Too Afraid to Matter

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Fear binds to the present.

Paralyzing fear pats you on the back when nothing changes.

Fear cheers for the status quo.

Fear says; don’t stand out because you’ll:

1. Look foolish.
2. Screw up. (You will)
3. Get in over your head.
4. Lose what you have.
5. Seem arrogant. Others aren’t standing out. What gives you the right to think you can?

Fear of loss and criticism prevents you from doing what matters.

How to matter most:

Forget and shift:

1. Forget about being in charge. Stop thinking leadership is authority, power, command and control. Shift to serving. Bring benefit. What’s the good thing you can do for others?
2. Forget about final results. Focus on the path forward. Meaningful results never happen all at once. How can you make a difference today?
3. Forget about one. Think two. An ancient proverb says, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor.” Everyone needs a “with.” Who can you stand with? Who can stand with you?
4. Forget about old guard leaders who are fear-driven, controlling, and self-protective. Pass them by. They need you to be like them.
5. Forget about fanfare and recognition. Do things quietly. Spotlights come later, if at all.

Bonus: Forget about permission.

Courage:

Above all, doing what matters takes courage.

Courage is taking action while thinking of reasons not to. 

Deep courage is bringing you to opportunities and challenges. People who matter, ask:

1. What does better look like?
2. How does my story apply to this challenge?
3. What can I do?
4. What can we do?

The path:

1. Start small.
2. Start now. Starting is the most important thing you’ll do today.
3. Start “with.”

Courage needs a next step; fear needs a guarantee.

How can people overcome paralyzing fear?

From Tantrums to Leadership

Image source by by Piotr Siedlecki

Weak, fearful leaders are like unrully two year olds. They create messes and throw tantrums. Undeveloped, incompetent leaders are “takers” who believe followers exist to serve them

Weak leaders take:

1. Control. All micro-managers are fearful.
2. Power. Weak leaders fill their need for power by dis-empowering others.
3. Energy. Immature leaders suck energy rather than give it.

Danger:

Six foot, two hundred pound, two year olds are dangerous, destructive, and deadly. Imagine a full grown adult kicking and screaming like an angry toddler. Scary!

Your inner two year old:

When you’re stressed, insecure or exhausted, you’re inner two year old screams to get out. He cries, “Pay attention to me.” Wise leaders listen to their needy, selfish, inner two year old.

Never ignore a screaming two year old.

Screaming two year olds have unmet needs. It’s not pretty but scream gets the job done.

Feeding:

Unfed two year olds get grumpy. Nurture the “little person” inside before the little brat destroys you and others. Never ignore an agitated inner two year old. 

Ignored needs grow.

Constant giving creates empty cups. Take care of you so you can take care of others.

Rockabye baby:

1. Turn off electronic devices.
2. Let go of something.
3. Share inner secrets with someone you trust.
4. Walk with a friend.
5. Hold hands. Better yet, hug.
6. Read a book for pleasure.
7. Do what you want to do.
8. Say, “No.”
9. Write an “I’m thankful for _____.” list.
10. Take a nap.
11. Pray.
12. Complete several small tasks.

Exhausted leaders are fearful leaders. Vince Lombardi said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” Re-energize you in order to energize them.

Recharge before you become totally dischared.

You aren’t the energizer bunny.

When do you know it’s time to re-charge?

How do you re-charge your batteries?

 

Top Ten Qualities of Exceptional Leaders

Fitting in is the formula for mediocrity. Average is safe, boring, and deadly.

I’ve been rubbing elbows with outstanding leaders from organizations on the Great Place to Work list of exceptional companies. Excellence electrifies the air at their annual conference.

Outstanding leaders live by bold principles.

Exceptional leaders courageously declare themselves.

