The Struggle and Power of Divergent Values

It’s a mistake to expect everyone to fully align with your values. Shared values are never fully shared.

Power of values: 

Shared values are the heartbeat of vibrant organizations.

1. Values drive decisions.
2. Decisions drive direction.
3. Direction drives satisfaction.

Diversity in values:

Close alignment and diversity
are better than full alignment and unity.

Mary and Carl share the values of growth and systems, for example. Carl’s top value is systems. He believes systems assure success. Systems precede growth.

On the other hand, Mary’s top value is growth. She prefers learning as you go. Systems follow growth.

They share values but have divergent priorities and intensity. Can you see a collision in the making?

Collisions:

Collisions between values challenge decision making. Do we pursue growth and organize as we go or do we organize first. Mary embraces the former. Carl holds to the latter.

Full alignment of values creates lopsided organizations.
Diversity stabilizes.

Respect:

Successful leader understand varying levels of intensity and priority within shared values. Losing Mary or Carl is problematic.

Divergent values add value.

Both/and:

Successful leaders embrace both/and. Do we pursue growth and create systems as we go or is it the other way around? YES! Wise leadership leverages both.

Breaking points:

Either/or choices occur when Carl refuses to support Mary. On the other hand, as long as Mary respects and supports Carl’s values she enrich their organization. However, when they don’t value the other’s values, one has to go.

Never make the mistake of cutting people off because their values don’t fully align with yours. Successful leaders get excited about things that excite others.

How can leaders navigate diversity in values?

When does diversity become distraction?

How to Win by Leaning In

Strong winds blow you down when you lean back. Successful leaders lean into resistance, adversity, failure, and criticism.

Leaning away from resistance is
a sure way to be blown down by resistance.

Not:

Welcome and learn from the stormy parts of leading. Don’t reject them.

Leaning-in isn’t fighting-off.

Lean against:

Change encounters resistance. Welcome and lean against resistance or you’ll lose.

1. Resistance clarifies purpose and value. It forces you to answer, “Is this effort worth it?”
2. Facing adversity strengthens resolve and reinforces commitment. Achievements of worth require commitment.
3. Criticism, faced humbly, softens your heart and tempers abrasiveness.
4. Failure enables improvement. Lean against mediocrity.

Lean with:

Every noble effort ultimately requires others.

Reject the ease of working alone. Embrace the power of working with others.

Invite others to lean with you and lean with those who dream like you. Leaning with:

1. Energizes.
2. Multiplies.
3. Validates.
4. Amplifies.
5. Stabalizes.

Lean for:

Lean for something worthwhile or all you’ll be is adversarial. Everyone may not appreciate the noble dream, but you and your team must.

Storms:

Some aspects of leadership are best described with storm metaphors. You will face challenge, opposition, resistance, and criticism. Winds will blow against you. Lean in to win.

When the storms erupt:

1. Clarify your noble dream.
2. Surround yourself with strong people who share the dream.
3. Lean in. It’s the only path to progress. Lean back and you’ll blow over.

Added resource:

My friend, Joe Tye, offers a webinar called Persistence and Courage. Learn this and more:

• Three things you must change to conquer fear.
• The Ten Laws of Adversity.
• A simple formula for mental toughness in the face of adversity.

What have you learned about the “leaning in” side of leadership?

Facing the Fires of Disagreement, Improvement, and Destructive Criticism

Destructive critics claim the moral high ground but their message is simple, do what I want. They pretend they want what’s best for others while they pursue what’s best for them.

Constructive critics want what’s best for others. In the past, friends told me my New York style sarcasm wasn’t always effective. A friend said, “Your sarcasm makes me uncomfortable.” His point came out on one of my trips to the West Coast a few years ago. It took a while but listening to criticism helped.

Not all criticism helps; some destroys.

Results of listening to destructive critics:

1. Gun shy. You may pull back because stepping out invites criticism.
2. Belligerence. You may plug your ears and close your eyes and aggressively push forward. I’ve chosen belligerence many times.
3. Discouragement. You may hold anger in. Internalized anger always drains and discourages.

Distinguish:

Distinguish between healthy disagreement, improvement, and destructive criticism.

1. Disagreement – while sharing values and vision – is healthy. It usually centers on method and strategy.
2. Accepting improvements is a humility issue. Can you listen to the voice of those who want to make you better?
3. Destructive criticism comes from individuals who don’t share your values. Listen and you lose yourself.

