A Persistent Feeling of Frailty
The tree won.
November 20th is the one year anniversary of my collision with a tree that nearly killed me. I think of life as BA and AA, Before Accident and After Accident. The tree won, I lost.
I have foggy recollections of a semi-conscious trip in a life-flight helicopter to a regional trauma center. The noise, the pain, the oxygen mask, persistently drip in the back of my mind.
Three months later, friends asked if I felt “funny,” when I started driving again. They gently substituted “funny” for “afraid.”
Frailty persists:
I caught an awkward glimpse of frailty – life slipping away. It doesn’t hit you till later. Every time I leave home, my wife says drive carefully. It’s not casual. She lives BA and AA, too.
Gratitude persists:
I remember the touch of people who rushed to stand beside my bed.
Two college students built a wheel chair ramp. Friends brought food.
My wife put her life on hold for weeks. I remember Mark setting up the Christmas tree while I watched from a wheelchair, my neck brace pushing my chin up.
Online friends led by Jesse Stoner, Lolly Daskal, and Becky Robinson raised $20,000 in two weeks to help with medical expenses
People did things for me that I couldn’t do for myself. I feel the frailty, even now. But there’s more. Gratitude persists. Compassion drips in the back of my mind.
More not less:
In some ways, I’m less than what I was; in others ways I’m more. Compassion expands our worth in the giving and receiving.
The people who cared told me I mattered. Today, I spend more time letting people know they matter.
Here’s my first AA post: The Reason I haven’t Posted in a Week. It’s a little rambling because of medication.
Dan, what a beautiful post. Your compassion and mission shine through in all of your writing. We have only connected AA, AA Dan is making a magnificent contribution to the world (as it sounds like BA Dan was as well) Your compassion drips more than in the back of your mind. Sounds like this Thanksgiving will be particularly powerful.
Thank you Karin. This Thanksgiving I’m home with family… 🙂 !!
This morning I was a little nervous as I approached my computer. You didn’t post for a couple of days. A year ago you didn’t post for a couple of days and it turned out you had nearly died. So I was happy to read this post this morning just to know you are ok. I’m sure reliving the experience to share it with us was difficult. But we are so glad to have you here.
Thank you Bonnie. All is well. It felt weird taking a couple days off from writing.
It’s an honor to be part of your day.
Happy Anniversay Dan.
The tree only won round one. You won in the long view. I didn’t know you before BA, but I so value your gift of encouragement and insight in my life AA. You’ve given me one more thing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
Dauna
What a wonderful thing to say… thank you and Happy Thanksgiving to you.
You say the tree won, Dan, but I’ll bet it shudders in fear every time it thinks of seeing your car come down the road again :-). You have much to be thankful for, but so do I and all of your readers for the way you have transformed your pain into the gift of insight and inspiration for all of us. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for a good chuckle Joe! And yes, I have much to be thankful for. That includes you.
Dan, your a survivor and an explorer. Having the ability and tenacity to share your life, it’s learning and challenges that clash head first with people, even trees !
Well from little acorns grow mighty oaks …… it’s fun to hear the rustle of your leaves 🙂
Beautifully said, Imelda. Thank you.
Dan,
Thank you for being a man that holds the word relationship high. Thank you for speaking into so many lives BA and AA. Thank you for impacting my thinking. Happy Thanksgiving my friend. Drink in the chatter, discussion, and activity of the grandchildren.
Hi Scott and thanks for taking time to drop in. I value you and our friendship. Grandchildren are one of life’s compensations.
Dan, I second what joetye said. Your posts have influenced me and continue to do so in such positive ways. Glad to have people like you around sharing your wisdom.
Thank you Gilberto. I’m glad to have you around too… 🙂 Cheers
Dear Dan,
I feel satisfied to hear your AA situation and you survived safely. Who won and who lost is difficult to judge. But one thing is clear that it was time that made the difference. And it is the time that created the situation. So, I would say that time taught you many lessons. I also believe that it was neither your fault nor tree,s. Generally we measure outcomes by reasoning but all the time that is not true. These are limitation of our minds. There are things beyond our imagination. And I strongly believe that everything happens with good reason. So, we should take this incidence for good reason. We do not know what is hidden.