I’m hearing things like:

• Values driven employees solve problems without direction from management.
• Take better care of your employees than anyone else.
• Love builds better companies than fear.
• One great person is more productive than three good people.
• Let people pick their own colleagues. We love group interviews. (In regard to the hiring process)
• We interview prospective employees six or seven times. Many quit before the process is done.
• We have 7,000 employees and don’t have an HR department.
• The stronger the culture the more open you can become.
• Anonymity breeds irresponsibility. (On giving anonymous feedback)
• CEO’s drive organizational culture. (More so in smaller organizations)

Exceptional leaders:

1. Courageously declare themselves.
2. Embrace bold principles.
3. Live authentically.
4. Pursue exceptional.
5. Expect others to rise to challenges.
6. Practice rigorous accountability.
7. Don’t make exceptions for themselves.
8. Believe in uncomfortable transparency.
9. Love their organizations.
10. Put people first.

An observation:

Some organizations reward fitting in and punish standing out. Exceptional leaders, on the other hand, make fitting in dangerous.

You can’t fit in if you plan to stand out.

Follow Great Place to Work on Twitter: @GPTW_US (Highly recommended)

List: 100 Best Companies to Work For

What qualities do you see in exceptional leaders?

What bold principles guide your leadership?

The Worst Leadership Tragedy

The worst leadership tragedy is *pissing away your potential.

Stop insulting your Maker, degrading yourself, and disrespecting the people around you by wasting inborn aptitudes and abilities.

Neglect and negativity never achieve results.

If I traveled back in time and met the young Leadership Freak, I’d say, “Danny, your first responsibility is developing your leadership. You matter more than you think. But, you won’t matter much if you’re careless about developing your leadership.”

You won’t change the world if you neglect your development.

Fools and losers believe races are won apart from rigorous preparation. Development propels your leadership through barriers into greater effectiveness and impact.

The leader’s first responsibility is
developing their ability to serve.

Life and leadership radically changed when I got serious about developing my leadership. Here’s a suggestion for you…

Lunch:

Take yourself and a notebook to lunch once a month and ask yourself probing questions.

1. What is the message of repetitive frustrations? Frustrations are gifts that reveal development opportunities.
2. What new connection should I develop? Dr. Henry Cloud, author of, “Boundaries for Leaders,” said, “We develop in the context of relationship.”
3. Is life’s trajectory upward or downward?
4. What anxiety-points am I facing? Growth includes pushing through anxiety.
5. How am I different since “our” last lunch? (“Better,” is not an answer. Get specific.)
6. How would I like to be different next month?
7. What steps behaviors produce my preferred future?

Bonus question: What would I say to me, if I was sitting across the table from myself?

Schedule a series of lunches with yourself and don’t break those appointments.

*Any word in the King James Bible is acceptable for print. 1Samuel 25:22

What questions would you ask yourself at your leadership lunch?

Bringing Hands-Off and Hands-On Together

I lead with a hands-on type leader.  I’m a hands-off.  He’s a, “get things done type,” I’m a, “go with it type.” I thrive in ambiguity; too much frustrates him.

The other day, he said, “If we do it your way, nothing will happen.” We’ve been together so many years we can say things like that. I’ve been mulling it over.

Danger:

Too much hands-off creates feelings of abandonment. Too much hands-on becomes hand holding. In either case, expect de-motivation.

Bringing hands-on and hands-off together:

Development is more important to me than getting something done. I’m ok with slower if people are growing. My colleague says, “Let’s get something done.” Here are some questions we can ask:

1. Is everyone clear on what needs to get done and when?
2. What are the consequences if this project takes longer than expected?
3. How important is stepping in?
4. Does hands-off motivate?
5. Are developmental goals clear?
6. Have we been down this path before? Don’t go down the same path again.
7. Will hands-off result in development? How?
8. What feedback structures are in place?

Key:

Prep-work brings hands-on and hands-off together. Establish developmental and outcome expectations upfront. But, you can’t anticipate every contingency.

Establish feedback structures when assigning responsibilities.

1. How frequently will you ask for updates? Set dates.
2. What questions will you ask? Questions explain what matters.
3. Get feedback on the way you give feedback. Is this process useful?
4. Always explore and agree upon next steps and end results.
5. Frequently ask, “How can I help?” don’t wait for the official feedback appointments.

My colleague is interested in developing others and I’m interested in getting things done. But, we have different motivations. Different is rich and useful.

How do you balance hands-on and hands-off?