Observations:

1. Love and respect those who disagree with love and respect.
2. Destructive critics grow intolerant. Your “failure” becomes justification for escalating push back.
3. Friends show tolerance even as they point out improvements.
4. Those who pull back from you aren’t committed to you or your vision; those who jump in are.
5. Fearing the voice of critics always distracts focus and drains passion. “If we are spending time and energy focused inwardly, debating incessantly, gossiping, and scheming, then we are certainly not aligned.” Brenner in Share the Sandbox.”
6. Listening to destructive critics pulls you back.
7. Listening to constructive critics propels you forward.
8. Don’t trust those who criticize you behind your back.

How do you distinguish between healthy and unhealthy criticism?

What do you do to handle personal criticism?

Tackling Armchair Quarterbacks

Receiving criticism indicates you’re doing something. Get used to it.

Armchair quarterbacks carry the burden of knowing what should have been done.

Armchair quarterbacks know what you should have done and how you should have done  it. Furthermore, they are glad to share their wisdom and insights with sympathetic listeners but they won’t share the burden of actually throwing the ball. They strut and posture from the side-lines.

In some cases, you invited their criticism by excluding them. You didn’t invite their input or participation. Worse yet, they felt ignored when they spoke.

The only power disenfranchised
people own is disruption.

In other cases, you invited their input but they rejected the direction you’re leading.

In all cases, armchair quarterbacks wrongly believe they have deep insights. They:

1. Know more about you than you.
2. Understand you better than you understand yourself.
3. Know why you are doing what you are doing. They suggest you are wrong, stupid, weak, evil, selfish, or all five.
4. Know what you should do.
5. Know how you should do it.

What to do:

1. Stop believing you always know what’s best. If you’re the smartest person in your organization, your organization is in peril.
2. Realize all collisions are rooted in conflicting values. Find alignment where possible.
3. Make tough choices kindly.
4. Fully and unselfishly align yourself with what’s best for the organization, without reserve or hesitation.
5. Maintain optimism. It beats the alternative.
6. Never lie, lash out, envy, slander, or put on a façade, ever. Move on.
7. Humbly submit to noble values. Arrogance offends.
8. Clarify vision.
9. Serve. Belligerence and dominance always offend.
10. Build strong alliances.
11. Maintain openness regarding methods. It doesn’t have to be your way or the highway.
12. Never blame. Blame is the temptation of cowards.

What do you do when you feel criticized, judged, or misunderstood?

Avoiding the Putrid Beast Destroying Leaders

Pride is good. For example, “Have some pride” and “Take pride in your work.”

Arrogant pride, however, represents the dark, blinding, deceptive underbelly of leadership. Arrogant pride drives leaders to gather in protective huddles of pseudo-invincibility where stepping on others is smugly applauded and lifting others is foolish weakness.

Filthy dark festering pride drives outrageous salaries, underhanded dealings, and deceptive accounting practices. What about employee handbooks and HR guidelines intentionally vague or confusing so they can be used to accomplish any leader’s personal agenda?

The danger of healthy pride is its putrid ravenous brother lives one step across the border. His name is arrogance.

10 symptoms the ravenous beast has you:

1. Flattery – Hateful manipulative speech that creates vulnerability to deceptive self-serving influence.
2. Stubborn unwillingness to reconsider. After all, you might look weak!
3. Insults, put downs and slanderous speech.
4. Sacrificing relationships for power, position, and prestige.
5. Refusing to explore options and opinions while scorning those who disagree.
6. Lying.
7. Argumentativeness.
8. Name dropping.
9. Feelings of untouchable invincibility rooted in power, authority, and possessions.
10. Rejecting correction.

Bonus: Pretending to be something you aren’t.

The deepest danger:

When the beast has us, it blinds us. His strangling grip and destructive teeth gnawing on our soul feels delightfully right.

5 suggestions:

1. Service. You serve everyone from the temporary receptionist to the CEO, everyone. Leadership is service.
2. Accountability. Find one person who tells you the truth, regardless.
3. Love. Always seek the highest good of others.
4. Priority. Help others win first. Find your win second.
5. Gratitude. Thankfulness lifts others by acknowledging their contributions.

Double danger:

You can be proud of being humble. Anyone have a suggestion for that one?

