:

Coaching rises to the top of leadership skills in organizations that value participation rather than command and control.

“Coaching is about long-term relationships.” John Baldoni

John suggests manager-coaches begin with three questions:

1. What does my employee want? Uncover motivation. Do they want development, promotion, opportunity? All employees strive for recognition.
2. What is stopping my employee from achieving her objectives? Everyone has blind spots and behaviors that hold them back.
3. What can I do to help my employee become more successful? Sometimes you’ll challenge. Other times, you’ll be a cheerleader.

Coaching Tips for managers:

1. Coaches don’t do the work for others.
2. Schedule regular sessions.
3. Stay performance focused.
4. Deal with one challenge at a time.
5. Keep the tone positive and conversational.
6. Assess the process. How are you doing as a coach? How is the person doing?
7. Demonstrate belief in employees.
8. Evaluate.

 “Leaders who coach are those who treat their employees as individuals and regard them as contributors” John Baldoni

What makes managers successful coaches?

 What is challenging about coaching?

This post is a combination of my conversation with John and his new book, The Leader’s Pocket Guide.

You’ll Never Get There Without Questions

The day you realize leadership is about them not you is the day you begin leading. If you can’t develop people, you can’t lead beyond your current potential. Furthermore, if you don’t develop people, they’ll leave.

Techniques that develop:

1. Training.
2. Teaching.
3. Advising.
4. Correcting.
5. Challenging.
6. Coaching.
7. Mentoring.
8. Encouraging.
9. Motivating.
10. Questioning.

If you can’t ask great questions,
your people development skills are weak.

Coaching vs. mentoring:

During conversations with my coach, Bob Hancox, he asks, “Would you like to be coached?” When I say yes, I know I’ll hear a series of skillful questions.

Rene Petrin says, “Mentoring is a transformational relationship. Build the relationship – the outcomes will follow. Building relationships is about trust.” Petrin adds, “Skilled mentors ask great questions.“

Distinctions between coaching and mentoring help us discuss individual features and techniques but they overlap.

Questions – essential to success:

Regardless of definitions, coaches and mentors ask great questions. Great questions:

1. Open windows.
2. Challenge assumptions.
3. Destabilize.
4. Move toward clarity.
5. Aren’t agenda driven.

Three types of mentoring questions:

First, Petrin suggests mentors explore. Second, ask questions that seek solutions. Third, ask process questions that evaluate mentor-mentee dynamics and explore what’s been learned.

Powerful Questions:

Petrin suggests mentors ask things like:

1. What do you understand about this situation?
2. What have you done?
3. What has worked?
4. What hasn’t worked?
5. What forces are at work?
6. What are the potential consequences?
7. Who does this impact?
8. What are the obstacles?

I’ve found either/or thinkers come up with two options. I like repeating their options and asking, “What’s the third option?”

Resources:

Rene Petrin’s resources.

Bob Hancox co-authored, “Coaching for Engagement.” It’s filled with great questions.

Facebook contributors provided their suggestions for great questions on 8/2/2012.

What questions aid the coaching/mentoring process?

What are the  components of great questions?

The Most Powerful Thing Experienced Leaders Do

Helping young leaders get started and grow is the most powerful thing experienced leaders do. Growing young leaders changes individuals and organizations. Helping young leaders get started creates a universe of potential and opportunity that never existed.

Leadership success is always about developing people.

I have great news. Helping young leaders get started and grow is easy.

Number one:

Believing in someone helps them begin and grow in their leadership journey. Shame on you if you aren’t engaged in believing in the potential of others!

Treasure anyone who believes in you.
Become someone who believes in others.

Number two:

Karin Hurt, Executive Director, Strategic Partners Channel at Verizon Wireless, says, “Help young leaders know who they are.” Karin tells young leaders:

1. Don’t label yourself too early. I hear labels when people say, “I’m not good at…”
2. Understand the true nature of leadership. Leaders don’t control people they release them by helping them want to do something.
3. Have confidence. In Karin’s experience confidence is a bigger challenge for young female leaders than males.

Four suggestions:

I asked Karin how she helps young leaders have confidence.