10 Marks of Learn-it-all Leaders

There’s little hope for know-it-all leaders. Too many leaders flap their tongues while their ears nap and their brains slumber.

When was the last time you asked, “Tell me what you think?” Perhaps, by the time you’re done telling what you think, there’s no time for asking what they think.

Your open mouth closes the mouths of others.

Self-development is pivotal to leadership success. Developing you develops your organization. I’m not talking about lazy indulgence; sitting under a tree and finding yourself. I’m talking about lifelong learning that enhances leadership.

Know-it-alls talk. Learn-it-alls listen.

Learn-it-all leaders:

1. *Judge slowly.
2. Live transparently.
3. Question aggressively.
4. Listen confidently.
5. Succeed gracefully.
6. Fail humbly.
7. Follow willingly.
8. Reject stagnation. Learn-it-alls passionately pursue point “B.” Point “A” is a pit stop not a destination.
9. Welcome in rather than push away.
10. Embrace old values and pursue new methods.

*Judging slowly:

1. Provides time.
2. Enables exploration rather than validation.
3. Give courage to others.

Judge slowly by:

1. Embracing “and.”
2. Withholding “but.”
3. Uncovering new thoughts rather than validating old.
4. Holding divergent ideas at the same time.
5. Smiling in silence.

How would you explain and develop one of the ten learn-it-all qualities?

Letting Go of the 12 Behaviors Holding You Back

12 Behaviors that always hold leaders back:

1. Avoiding. Avoiding is the path to mediocrity.
2. Copying others and losing you. Copying others is useful when it aligns with your strengths. When it doesn’t align, it creates stress, pressure, frustration, and failure.
3. Over thinking and under acting; stressing preparation over execution. Most organizations plan well and execute poorly.
4. Hiding from what you really think or feel. The need to please others causes you to lose yourself.
5. Asking “why” too much.
6. Not realizing success is making others successful.
7. Complaining – Blaming – Excuse making.
8. Withholding feedback.
9. Not asking for feedback. According to Kouzes and Posner the most neglected leadership behavior.
10. Doing too much.
11. Not resting.
12. Withholding honor, praise, and recognition.

Bonus: Neglecting self-reflection.

For more, see input on my Facebook page. The Leadership Freak Coffee Shop. Find: Leaders roadblock their own success ____.

8 Behaviors that propel leadership success:

1. When you don’t like something, say it to someone, but not everyone.
2. Ask “what” and “how” more than “why.” “What” and “how” are execution questions. “Why” questions often spiral into excuse-making. Substitute “what” for “why.”
3. Create and agree on high standards and deliverables, together, and hold everyone to them, especially yourself.
4. Be positive about the future even if the negative past drags you down.
5. Celebrate progress more than correcting mistakes. Never let passion for improvement make you a critical, negative, nitpicker.
6. Take action. Follow Tom Peter’s advice, “Just do something.”
7. Focus on next steps.
8. Know and understand team members.

Bonus illustration:

A leader said, “I don’t like pressuring people.” I asked, “What do you like?” He said, “I want people to enjoy what they do.”

Eventually, he decided to say, “I want you to enjoy what you do,” and avoid creating escape hatches like, “I don’t want to pressure you.”

Which negative behavior is most damaging and why?

What positive behaviors best propel leadership success and how?

The 8 Strengths of Humility

I asked G.J. Hart, when he was CEO of Texas Roadhouse, if he could spot emerging leaders. He didn’t rule out talent, education, or leadership presence, but he replied, “I can usually tell if they have the humility to make it.”

Hart’s statement so deeply impacted me that I wrote about humility in, “The Character Based Leader.”

Humble leaders are stronger than arrogant leaders.

Humble strength vs. arrogant weakness:

1. Humility learns; arrogance knows.
2. Humble leaders submit to noble values; they won’t bend. Arrogant leaders bend rules to their advantage.
3. Humility listens; arrogance talks.
4. Humble leaders serve others; arrogant leaders serve themselves.
5. Humble leaders are free to build up others. Arrogant leaders build up themselves.
6. Humility opens hearts; arrogance builds walls.
7. Humility joins; arrogance stands aloof.
8. Humble leaders connect; arrogant leaders disconnect.