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What symptoms of arrogance lurk in your environment?

How can leaders deal with the ravenous beast?

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10 Tactics that Produce Brilliant Solutions

Courageous leaders do more than listen to constructive dissent, they encourage it. Hot conflict not comfortable collaboration produces brilliance.

Encouraging constructive dissent:

1. Don’t answer first. Tell people you expect hard truths and practical answer. Don’t settle for yes.
2. Share all the information. You discourage feedback when you toss out information you withheld that invalidates what someone just said.
3. Embrace and honor great feedback. Say, “I hadn’t expected that answer; what are you basing it on.” Push back without pushing away.
4. Change your mind. A community leader once told me they never led a meeting they didn’t already knowing the outcome. I started avoiding their meetings. Does it surprise you they didn’t enjoy rich feedback? Once people realize you don’t really care what they think, they stop telling you what they really think.
5. Ask tough questions. One of the saddest things I’ve seen leaders do is listen to bull crap. Exposing smoke-blowers motivates people to prepare for meetings and discussions.
6. Terminate drifters and butt kissers. They just take up space and drain vitality from real workers. Spend time with honest hard thinkers.
7. Publicly honor constructive dissenters. When constructive dissent ends up rejected, honor the person. Disagree without being disagreeable.
8. Focus on solutions not people. Balance #6 with #7.
9. Assign groups to defend positions regardless of their personal point of view. Tell the people to your right they are defending option “A” and the ones on your left are defending option “B”.
10. Make decisions.  Vigorous discussions without decisions demoralize. Great people want to participate and they want responsible decisions that establish clear direction.

Bonus: Get the creative dissent ball rolling by planting a dissenter who publically dissents.

How do you encourage constructive dissent?

What dangers are associated with encouraging constructive dissent?

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Other practical posts on decision making:

Microsoft’s Chief Security Officer on Decision-Making

10 Decision-Making Power Tips from Dave Ramsey

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3 Reasons people resist your leadership

Don’t expect people to automatically follow you because you have a leadership title. If you sign their pay check they may conform but won’t necessarily follow.

Resistance isn’t always bad; it may reflect healthy skepticism. Healthy resistance creates environments where individuals, initiatives, and innovations prove their worth to people with brains. However, resistance may signal deeper issues and larger matters.

People resist your leadership because you’re irrelevant to them. The hard truth is you aren’t adding value or providing channels that enhance their contribution and worth. You aren’t helping them matter. Here’s a simple challenge, ask yourself and those close to you what value you offer? How do you enrich, enable, and encourage the people around you?

Leadership is helping others matter.

People resist your leadership because they aren’t convinced you understand them and their concerns. Feeling understood enables people to personally open up and become open to your ideas.

Leaders understand before being understood.

People resist your leadership because you’re going somewhere they don’t want to go. Purpose, values, and vision determine direction. If your organization doesn’t want to go where you want to go, find a new organization.

In addition, people may agree with your direction but disagree with the methods you employ for getting there. I’d like to minimize this source of resistance but can’t. Methods are where the rubber hits the road; they touch us where we live. Even if you agree on larger goals and targets, if you don’t agree on methodologies you aren’t aligned; persistent resistance is inevitable.

Facing Resistance

When resistance is an expression of healthy skepticism, deepen alignment through information, engagement, improvement, and adaptation.

On the other hand, resistance due to colliding purpose, values, and vision is a train wreck waiting to happen.

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What reasons for resistance to leadership can you offer?

How can leaders effectively face resistance?

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The question at the Leadership Freak Coffee Shop, “Is big change easier than small change…?”

Bottleneck busters

During a client meeting, I suggested that a web application might solve their bottleneck. The Director of Operations leaned forward with interest. He hadn’t thought of that option. Then he slowly leaned back and replied, “If it means our IT department has to create or do something new we can’t do it.”

The IT department was that company’s bottleneck. In other organizations its unbending support staff, fearful managers, or lazy supervisors.

Bottlenecks stagnate processes, drain resources, and strangle potential.

The Exception.

Innovation is the exception. Stagnating status quo is the norm.

Organizations persistently create bottlenecks; choke-points in processes, procedures, structures, or people.

Additionally, fixing a bottleneck in one department may only push it down stream. Solving a support staff bottleneck pushes it to Accounting. From Accounting it goes to HR.

