Why Teams Fight and What to Do About It

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Nothing is more frustrating, from a leadership point of view, than a group of individuals circling each other like vultures. Team conflict wastes time, energy, and resources.

Incompetent leaders have teams who turn on each other.

Focus:

Lack of focus invites conflict. Teams who don’t know what’s important can’t focus. Leaders focus teams by showing them what’s important, now. Focus taps creativity, generates energy, and fires urgency.

Personal agendas:

Everyone knows Mary wants her way because it makes her look good. She cares more for her career than the team’s success. Immature people think only of themselves. Mature managers manage for the benefit of others.

People, who need control or credit,
fight to get it and refuse to give it.

It’s time for a tough conversation. Reform or remove her. If you can’t remove her, make her insignificant to the team.

Naughty or nice:

Teams flounder when they don’t know how to fight nice. Advocating for ideas isn’t naughty until it becomes personal.

Naughty fighting focuses on people.
Nice fighting focuses on issues.

Naughty fighting is filled with “you.” But, blame and accusation never solve problems.

Past tense conversations never create the future.

Fit:

Those who don’t fit, fight. Give team leaders a voice in forming the team.

Team formation establishes team potential.

High performers, who don’t fit, ruin teams. Creating fit:

1. Identify purpose. Why are we here? Know who you are before identifying those who fit.
2. Authorize teams to choose new members.
3. Interview for team positions like you interview for new hires.
4. Establish your code of conduct. How will you treat each other?

Will we interrupt each other during discussions?
What happens if someone is late or doesn’t follow through?
Will we have fun or be serious?
How will we solve disagreements?
What does candor look like?

Why do teams fight with each other?

How can leaders deal with conflict in the team?

How to Bring Out the Best

Bringing out your best is child’s play compared to bringing out their best.

Leaders who bring out the best in others make courage possible. Nothing meaningful happens without courage.

Encourage courage.

Everyone is still unlearning the necessary fear parents taught us. Leaders have the courage to develop courage in others.

Who before what:

Bringing out the best in others begins with “who” not “what.” Know who you’re dealing with, before thinking about what you want them to do. Are they…

Deep or shallow:

Some respond well to being thrown into the deep end. Throw them in. Others prefer the shallow end. They prefer to learn courage gradually.

In either case, successful leaders grow the courage muscles of others.

History:

Bring out the best in others by knowing their past. The past directs the future.

1. How did they responded to new assignments?
2. What have they learned from failure?
3. What motivated them in the past?
4. Who did they mesh with?
5. Who rubbed them the wrong way?

Heart:

Bring out the best by knowing their heart. What are their values and aspirations. Are they working for advancement, for example.

You know what makes you tick.
Leaders know what makes them tick.

How can leaders bring out the best in others?

Hit it with the Simple Stick

Complexity makes confused leaders feel important when they should feel like failures.

“The business schools reward difficult complex behavior more than simple behavior, but simple behavior is more effective.” Warren Buffett

Rivers take long, complex routes to the ocean because they follow the easy path. The hard path is the straight one.

Rejection:

Simplicity is rejected because it seems unimportant, ineffective, even naïve. Simple feels common and easy, even though it’s rare and difficult.

Complexity is the path of least resistance;
simplicity the most.

Sources of complexity:

1. Resistance to simplify what’s already working.
2. Reluctance to kill something that might work.
3. Lack of resolve and attention to the value of simplicity.

Complexity reflects beginnings that never died, but should have.

Finding simplicity:

Simplicity is exclusive.

Complexity is inclusive.

Simplicity is the result of elimination.

Developing simplicity is taking away not adding to. Eliminating options is taking the straight path to the ocean.

First steps:

1. Find simplicity for yourself before imposing it on others. Eliminate nonessentials; expose essentials.
2. Make the pursuit of simplicity a leadership priority. Begin pursuing.
3. Constantly scan for complexity and attack it ferociously.

The Simple Stick:

The first time I read the expression, “Hit it with the ‘simple stick’,” was reading Ken Segall’s book, “Insanely Simple: The Obsession That Drives Apple’s Success.”

People often walked away from Steve Jobs having been hit with the Simple Stick. Segall believes the reason Apple is the most profitable business in the world is it’s obsession with simplicity.

The path to exceptional includes finding your “simple stick.”

*This post continues my reflections on my visit to the Chick-fil-A Leadercast.

Bonus: “Simple Isn’t Easy“

What are the sources of complexity?

What does the path to simplicity look like to you?