1. Get to know who they are. The act of getting to know them is the first step. Feeling known, understood, and accepted enables others to share their fears.
2. Talk about their fears. Talking may be all they need to find confidence.
3. Find opportunities where you know they can succeed. Create small wins.
4. Give stretch assignments after small wins.

Karin shared one of her most gratifying compliments. “You helped me figure out me.”

More suggestions from Facebook contributors:

1. Give them opportunities to make mistakes.
2. Teach them the value of transparent leadership.
3. Teach them meaningful ways to give back.

Read more suggestions from others on Facebook.

How can experienced leaders help young leaders get started and grow?

An Olympic Chairman on Finding Your Voice

I was fortunate to have a conversation with the Chairman and Team Leader of the US Olympic Sailing Program, Dean Brenner. He’s founder of the Latimer Group and recently authored, “Sharing the Sandbox.”

Unexpected:

Interviews with unexpected beginnings often surprise me the most. I had a feeling about Dean so I asked, “When did you realize you were a teacher?” Dean said, “Funny you say that.”  He and his wife discuss this very topic. He is a teacher but not in the formal sense.

Complicated:

Eventually, his dad entered the conversation.

Dean said, “I had a ‘complicated’ relationship with my dad. For many years we didn’t speak.”

Dean and his dad were getting to know each other again when his dad died suddenly. His new book, “Sharing the Sandbox,” begins, “To my father…”

Finding his voice:

Dean said, “I remember trying to chime in with the adult conversation at the dinner table. Whenever I misspoke or used poor grammar, dad grilled me in front of everybody.”

Those years were a double edged sword for Dean. They strained his relationship with his father but Dean said, “I learned the value of words and to think before speaking.” Today, Dean is an executive coach, with a focus on public speaking, presentation and communication skills. Dean said,

“I help people find their voice.”

I asked, “How do you help people find their voice?” Dean said,

“I Remind people how great they are.”

Dean went on to share his coaching orientation.

Helping people find their voice:

1. Believe nurture matters; it’s not all nature.
2. Don’t be directive.
3. Ask simple questions.
4. Repeat back what you hear.
5. Develop tangible steps to clear goals. Coaching is more than a pat on the back.
6. Provide tools. Say, “This has worked for others, it may work for you.”

I appreciate the tension between not being directive and providing tools that worked for others.

How do you help people find their voice?

The Revealing Power of Fear

I’ve noticed an unsettling and revealing set of questions that my coach, Bob Hancox, asks.

1. What’s most concerning for you?
2. What makes this so important to you?
3. What’s really at stake for you here?

These questions crush the tyranny of the urgent and cause me to focus on my fears. Bob never asks me, “What are you afraid of?” I’d pull back if he did. “I’m not afraid.”

Values:

Fears point to things we cling to – we don’t want to lose – something we’re protecting.

Fear points to our values in emotional and behavioral terms.

Barriers:

Fear creates barriers. I’ve watched fearful people talk in self-protective ways while, at the same time, they search for weaknesses or faults in others. It may not be intentional but it’s manipulative.

Connecting:

Asking the questions I listed above allows people to get in touch with their values and see core issues. Connect with others through understanding. Be certain you’ll disconnect if you judge. When someone expresses a concern, ask, “What makes this so important to you?”

Avoid:

1. “Why” questions.
2. Judging.
3. Belittling or minimizing. “That doesn’t seem very important.”
4. Quick conclusions.
5. The temptation to fix. The first lesson of coaching is you don’t fix people.

Application:

One application might be asking a stressed out employee (after they’ve calmed down), “What’s really at stake for you here?” That approach sounds better than calm down, doesn’t it? Listen for and connect through the values that come out.

Coaching approach:

You could use five types of questions to advance a coaching conversation:

1. What’s happening?
2. What do you want to happen?
3. What are the next steps?
4. When will you take those steps?
5. How can I help?

Every leader should have a coach and be a coach.

Resource:

If you’d like to enhance your coaching skills, consider “Coaching for Engagement.”

What coaching questions have you found most useful?

Leadership’s Greatest Value

Problems are giant black holes that capture focus, drain vitality, and divert resources. Solving problems seduces leaders away from future opportunities causing them to focus on past inadequacies.

Problems that threaten organizations must be addressed, admittedly.  Sadly, many leaders are simply problem solving machines; they jump from one fire to the next.

