Jack Welch on the Cruelest Environments

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Jack Welch and candor come together.

It didn’t take long for the topic of candor to come up at the dinner I attended after the Chick-fil-A Leadercast. In his usual no-nonsense fashion, Jack said,

“If your employees don’t know where they stand, you have no right to call yourself a manager.”

Here’s what I’ve been thinking since dinner Friday night.

Sick, stressful environments include behaviors where:

1. Side-stepping and pretending is normal. Candor is taboo, even offensive.
2. Leaders “protect” others by massaging the message.
3. Confronting issues is rare.
4. Postponing, rather than addressing, is standard operating procedures.

Leaders who replace candor with hiding the truth become dishonest manipulators. They are either confused or self-absorbed or both.

Candor is kind; uncertainty is cruel.

Candor is kind because it generates clarity.

“Everyone wants to know where they stand.” Jack Welch

Dancing around feelings and ignoring issues:

1. Creates uncertainty.
2. Undermines credibility. You can’t trust leaders who don’t or won’t speak the truth.
3. Prolongs agony.
4. Encourages dishonesty.
5. Discourages excellence. When leaders avoid tough conversations, excellence doesn’t matter.

Dishonesty, in the name of “not hurting”
someone, hurts everyone.

Behind mediocrity is a tough conversation someone didn’t have.

Credible leaders speak with:

1. Courage.
2. Clarity.
3. Conviction.
4. Compassion. Give improvement a chance.
5. Optimism. (Another “c” would be perfect)

Credible leaders say what everyone already knows, but are afraid to say.

Kind candor:

1. Speak unvarnished truths. “Your angry outbursts frustrate your co-workers,” for example.
2. Reject excuses and blame – quickly, clearly, and firmly.
3. Develop clear pictures of “better” in terms of behaviors and outcomes.
4. Provide training, support, and resources.
5. Explain consequences.
6. Establish deadlines.

Kind candor stabilizes organizations, validates performance, lowers stress, enables excellence, and simplifies relationships.

See comments on cruelest leaders on Facebook (5-11-13).

What are the key success factors for developing candor in organizations?

15 Ways to Make Your Voice Matter

Pathetic talkers – talk after listeners check out. Blabbing leaders have something to say and it doesn’t matter that people in the room have turned to bored, lifeless manikins. They keep blabbing.

Talkative leaders talk long past
listener’s capacity.

Distracting talkers – tweak, guide, correct, add, and adjust ad infinitum ad nauseum. They unnecessarily prolong meetings with irritating jabber concerning insignificant issues, for example. Their drivel often begins with, “And don’t forget… or one more thing.” Gag me with a spoon.

The need to matter makes leaders talk more but matter less.

Please hit mute. (All exhausted followers are cheering right now!) When was the last time someone said, “Please talk at me more?”

But there’s more:

Your voice has power for evil or good.

Make your voice matter by talking about
what matters, when it matters.

Talk more when:

1. Listening occurred first. Listen with your ears and your heart. The more you need to say, the more you need to listen.
2. People need affirmation. You matter most when speaking to hearts not heads.
3. Talking connects you with others. Sharing your heart connects you.
4. Issues are dodged. Call out elephants. Say the tough stuff.
5. The top stifles the bottom. Confront authoritarianism. Free people.
6. “What” not “how” is on the table. Leaders who explain “how” are in the way.
7. You see the big picture and others don’t. (Inspired by a recent conversation with Peter Block.)
8. Blabbers keep blabbing. Interrupt! Please!
9. Urgency overshadows priority.
10. Direction wanders.
11. Values are violated.
12. Information is needed and you’re the one who has it.
13. Curiosity bubbles up. Talk to explore.
14. Confusion reigns. Beware; more talking usually creates more confusion.
15. You’re an introvert. The silence of introverts makes extroverts uneasy.

Bonus: Talk about others more than yourself.

From the other side: 10 Power Tips for Leaders who Talk TOO Much.

How can leaders make their voice matter?

When Celebrating Demotivates

Teams who don’t celebrate wins don’t appreciate gains, respect progress, or honor effort. But…

Teams who celebrate half-wins end up not winning at all.

I’m a huge fan of celebrating progress. But celebrate too soon, too frequently, or too much, and you end up not finishing.

Think how far you have to go - NOT
how far you’ve come – when projects are half done.

University of Chicago psychologists Minjung Koo and Ayelet Fishbach studied the impact of focusing on how far you’ve come (to-date thinking) versus how far you have to go (to-go thinking)?

To-go thinking motivates finishing.

