Them
Successful leaders propel others forward. It’s about them, not you.
Magnetism inward is inevitable, persistent, and backward to leadership. Backward leaders view life through the lens of personal impact and feelings. They ask:
- How does this impact me?
- How does this make me feel?
- How am I doing?
10 ways to spot selfish leaders:
- They evaluate you but you don’t evaluate them.
- Jabs and sarcasm that convey honest opinions in cowardly ways. (I’m all for fun, but this isn’t.)
- Speaking for subordinates in meetings rather than inviting them to speak for themselves.
- Suggestion boxes rather than honest conversations.
- Focusing more on performance than on the person.
- Anxiety concerning giving and receiving credit.
- They talk most and listen least.
- Withdrawal.
- Manipulation.
- Elitism.
Unselfish leaders know the height of your performance determines the height of their leadership.
Unselfish leader questions:
- How are they doing?
- How does this impact them?
- How does this make them feel?
- Where do they want to go?
Making others important amplifies your importance.
Minimizing others might maximize you, but it always weakens leadership.
Them:
Know their:
- Drives. You can’t lead people you don’t understand. All you can do is manipulate, coerce, and pressure.
- Dreams. More than knowing, help them achieve their dreams, even if they eventually exclude you.
- Strengths.
- Fears. They won’t tell you their fears so watch for them.
- Frustrations. Anger reveals who they are.
Illustration of #2:
A volunteer leader is taking on new management responsibilities in our organization. I know he dreams of moving into management in his employment.
Align new responsibilities with future dreams.
How do you think he feels about volunteer opportunities that propel him toward his dream? It’s about aligning with him, not me. I serve him. It’s about release not pressure.
How do you spot an inwardly focused leader?
What behaviors enable outward focus?
“Greater Than Yourself” by Steve Farbes works toward achieving a true leadership mindset as prescribed in the context of the post.
Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Redge! Thanks for mentioning Steve. Love his GTY theme.
Leaders with large egos who are self centered and seeking recognition constantly must really struggle with this. You can’t fake empathy. Those who are natually humble have a better chance of being a better leader in the long run.
Thank you Michael.
From my point of view, I don’t always feel humble… maybe I should say, I don’t OFTEN feel humble. But, I believe we can humble ourselves by acting humbly. I don’t think it’s fake as long as it’s moving toward who we want to be.
While reading this, I couldn’t help but think of how much of what you’ve said also applies to being a parent.
Thank you Jennifer.. Absolutely. Parents are leaders. We much embrace this idea!
It’s a great post, Dan. It helps to affirm my daily actions as a school leader and reminds me the possible pitfalls to avoid, like anxiety concerning receiving and giving credit. Thanks!
Do not want to sound like a broken record but the AA Big Book in my opinion is the greatest book ever written.
Part of what you are talking bout for me Dan is selfishness, kinda like the wet part of the ocean.
Here is some of what The Big Book says about that:
“Selfishness — self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us!”
The great thing about the Big Book is if anyone replaces alcoholic with another group of people the solution still applies. I believe it is over 200 groups now use these suggested steps by replacing what bothers them. Like gamblers say “we gamblers must be rid of this selfishness” kind of thing.
The NA Book say these Steps are a plan for living when the heat is on. See not plan for getting off drugs, a plan for living. A spiritual, not religious program open to anyone that works for anyone who follows it.
Know this doesn’t sound like Leadership, maybe. Success does though. Successful living and applying those principle to leading yada yada yada.
Guess again what I am trying to get to is in order to lead others first you got to learn to lead yourself. If you are not square and straight-up with YOU anything you do with others is based on monkey dust and won’t stand the test of time.
Just like you know my opinion, man. hehe
Have a great day and Thanks Dan.
Hope one day one of you will take the time and look over that book and change a word here and a word there and see the wisdom and practicality found there.
Would really hope another thing there NEVER happens….contempt prior to investigation! Yeah that is in there too! That Dan stops more learning than all other reasons combined.
Scott
This is perfect timing for a presentation I am hosting on Wed with AmeriCorp. I would like to believe that VOLUNTEERS are less WIIFM however from what was shared from the Director, its not always the case, hence I’m being asked to give a presentation on Professionalism . My points have morphed into a concept of “How to Volunteer, From the Inside Out!”. My hope is to leave them with new tools and concepts that replace WIIFM with WITTW™ =What It Takes To Win – Win over the client, the customer, your college, your co-worker, your community, your company leaders and yes even win over your conscious mind again.
The word WIN here is being using more as “enrolling” and getting buy in on collaboration and how to be in service, rather than always looking for how others will serve me…somewhere this concept got reversed and I’m on a missing to re-engineer the conversation “In serving with pride – fueled by joy, driven my values and measured in contribution – the company and individuals reap amazing results as a by product..its a given it will happen when the focus is on progress that propels forward, not just profits!
I never liked suggestion boxes. Managing those things is a political minefield. If you are seen to ignore a suggestion, you are losing an opportunity have people who have sincerely expressed themselves truly join the conversation.
Suggestion boxes also gives vindictive people who like to sabotage communication a chance to get a wedge in. They put in a suggestion that they know won’t be considered, and make it fodder for destructive comments and snide asides. Or they stuff it full of vindictive remarks that lead nowhere.
I say let’s have honest conversations rather than suggestion boxes. It takes courage to stand before someone and allow that person to vent. And it takes a lot of respect to wade through the emotion to hear the solution and the passion. And it takes finesse to re-state the venting into something positive and actionable.
Let’s model courage, respect and finesse.
Hi Dan. Knowing your peoples strenght’s, hopes & dreams, and what drives/motivates them, must be at the top of any Leaders ‘to do list’.
An aquaintance I’ve known for quite a few years recently shared that he ‘does not’ get to close or personal with those he works with. Espesially those who work under him. I DO NOT
subscribe to his way of thinking or leading. As a leader, if you want to enjoy sucess, sucess that comes from employees who do thier best,(even when the Boss is NOT around), I beleive your people have to know you before they trust you.”People don’t trust people they don’t know”. We don’t have to share every nuance of our lives . Simply don’t be afraid to let people in, “It shows ’em your human for cry’n out loud”!!!
Nailed it, Dan. A great reminder for corporate leaders to keep the focus on those they are leading vs just their own agenda. Lots of benefits from that.
Simply golden. This is a statement that deserves to be shouted from the rooftops…!!
“Successful leaders propel others forward.”
Thanks.
To me the inwardly focused leader always shows he/she doesn’t care about you. It’s all about getting results and we are just one more tool in the box.
Hi Dan, thank you for your contribution. In the cosmic law of yin-yang(if you would agree) may I seek your opinion if there’s actually a place for both inward and outward leaders? Cheers.
Thanks for the invaluable article based on leadership. Not only it makes me wonder what kind of leader my manager is, but also prepares me for the future as a manager. Great stuff!
I like how you structured the post in a very easy to read bullet point way. The kind of leader you speak of is one of collaboration and a true leader rather than a manager. It even sounds different. Thank you for spreading the word.
Sue Bock
http://couragetoadventure.com/blog