Don’t Go with Your Gut

Everyone has an inner voice, intuition, or feelings that something is right or wrong. Your gut could be wrong. Don’t trust it.

Ask the poker player who went all-in and lost. What about the manager who felt great about hiring a job applicant that didn’t work out. Have you ever felt you were driving in the right direction when you were lost?

One of the worst things the gut tells extroverts is keep talking.

Evaluate your gut when:

1. You feel like you’re contributing more than your teammates.
2. Topics are outside your expertise.
3. Assigning blame.
4. You haven’t taken time for self-reflection.

Right:

I talked with Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., about when to trust our gut. She said, for those who take time to self-reflect, listen to your gut when it comes to values and passions. She emphasized the importance of self-reflection.

Wrong:

“Where our intuitions fail us is actually on the opposite problem, that is, evaluating where we go wrong… In general we are way too hard on ourselves. We tend to think that we are the problem.”

Dr. Halvorson went on to say, “I’m a big advocate for people being much more self-compassionate than we are… The people who are not horribly self-critical are actually more successful… The lack of self-compassion comes from some of these bad intuitions we have about our failures.”

Failures:

You need more input when it comes to evaluating failures. Don’t go with your gut. Get feedback.

Evaluating your gut:

Explore issues that don’t feel right. Don’t assume something’s wrong. Say, “This doesn’t feel right to me. Tell me more.”

When something feels right ask, “Am I missing something? or What could go wrong?”

Dr. Halverson in her own words on intuition (3:57):

Check out Dr. Halverson’s new book: Focus (Highly recommended)

How do you know when to go with your gut?

Isolated Leadership: Dangers and Solutions

Isolated leaders inevitably run down, grow ineffective, and become irrelevant. Closed systems die slow deaths.

Don’t wait for the energy fairy. She ain’t coming.

What happens when you place a frog in water that’s slowly being heated? They don’t jump out, they die.

The increasing heat of leadership subtly cooks isolated leaders.

Isolation feels safe but it kills.

You’re isolated and running down if you feel:

1. Disconnected.
2. Distrustful.
3. Unsupported.
4. Misunderstood.
5. Constantly guarded.

Warning: Leaders frequently lean toward isolation.

In his new book, “Boundaries for Leaders,” Dr. Henry Cloud says:

“Set boundaries on your tendency to be a ‘closed system,’ and open yourself to outside inputs that bring you energy and guidance.”

Solitude isn’t a leadership strategy.

Open yourself to influence, input, and support from outside your organization. Closed systems inevitably die. Dr. Cloud says the benefits of outside input includes:

1. Insight into new models of leading.
2. Motivation and development.
3. Help overcoming obstacles.
4. Support through valleys.
5. Protection from worst instincts.

“Leaders need outside voices to provide emotional and functional support…” Dr. Cloud.

You need reminders to get out of yourself and the organization you lead. Dr. Cloud suggests:

1. Know your personal kookiness. You aren’t perfectly rational 100% of the time.
2. Get coaching.
3. Join a leadership group.
4. Take courses and attend conferences.
5. Seek and listen to feedback. “To be the best you can be, you must develop a hunger for feedback…”

A note on kooky:

Acknowledging idiosyncrasies frees; hiding them confines.

All leaders have “special” built in over-reactions, biases in perception, and instinctual responses that don’t work. Acknowledging “special qualities” opens and strengthens leadership.

How can leaders overcome the tendency to isolate?

What behaviors help leaders connect?

Why, “Do More with Less,” is Stupid

“Do more with less,” demotivates employees. It’s code for work harder. If they’re already working hard, they think,

“The more I give the more they want. I’m giving less.”

“Do more with less,” disengages and demotivates those giving most.

Those hurt most by, “Do more with less,”
are the ones doing most.

Alternatives to, “Do more with less,” include …

Asking:

1. How does management hinder you? Managers and leaders don’t ask this because they don’t want to know. Perhaps, that’s central to the problem of poor performance?
2. What’s important today? If the answer centers on tasks rather than mission, everyone missed the point. Mission connects people. Tasks isolate; they’re often completed alone.
3. How could you be better equipped to do what’s important?
4. How can we end meaningless activities that steal your time?
5. Who on our team loves doing what you hate?
6. How can we prevent interruptions? Research consistently shows the value of spending blocks of time focused on priority tasks. Multitasking doesn’t work.
7. When someone supports you, what are they doing?