You never build the future by solving the past. The problem with solving problems is we think we’ve created results when we haven’t. Solving problems doesn’t create value.

“Results are obtained by exploiting opportunities, not by solving problems.” Peter Drucker

Most calls I receive are problem centered calls. The pain of past deficiencies or failures drives us to seek solutions. We’re looking for an “ahhh” moment to make the pain go away. We falsely believe if the pain goes away we’re heading in the right direction.

Leadership’s greatest value is helping people shift from the past to the future.

1. Who do you want to become?
2. How do you want to be?
3. Where are the greatest opportunities?
4. What talent and resources are currently in place?
5. What matters most?
6. How can you achieve the best results?
7. What should be jettisoned?
8. How can you create quick wins?
9. How can you fuel momentum and create urgency?
10. What training leverages opportunities?

Assessing current pain points – past failures – is essential but never the end. Wandering around in the past, if that’s all you do, is a colossal waste of time. Backward-facing assessments take organizations in the entirely wrong direction.

Success is where you aren’t – the future – not where you were – the past.

How do you overcome the temptation to be a problem-solver rather than a leader?

Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

On Unicorns and Fairy Dust

I’ve rejected the “savior-leader” model but still feel pressure to be one. Savior-leaders arrive on unicorns and solve problems by sprinkling fairy dust over people and organizations. Poof! Everything is magically fixed.

Internal:

Internal pressure to have answers presses me to give answers. I want to be the savior. Often I believe I have answers. Not having answers is usually better.

The “burden of knowing” – even if I don’t really know – makes it hard to keep my mouth shut.

Answers given are less useful
than answers discovered.

External:

Expectations of others press me to provide answers. Some still believe in the savior-leader. They’re waiting for me to reach into my secret fairy dust pouch and make everything right. When leaders succumb to this pressure they create dependent relationships that weaken.

Savior-leaders inevitably crash and burn
when the fairy dust runs out.

Techniques:

Share techniques – let others execute. I have a suit-case full of techniques I’ve learned over the years. For example, when you explain what to do, always lead with vision – give why’s before what’s. That’s not fair dust. That’s a real-world technique that others can run with, in their own way.

The difference between savior-leaders and leaders who share techniques is authority. Everyone wins when individuals are enabled and have authority.

Rise above the savior-leader syndrome:

1. Lead with more questions and fewer answers.
2. Answer with – not for.
3. Enable and authorize. Teach how and then release.
4. Praise the accomplishments of others.
5. Enable and encourage others to teach others.

How do you deal with the savior-leader syndrome?

*********

Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.

Secrets to Building Great Leaders

If you plan to achieve great things you must develop great leaders.

How to fail:

The break-fix model seldom develops greatness. The break-fix model is problem-centric and backward-facing. Break-fix works for systems and processes but not for people.

Fix organizations – develop people.

Closely related to the demoralizing break-fix approach is the ever faithful but always useless, blame-relief model. Blaming enables us to wash our hands – relieve ourselves – of responsibility. “Phew! It’s not my fault; it’s theirs.”

Experience shows fixing and blaming creates defeatist, problem-centric, demoralizing orientations. Blaming and fixing aren’t the path to greatness.

How to succeed:

When it comes to people, don’t fix the past.

6 Things you can do with the past:

1. See it.
2. Accept it.
3. Take responsibility.
4. Learn.
5. Let it go.
6. Begin where you are – stand on it.

The past can never be changed, improved, or ignored. Stay in the past briefly but don’t camp out. Everyone had good reasons or excuses for past choices. Proving they were dumb doesn’t motivate. Help them see their mistakes for themselves. You can’t learn for others.

Create success, quickly. People say, “I see what I was doing wrong,” in the light of current success. If you can’t help someone find fresh success, you’re just a pain in the ass. (when it comes to developing people)

Employ a start-step model. Developing leaders always starts in the same place, where they are not where you wish they were. An immediate step toward a preferred future always improves attitudes, enhances performance, and creates positive momentum. Start where they are and step toward their future.

Result: People radically improve in as few as two working sessions because we begin where they are and create success quickly.

What are key components to developing both yourself and others?

**********

Post in a picture by Larry Coppenrath: Building Great Leaders

Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.