“Great Finishers force themselves to stay focused on the goal, and never congratulate themselves on a job half-done.” Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson in HBR: How to Become a Great Finisher. I asked Dr. Halvorson about her observation and she told me the story of Mr. 85%.

“I sometimes tell this story about my husband because it drives me crazy – I call him “Mr. 85%” because that’s about how much he does of any project around the house before he stops, pats himself on the back for getting that far, and wanders off to do something else.  He is a little too pleased with himself for doing most of it, and he stops looking at the finish line.” (Shared with permission)

Application:

1. Encourage to-go thinking. The next time you pat someone on the back for progress toward an incomplete goal, end with, “What’s next, or, How long before you’re done.”
2. Ask, “How far do you have to go?”
3. Don’t ask, “How much is done?”
4. Define wins clearly so you know when to celebrate. Life is a journey but projects get done.
5. Celebrate done-jobs.

I love encouraging people for their progress. But, to-go thinking helps people finish strong.

How can leaders motivate teams when projects are half done?

I asked for input on to-date vs. to-go thinking on Facebook. (5/7/2013)

Dr. Halvorson is co-author of the new book, “Focus.”

The Power of Second Questions

“Most people never listen.” Hemingway

Questions are gifts. Asking, followed by listening, says others matter; telling says you matter.

Eager to talk is reluctant to ask.

Enemies of curiosity:

1. Disinterest. You really don’t care.
2. Need to appear smart.
3. Hurry. The need for speed, at least initially, stifles curiosity.
4. Knowledge. Those who know don’t ask.
5. Answers. Answers end thought.

Pretend you don’t have the answer, you may find another.

Powerful questions:

1. Initiate listening. It’s hard to listen without questions.
2. Call for answers. Questions create curiosity and engage minds.
3. Ignite self-persuasion.
4. Invite connection. Anyone who says they want to connect but never asks questions is confused or deceived about the nature of connecting.
5. Guide conversations. Don’t tell people what to talk about, ask questions.
6. Teach and open minds.
7. Explain priorities. You ask about what matters.

If you want to change results, change questions.

Second questions:

Second questions matter more than first because they explore what matters. First questions address obvious issues. Second questions explore meaning, purpose, method, and/or value.

Exceptional leaders ask second questions.

First question: What’s your mission?
Second question: What makes your mission matter?

First question: Who are your customers?
Second question: What made them become your customers?

First question: What’s frustrating?
Second question: How can you address your frustrations?

Before:

Clarify before answering.

Never simply answer when someone asks, “What’s your story?” Always ask, “What do you want to know?*”

Save time, establish priorities, and narrow focus by inviting questioners to declare themselves.

Answer questions with questions, before giving answers.

Avoid:

Some questions are better than others.

1. What’s wrong with me?
2. What did I do wrong?
3. What went wrong? (KaChing)

A favorite question:

I hear what you don’t want. What do you want?

Added resources:

9 Unexpected Questions that Create Engagement

10 Questions that Give Vitality to Beginnings

15 Questions Guaranteed to Create Clarity

*From: “Power Questions,” by Sobel and Panas

How can leaders learn to ask questions?

What are some useful second questions?

All’s Well that Begins Well

This note arrived from a young leader:

I’m spearheading some interdepartmental activities with the goal of more open communication and increased relationships between departments. Could you suggest some good resources? Would you consider posting  a question on your Facebook page?

Reply:

You’re asking the wrong questions. Leaders often rush to fix painful symptoms before defining root problems.

First:

The first question is, “What is the problem?” Craft an agreed upon definition of the problem. (Agreed upon by all stakeholders, not just upper management.)

Powerful solutions begin with powerful problems.
You can’t solve problems you can’t define.

Every solution to poorly defined problems is unsatisfactory.

Ask:

1. Why does interdepartmental communication (IC) matter? Think about mission, vision, and values.
2. What’s frustrating about IC?
3. What behaviors, attitudes, or beliefs interfere with IC?

Second:

The second question is, “What is the win?” Define success in behavioral and emotional terms.

1. What does winning look and feel like?
2. What improved results are we seeking?
3. How will we act differently?
4. How will success be measured?
5. What does implementation look like?
6. Who are the champions?
7. How will we celebrate wins and correct failures?

Bonus: How will we stick with it?

You can’t implement solutions you can’t describe.

Tips:

Engage as many as possible in the process of defining problems and describing wins.

Engage people if you expect people to feel engaged.

Design training activities that solve real problems and create tangible wins. Don’t waste your time throwing communication building activities against the wall to see what sticks.

Facebook:

I posted this question on Facebook: Leaders who cultivate interdepartmental communication _______.”

What suggestions would you make to this young leader?