Giving:

1. Attention to suggestions. Say, “Let’s try that,” instead of, “We can’t.” This point follows the seven questions listed above.
2. More clarity on the big picture and less instruction on how to get there.
3. Daily feedback.
4. Praise, honor, and recognition.

Don’t lower standards – raise support.

If you expect more from people, pour more into them.

How can leaders stop hindering performance?

What increases your performance?

This week’s best opportunity for leadership development is the FREE conference call this Wednesday at 1 p.m. EST.

The Three Conversations that Follow Feedback

Three conversations follow negative feedback; excuse, denial, and/or tell-me-more.

Excuse-conversations blame. Everyone who says, “It’s not my fault,” subtly or directly says, “I’m not responsible for my negative behavior, they are.”

Excuses are the reason:

1. You feel good about you and bad toward others.
2. Frustration continues.
3. Growth stops.
4. Efficiency and effectiveness plummet.

Explore excuses don’t answer them. Then ask, “Which of their behaviors justify your attitudes and actions?

Mary may say, “I stopped communicating with Bob because he twisted my words.” Address substantive issues quickly, directly, and with everyone’s best interests in mind.

Never bring up what you aren’t prepared to address.

Denial-conversations reject feedback. “Thanks for the feedback but you’re wrong. I don’t do that.” Address denial with gentle authority.

Rather than explore denial, simply explain detrimental behaviors and their consequences. Call for and illustrate new behaviors you expect to see. Say, “When this happens I’d like you to …” Deal with denial another day.

Tell-me-more-conversations explore and address behavior not motivation. “I didn’t mean to,” is assumed. Motivation only matters when negative behaviors are intentional.

“Why did you do that?” is like asking Billy why he hit his sister, when there’s no legitimate reason for hitting her, in the first place. First ask, “What did you do?” Or, “What were you trying to accomplish?”

Consequences apply to malicious behavior. Feedback applies to weaknesses, inconsistencies, neglect, ignorance, or lack of skill.

Wake up call: Neglect may be the reason negative feedback is necessary. Did you:

1. Assign the “wrong” person. “Right” people have aptitudes and abilities appropriate to assignments.
2. Fail to adequately define outcomes.
3. Provide adequate resources.
4. Neglect timelines.
5. Disregard training.

Feedback goals include:

1. Heightened fulfillment.
2. Confidence to embrace new behaviors.
3. Enhanced effectiveness.
4. Increases efficiency.
5. Career development.
6. Meaningful relationships.
7. ???

Bonus: Next steps are usually enough. Perfect solutions don’t exist.

What types of conversations typically follow your negative feedback sessions?

How do you use negative feedback to achieve positive results?

Popping the Self-Delusion Bubble

I woke up this morning disturbed at the subtlety of self-delusion. The trouble with delusion is illusion.

What do you call someone who believes they’re:

1. Supportive but demanding, instead.
2. Humble but in reality, arrogant.
3. Listening when they’re talking.
4. Able to do everything “right” while others fall short.
5. Informed when they don’t know.

You call them deluded leaders.

Deluded leaders falsely believe intentions automatically translate into behaviors. You intend to be supportive so you must be supportive, right?

Deluded leaders believe they’ve mastered the things they tell others to do. Consider the pursuit of excellence, for example. Are you always improving the work of others but doing things the same, yourself?

On excellence

How do you respond to:

1. Suggestions about your behavior?
2. Criticism about the way you handle tough conversations?
3. Improvements suggested by underlings that impact you personally?

Excellence is the gradual result of always striving for better. Can you name one thing you’re striving to improve in your leadership? Can you name three things you’re doing to improve it? Do those under you know and participate? Or, are you deceived by intention.

You pursue excellence for others but not for yourself. The discomfort others feel in telling you the truth says you aren’t approachable. When was the last time you invited someone to speak into your frailties?

Get real

Leaders serve.

You’re not special, better than, or more important. Thinking you are deludes you.

1. Conform to them rather than demanding they conform to you.
2. Focus on them; stop expecting them to focus on you.
3. Their success is your success.
4. Fuel their passions not yours.
5. Serve them; they don’t serve you.