Who’s responsible?

Leaders may try blaming others. However, leaders are always responsible for creating, enabling, or tolerating bottlenecks. Therefore, unclogging bottlenecks always begins and ends with organizational leaders.

Leaders suffocate their organizations by:

1. Talking too much.
2. Acting too little.
3. Hoarding decision making authority.
4. Delegating too slowly.
5. Excusing incompetence.
6. Rejecting dissent.

On Rejecting Dissent

Agreement establishes the status quo. Dissent, disagreement, and contradiction are the tools of innovation. It’s most challenging in top-down organizations where agreement is reward and dissent is punished. In my opinion, many top-down organizations create cultures where people waddle around like ducks getting in a row. It’s an art form. This activity is called leadership?

Leaders bust bottlenecks by:

1. Calling for decisions more quickly. Complex problems have more than one solution. Pick one and make it work.
2. Leveraging the power of deadlines to create urgency.
3. Authorizing others.
4. Identifying new individuals as first-delegates.
5. Leadership development. Remember, people learn to lead by leading.
6. Exploring dissent. “What if” is better than no-way.

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What organizational bottlenecks have you seen?

What strategizes can you suggest for overcoming organizational bottlenecks?

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Beating skeptics

Every leader faces skeptics. It’s normal, in some cases healthy. You build bridges to skeptics when you:

Get to the point

I’m skeptical of people that never get to the point. It feels like they are setting me up. Declare your intent up front and then state your case after.

Don’t belittle yourself or hog the spotlight

I’m skeptical of people that belittle their own contribution. Reject false humility and graciously accept praise. When people praise you try saying, “It feels great to add value.” Or say, “It’s great to lead a talented team.”

On the other hand, hogging glory violates trust and demoralizes others. In addition, stealing the spotlight creates work cultures where skeptical employees “pay you back” by withholding information, creating and spreading rumors, and give lack luster performances. Hogging glory fuels skepticism.

When others toot your horn, just say thanks.

Listen or don’t ask

Don’t ask questions unless you want answers. It’s not polite to ask questions just to be polite. It makes others feel manipulated, disrespected, and belittled. It fuels skepticism.

Demonstrate competence – acknowledge incompetence

Until you’ve demonstrated character and competence, skepticism is healthy.

Character alone doesn’t build trust. Covey puts it this way, “… competence is as vital to trust as character.” For example, my plumber is honest. I trust him to install a new shower. However, he’s not competent to give my car a tune-up. You answer skeptics with character and competence.

On the other hand, I feel better about you when you honestly let me know what you can’t do. For example, the nonprofit sector is filled with passionate, vision-driven leaders. However, a passionate, vision-driven leader that lacks economic skill can bankrupt an organization. You validate and build bridges to skeptics when you acknowledge, expose, provide for, and openly work on your inadequacies.

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How can leaders deal with skeptics?

How to disagree

I had a young, new member of the leadership team I lead ask me, “What do you want me to do when I disagree with you?” You should also know he reported to me.

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“If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.” George S. Patton

Vitality, innovation, even passion are born in controversy, contradiction and discomfort. Doing something that stands out requires you or your organization to stand out. Standing out means you’re fighting the current, going against the status quo, in a word, disagreeing.

On paper it sounds simple. However, it’s challenging and the terrain perilous. For example, what if you are in the category of the new leader I mentioned. How do you disagree with the older, more experienced leader to whom you report?

Before you disagree learn and align

Publically and privately express your alignment with organizational values, mission, and vision. Ask the experienced leaders to explain their understanding of these three essentials. Ask follow up questions that let others know you understand core values. Clearly, explicitly, express alignment.

Disagree early, clearly, politely, and specifically.

Don’t wait till the last moment. Offer your alternative perspective early in the debate. Clearly connect with the desired outcomes and be prepared to defend your position without becoming defensive.

Once the decision is made, grab an oar and start rowing.

It doesn’t matter whose option or which combination of options is chosen. Once the final decision is made, the entire team is all-in.

Warning

Young leaders may feel a need to hang on to their positions even when they are rejected. In my opinion arrogance usually drives this attitude. Rather than hanging on, let it go. Humble yourself, grab an oar and row for the good of the team. You’ll earn respect by respecting the decision you didn’t agree with.

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What other suggestions can you offer someone who disagrees with their boss or with a decision the leadership team has made?