I Hate Manipulators

The issue isn’t what you want. All leaders want the same thing, results. You can’t lead until you define desired results.

Results drive everything leaders do.

In the tension between getting results and building relationships, results take priority. Results are the goal. Relationships are the method.

Once you determine results, focus on relationships.

Relationships produce results.

Awkward:

Relationships seem manipulative if results are the goal.

I hate being around people who are always looking for an angle. I find them small and offensive. I smell their stink within the first few sentences out of their mouths. When my “manipulator radar” goes off, my guard goes up. Manipulators:

1. Size you up.
2. Ask, “What’s in it for me.”
3. Hide true intentions.

I feel like I have to protect myself from manipulators.

Balancing results and relationship:

1. Be transparent. Declare yourself and see if they reciprocate. Relationships include reciprocity.
2. “It’s just business,” is an excuse to violate a relationship. Never say it. Never believe it.
3. Embrace the genius of “and.” Develop relationships and pursue results.

I want to build relationships with those around me for two reasons. First, I genuinely want to know people. But there’s something more. I want to know you so I can enhance results. If I know you I can:

1. Help you leverage your strengths.
2. Find ways for you to connect and fit in.
3. Give my talents, skills, and perspective to you in ways that make sense to you.

The line between manipulation and relationship is intention.

Manipulators seek their own best interests while pretending they seek yours. Your success threatens them. Relationship based leaders seek your best interests. Your success invigorates them.

Relationship based leaders aggressively seek results and sincerely build relationships.

How do you balance the tension between relationship and results?

Next week’s best free opportunity to develop your leadership is a FREE – Live conference call with bestselling author, Dr. Henry Cloud. Dr. Henry Cloud: Set Boundaries – Extend Results, on April 3 at 1:00 p.m. ET. INFO

The Secret to Defeating Manipulators

Don’t get played.

Cowards, manipulators, and backstabbers encourage you to take risks so they don’t have to. They posture in shadows. Let others get dirty. They step into the light when it’s safe.

Leading requires risk-taking. Don’t lead if you can’t take responsibility. Backstabbers and players, on the other hand, manipulate leaders. They want benefit while others take risks.

Players and manipulators always drive toward self-interest, secretly. Even when making others look bad, its to strengthen their own position.

Exposing manipulative players:

Ask ten questions to see if you’re being played.

1. Are you being asked to keep secrets?
2. Is someone creating paranoia and weakening relationships?
3. Has someone whispered negative information about another in your ear?
4. Who’s in the loop? Who’s left out?
5. Whose life gets easier? Whose gets harder?
6. Why is it important for you to take the lead, rather than someone else?
7. Who looks good if it works?
8. Who takes the fall if it fails?
9. How is the team impacted?
10. Are you functioning within organizational values?

Bonus: Who’s doing the work? Manipulators maneuver others into doing most of the work.

Defeating manipulative players:

All organizations have players and backstabbers who place self-interest ahead of all other interests. They thrive in silence and secrecy.

Silence implies permission.

Secrets strengthen manipulators.

Openness and transparency defeat manipulative players. Don’t attack them. Don’t play their games. Open the shades. Turn on the lights. Watch them fall in line or scurry like cockroaches.

Performance wins when everything’s on the table.

Transparency defeats manipulators.

When you smell the stench of manipulation, invite all stakeholders to a meeting that spells out all deliverables, responsibilities, deadlines, and communication channels. Don’t waste time attacking manipulators. It’s a distraction. Create high performance cultures with transparency.

How can leaders lessen the power of manipulators?