The Surprising Path to the Top

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Top tier leaders develop their leadership; bottom tier leaders don’t. Lousy leaders don’t develop their leadership.

Those who need it most – want it least.
Those who need it least – want it most.

Simple test:

Ask yourself, “What am I doing to develop my leadership?” Lousy leaders don’t have an answer.

Number one:

I talked with Marshall Goldsmith, yesterday. Harvard Business Review named him the number one leadership thinker in the world. Marshall said the best always strive to be better.

Surprising path to number one:

Marshall said I always learn more from the people I coach than they learn from me. He’s not minimizing his value. It helps that he only works with top leaders of top organizations in the world.

Grow your leadership by growing others.

Help yourself by helping others. Teachers learn more than students.

The surprising path to the top is helping others to the top.

Unselfishly develop yourself by unselfishly developing others.

Tip:

Know less. Even if you think you know, listen and learn.

In and out:

People ask me how I come up with a leadership post six or seven times a week. I always answer the same way. I’m putting more in my cup than I’m taking out. A conversation with Marshall Goldsmith is one example.

Keep filling and pouring out of your cup.

Writing Leadership Freak is part of my leadership development. You think I do it for others and that’s true. I also do it for me. What I take in, I give out.

Tool:

Here’s a tool to help you develop others and yourself: “Managers as Mentors,” by Chip Bell and Marshall Goldsmith.

How are you developing your leadership?

Why Teams Fight and What to Do About It

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Nothing is more frustrating, from a leadership point of view, than a group of individuals circling each other like vultures. Team conflict wastes time, energy, and resources.

Incompetent leaders have teams who turn on each other.

Focus:

Lack of focus invites conflict. Teams who don’t know what’s important can’t focus. Leaders focus teams by showing them what’s important, now. Focus taps creativity, generates energy, and fires urgency.

Personal agendas:

Everyone knows Mary wants her way because it makes her look good. She cares more for her career than the team’s success. Immature people think only of themselves. Mature managers manage for the benefit of others.

People, who need control or credit,
fight to get it and refuse to give it.

It’s time for a tough conversation. Reform or remove her. If you can’t remove her, make her insignificant to the team.

Naughty or nice:

Teams flounder when they don’t know how to fight nice. Advocating for ideas isn’t naughty until it becomes personal.

Naughty fighting focuses on people.
Nice fighting focuses on issues.

Naughty fighting is filled with “you.” But, blame and accusation never solve problems.

Past tense conversations never create the future.

Fit:

Those who don’t fit, fight. Give team leaders a voice in forming the team.

Team formation establishes team potential.

High performers, who don’t fit, ruin teams. Creating fit:

1. Identify purpose. Why are we here? Know who you are before identifying those who fit.
2. Authorize teams to choose new members.
3. Interview for team positions like you interview for new hires.
4. Establish your code of conduct. How will you treat each other?

Will we interrupt each other during discussions?
What happens if someone is late or doesn’t follow through?
Will we have fun or be serious?
How will we solve disagreements?
What does candor look like?

Why do teams fight with each other?

How can leaders deal with conflict in the team?

Where Passion Comes From

Passion is longing to be what you could be, but aren’t.

Passion for leadership is the combination of falling below your imagined leadership potential and longing for exceptional leadership – at the same time.

The gap between longing and attainment is passion.

You:

ABC’s of finding your passion:

1. Accept disappointing performance. You read leadership books, blogs, and articles because you long to be better. You aren’t there yet. Pain gives birth of passion.
2. Believe improvement is possible and worthwhile. Hope makes you bold.
3. Create a Picture of the preferred future. Think about ultimate goals not the process. You aren’t sure how to get there. But, when you close your eyes and dream, you see the end.
4. Deliberate steps – action. The whole path is never clear but a step is always possible.

Others:

People fuel our passion when they make us feel we matter.

Recently, people fueled my passion, again. It happened during a presentation to a group of Human Resource professionals.

I paced the back of the room like a caged animal while announcements were made. A participant came back and said, “Can I do anything to make you more comfortable?” I’m not sure if my pacing invited the question but it made me feel I mattered.

A participant asked me to sign their program. I felt awkward and didn’t respond well. “Really?” I said. I regret saying that. After reflection, it makes me feel I matter.