Jack Welch on the Cruelest Environments

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Jack Welch and candor come together.

It didn’t take long for the topic of candor to come up at the dinner I attended after the Chick-fil-A Leadercast. In his usual no-nonsense fashion, Jack said,

“If your employees don’t know where they stand, you have no right to call yourself a manager.”

Here’s what I’ve been thinking since dinner Friday night.

Sick, stressful environments include behaviors where:

1. Side-stepping and pretending is normal. Candor is taboo, even offensive.
2. Leaders “protect” others by massaging the message.
3. Confronting issues is rare.
4. Postponing, rather than addressing, is standard operating procedures.

Leaders who replace candor with hiding the truth become dishonest manipulators. They are either confused or self-absorbed or both.

Candor is kind; uncertainty is cruel.

Candor is kind because it generates clarity.

“Everyone wants to know where they stand.” Jack Welch

Dancing around feelings and ignoring issues:

1. Creates uncertainty.
2. Undermines credibility. You can’t trust leaders who don’t or won’t speak the truth.
3. Prolongs agony.
4. Encourages dishonesty.
5. Discourages excellence. When leaders avoid tough conversations, excellence doesn’t matter.

Dishonesty, in the name of “not hurting”
someone, hurts everyone.

Behind mediocrity is a tough conversation someone didn’t have.

Credible leaders speak with:

1. Courage.
2. Clarity.
3. Conviction.
4. Compassion. Give improvement a chance.
5. Optimism. (Another “c” would be perfect)

Credible leaders say what everyone already knows, but are afraid to say.

Kind candor:

1. Speak unvarnished truths. “Your angry outbursts frustrate your co-workers,” for example.
2. Reject excuses and blame – quickly, clearly, and firmly.
3. Develop clear pictures of “better” in terms of behaviors and outcomes.
4. Provide training, support, and resources.
5. Explain consequences.
6. Establish deadlines.

Kind candor stabilizes organizations, validates performance, lowers stress, enables excellence, and simplifies relationships.

See comments on cruelest leaders on Facebook (5-11-13).

What are the key success factors for developing candor in organizations?

Simple Isn’t Simple

Any fool can create complex.

Complexity leads to confusion.

Confusion leads to uncertainty.

Uncertainty produces cowardice.

Cowards never take meaningful action.

Simplicity:

Longfellow said, “… in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity.”

John Maxwell said, “The leaders job is reducing rather than adding to complexity.” (Chick-fil-A Leadercast 2013)

Lousy leaders confuse – exceptional leaders clarify.

All successful leaders clarify by creating simplicity.

Challenge:

The challenge with finding simplicity is it sounds simple and easy. But, John Maxwell rightly indicates the path to simplicity always encounters complexity. Cloudy and confused always precedes clear and simple. Expect it.

If you haven’t felt confusion, you haven’t found simplicity.

Out of the fog:

Courageously create confusion by pressing for clarity. It’s the only path to simplicity.

“I’m not sure,” always precedes, “That’s it!”

Andy Stanley said, “If you don’t know exactly what you’re doing, you’re going to have a hard time doing it.” (Chick-fil-A Leadercast 2013)

Make simplicity your day-to-day strategy. Complexity and it’s partner confusion are inevitable, apart from intervention.

Make simplicity your operational priority. Ask:

1. Can we explain this in common, understandable language?
2. What’s confusing?
3. How are we more clear? (Great after conversations) Don’t ask, “Are we more clear?” If you can’t explain it, you haven’t found it.
4. Have we included those closest to the action in this decision?
5. Where are we fearful? (Complexity and fear are bedfellows)
6. After meetings ask, “Where are the points of highest clarity?”
7. How are we creating strategic confusion – confusion that occurs on the path to simplicity?

Bonus: Ask obvious, simple questions like, “What are we doing?”

Simple project:

Andy Stanley said the best thing he did, when he was a young leader, was create one sentence job descriptions for himself and his team.

Write a simple – one sentence – job description that captures the essences of your job. Live that sentence everyday.

Note: Special thanks to the Chick-fil-A Leadercast team for inviting me to this years event.

How can you make simplicity your mantra?

What are the essential steps on the path to simplicity?

15 Ways to Make Your Voice Matter

Pathetic talkers – talk after listeners check out. Blabbing leaders have something to say and it doesn’t matter that people in the room have turned to bored, lifeless manikins. They keep blabbing.

Talkative leaders talk long past
listener’s capacity.

