No One Ever Told Me …

Image by David Thyberg

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You’ll never succeed until people listen to you.

Leadership is challenging because most people aren’t good listeners - leadership requires listeners. Earnest Hemingway said, “Most people never listen.” If they never listen, they can never be led. Watch children playing and you’ll see that listening is rare – telling is common.

6 Excuses

A “good” excuse not to listen relieves responsibility – or at least it feels that way – and authorizes push back. I don’t listen if:

1. You don’t listen to me.
2. You don’t understand me.
3. You don’t understand my challenges and opportunities.
4. You stay aloof. You aren’t willing to get skin in the game.
5. You don’t want what’s best for me.
6. You suggest stupid ideas.

Gaining an audience:

The reasons we don’t listen well reveal paths to earning the right to be heard. Leaders flip excuses into motivations. For example, the positive of number two is, people listen when they feel understood.

Premature leadership:

Never try leading until you have listeners. If you’re asking, “Why aren’t people listening,” you aren’t leading. All leaders always need listeners.

Bonus tip:

Tough questions earn more listeners than tough statements. Ask about things others don’t dare.

How can leaders earn the right to be heard?

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10 Power Tips for Leaders who Talk too Much

All the interesting things you say, make you uninteresting to others. Few talkers enthrall listeners. Don’t think of yourself as one.

You know too much and have too much to say. Passion sets your tongue on fire. You can’t wait to create enthusiasm, solve problems, and share transformative insights.

In a busy world brevity matters.

Indicator:

You’ve talked too much when people move on after you’re done speaking; there’s no follow up or comeback. I’ve inspired the glazed-eye-look. Have you? Ouch!

10 Power Tips for Talkers:

1. Speak only as long as the other person spoke. Conversation equity is reached sooner than you think. This is true because you’re more interesting, for you. Stop talking sooner.
2. Think communication not talking. Talking isn’t communicating.
3. Avoid fire hoses when people want sips. Short simple questions call for short simple answers.
4. Keep background information to yourself. Don’t give the whole picture. Have you ever heard the whole story when all you wanted was chapter one? Ugh!
5. Clarify problems before giving solutions or explanations. If you don’t, you’ll end up solving the wrong problem.
6. Always ask questions before making suggestions, always.
7. Invite more conversations by emphasizing what you ask and minimizing what you say.
8. Fall in love with silence. Just let it hang there for a bit. The need to fill silence indicates a self-centered focus.
9. Give short answers and ask if you answered their question. You can always say more but you can never take back.
10. Wait for people to invite you to say more. Scary isn’t it?

Bonus: Stop interrupting.

Stop talking before others stop listening. The less you say the more interesting and inviting you become.

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What talking tips can you add?

When is it appropriate to capitalize a conversation?

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Subscribe to Leadership Freak today. It’s free, practical, and brief. The subscribe button is in the upper right of the home page. I’ll never sell your email address, promise.