Humility enables leaders to ask, “How can I help?”

Thanks to Kristi Neises on The Leadership Coffee Shop for reminding me of this C.S. Lewis quote:

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself
but thinking of yourself less.”

Necessity:

Leadership skills are important for leadership success but humility is necessary. I’ll take a less skilled humble leader over a more skilled arrogant leader every time.

Arrogant leaders might succeed but they’ll never be successful. Can you think of any leadership skill that isn’t more beautiful with humility?

The Path:

Leadership is first about character then about skills. Spend more time developing the practice of humility and less time working on leadership skills.

You can’t talk your way into humility; it’s always practiced.

See Facebook contributions: The Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

What strengths do you see in humility?

How does arrogance hinder or destroy leadership?

The Most Powerful Thing Experienced Leaders Do

Helping young leaders get started and grow is the most powerful thing experienced leaders do. Growing young leaders changes individuals and organizations. Helping young leaders get started creates a universe of potential and opportunity that never existed.

Leadership success is always about developing people.

I have great news. Helping young leaders get started and grow is easy.

Number one:

Believing in someone helps them begin and grow in their leadership journey. Shame on you if you aren’t engaged in believing in the potential of others!

Treasure anyone who believes in you.
Become someone who believes in others.

Number two:

Karin Hurt, Executive Director, Strategic Partners Channel at Verizon Wireless, says, “Help young leaders know who they are.” Karin tells young leaders:

1. Don’t label yourself too early. I hear labels when people say, “I’m not good at…”
2. Understand the true nature of leadership. Leaders don’t control people they release them by helping them want to do something.
3. Have confidence. In Karin’s experience confidence is a bigger challenge for young female leaders than males.

Four suggestions:

I asked Karin how she helps young leaders have confidence.

1. Get to know who they are. The act of getting to know them is the first step. Feeling known, understood, and accepted enables others to share their fears.
2. Talk about their fears. Talking may be all they need to find confidence.
3. Find opportunities where you know they can succeed. Create small wins.
4. Give stretch assignments after small wins.

Karin shared one of her most gratifying compliments. “You helped me figure out me.”

More suggestions from Facebook contributors:

1. Give them opportunities to make mistakes.
2. Teach them the value of transparent leadership.
3. Teach them meaningful ways to give back.

Read more suggestions from others on Facebook.

How can experienced leaders help young leaders get started and grow?

Fixing the Reason Vision Casting Flops

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Casting vision to hopeless people is like feeding cake to the dead. The greatest vision in the world is meaningless in the absence of hope.

It’s more important to build hope than it is to cast vision. Hope builds confidence. Confident people dare to act.

The Gift:

Fear rules where hope sleeps. Giving hope is the greatest gift leaders give.

Hope fuels first steps toward uncertain destinations. Hope enables letting go and pressing forward. Hopeful people persevere. Without hope, safety dominates our attitudes and controls our behaviors; the evil status quo wins.

Giving hope:

1. Servanthood empowers hope building. The moment others believe you are in it for yourself is the moment you drain their hope.
2. Consistency builds hope. Having favorites undermines hope. All the rules apply to all the people all the time.
3. Celebrating failure invigorates hope. When Jack Welch blew up a manufacturing plant (no one was injured), his boss’s boss asked, “What did we learn?” Additionally, Peter Mcintyre wisely said, “Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”
4. Clear performance metrics drive hope. Explain what you expect, clearly.
5. Belief in them makes them hopeful. Your doubts about their competencies and abilities drain their hope. Put people in roles where you believe they can succeed.
6. Feeling understood enriches hope. Few things are more powerful than feeling seen and appreciated by others.
7. Feeling like we fit in protects hope. Avoid negative comparisons.
8. Celebrating small wins affirms hope. Give complements without suggesting improvements.
9. Letting go while extending support drives hope. Trust people to perform. Be there to support.
10. Expressing passion brings vitality to hope. Determine the inner motivations of others and adapt.

More:

More than vision casting, instilling hope is the subtle secret to leadership success. Napoleon said, “A leader is a dealer in hope.”

How can leaders instill hope?

Which of these ideas seem most useful? Why?

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