About half-way through my presentation, someone asked, “What’s the future for you, Dan?” That wasn’t the topic. I almost brushed it off. Instead I gave a short reply and moved on. It made me feel I mattered.

Leaders make others feel they matter.
Any fool can make others feel they don’t matter.

Passion – the courage to act on dreams – comes from within and without.

How are you making people feel they matter?

Where does your passion come from?

How to Bring Out the Best

Bringing out your best is child’s play compared to bringing out their best.

Leaders who bring out the best in others make courage possible. Nothing meaningful happens without courage.

Encourage courage.

Everyone is still unlearning the necessary fear parents taught us. Leaders have the courage to develop courage in others.

Who before what:

Bringing out the best in others begins with “who” not “what.” Know who you’re dealing with, before thinking about what you want them to do. Are they…

Deep or shallow:

Some respond well to being thrown into the deep end. Throw them in. Others prefer the shallow end. They prefer to learn courage gradually.

In either case, successful leaders grow the courage muscles of others.

History:

Bring out the best in others by knowing their past. The past directs the future.

1. How did they responded to new assignments?
2. What have they learned from failure?
3. What motivated them in the past?
4. Who did they mesh with?
5. Who rubbed them the wrong way?

Heart:

Bring out the best by knowing their heart. What are their values and aspirations. Are they working for advancement, for example.

You know what makes you tick.
Leaders know what makes them tick.

How can leaders bring out the best in others?

Facing Reluctance

Don’t waste yourself. You can – you must – lead.

Every connection, challenge, problem, pain-point, opportunity, or exchange, opens doors to leadership – to make things better.

Reject:

1. Embarrassment with your desire to make things better.
2. Waiting for titles or position. Leadership isn’t a title.
3. Beat-down from do-nothing detractors.
4. Traditional command and control leadership.

Every time you stifle your longing to matter,
you lose a piece of yourself.

Terminology:

Are you uncomfortable with the terms leader and leadership? Redefine them. Leadership is:

1. Influencing. Ask, “What’s important?”
2. Seeking a step toward better. Ask, “What’s next?”
3. Bringing value to others. Ask, “How can I help?”
4. Solving problems with others. Ask, “Can we fix this?”
5. Bringing yourself to challenges and opportunities. Ask, “What can I bring?”

If you can’t say, “I’m a leader,” say I’m an:

1. Influencer.
2. Collaborator.
3. Solution seeker.
4. Simplifier.
5. Liberator.
6. Next step taker.
7. Value adder.
8. Improver.

Don’t let others define you. Define yourself in terms of  your passion. Stop muffling your inner longing to make a difference.

8 tips for finding your leadership:

1. Give yourself permission. It’s always OK to do good.
2. Be you. If you like organizing, then organize, for example.
3. Help others know they matter. You matter most when you help others know they matter.
4. Step toward better.
5. Thank critics. “Thanks for telling me I can’t make a difference!” (sarcasm) Losers want you to lose too.
6. Tell a friend you want to step up.
7. Do something every week that develops you.
8. Bring others in. Leaders connect rather than retreat.

Following:

If everyone leads, who follows? Leading includes following, supporting, and enabling. Leading isn’t fighting for power and control. Great followers have hearts of leaders.

Listen to secret, stifled yearnings that whisper, “You matter.”  You’re surrounded by “ordinary” people who lead. Be one. Do something.

How can reluctant leaders find their leadership?

Hit it with the Simple Stick

Complexity makes confused leaders feel important when they should feel like failures.

“The business schools reward difficult complex behavior more than simple behavior, but simple behavior is more effective.” Warren Buffett

Rivers take long, complex routes to the ocean because they follow the easy path. The hard path is the straight one.

Rejection:

Simplicity is rejected because it seems unimportant, ineffective, even naïve. Simple feels common and easy, even though it’s rare and difficult.

Complexity is the path of least resistance;
simplicity the most.

Sources of complexity:

1. Resistance to simplify what’s already working.
2. Reluctance to kill something that might work.
3. Lack of resolve and attention to the value of simplicity.

Complexity reflects beginnings that never died, but should have.

Finding simplicity:

Simplicity is exclusive.