I think God is father of all living and non living things and he decides what is needed or not. By our choices we tend to think for our interest whereas there are things that looks scary but we never know the outcomes. So, we should always take the things in positive ways.
Thank you Ajay. I share your belief that God has good intentions for us, even if they may be obscured in the moment. We wait for time…
So delighted that you are still with us. Your comments are stimulating and thoughtful. I would guess that your sense of destiny has been heightened. There is a definite purpose for you being with us.
Thank you Lauren. May people have said to me, “God must still have a purpose for your life.” I believe God is interested in all of us.
Dan: Everyone who has experienced a traumatic event shares your feelings. Thank you so much for sharing. On October 21, 2010, my son, 3 weeks after his 22nd birthday, was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery for what turned out to be an inoperable malignant brain tumor. October 2, 2012 he celebrated his 24th birthday. We live life with the before and after everyday. Stay strong and continue bringing wisdom to the world. Folks like you and my son are blessed with a strength I hope the rest of the world doesn’t have to experience.
Hi Lori… every time I bring out the accident I hear from others who have or are enduring through personal challenges. Thank you for sharing your story… you and your son are in my prayers.
I hope you enjoy a great Thanksgiving, it’s an odd process that difficulty amplifies blessing… Strength is made perfect in weakness..
Thank you Ken… I think the weakness side of strength brings humility 🙂 … your words are powerful.
Times like these remind us of the temporary nature of our lives here on earth. SO grateful
you are still with us brother! Blessings!!!
Hi Angel…I still remember your visit this summer….what a pleasure. I bet it warmer in TX than in PA!! Thanks for the good word
I didn’t know you BA. I’m sure glad to be around for your AA.
Thanks for all your generosity and constant celebration of life’s worth as it appears in all of us.
Just beautiful. Thanks for your note.
Dear Dan,
Your name gives away who you are. You certainly ‘rock well’.
I do not read your blogs everyday, but when I do they give new insights or meaning. I thank you for that.
Stay ‘rocking well’.
Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving from The Netherlands!
Thanks Johan… there is a growing community of L-Freaks in the Netherlands…thanks for being part of the tribe…best wishes. I’ll do my best to rock well 🙂
Hi Dan. So glad you continue to recover and influence people with your amazing words. Attitude of Gratitude is the key, my friend.
Thanks for all you do to help others. I know you CARE.
Al
Thank you Al…what a great word and yes, I do care. Glad you showed that you do too.
I spent over a year regaining use and strength in my left arm/hand. And my collision was nothing like yours Dan. There is so much you go through that most people would never realize. And though I might have an inkling, even I cannot imagine just quite how much you and your family, you and your wife in particular, have had to face and overcome.
What I have noticed BA and AA about you Dan is that your voice is stronger. Really, I think it is. 🙂 Perhaps it’s focus. Perhaps it’s perspective. Perhaps it’s wisdom. Facing death and debilitation definitely has it’s impact. Six and a half years after that demolition truck hit me, I am still not the same as I was before. But I’d like to think somehow for the better. Even if I can’t help but suck in my breath every time I see one of those trucks. And I’d like to think you know exactly what I mean. Some things haven’t been exactly the same since. I still have trouble using my arm/hand from time to time. I imagine you might face much the same, though I pray for healing for us both. Some things may not work exactly as they used to, or aren’t as easy. But adapting and finding new strengths is what leaders do. And you’ve been a shining example of that. My husband deployed two months after my collision and I withdrew. I took care of the current charity project I was in charge of and then I pulled back from every extra thing. Everyone knew I had a right to. It was just me and the kids and therapists every week. You didn’t withdraw or pull back Dan. And you had every right to. I admire you for that. It’s the stuff that the best leaders find in themselves somehow. It’s what every soldier recognizes in the field. Those who provide direction, even while in their own need. Injuries and weaknesses are also opportunities, even if we don’t particularly care for the circumstances.
I may not comment as often as I once did, but I very much appreciate the community you’ve formed out of Leadership Freak and have highly recommended it to my friends and colleagues again and again.