***

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Death to Bobble Head Leaders

Bobble head leaders don’t say what they really think. They go with the flow to get ahead. Bobble heads don’t speak their mind they defend the company line.

Leaders become bobble heads to protect position and get promoted. It’s dishonest and disingenuous. Look around. How many bobbing heads sit at the table? Is anyone disruptive?

Bobble-head organizations:

1. Lose creative contributions.
2. Make lousy, status quo decisions and complain about status quo results.
3. Reflect fear based cultures.

The reason you don’t speak your mind:

1. Untrustworthy team mates who use your ideas against you.
2. Organizational culture that celebrates going along to get along – “Yes cultures.”
3. Fear of being ridiculed for being wrong.

Good girls and boys go along and get stars on their report cards. Bad girls and boys – disruptors, dissenters, and the unorthodox – go to detention.

Fault:

Top leadership is fully to blame for bobble-heading. Rather than punish bobble heads they’re rewarded. Organization grow weak and leaders bask in fake approval.

Dying organizations thrive on stability, agreement, and orderly meetings.

Constructive dissent:

Peter Drucker commented, “Dissent, even conflict, is necessary, indeed desirable. Without dissent and conflict there is no understanding. And without understanding, there are only wrong decisions. 

Dissent is more than good, it’s noble.

People who change the world disrupt and critique. The path to exceptional is paved with the bones of the mediocre.

Creating dissent:

1. Assign dissent in the next meeting. Put a devil suit on half the team and challenge them to challenge ideas.
2. Ask everyone to make a list of reasons the initiative on the table won’t work.
3. Establish three options and have everyone advocate for all three.

The path to oblivion is smooth. Great decisions are born in conflict. Create structures for constructive dissent.

How can organizations create constructive dissent?

How can leaders avoid being mired in dissent? 

It’s today!

Last chance to register for FREE – LIVE conference call with Dr. Henry Cloud. “Set boundaries – Extend Results – Be Ridiculously in Charge.” INFO

Toxic by Accident

Image source by George Hodan

My children used to say, “Stop yelling dad.” I’d say, “I’m not yelling.” My voice sounded calm to me.

Authority and power amplify actions and words.

Every behavior of respected leaders is magnified. Tell a team member, for example, “Your report is late.” They hear, “I’m getting fired.” Or, you ask, “What happened?” They feel picked on.

You think , “no big deal.” They think, “Big deal.” That’s what respect does.

Toxic:

Toxic environments develop when leaders don’t realize their power. Quiet is loud when you’re respected, powerful, and authoritative.

Yell the good. Whisper the bad.

Important:

Don’t forget you matter.

We have bigger bodies and different clothes but we’re thirteen on the inside. You look on the inside and see a kid; they look on the outside and see a leader.

You matter in wrong ways when you forget you matter.

Embrace your importance but reject self-importance.

Humility:

I’m not inflating your ego. Chances are you have plenty. I’m writing this to clarify the impact of your words and behaviors.

Arrogant leaders, who fear they don’t matter, throw their weight around like bullies. Humble leaders believe they matter. Additionally, they know they matter most when they make others matter.

C.S. Lewis said, “True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”

Focus on others. You have power to make others powerful.

Amplify:

Imagine everything you do has more impact than you believe. You think your volume is a three. Their respect for you amplifies your three to an eight.

William James said, “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.”

Leaders who don’t realize their own power accidentally damage people and create toxic environments.

How does believing you matter impact the way you think about leadership?

Stop Browbeating – Enhance Capacity

I browbeat people when I “know” the path forward. I tell them what I want, before thinking about what they need to hear.

Additionally, I pressure people when I’ve made up my mind. At least that’s what others tell me.

Honestly, I don’t see Browbeating Dan. I see myself as Pussy Cat Dan.

Burden of knowledge:

The burden of knowing – even if you don’t – is nearly uncontainable. Thinking you “know” is enough to close your ears and open your mouth.

Alternative:

Slow down and say what they need to hear not what you need to say. Help people hear by enhancing capacity.

Give:

1. Hope if you expect boldness.
2. Purpose if you expect endurance.
3. Confidence if you expect change.

Boldness:

You need to say, “Be bold.” They need to have hope. Hope precedes boldness. If they don’t believe projects can be completed on time or goals completed within budget, they won’t act boldly.

Boldness rises when success is likely.

Those with hope believe wins are possible. It’s hopeless if you can’t win. Without hope everyone goes through the motions. But, people with hope move forward.

Hope fuels boldness.

Endurance:

You need to say, “Keep going – endure – don’t quit.” But, they need purpose. They ask, “Why keep going if it doesn’t matter?” “What’s the purpose?”