Distracting talkers – tweak, guide, correct, add, and adjust ad infinitum ad nauseum. They unnecessarily prolong meetings with irritating jabber concerning insignificant issues, for example. Their drivel often begins with, “And don’t forget… or one more thing.” Gag me with a spoon.

The need to matter makes leaders talk more but matter less.

Please hit mute. (All exhausted followers are cheering right now!) When was the last time someone said, “Please talk at me more?”

But there’s more:

Your voice has power for evil or good.

Make your voice matter by talking about
what matters, when it matters.

Talk more when:

1. Listening occurred first. Listen with your ears and your heart. The more you need to say, the more you need to listen.
2. People need affirmation. You matter most when speaking to hearts not heads.
3. Talking connects you with others. Sharing your heart connects you.
4. Issues are dodged. Call out elephants. Say the tough stuff.
5. The top stifles the bottom. Confront authoritarianism. Free people.
6. “What” not “how” is on the table. Leaders who explain “how” are in the way.
7. You see the big picture and others don’t. (Inspired by a recent conversation with Peter Block.)
8. Blabbers keep blabbing. Interrupt! Please!
9. Urgency overshadows priority.
10. Direction wanders.
11. Values are violated.
12. Information is needed and you’re the one who has it.
13. Curiosity bubbles up. Talk to explore.
14. Confusion reigns. Beware; more talking usually creates more confusion.
15. You’re an introvert. The silence of introverts makes extroverts uneasy.

Bonus: Talk about others more than yourself.

From the other side: 10 Power Tips for Leaders who Talk TOO Much.

How can leaders make their voice matter?

When Celebrating Demotivates

Teams who don’t celebrate wins don’t appreciate gains, respect progress, or honor effort. But…

Teams who celebrate half-wins end up not winning at all.

I’m a huge fan of celebrating progress. But celebrate too soon, too frequently, or too much, and you end up not finishing.

Think how far you have to go - NOT
how far you’ve come – when projects are half done.

University of Chicago psychologists Minjung Koo and Ayelet Fishbach studied the impact of focusing on how far you’ve come (to-date thinking) versus how far you have to go (to-go thinking)?

To-go thinking motivates finishing.

“Great Finishers force themselves to stay focused on the goal, and never congratulate themselves on a job half-done.” Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson in HBR: How to Become a Great Finisher. I asked Dr. Halvorson about her observation and she told me the story of Mr. 85%.

“I sometimes tell this story about my husband because it drives me crazy – I call him “Mr. 85%” because that’s about how much he does of any project around the house before he stops, pats himself on the back for getting that far, and wanders off to do something else.  He is a little too pleased with himself for doing most of it, and he stops looking at the finish line.” (Shared with permission)

Application:

1. Encourage to-go thinking. The next time you pat someone on the back for progress toward an incomplete goal, end with, “What’s next, or, How long before you’re done.”
2. Ask, “How far do you have to go?”
3. Don’t ask, “How much is done?”
4. Define wins clearly so you know when to celebrate. Life is a journey but projects get done.
5. Celebrate done-jobs.

I love encouraging people for their progress. But, to-go thinking helps people finish strong.

How can leaders motivate teams when projects are half done?

I asked for input on to-date vs. to-go thinking on Facebook. (5/7/2013)

Dr. Halvorson is co-author of the new book, “Focus.”

A To-Don’t NOT a To-Do

Even four year olds know that being helped isn’t always helpful. Over eager parents, who step in to “help,” often hear frustrated children say, “I’ll do it myself!”

Never help those who can help themselves.

You got up this morning thinking about things to-do. But, leaders think about things to-don’t. Helpfulness lifted you to leadership but the need to help hampers once you’re there.

The need to help may reflect an unhealthy need to be helpful.

Leaders who need to help are short-sighted unhelpful hindrances who need to feel important.

Step out; don’t step in.

Helping isn’t helpful when it weakens, creates dependencies, or takes responsibility from others.

Delay helping when:

1. Ownership is high. Stepping in undermines ownership.
2. Teams are motivated.
3. Delay shows respect. “I trust you.”
4. Acceptable progress is being achieved.
5. Long-term benefits outweigh short-term results.
6. You questions methods and processes, not outcomes.
7. Struggle strengthens.
8. Teams trust you. They know you have their best interests in mind.
9. Failure humbles.
10. Defeat creates learning moments.

Bonus: Stop helping if helping didn’t help last time.

The goal of helping is enabling, not more helping.