Leaders who don’t serve rely on authority and coercion. They pressure rather than enable. Saying and telling aren’t serving.

I don’t know how you feel. But, I feel better. I needed that reminder and I bet you did, too.

How can leaders address the self-delusion issue?

10 Stunning Benefits of Failure

Success teaches repetition. Do more of the same because more of the same produces more of the same.

In changing times more of the same is deadly.

Success teaches confidence. Without confidence progress stalls, second-guessing prevails, the status quo persists. On the down side, success inflates confidence.

Bill Gates said, “Success is a lousy teacher.
It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”

Danger:

Too much confidence spawns failure. The vulnerabilities of over-confidence include:

1. Failure to explore root causes of success.
2. Resistance to evaluation.
3. Feelings of invincibility.
4. Closed ears.

Opportunity:

Failure humbles some and angers others. Humble leaders:

1. Ask what caused failure. Exploring failure is the most useful result of failure.
2. Know they don’t know. Not knowing is the first step to knowing.
3. Adapt. Stubborn resistance to adapting reveals arrogance.
4. Know limitations.
5. Acknowledge weaknesses to themselves and others. Transparency marks humble leaders.
6. Seek advice and welcome feedback from all quarters.
7. Welcome help. High potentials don’t say, “I can do it on my own.”
8. Give credit.
9. Respect skill in others.
10. Honor teams rather than steal credit.

Bonus: Display compassion even during the rigorous pursuit of excellence.

High Potentials:

Watch team members respond to failure, frustration, and falling short. Continue stretching the humble and coaching the angry. Elevate the humble.

Work with the arrogant. If they refuse to grow, eliminate them. Humility builds. Arrogance destroys.

It’s a tough call because confidence is essential to success. But over-confidence, eventually fails. The ten responses to failure help identify high-potentials.

What benefits have failure produced in your life?

How do you identify high potential employees?

10 Marks of Learn-it-all Leaders

There’s little hope for know-it-all leaders. Too many leaders flap their tongues while their ears nap and their brains slumber.

When was the last time you asked, “Tell me what you think?” Perhaps, by the time you’re done telling what you think, there’s no time for asking what they think.

Your open mouth closes the mouths of others.

Self-development is pivotal to leadership success. Developing you develops your organization. I’m not talking about lazy indulgence; sitting under a tree and finding yourself. I’m talking about lifelong learning that enhances leadership.

Know-it-alls talk. Learn-it-alls listen.

Learn-it-all leaders:

1. *Judge slowly.
2. Live transparently.
3. Question aggressively.
4. Listen confidently.
5. Succeed gracefully.
6. Fail humbly.
7. Follow willingly.
8. Reject stagnation. Learn-it-alls passionately pursue point “B.” Point “A” is a pit stop not a destination.
9. Welcome in rather than push away.
10. Embrace old values and pursue new methods.

*Judging slowly:

1. Provides time.
2. Enables exploration rather than validation.
3. Give courage to others.

Judge slowly by:

1. Embracing “and.”
2. Withholding “but.”
3. Uncovering new thoughts rather than validating old.
4. Holding divergent ideas at the same time.
5. Smiling in silence.

How would you explain and develop one of the ten learn-it-all qualities?

Overcoming the 7 Deadly Results of Meddling

Passion for excellence, demand to meet numbers, slow progress, and fierce competition drive managers to step in and “help.”

Never help without asking, it’s meddling.

Ask first; ask often.

Don’t reserve, “How can I help?” for short-fall situations. It sends a message. They aren’t cutting the mustard.

Build supportive cultures by asking, “How can I help?” first and frequently. Ask when things are great.

Avoid, “Do you need help?”

“Do you need help?” is a yes or no question suggesting failure, distress, or weakness. “How can I help?” implies good will and collaboration.

What if they don’t know?

It’s your fault if they need help and don’t know it? Goals are fuzzy, deliverables are distant and obscure, feedback is rare, or reporting is sporadic. Clarify expectations up front. Ask, “How is your project going?” more often. Meddlers unexpectedly intervene in the middle.

Don’t meddle in the middle; help along the way.

Address a foggy middle with collaborative conversations. Clarify goals and outcomes. Set dates for progress reports. Ask, “How can I help.”