PS Happy Thanksgiving to you all! Much to be grateful for! 😉
Wow!! Such a personal and powerful comment. I do relate to what you are saying…Things do hang on… My left hand (which was broken) functions just fine but will never be as good as before…. And I don’t have a knuckle on my ring finger… I joke that I’m deformed…There are other things but really, it’s about looking forward, isn’t it.
You have my best wishes and Happy Thanksgiving.
Working in a rehab hospital, I see people in their most vulnerable state every day – it is a daily reminder of the frailty of life, as you say. Your beautiful post is a narrative that speaks for so many people who come through our doors. All the best to you in your AA journey.
Katie, Thank you for all you do. I met amazing people while in the trauma center and rehab…Congratulations for giving to people every day. Honestly, I don’t know how you do it, day after day. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dan, you rock! I’m thankful you are still with us. Each day your words are encouraging and inspiring.
David
Thank you David. A good word is a beautiful thing.
I had been reading for awhile and then lost contact so didn’t know about your accident. Glad you are doing well Dan. I am a cyclist and back in ’09 had a dog take me down. I eventually lost feeling in two fingers and lost muscle tone in my left forearm and tricep. Surgery on my neck was in order. Amazing how our perspective changes after a life event. Well said today Dan. Glad you will be home this year (as I am sure your family is).
Thanks for sharing your story. Best wishes!
Good morning Dan. You and I had similar experiences in 2011, mine on October 17 when a car hit me while jogging; yours barely a month later. We chatted about this, I don’t know if you recall, but we did and it was huge for me. Someone else knew what I was going thru….I see that you still do. Thank you my friend…we’ve not met in person, but I feel that I know you. Your kindness and words of encouragement were sustenance, but your truly knowing my journey lifted me, and still does today. My best to you and your family this holiday season…
I do remember you…thanks for touching base. I remember feeling totally inadequate to say anything encouraging to you. Here’s to progress!! 🙂
Dan, thanks for the update and, most of all, the life perspective. Your genius with words allows us all to be more thankful, more humble people. You are such a fine person. I’m honored to know you.
Wow!! Thank you Rob…and success on your trip overseas.
Wow – great story. When I first saw “AA” I thought of Alcoholic Anonymous. But in many ways you are “in recovery”.
One commonality is “an attitude of gratitude”.
Thanks and Godspeed you healing.
Thanks for your note. Yup…gratitude sure takes us a long way.
I give thanks to you Dan and to the LF community for all of your insights, lessons learned, and positive energy! It looks like it is a consensus that the tree did not win, but perhaps it was nature’s way of reminding us that we are not in charge.
Seeing your phenomenally deep and consistent blog on what can be, what should be…and the LF crew weighing in keeps me keepin’ on. Thanks all! Sometimes it does feel like we are navigating dark and uncharted waters. Having your blog is one excellent beacon and those who contribute also shine lights on positive paths and perilous potential pitfalls. (Hmm, time for another A-Z?)
And, Dan, I give thanks that you have made it through most of what had to have been grueling rehab (might be interesting to have your therapists add their two cents). To be only one knuckle down is an achievement and probably now a daily reminder of the miracle of life.
And I give thanks to you for your consistent, insightful, and colorful contributions! Thank you for giving back and thank you for encouraging me.
Wow… A-Z… I’m not sure if that was a foolish endeavor or not… LOL … February has 28 days… a letter for every day plus a “Best of Post” at the end. 🙂 Who knows???
I’m with you, the conversations here are phenomenal.
This is an important reminder because from my vantage point as a reader, it all looks so “normal” and “routine” – I appreciate your typical candor in sharing with us the good, bad, and in between. You have floored me with your resilience but I agree these reminders give us valuable perspective. My father in law had a minor stroke recently and fell, creating a cascade of medical needs and ripple effects on the family. I will never see one of those “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” commercials quite the same again. It happens, and it can change things in an instant.
Always a pleasure seeing you Paula. Thanks for your kind words.
YUP, life changes quickly, for sure. Best wishes to your father in law and for everyone connected. I’ll think of your family when I see one of those commercials.
Thanks, Dan. Having just read the Empty Cup post you did today, I can tell you it also resonates. My wonderful father in law is no therapist’s dream patient but so many of them do bring exactly what you described in that post to the process. For that I am grateful. And I need to tell them somehow.