Complexity is inclusive.

Simplicity is the result of elimination.

Developing simplicity is taking away not adding to. Eliminating options is taking the straight path to the ocean.

First steps:

1. Find simplicity for yourself before imposing it on others. Eliminate nonessentials; expose essentials.
2. Make the pursuit of simplicity a leadership priority. Begin pursuing.
3. Constantly scan for complexity and attack it ferociously.

The Simple Stick:

The first time I read the expression, “Hit it with the ‘simple stick’,” was reading Ken Segall’s book, “Insanely Simple: The Obsession That Drives Apple’s Success.”

People often walked away from Steve Jobs having been hit with the Simple Stick. Segall believes the reason Apple is the most profitable business in the world is it’s obsession with simplicity.

The path to exceptional includes finding your “simple stick.”

*This post continues my reflections on my visit to the Chick-fil-A Leadercast.

Bonus: “Simple Isn’t Easy“

What are the sources of complexity?

What does the path to simplicity look like to you?

Jack Welch on the Cruelest Environments

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Jack Welch and candor come together.

It didn’t take long for the topic of candor to come up at the dinner I attended after the Chick-fil-A Leadercast. In his usual no-nonsense fashion, Jack said,

“If your employees don’t know where they stand, you have no right to call yourself a manager.”

Here’s what I’ve been thinking since dinner Friday night.

Sick, stressful environments include behaviors where:

1. Side-stepping and pretending is normal. Candor is taboo, even offensive.
2. Leaders “protect” others by massaging the message.
3. Confronting issues is rare.
4. Postponing, rather than addressing, is standard operating procedures.

Leaders who replace candor with hiding the truth become dishonest manipulators. They are either confused or self-absorbed or both.

Candor is kind; uncertainty is cruel.

Candor is kind because it generates clarity.

“Everyone wants to know where they stand.” Jack Welch

Dancing around feelings and ignoring issues:

1. Creates uncertainty.
2. Undermines credibility. You can’t trust leaders who don’t or won’t speak the truth.
3. Prolongs agony.
4. Encourages dishonesty.
5. Discourages excellence. When leaders avoid tough conversations, excellence doesn’t matter.

Dishonesty, in the name of “not hurting”
someone, hurts everyone.

Behind mediocrity is a tough conversation someone didn’t have.

Credible leaders speak with:

1. Courage.
2. Clarity.
3. Conviction.
4. Compassion. Give improvement a chance.
5. Optimism. (Another “c” would be perfect)

Credible leaders say what everyone already knows, but are afraid to say.

Kind candor:

1. Speak unvarnished truths. “Your angry outbursts frustrate your co-workers,” for example.
2. Reject excuses and blame – quickly, clearly, and firmly.
3. Develop clear pictures of “better” in terms of behaviors and outcomes.
4. Provide training, support, and resources.
5. Explain consequences.
6. Establish deadlines.

Kind candor stabilizes organizations, validates performance, lowers stress, enables excellence, and simplifies relationships.

See comments on cruelest leaders on Facebook (5-11-13).

What are the key success factors for developing candor in organizations?

12 Ways to Find Your Confidence

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Lack of confidence is the dirty secret in top leaders. Insecure leaders often cover insecurities with strutting. Cocky is compensation for lack of confidence.

Cocky is phony confidence.

Puffing up, putting down, posturing, excuse making, and negative comparisons express – lack of confidence – cockiness.

The need to feel superior means you aren’t.

Confidence vs. Cocky

1. Invites in – Pushes away.
2. Inspires – Insults.
3. Relaxed – Stressed.
4. One of – One above.
5. Lifts up – Pushes down.
6. Accepts – Rejects.
7. Releases – Controls.
8. Belonging – Alone.
9. Joy – Fear.
10. Transparent – Phony.

See: The difference between arrogance and confidence is _______, on Facebook. (Great insights from readers)

Reason:

Relational impact is the reason you care about cockiness.

Effective leaders connect. Cocky leaders disconnect, close doors, and shut out.

Confident leaders explore, learn, develop,
and grow in the context of community.

