Don’t Go with Your Gut

Everyone has an inner voice, intuition, or feelings that something is right or wrong. Your gut could be wrong. Don’t trust it.

Ask the poker player who went all-in and lost. What about the manager who felt great about hiring a job applicant that didn’t work out. Have you ever felt you were driving in the right direction when you were lost?

One of the worst things the gut tells extroverts is keep talking.

Evaluate your gut when:

1. You feel like you’re contributing more than your teammates.
2. Topics are outside your expertise.
3. Assigning blame.
4. You haven’t taken time for self-reflection.

Right:

I talked with Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., about when to trust our gut. She said, for those who take time to self-reflect, listen to your gut when it comes to values and passions. She emphasized the importance of self-reflection.

Wrong:

“Where our intuitions fail us is actually on the opposite problem, that is, evaluating where we go wrong… In general we are way too hard on ourselves. We tend to think that we are the problem.”

Dr. Halvorson went on to say, “I’m a big advocate for people being much more self-compassionate than we are… The people who are not horribly self-critical are actually more successful… The lack of self-compassion comes from some of these bad intuitions we have about our failures.”

Failures:

You need more input when it comes to evaluating failures. Don’t go with your gut. Get feedback.

Evaluating your gut:

Explore issues that don’t feel right. Don’t assume something’s wrong. Say, “This doesn’t feel right to me. Tell me more.”

When something feels right ask, “Am I missing something? or What could go wrong?”

Dr. Halverson in her own words on intuition (3:57):

Check out Dr. Halverson’s new book: Focus (Highly recommended)

How do you know when to go with your gut?

12 Ways to Thrive Under Stress

Talking about stress is stressful. It’s one more problem to solve. But, ignoring it never resolves it. Stress builds up.

Disproportionate reactions indicate stress build-up.

Mary says, “Would you mind handing me that pencil?” Bob responds in anger, “You’re always asking for something. Get it yourself!” “Sheesh!”

Over 50% of the workforce feels:

1. Overwhelmed by workload.
2. Too many tasks prevent them from completing tasks.
3. There’s no time for self-reflection.

Beware! Stress manifests physically, relationally, emotionally, and mentally. It’s not all bad, however.

4 Stress benefits

Healthy doses of stress:

1. Energize and motivate.
2. Enhance concentration. But, too much distracts.
3. Produce great results. Stress brings out your best.
4. Make you feel you matter.

Stephen Covey said, “Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.”

12 stress tips

1. Acknowledge that it eventually becomes, “I can’t take any more.”
2. Make lists. Anxiety that something fell through the cracks causes stress.
3. Take ownership. Blaming is stressful.
4. See it. Seeing stress helps solve stress. Listen to feedback from your body, for example.
5. Manage don’t control. Controlling stress creates stress.
6. Welcome stress that brings out your best. It’s your friend.
7. Engage in stress relieving activities.
8. Accept what won’t change. Don’t fight it.
9. Say no.
10. Find support.
11. Delegate.
12. Breathe.

Bonus: Laugh.

I don’t want to cause more stress, but it kills you if you don’t deal with it.

Which stress tips are most useful?

How do you deal with stress?

HANDOUT FOR WEBINAR

20 Commitments that Enhance Leadership

Leaders without commitments frantically bounce like balls in pinball machines with no clear direction. Commitments are stabilizing stakes in the ground that guide behaviors and inform decisions.

Commitments are decisions you don’t reconsider.

Top leadership commitments include:

1. Care.
2. Serve.
3. Clarify. Clarity drives success.
4. Know where you’re going and tell others, often.
5. Act. Step toward the future. Only look backward as it enables forward movement.
6. Choose optimism or get out of leadership.
7. Point out what isn’t working, quickly.
8. Don’t whine.
9. Set deadlines.
10. Find celebration points every day.
11. Act in harmony with your heart. Pleasing others always falls within your values.
12. Pause. Stop doing and spend time in self-reflection, daily. Failure to reflect creates disconnected frantic lives.
13. People before projects. It’s always about building people who become part of effective teams.
14. Study people. Know and understand what makes them tick and wind their clocks.
15. Ask hard questions.
16. Stop giving answers; help others find them.
17. Encourage all the time, even when correcting.
18. Use mistakes as learning opportunities rather than blaming moments.
19. Let others know they matter by explaining their contribution.
20. Look people in the eye, gently.

Bonus: Say, “I don’t know. What do you think?”

Which leadership commitments are most important?

What did I leave off this list?

 

15 Tips for Overcoming Insecurity

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Living with others in mind is healthy, noble, and useful except when insecurity drives you.

Insecure leaders:

1. Defend when they should explore.
2. Take things personally.
3. Blame higher ups for tough decisions.
4. Don’t trust others because they don’t trust themselves.
5. Can’t say no.
6. Threaten, intimidate, and coerce.
7.  Shut down input from others because feedback is frightening.
8. Micromanage.
9. Won’t delegate.
10. Yell.
11. Backstab.
12. Create teams of yes-men.
13. Illustrate their competence and successes too frequently.
14. Hoard knowledge.
15. Delay decisions and then flip flop after.
16. Seem snobbish.
17. Crave positional authority and respect.
18. Nitpick and belittle.
19. Share blame and take credit.
20. Name drop.

Bonus: Think others are out to get them.

Thanks to contributors on my Facebook page for helping me develop this list. Your insights rock.

15 tips for overcoming insecurity:

1. Realize success won’t help. Let it go.
2. Develop trusted confidants and tell them your insecurities.
3. Compare yourself with yourself, not others.
4. Act with optimism.
5. Engage in self-reflection every day.
6. Keep a journal.
7. Believe you have purpose and place. You belong in this world.
8. Let your humanity out.
9. Pray.
10. Read biographies.
11. Let opportunity rather than fear motivate.
12. Say out loud, “This is a tough decision.”
13. Act and speak with gentle confidence.
14. Give others what you wish they’d give you.
15. Center debate and decision making on issues not people.

Insecurity viciously and relentlessly pushes people around.

I wish there was a magic pill. Growing through insecurity is slow and perilous but it enhances life and leadership.

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We’ve all seen insecure leaders who hobble their own success. What symptoms and cures for insecurity can you add?

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