It’s ironic that your accident occurred Thanksgiving week, so that now every year, Thanksgiving will have a special significance. I am thankful for your recovery, and grateful for the opportunity to support you as I have benefitted as well. I know it’s been a hard road and that you’ve changed in many ways that you are still discovering, but what I see is that what is essential, your dignity, grace, and humanity, have not changed. By continuing to share your philosophy, wisdom and questions in a way that is personal and real, you make it tangible and understandable. It is a gift to all of us. Thank you, Dan. Wishing you and your family a most Happy Thanksgiving. There is much to celebrate!
Thank you Jesse…your kindness and compassion lift Dale and I. You stepped in to do something and made life easier for us during those difficult months. Happy Thanksgiving.
It is so great to have you with us Dan. Thank you for sharing your wisdom that always encourages new leaders. My sincere thanks to you for building this community of leaders. I always read your daily post.I am always looking for that email in my inbox. I dont think I have given enough thanks to you for doing this. I am grateful for you being alright and out of the accident. Good karma always comes back! Best wishes..Please continue to always share the wise words.
Dan, thank you for your authenticity and vulnerability. 2012 has been a year of persistent frailty/gratitude for my husband and I, beginning with the sudden death of a close friend (one we considered “family”) and then almost immediately walking through stage 3 cancer with my father-in-law. One thing I would like to add to the conversation above is that through the constant “drip” of frailty and gratitude comes perspective and clarity of priorities. The constant life lesson of the past 9 months has been learning what is truly important and what deserves my focus. It’s the moment that separates BA from AA that provides the line that divides what matters from that which doesn’t.
Hi there, I also happened to have an event in my life where I nearly did not come back from… it is true that it changed me; the glasses you wear from that moment on are different… you truly live every moment
to the fullest extent. I have also found mindfulness for myself and it is great how it changes your life… great blog and thanks for the excellent posts!
“…spend more time letting people know they matter.” Let’s do that.
Thank you for sharing, Dan. It is one thing to know that our “life is but a vapor”, and another to experience firsthand life nearly “evaporating” before a normal lifespan.
Each of us lives on earth until our Creator decides it is time for something else. I’m sure your immediate family and friends were glad that you survived. Your “AA” has been beneficial to me and to many others of your readers.
Thank you for your candor. It is one thing to speak of leadership, another to live it. The transparency and vulnerability your permitted in this post speak of both service to your Master, and leadership to your blog audience.
Dan,
I still remember the moment I received the news from Becky – we were driving across the state to visit relatives for Thanksgiving. I’m so glad that you are here today to continue to give us wonderful food for thought on leadership – and life!
Dan,
No te mueras nunca!
Thanks for all.
😀
José
Thanks Dan for your post. I can empathize so deeply with your journey as I too know what it’s like to ride a helicopter to a trauma hospital and live to tell the story. I really like your BA AA definitions – I’ll steal that if you don’t mind. In my case I was riding my 750 Honda Shadow down the highway with my wife on the back when a Chevrolet Cavilier ran a stop sign from a side road. Like your tree, the car won. My recovery is in its 19thmonth due to serious infection & 8 surgeries but I will walk again eventually and continue to serve people with a whole new perspective. Thanks again for your post and sharing your story.
We often don’t realize just how much we are blessed with until it is no longer there; taking things for granted is so easy. Some of us who suffer pain or loss, but have more to offer the world, are given another opportunity to live and share what we have and are. Stories like yours are great reminders to keep what’s important close and appreciated. Life alone is a gift; a second chance at life is a miracle.
Congrats on your one year anniversary! So happy to know you now. You didn’t leave us because God isn’t done with you yet.
Hi Dan, I didn’t know you BA, but so very glad I know you now. Your wisdom has been such a blessing. I value your daily words and the words of others like me whom you inspire. I pray increase for you! Happy Thanksgiving!
Every time I see your name in my twitter stream. I am grateful YOU are alive.
Every morning when I get your blog posts in my inbox i am grateful you are still here with us.
I continue to be grateful. I continue to gives thanks.
You are a force to be reckoned with and the spirit to be acknowledged.
WE are grateful to YOU. every day. every moment. every hour. Your make a difference.
We LOVE you.
Lolly