Meddling:

1. Insults.
2. De-motivates.
3. Suggests disappointment.
4. Controls and frustrates.
5. Begins with your frustration and creates frustration in others.
6. Ends thought. They say, “ OK, what do you want to do?”
7. Weakens relationships.

Helping:

1. Energizes.
2. Instills confidence.
3. Releases and frees.
4. Ends frustration.
5. Invites creativity.
6. Strengthens connections.
7. Affirms others and equalizes social status.

Today’s challenge: Ask, “How can I help?” twice before lunch and twice after lunch.

Thanks to the former CEO of Campbell’s Soup, Doug Conant, for his passionate, “How can I help?” approach to leadership. It helps me.

Great insights from my Facebook family: Helping becomes meddling when ______.

How does meddling make you or others feel?

What does healthy helping look like from your perspective?

Finding Focus: 12 Leadership Focal Points

Ever end the day worn out but wondering what you accomplished. Coach Wooden warned, “Never confuse activity with achievement.”

Life without focus is wasted.

Worse yet, wrong focus guarantees wrong results.

Don’t focus on:

1. Distant dreams.
2. What you don’t want.
3. Problems.
4. Failure.
5. Fear.
6. Excuses.
7. Obstacles. “I don’t focus on what I’m up against. I focus on my goals and I try to ignore the rest.” Venus Williams
8. Activity.

Achievement requires focus.

Focal points for leaders:

1. Developing talent, both yours and theirs. The number one priority of all leaders is self-development. That’s wise not selfish.
2. Emotional environments. How do people feel at work? How do you make them feel?
3. Creating clarity and simplicity.
4. What you do for them, not what they do for you.
5. Focusing the strengths of others.
6. “Relationship before opportunity.” Jeremie Kubicec
7. High impact behaviors and activities.
8. Activities that enhance energy.
9. What you want. “The key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire not things we fear.” Brian Tracy
10. Progress.
11. Next steps.
12. Solutions. “Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.” Denis Waitley

Bonus: Giving and receiving feedback.

4 ways to create focus:

1. Deadlines end dabbling. Set a timer for 12 minutes and focus on one thing.
2. Use interruptions to clarify priorities and create next steps. (Thanks Doug Conant)
3. Eliminate low priority activities.
4. Complete a few easy tasks and use the energy to tackle something hard. Warning, too many easy tasks drain energy.

Added resource:

There are nearly 70 comments related to focus on my Facebook page as of 11/28/12.

Which of the 12 focal point should leaders focus on?

How do you find focus?

Recollections of an Empty Cup

It’s the one year anniversary of my accident. I remember rehab.

There’s pain, discouragement, and negativity in every hospital. Alongside darkness, you’ll find hope and healing in the people who work there.

I watched them come to work like most do, kind of blah. But, somewhere between their first cup of coffee and seeing me, they embraced their “calling to serve.” It’s a selfless, breathtaking transformation.

Someone wheeled me to the kitchen where physical therapy patients ate breakfast together. I watched PT and OT professionals graciously make eggs to order, even though food services had provided breakfast. Discouraged patients often complained rather than thanked.

I saw them grumbled at and puked on. I saw one brain-damaged patient aggressively push a therapist against the wall.

Ungratefulness:

Our own pain prevents gratitude. Lack turns to bitterness.

If not pain, competence constricts and arrogance chokes gratitude. We withhold gratitude when our skills excel theirs and they should do better. We aren’t grateful when their devotion falls below ours; we’re better. Their lack stifles our gratitude.

Gratefulness:

1. Finds good, even when things are bad.
2. Appreciates service.
3. Honors those who demonstrate noble values.
4. Celebrates progress.

Expression:

I told the staff they were remarkable. I thanked them as they served. I was an empty cup. I gave them what I had, words.

Small things matter more when big isn’t possible.

When you can’t do something, say something. You are never helpless even when all you do is receive. Empty cups offer attention, appreciation, respect, and honor.

Lessons from rehab:

1. Feeling powerless is a decision.
2. Power is perception. Believe your words matter.
3. Affirm more. Could you affirm more and correct less?

A favorite post written three weeks after the accident, Dec. 10, 2011: The Hidden Power of Weakness.

The original “Gifts From Empty Cups,” written Dec. 13, 2011.

What if you pretended you were an empty cup? How might it impact what you see and say, today?