7 Ways to Maximize Quiet Leaders
Quiet, slow-movers frustrate talkative, quick movers.
Those who think, speak, and commit quickly, often believe they’re superior to leaders who need time.
One of the worst things leaders do is over-value people who are like them.
Big mouths aren’t better than small and quick isn’t better than slow.
In praise of quiet and slow:
Those who commit slowly, stick with you when times get tough. But, those who commit quickly defect quickly. I can see a flash-in-the-pan a mile away. They get all charged up at a moments notice. But, two days later they’re burned out and gone.
Quick says, “Get it done.” But, those who take their time say, “Let’s do it right and make sure we succeed.”
Quiet means, “I need time to think this over.” Don’t assume quiet means they’re detached or disengaged. For example, I thought I was giving enough space in the conversations I’m having with a quiet leader. But, when I asked if I moved the conversation forward too quickly, he paused and said, “Yes.” He went on to say, “I’m comfortable with uncomfortable silence.”
Talkers talk it out. Quiet leaders think it out.
7 ways to maximize quiet leaders:
- Don’t judge them quickly. Their silence isn’t consent or rejection. They’re thinking it over.
- Give them time to commit. If they commit, they’ll stick.
- Provide silence. Too much talking feels like pressure to a quiet person.
- Don’t evaluate them by their up front work.
- Don’t pressure them to be up front. But, if they want to be up front, work with them.
- Tell them what’s important. Don’t just send them out to get it done.
- Respect their space. They shut down or lash out when you get in their face.
Bonus: Ask a question and wait.
How can loud leaders value and maximize quiet leaders?
What are the unique dangers quiet leaders face?
very true, they need special treatment. BUt they are reliable
Thank Hemendra. I suppose we all need “special” treatment.
Great article on an often misunderstood topic!
I highly recommend the book:
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop TalkingPaperback
by: Susan Cain
“In Quiet, Susan Cain argues that we dramatically undervalue introverts and shows how much we lose in doing so. She charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal throughout the twentieth century and explores how deeply it has come to permeate our culture. She also introduces us to successful introverts—from a witty, high-octane public speaker who recharges in solitude after his talks, to a record-breaking salesman who quietly taps into the power of questions. Passionately argued, superbly researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, Quiet has the power to permanently change how we see introverts and, equally important, how they see themselves.”
Very though provoking. Reminds me of a saying “Barking dogs hardly bite but beware of the silent dogs.”
Thanks Dr. Tahir. One of my worst leadership blunders was under-estimating quiet people.
Love this post. It takes greater effort to understand people who think and work differently than we do, but a diversity of thought is more valuable than a chorus of like-minded agreement.
In the DISC personality assessment, quiet leaders are “C” and “S”. Read more at https://www.discinsights.com/personality-style-c
Bonus: quiet people are usually introverts, but not all introverts are always quiet. “Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards” is one example of this disparity. Learn more about introverts at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html
Good stuff Dan!
For me I treat everyone the same. I know against the grain.
Once again the going with the grain results dreadful so why not go in another direction?
I treat everyone the way I want to be treated, like GOLD.
More quiet folk, just listen intently to the fewer words they speak.
Just like when I speak I hope others listen intently.
Short, long does not matter in the least. To whoever is sharing what they say they feel has value. I let them know it has value to me too.
I work to respond all day long….effectively.
Others favorite subject is them. When I AM with them they are my favorite subject too.
In my experience there are no unique dangers. Only egos trying to separate with specialness.
If you thunk it, someone else already has and probably did a better job thinking about it than you. Get over yourself and lets get busy connecting whys and being as effective as possible with the waking hours we have keft today!!
SP
EA.
Thanks Scott. You make me think about the universal principles of relationship that apply to everyone.
As a young Army Officer I was working on a new project that required the buy-in and collaboration of another agency. I was the chief “action officer” so I had the intimate knowledge of the details and requirements. My supervisor and I met with the representative of the other agency and I gave the pitch. I made the key points and handed him a sheet of information. He stood up and walked across the room to make a copy of the sheet. I was about to tell him that was his copy, but my supervisor put his hand on my forearm and indicated to keep quiet. The rep came back, asked a couple of questions and handed my paper back with instructions to schedule a follow up meeting with other folks. As we left the building, my supervisor explained that the act of making a copy had nothing to do with allowing us to keep our paper. It was the rep’s method of disengaging for a moment to consider what I had proposed. That experience has stuck with me to this day. I am now highly attuned to the reaction of the listener when I am making a proposal or asking for resources. I’ve found that “No” is often easy and quick, whereas “Yes” might take some time to develop.
