Bullies aren’t Strong and Compassion isn’t Weak

Great results require toughness. The belief that compassion is soft and toughness gets results explains why so little compassion exists in organizations.

I’m an either/or type person, it’s my nature. I wrongly believe combining contrasting qualities weakens both. But, toughness and compassion are perfect bedfellows.

Bullies aren’t strong and compassionate leaders aren’t weak.

Toughness infuses compassion with meaning.

Results:

Lowering achievable expectations isn’t compassion; it’s disrespect. Compassionate leaders respect talent by calling people to rise and meet challenges. Stretching is belief in potential.

Conflict:

Compassion’s toughness is seen in conflict. Weakness ignores or runs from conflict. Compassion faces conflict head on.

Inclusion:

Compassion includes super-stars and rising-stars in its inner circle. Reach beyond how others enhance your image; consider how you enhance theirs.

Toughness requires supportive environments.

Heart of compassion:

Compassion springs from authenticity. Phonies fear and reject compassion. Authentic leaders accept their own frailties and abilities, in so doing; they open their hearts to others.

Accepting weaknesses is the first step toward maximizing strengths. Phony leaders don’t accept weaknesses and seldom maximize strengths.

Realize or release:

Compassion realizes potential in others; if not, it reassigns or releases. Expecting achievement extends compassion. “I believe in you,” expresses compassion.

Toughness expects people to pull heavy loads. Compassion pulls with them.

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Great feedback on Facebook: “Compassionate leaders ______.”

How are you bringing compassion and toughness together?

What examples of compassion and toughness have you seen?

Finding Your Power

Focusing on what others should have done is an excuse maker’s paradise.

Responses reflect values.

Excuse maker and blamers value themselves above others. They’ll drive the knife in your back if it serves their purposes.

Compassionate leaders value others. They believe in lifting rather than crushing.

Responses reflect confidence.

Blamers live defensive lives, feeling pushed around by circumstances and people. They don’t believe they’re able to change things. They feel trapped. They’re dangerous, like caged animals, they’ll lash out.

Confident leaders remain calm during disappointment while seeking solutions, at the same time. They aren’t frantic. They’re focused.

Responses reflect connections:

Excuse makers feel alone; they don’t trust or consult with others, except to determine who to blame.

Connected leaders seek solutions with others. They’re willing to ask “dumb” questions in their pursuit of smart answers. They don’t believe they have the answers. They believe they can get answers.

The weakness of blaming and the power of solution seeking is all about your values, confidence, and connectedness.

Embracing your power:

We taught our grandchildren to swim. They started with floaties. I still remember their white knuckled grasp the first time they tried swimming without artificial buoyancy. We stayed close.

They kicked and splashed and nearly sank, at first. Gradually we moved away. Soon they were swimming from one side of the pool to the other. Eventually, they instructed, “You can get out of the pool now, Poppi.” Their gleaming pride was priceless.

The most powerful thing you can do today is take small steps toward big goals. Forget giant leaps toward perfect solutions.

Your next step is too big if you feel trapped and powerless.  Break it down.

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How do you rise above excuse making?

How can we help others rise above blaming and excuse making?

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