Finding confidence:

1. Reflect on and embrace your beliefs.
2. Reject cocky behaviors. When you feel like pushing others away, pull in, for example.
3. Focus on giving more than getting.
4. Accept your strengths and weaknesses.
5. Develop experience.
6. Adopt a learners attitude.
7. Admit mistakes without excuse and commit to improve.
8. Hold your ground, kindly.
9. Separate performance from intrinsic value.
10. Smile.
11. Plan. Develop first responses to unanticipated questions. Say, “I’m not sure of the answer, let me get back to you,” for example.
12. Share insecurities with friends. Bringing insecurities into the light often weakens them.

Bonus article: “10 Powerful Strategies to Build Your Confidence“

How can leaders find confidence?

15 Ways to Make Your Voice Matter

Pathetic talkers – talk after listeners check out. Blabbing leaders have something to say and it doesn’t matter that people in the room have turned to bored, lifeless manikins. They keep blabbing.

Talkative leaders talk long past
listener’s capacity.

Distracting talkers – tweak, guide, correct, add, and adjust ad infinitum ad nauseum. They unnecessarily prolong meetings with irritating jabber concerning insignificant issues, for example. Their drivel often begins with, “And don’t forget… or one more thing.” Gag me with a spoon.

The need to matter makes leaders talk more but matter less.

Please hit mute. (All exhausted followers are cheering right now!) When was the last time someone said, “Please talk at me more?”

But there’s more:

Your voice has power for evil or good.

Make your voice matter by talking about
what matters, when it matters.

Talk more when:

1. Listening occurred first. Listen with your ears and your heart. The more you need to say, the more you need to listen.
2. People need affirmation. You matter most when speaking to hearts not heads.
3. Talking connects you with others. Sharing your heart connects you.
4. Issues are dodged. Call out elephants. Say the tough stuff.
5. The top stifles the bottom. Confront authoritarianism. Free people.
6. “What” not “how” is on the table. Leaders who explain “how” are in the way.
7. You see the big picture and others don’t. (Inspired by a recent conversation with Peter Block.)
8. Blabbers keep blabbing. Interrupt! Please!
9. Urgency overshadows priority.
10. Direction wanders.
11. Values are violated.
12. Information is needed and you’re the one who has it.
13. Curiosity bubbles up. Talk to explore.
14. Confusion reigns. Beware; more talking usually creates more confusion.
15. You’re an introvert. The silence of introverts makes extroverts uneasy.

Bonus: Talk about others more than yourself.

From the other side: 10 Power Tips for Leaders who Talk TOO Much.

How can leaders make their voice matter?

When Celebrating Demotivates

Teams who don’t celebrate wins don’t appreciate gains, respect progress, or honor effort. But…

Teams who celebrate half-wins end up not winning at all.

I’m a huge fan of celebrating progress. But celebrate too soon, too frequently, or too much, and you end up not finishing.

Think how far you have to go - NOT
how far you’ve come – when projects are half done.

University of Chicago psychologists Minjung Koo and Ayelet Fishbach studied the impact of focusing on how far you’ve come (to-date thinking) versus how far you have to go (to-go thinking)?

To-go thinking motivates finishing.

“Great Finishers force themselves to stay focused on the goal, and never congratulate themselves on a job half-done.” Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson in HBR: How to Become a Great Finisher. I asked Dr. Halvorson about her observation and she told me the story of Mr. 85%.

“I sometimes tell this story about my husband because it drives me crazy – I call him “Mr. 85%” because that’s about how much he does of any project around the house before he stops, pats himself on the back for getting that far, and wanders off to do something else.  He is a little too pleased with himself for doing most of it, and he stops looking at the finish line.” (Shared with permission)

Application:

1. Encourage to-go thinking. The next time you pat someone on the back for progress toward an incomplete goal, end with, “What’s next, or, How long before you’re done.”
2. Ask, “How far do you have to go?”
3. Don’t ask, “How much is done?”
4. Define wins clearly so you know when to celebrate. Life is a journey but projects get done.
5. Celebrate done-jobs.

I love encouraging people for their progress. But, to-go thinking helps people finish strong.

How can leaders motivate teams when projects are half done?

I asked for input on to-date vs. to-go thinking on Facebook. (5/7/2013)

Dr. Halvorson is co-author of the new book, “Focus.”