Silence can be golden
JP
Thanks Jon. Powerful story! It’s also a tip for quiet leaders to find a way to give themselves some space. Love it.
Your last line is pivotal. If you pressure someone, you invite them to choose no. If you give them time, they may find a “yes”. Those of us who are quick will learn a lot from your story and suggestions.
Thank you! Your material and perspective always builds and challenges me to be a better leader. This is good post and I need to improve in this area. Thanks again for sharing.
Thanks cando… So much of what I write about springs from mistakes I’ve made in the past. I’m glad to be on the journey with you.
Dan, this is one of my favorite posts. I consider myself a quiet person in work environments, and numbers 5 & 7 on maximizing quiet leaders really stuck true for me. Quick people who prefer to dive in to confrontation with me really frustrate me, and and I’m not given time to think things over. They end up thinking I don’t care, or mistake my silence for consent to their perspective or a non-contest.
I personally find it very difficult to maintain professional relationships with those that are too upfront and quick in such matters. I don’t mind straight shooters, but if they a more like a machine gun, I’ll pass.
Thanks John. Because I’m a talker, I get energized by fiery conversations. It takes respect for others to realize that what energizes me frustrates and de-energizes my quiet friends.
Excellent observations. I tend to be a quiet leader myself, in a loud profession, and I’ve recently started to self-evaluate, and try to better leverage my quiet strengths. I wrote up a blog entry on the subject a while ago if anyone is interested. I’m an introvert for sure, and that presents challenges in my leadership environment.
http://chasingfire.wordpress.com/2014/04/01/my-experience-as-a-highly-sensitive-introvert-in-the-wildland-fire-service/
Thanks Justin. I’m glad you joined in. I found your blog post very helpful and transparent. Cheers
Thank you, Dan. I’m one of those quiet types who have challenged myself to be more active and participatory–to engage more directly and in real time with my colleagues–and at the same time appreciate your encouragement of leaders to make space for our more natural ways of engaging. One way is not one better or worse than the other, but both are better together and worse when one is isolated or favored. Thanks for the reminder and balance.
Thanks Scott. I totally agree. One way is not better than the other. Both have advantages and both have weaknesses.
I respect that you work on understanding the talkers and trying to connect and relate to them in ways that make sense to them.
Reminds me of an past mentor who said: “Still waters run deeper than babbling brooks.”
Thanks Duane. Great saying.
In a nutshell: queiet or introverted leaders think first and talk later – with the extroverted is the other way round not to mention those who talk without thinking.
Thanks Sergio. One minor adjustment… extroverts tend to think as they talk. Talking is part of the thinking process.
You are describing the Introverted Leader Dan. And you know very well that the Extroverted leader is KING/QUEEN in the North American society. However, your blog is helping the growing backlash in this unbalanced viewpoint. But you are fair in promoting within your blogs both introverted and extroverted positive values. As a seasoned introverted leader looking for full time work for the past 3 years, I have witnessed very few places that have shown a balanced approach. Many HR personnel use criteria and interview techniques that favour the extroverted leader. That is the failure of HR to recognize the values of all styles of leadership. As a silent leader in one organization, I tried to lead positively but the extroverted view point was so strong that it felt like I was running through a swamp. I was eventually booted for not “being a leader”. I was only guilty of not using positive politics to keep myself alive but that is hard in a pit of snakes and weasels. Find your positive mentors quickly when faced with this situation. If you don’t you’ll be faced with political quicksand.
I have brought my personal experience a bit into your blogs every once in awhile. It’s ironic that for an individual who was voted “the most quiet” in grade 6 that I have such a hard time being quiet about the less than ideal leadership qualities of current leaders. Many extroverted leaders would say that “I’m limiting my career advancement by not going with the flow … by speaking up”. I have had positive experiences in difficult situations. I was once part of a company that was slowly dying. However, my boss never laid people off. He instead sold off service contracts with the technicians to other companies. As the technician in charge of ordering service parts for these contracts, I surmised that I would be the safest job. I was right. Over the next 2 years, I moved the service bench 4 times while maintaining service parts deliveries from my clients. I was candid and up front with my boss and fiercely loyal. I eventually became part of another company thanks to my recommendations from my boss. I was the last full time employee to go. So you see there are a few good leaders out there. Once you have a taste of real leadership, it’s hard to stomach the taste of sour leadership no matter how much “sugar” you put onto it. So the lemonade analogy won’t work with me.
