5 Ways to Get Out of La La Land

You haven’t figured yourself out. What makes you think you understand others?

You make snap decisions about people with a smattering of information.

people's responses to you include something you did.png

Fabricated motivations:

Listen for “that’s because” when you evaluate people. You’re making up stories about why they do what they do. You’re fabricating motivations.

  1. She asked difficult questions. That’s because she disagrees with me.
  2. He’s quiet. That’s because he doesn’t like me.
  3. He didn’t tell the whole story. That’s because he’s being manipulative.
  4. She’s late. That’s because she’s lazy.
  5. He’s frowning. That’s because he’s mad about something.
  6. She keeps asking about my project. That’s because she doesn’t trust me.

Judgment by fabricated fairy tale:

You judge people based on cooked up motivations. Once you judge them, you cling to the fairy tales that validate your decision. When challenged, you defend your fabrications. Get out of la-la land.

5 ways to get out of la la land:

  1. People’s responses to you include something you did. When evaluating people, include your own interactions with them.
  2. There’s an inner accuser inside everyone’s head that tells them they’re a loser. Show some kindness. Tell them what they’re doing right.
  3. People want to succeed. No one gets out of bed determined to fail. Ask them:
    • What are you trying to achieve?
    • What are you doing to achieve that?
    • What might you do to achieve even greater success? (Based on their definition of achievement.)
    • How might I help you succeed?
  4. People need to feel respect. How might you show respect today, even when challenging someone or confronting tough issues?
  5. You don’t know what’s going on inside someone’s head. Chances are, they aren’t sure.  Hold your judgments loosely. Stay open.

How might leaders rise above their own fabricated stories?

What are some positive ways to complete, “That’s because…?”

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