Real help takes people to places where they don’t need help. Sometimes, not helping is helpful.

Help when:

1. Teams need an extra hand because conditions changed.
2. Relationships break down. Help the process.
3. Confusion persists. The great role of leaders is creating clarity.
4. Help “with” not “for.”
5. Helping develops skills.

Frustration:

Monitor frustrations. Acceptable levels of frustration intensify focus and motivate change. Don’t help.

Too much frustration generates relational conflict and paralyzes progress. Step in.

Tip:

Stay near; don’t isolate. Not helping isn’t an excuse to stay distant.

Back to the four year old. They’ll ask for help after they’ve tried, failed, and become frustrated. They respect you when you help after they’ve struggled. But, help before they struggle and they despise and reject you.

When is help, unhelpful?

How do you determine when to step in?

Connecting through Social Contracts

The thought of a thing is often more fulfilling than it’s reality. I wonder if that’s true of social contracts for organizations.

We talk about connecting, but what are we doing to create, deepen, and protect connections.

Talk is self-affirming gibberish without action.

Words or Actions:

Ask leaders if they believe in connecting and they’ll raise their eyes like you’re stupid.

But ask, “What are you doing to help people connect?” and they look stupid.

Stop babbling and create social contracts that define, deepen, and protect relationship within your organization.

How:

Invite everyone to participate in crafting a social contract. Don’t create it for people.

Engage people if you expect them to be engaged.

Develop an agreed upon social contract by addressing topics like:

1. How do you want to be treated by co-workers?
2. How do you want to treat co-workers?
3. Describe unacceptable relationship violations. (How do you not want to be treated?)
4. What is the goal of connecting with co-workers?
5. How can we help people connect?

Define your aspirations for relationship.

Rewards:

Describe rewards, recognition, and honor for outstanding success in upholding social contracts. Dinner out or leave work at noon on Friday, for example.

Violations:

Create agreed upon consequences for violations of your social contract. Focus on fun consequences like paying fines for minor offenses. Don’t wait for big stuff.

Practice:

Start meetings by asking, “Who have you seen upholding our social contract? What did they do?”

Review:

Review your social contract every six months to keep it fresh and top of mind.

Individual:

Build social contracts on an individual level if not organizationally, try addressing topics like:

1. What does support, respect, or encouragement look like to you?
2. I feel connected when…?
3. Our work relationship is strengthened when… (weakened when)
4. I commit to…

I’ve never seen or developed a social contract for an organization. Have you?

What are the pros and cons of developing social contracts? How would you develop and implement a social contract?

Addressing the Rotten-Apple-People Problem

Rotten apples – negative, destructive, self-absorbed, unethical employees – pollute organizations.

Furthermore, foul leaders inevitably build stagnant, foul organizations. Worse yet, passive leaders – those who tolerate rotten apples – create rotten environments by default.

Leaders who tolerate rotten apples are rotten themselves.

Facebook contributors discuss: “One bad apple spoils the whole bunch, true or false?” (5/3/13)

Spotting:

You don’t need a study to determine if your culture sucks.

1. People use blind copies in email.
2. Gossips win.
3. Territorial managers stake out and protect turf.
4. Leaders live in ivory towers.
5. Competition is about winners and losers not performance.
6. Getting by is the goal.
7. Smiles and laughs are rare.

Your culture sucks if people don’t love working in it.

Solving:

Organizational culture is simply the way you do things – how people treat each other. Yesterday, a Leadership Freak contributor suggested social contracts. KaPow!

Social contracts say you’re serious
about the way you do things.

Social contract:

We will:

1. Address issues in the smallest context possible. Dirty laundry is kept in the laundry room.
2. Expect you to connect with colleagues and teammates.
3. Take responsibility to improve things we don’t like.
4. Pursue the best interests of all parties, always.
5. Call you out if you let others down.
6. Speak candidly with compassion.
7. Forgive offenses that are acknowledged and addressed.

We won’t:

1. Say one thing to your face and another behind your back.
2. Tolerate posturing and puffing behaviors.
3. Lie, ever.
4. Blow up.
5. Hold grudges.
6. Have secret agendas.
7. Complain without bringing solutions.

Consequences:

Violating our social contract is grounds for warnings, corrective action, and dismissal, if necessary. You might be sent to our, “Be Nice,” class for social delinquents.

Enforcement:

Everyone is authorized to point out violations of social contracts, regardless of position or tenure.

More: Connecting Through Social Contracts.

What would you include in an organizational social contract?