Thanks Michael. I believe you are right about extroverts being more valued in Western Culture. I believe our “worship” of charismatic leaders hinders more than it helps.
You have my best for the journey and your search.
Hi Dan,
Some of my most enduring and loyal coaching relationships have been with quiet, thoughtful leaders. I am awed by the changes they create in themselves and with their teams.
I love that you have allowed this discussion to continue and grow via your post and observations. Thank you!
Cindy
Thanks Cindy, It’s unfortunate that quiet leaders are undervalued.
Excellent evaluation. As one of those who are quiet and cycle things thru my head, I appreciate the thought.
Thanks Athicom.
I am a quiet leader. I think on things. I feel it unwise to act so quickly when you don’t have all the answers.
But there lies my issue. Quit leaders can be easily misunderstood and mistaken as procrastinators.
Thanks Marty. As a talker, I’ve had to train myself to NOT judge quiet leaders too quickly. It is easy to misunderstand quiet leaders.
Thank you for writing about this. Too often people I know are subjected to being left out just because they’re not as loud or outgoing as another. Quiet leaders need acknowledgement too!
Thanks themediocirtyproject. Sad but true.
It would be interesting to read a post from the other side: how a “slow mover” can better deal with and utilize “quick movers”? As one of the thoughtful and intentional types, those who consider themselves “straight shooters” or “shoot from the hip” types often come across as knee-jerk reactionaries to me. I have to remind myself that the hyper folks who seem to value any action more than good action do have something to offer the organization. But how can we utilize these folks without expecting them change their ways?
Thanks inkgust. I’m glad you bring up the other side of the coin. Here are a few suggestions: http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2014/06/14/how-quiet-leaders-can-deal-with-talkers/ … Would enjoy your insights.
While the idea of the article is great and I totally agree that quiet leaders need to be maximized, to stereotype quick decision makers as “simply get it done” and quiet decision makers as “let’s do it right” is wildly off. The ability to make a quick decision does not mean someone is willing to forego accuracy. The goal of all leaders should be efficient effectiveness, whether quick or quiet. There is always a balance of timeliness, accuracy, efficiency, and effectiveness.
Thanks Uday. Stereotypes are always right and always wrong. Thanks for adding your take on this topic.
I think you raise a great topic which is ensuring that people with different styles are equally appreciated in an organization. However, you didn’t have to make that point by making broad statements criticizing talkative leaders as “flash in the pans”. Wow, a very definitive statement – “those who commit quickly defect quickly”. Where is the research backing this up? Can’t we discuss issues without doing this? Why does there always have to be good and bad. I have known talkative leaders who never back down, their passion is enthusiastic and they care about everyone. I have known quiet leaders who are passive aggressive, don’t get involved, etc. i have seen talkative folks who are just self aggrandizing and quiet leaders who model care and compassion and always get the job done. Here is one bottom line, real leaders know how to be quiet when they need to be to not suck the air out of the room and talkative and carry their passion on their sleeves when that’s appropriate. Those of us who are talkative or quiet need to challenge ourselves to get out of our comfort zone The second bottom line is to respect everyone. One style is not better than another.
Very well said and agree completely. This reflects my sentiments on this article exactly.
Adlai Stevenson wrote a nice piece of prose that started “In quiet places, reason abounds…” and ended with the hope that God would give him the wisdom to retain in the heat of the fray that which made sense to him in quieter times. With management styles, “to everything there is a season…”
Having read through the comments, I have found that eac side sees the other as being at fault. Surely what we need is to acknowledge that different people will respond differently and to be willing to adapt to different people’s approaches and recommendations no matter what the topic is. Like other extroverts, I have been called upon to bring my enthusiasm down because it is seen as being insensitive to the quiet people in my midst. I do find it difficult to engage in problem-solving discussions knowing that I am going to be judged, not for my ideas, but for my presentation of them. Surely our goal must be to create an environment in which we accept one another – and be glad of our differences. If I am leading a discussion with different approaches to it, I try to ensure that people have a chance to speak and to be heard.