People endure when goals matter. Stop saying, “Endure.” Start explaining purpose.

Profound purpose fuels endurance.

Change:

You need to say, “Embrace change.” They need confidence they’ll fit in after change.

Freedom to change comes from believing you’ll still fit in.

Rush:

Leaders rush to explain what to do, while neglecting the capacity of listeners. You think, just do what I say! But, telling babies to walk doesn’t enable walking. Leadership by proclamation isn’t leading.

Capacity:

Successful leaders explain challenges and increase capacity.

How do you understand the relationship between capacity and the ability to accept challenges?

How can leaders enhance the capacity of others to rise to challenges?

Imagine how boundaries extend results. This weeks best FREE leadership development opportunity is a LIVE conference call with bestselling author Dr. Henry Cloud. INFO

7 Ways to Deal with Emotional Issues

Emotional turmoil makes simple tasks complicated, easy tasks hard, and quick tasks slow. High emotion, boiling frustration, and hurt feelings inspire blame. Blame invites defensiveness. Defensiveness causes us to pile on other, perhaps unrelated, problems to prove our point.

Never introduce emotional issues unless you’re prepared to deal with emotion. Once emotions rise, deal with them. Address performance issues after.

Boiling emotions motivate but
make finding solutions complex.

The useful side of anger, for example, is it motivates me to address pressing issues and concerns I’ve buried. But, addressing issues in angry ways complicates the process. Diffuse anger then address issues.

Address emotions separate from issues.

Danger:

Searching to solve issues while emotions are raw often becomes an excuse to fix people. Emotionally frustrated leaders point fingers. They start telling people why they acted the way they did or what’s wrong with them. Accusation invites defensiveness. Issues, otherwise solved simply, grow dark, personal, and complex.

7 Ways to deal with emotional issues:

1. Always address emotions that boil over.
2. Affirm emotion; solve issues.
3. Self-validation never validates; accusation never motivates.
4. Move quickly then slow down. Today’s appointment focuses on feelings, tomorrow’s on issues, for example.
5. Stay focused on immediate issues. Past issues never clarify emotional situations. One issue is simpler than two. Stop shooting the process in the foot by making it a global rather than an individual event.
6. Never determine solutions before conversations. Leaders who enter conversations with predetermined solutions don’t listen, they explain. Have you noticed how people love your explanations?
7. Avoid, “That’s because,” and “You should.”

Bonus: Go with not against. When it feels like you’re pushing against someone during emotional conversations back down, listen and affirm. Ask, “How can we get where you want to go?”

How do you deal with emotional issues?

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One Question for All Complainers and Critics

Get out of leadership if criticism and complaints keep you up at night. You’ll die from lack of sleep.

The toughest criticism to handle is directed at a team mate or colleague, not you. Some “loving” critic shares a “helpful” suggestion that tears down, points out inadequacy, or undermines credibility.

Complainers, on the other hand, are different from critics. Complainers say, “Your team leader hurt my feelings,” for example. They don’t say it directly but, in the end, complainers aren’t getting what they feel they deserve. They want something for themselves. (They may be on target.)

Critics focus on others. Complainers focus on themselves.

The hardest part of criticisms
and complaints is the 10% that’s right.

First:

Define the win.

Avoid every activity that doesn’t have clearly defined and agreed upon wins. Ambiguous outcomes never satisfy. Watch for that bad taste or rotten smell that saturates winless activities.

All wins always propel
people and organizations forward.

All wins always have
behavioral – visible – expressions. You see them.

Criticisms and complaints spiral downward until progress is defined.

Reject:

Never affirm speculations about bad motives.

Some complainers love explaining the bad motives and intentions of others. Immediately reject hints and innuendos that your colleague intentionally harmed others. The moment you hear, “They did that because (fill in malicious intention),” know you’re dealing with an ass.

Step back and watch a line in the sand appear at the hint a member of my team has malevolent motives.

Human:

Courageously build human environments that make room for imperfection. People have frailties and inadequacies; they screw up.

Progress is a win in human organizations;
perfection a myth.

Close the doors and go home if perfection is the goal.

Question:

Answer criticisms and complaints about colleagues and teammates with,

“How can I help you with this?”

Asking this question:

1. Takes people seriously.
2. Searches for wins.
3. Expresses compassion.
4. Assigns responsibility.

How can leaders respond when they receive complaints or criticisms of teammates or colleagues?

Next week’s best leadership development opportunity is a free conference call with bestselling author, Doug Conant. Join me on March 27 at 1:00 p.m. EST.