When Vulnerability Leads to Loyalty and Respect
The story that follows is true.
He couldn’t believe his ears. A senior member of the management team actually said they were drowning. In more than 15 years he’d never heard anything like it. Before this, the company line was, “Do whatever it takes to get the job done.”
He embraced that philosophy and had spent many late nights and Saturdays getting the job done. He’d seen others stressed and frustrated with unrealistic workloads while they “got the job done.”
But now, three years into their new position, this senior manager said they were drowning in the workload and needed help. It was counter cultural. It was unprecedented vulnerability because their boss’s neglect had created the situation.
Others had complained about the workload. But no one had come close to making it human or suggesting things needed to change.
The dynamic of respect.
Respect is earned through competence. We respect an athlete’s skill to score, a speaker’s ability to influence, or a leader’s calm during stress. On the other hand, occasionally sharing limits and frailty also earns respect.
Pity or respect.
You might fear vulnerability leads to pity or disrespect. When vulnerability exposes habitual weakness, you’d be right – competence not weakness earns respect.
Vulnerability calls for respect, on the other hand, in organizations that value results, people, and integrity. This type of respect always begins with leaders.
Followers won’t be vulnerable when leaders aren’t.
Respect and loyalty.
Vulnerability, additionally, invites loyalty. When people are drowning you throw them a rope. In this case, delivering results rises above production to people. Getting the job done takes on new meaning and satisfies the human need for fulfillment.
When doing too much persistently permeates an organization’s culture, a leader’s courageous vulnerability leads to respect and loyalty.
When does vulnerability go too far?
How do leaders earn your respect?
Good morning, Dan. The vulnerability that you speak of is about being honest. When leaders who are shouldering the load with their followers can clearly see that there is a problem, they should speak up. You are correct that this is counter cultural. We work ourselves to death trying to get “the job done,” when it cannot be done with what we have been given.
The people who are following you will give much more respect for speaking up than for covering up.
You just have to not let it become whining, and therefor, a weakness.
Good post as always.
Excellent point, Martina – huge difference between whining and vulnerability. Making yourself vulnerable should involve just enough communication to move things in a positive direction. If you dwell too much on the negative feelings it can easily become whining.
Hi Martina,
Love the expression speak up rather than cover up.
I appreciate your insights.
Best,
Dan
Martina, love the point about honesty. Some call it authebticity. Regardless, it is demonstrates the human quality of sharing abd talking risk. People I know respond to leaders being human/vulnerable.
Dan, enjoyed this post!
It reminds me of a job I took as a supervisor. The company asked me to lead in an area which I had no prier experience. Those under me saw I had no clue and immediately resented being lead by someone who knew less than them. I expressed my concern to upper management that where I was placed was not my expertise and I was doing the people I was leading a disservice by not having the ability to lead with confidence. They wanted me to make it work…. I chose to leave the organization. Understanding your own vulnerability will not only build respect in your followers but will also protect you from failure. In my case I had a follower catch up with me later and ask why I was leaving I told him and he replied “I can completely respect you for that!” He then posted a comment on a community board that the company has lost another potential great leader….
It takes a lot of integrity to walk rather than put employees in a bad place. Kudos to you, Joe.
He Joe, Powerful story. Thanks for sharing it. Best, Dan
I agree with the point, but it’s also worth remembering that people want their leaders to show strength. You need to pick the right time to show vulnerability, and also know when not to. For example, when we were responding to the recession, business was falling off but we downsized the labor force (through attrition, not layoffs) so it was a scramble to get everything done. At the same time, raw materials were hard to get. Things looked pretty black for the company, and every day employees wondered if their jobs were secure. The best thing I could do at that time was to be calm and confident, to be a steady rock in all the chaos. I had plenty of doubts and fears, and I was frustrated at my own work load, but those things were only expressed to my boss and a couple of trusted peers.
To support the point, though, I’ve sometimes said, “I can’t handle this today because of . . .” I’ve always been surprised at the way people have stepped up to help me.
The leaders I’ve respected most have been tough, strong leaders but all have admitted to kryptonite moments, where something hit them at a point of weakness and they needed help.
Greg,
I’m delighted you bring the other side of vulnerability to the discussion. I’d say large doses of toughness sprinkled with small doses of vulnerability fit the bill.
I’m thankful you consistently encourage others and share your insights.
Best,
Dan
I believe that generally speaking, your employees know when you are in over your head or are having a particular difficult time with something. They would love to help and may even have some great ideas but they don’t know how to approach a leader about the problem. By admitting that you might not have everything under control and you need help from other team members, I think you gain a level of respect from those future leaders. Sometimes a leader’s vulnerability is due to the lack of trust in the team or the need to feel like a superstar. I think there are times when just being a human being is the best thing for bonding a leader to team members.
Hi Bonnie,
Love that you come at this from the employee’s point of view. I agree, I think it’s normal to want to help and abnormal not to.
I can see lack of trust as a reason to not be vulnerable. I’ll add, our view of what leaders do and don’t do is a contributing factor.
Best Regards,
Dan
Be genuine in your vulnerability (or honest as Martina noted) otherwise it does come off as a transparent whine.
There also can be the death spiral group pity party that is fatalistic and those are rarely productive. When nearing that point, a leader does need to step up, point out the obvious and redirect.
BTW–vulnerable also means accessible, sensitive and tender. I can respect all of those. Respect, like trust, are earned over time with consistency, focus, unconditional positive regard.
Amen to the death-spiral point. Employees are seldom able to pull out of one on their own, and never if the leader is participating.
Dear Dan,
I think when work loads are unrealistic then vulnerability goes too far. Organisations create unrealistic goal and lose enthusiasm and reality. Everyone tries to shield him or herself for not achieving goal. Leaders on the other hand, keep on increasing goal and that become more cumbersome and chaos. This ultimately led to employee turnover. This is the trend that I have witnessed. Leaders usually do not question because they perceive that questioning may question their position. So, keeping things as it is becomes their way of practices.
I strongly believe that leaders can earn respect by being real and setting real and achievable targets for people. Leaders should understand the human aspect of people working under him. He should focus more on their capability and potential rather than just imposing the things. The most important thing is that leader should not worry about his position; rather he should create an environment where everyone has fair and justifiable opportunity to grow.
All said, both Royalty and Loyalty pays…. but only at the end.
Well said, Respect is earned through competence….and beyond that having a empathy and respecting the thoughts gives your footprints a mark of time.
Be a model of vulnerability by allowing your followers those same experiences. Great stories.