Why Teams Fight and What to Do About It

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Nothing is more frustrating, from a leadership point of view, than a group of individuals circling each other like vultures. Team conflict wastes time, energy, and resources.

Incompetent leaders have teams who turn on each other.

Focus:

Lack of focus invites conflict. Teams who don’t know what’s important can’t focus. Leaders focus teams by showing them what’s important, now. Focus taps creativity, generates energy, and fires urgency.

Personal agendas:

Everyone knows Mary wants her way because it makes her look good. She cares more for her career than the team’s success. Immature people think only of themselves. Mature managers manage for the benefit of others.

People, who need control or credit,
fight to get it and refuse to give it.

It’s time for a tough conversation. Reform or remove her. If you can’t remove her, make her insignificant to the team.

Naughty or nice:

Teams flounder when they don’t know how to fight nice. Advocating for ideas isn’t naughty until it becomes personal.

Naughty fighting focuses on people.
Nice fighting focuses on issues.

Naughty fighting is filled with “you.” But, blame and accusation never solve problems.

Past tense conversations never create the future.

Fit:

Those who don’t fit, fight. Give team leaders a voice in forming the team.

Team formation establishes team potential.

High performers, who don’t fit, ruin teams. Creating fit:

1. Identify purpose. Why are we here? Know who you are before identifying those who fit.
2. Authorize teams to choose new members.
3. Interview for team positions like you interview for new hires.
4. Establish your code of conduct. How will you treat each other?

Will we interrupt each other during discussions?
What happens if someone is late or doesn’t follow through?
Will we have fun or be serious?
How will we solve disagreements?
What does candor look like?

Why do teams fight with each other?

How can leaders deal with conflict in the team?

Choosing Who NOT to Help

I thought leading was getting people on my team. But, leading is getting on their team; grabbing their oar. But whose boat and whose oar?

Whose boat:

Leaders can’t help those going in the “wrong” direction. By wrong, I don’t mean morally wrong. I mean wrong for the organization. Get out of boats going in the “wrong” direction or you’ll dilute your leadership and the effectiveness of your organization.

Focus your energies on boats
going in the “right” direction.

Every organization has people rowing in the wrong direction. Don’t ignore them. Work to align them. But:

Never neglect those rowing in the right direction
for those rowing in the wrong.

Harder than you think:

You work with anchors, critics, nay-sayers, detractors, or those with personal agendas. Ignoring them is challenging, perhaps perilous, especially if they have connections with top leadership. Stay connected. Jump in their boat and talk but don’t grab their oar.

Direction:

Choosing and clarifying organizational direction identifies the “right” boats and whose oar to grab. Effective leaders:

1. Clarify direction.
2. Align the boats within the organization.
3. Get on teams most aligned with organizational direction.
4. Hamper or eliminate teams who refuse to align.

Think of your organization as a collection of row boats. Your job is getting them rowing in the same direction.

Ask the people in your organization, “Where are we going?” If they can’t identify the destination, they’ll never get there.

You can’t talk about direction too much.

Honesty:

Grabbing an oar in someone else’s boat isn’t a dishonest ploy to trick them into getting on your team. Getting on their team fails if it’s not honest.

Permanent:

Leaders always grab oars in other people’s boats. Leadership always centers on others. There never comes a time when leadership centers you. Even when you take care of yourself, do it so you can take care of others.

Do the people around you believe you are on their team?

How do you determine whose oar to grab?

Overcome the Dangers of Office Politics

Unethical office politicians create perceived threats. They’ll suggest someone is out to get you. “Watch out for Joe!”

Vulnerability to unethical office politicians occurs when you wrongly believe they’re acting in your best interest. In reality, they’re working for themselves.

I’ll never forget a colleague saying how sorry they felt for our boss. “She thinks I’m her friend.” they said. In reality they were manipulating rather than supporting the boss. On another occasion, they said, “I can cut someone and they’ll bleed to death before they realize what happened.”

The genius of unethical office politicians is their ability to
make you think you’re acting for your benefit when you’re acting for theirs.

Defensiveness:

The goal of unethical office politicians is defensiveness on your part. Playing defense distracts from good offense. Rather than working to create new success, defensiveness causes you to protect current positions and past achievements.

It’s hard to move in positive directions when you’re in CYA (Cover Your Ass) mode. You spin your wheels while they get ahead.

Defensive postures:

1. Drain creativity.
2. Focus on threats.
3. Include self-justifying language.
4. Undermine others.

Ethical office politics:

Office politics is real; understanding and playing office politics ethically advances careers.

1. Align with real power structures; influence influencers. People with power may not have official authorization. Decision-making seldom follows organizational charts.
2. Avoid offending unofficial leaders.
3. Never violate a confidence.
4. Learn personal agendas.
5. Respect what colleague’s value.
6. Deliver the goods, most importantly. There’s no substitute for performance.
7. Always act with the best interest of the organization in mind.
8. Avoid unnecessary gamesmanship.

Bonus:

Highly political environments – cronyism, favoritism, manipulation – are never cured from the bottom up.

How can leaders navigate office politics?

What strategies have you seen office politicians use?

Help! My Boss is an Insecure Jerk

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If you haven’t worked for an insecure jerk, you will. Insecure jerks corrupt corporate culture and hamstring employees. They think first of personal agendas, divert focus, and instigate drama.

Change:

Don’t expect insecure jerks to change. Don’t attempt to change them. Accept and deal with them.

Threaten:

The worst thing you can do is threaten an insecure jerk; never do it. They’ll bite you like a caged animal. They are experts at backstabbing, undercutting, bullying, and belittling.

1. Don’t get sucked into their fears.
2. Focus on your work.
3. Don’t publicly outperform them.
4. Publicly and honestly honor their contributions.
5. Understand and address their fears but don’t condescend.
6. Be loyal to their position.
7. Don’t go over their head unless ethical issues emerge.
8. Find encouragement and support from people outside your organization. Keep this in strict confidence.

Information:

All bosses require information but insecure jerks need it. They need to know because fear and speculation dominates their mind.

1. Clarify their information needs.
2. Learn how to give them what they need. Do they prefer email, phone, or face to face?
3. Define frequency of contact.
4. Over communicate – a good practice in many situations.

Sabotage:

If you outperform an insecure jerk they’ll make life harder for you. They’ll nitpick and pile on until frustration demoralizes you. The brighter you shine the darker they’ll make it. (Never threaten them)

Performance:

Insecurities drive performance for some insecure bosses. They work hard to fill their insecurities. Tap into their need to deliver results while avoiding their fears.

Move:

Move up, move sideways, or move out but don’t plan on staying. Chances are you’ll stay too long. Contributors on my Facebook page consistently affirm this difficult point.

Reality:

Everyone deals with insecurities. But, everyone doesn’t need to be a jerk.

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What characteristics do insecure jerk-bosses display?

What suggestions can you offer people dealing with an insecure boss who is a jerk?

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Related Post: “15 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity.” Number 14 = Give others what you wish they’d give you.

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